Remember when you were a kid and every year on Thanksgiving your family would …

And on every July 4th you would …

Can you fill in the blanks?

I’m sure if you can’t for those holidays, there are others where you had a standing family tradition. You looked forward to it, and the holiday was not complete without it. Then you went through a stage in your teens where you rolled your eyes at this tradition.

As you look back on your childhood, it’s those traditions you remember. It’s those traditions that make you smile and form the picture in your mind when the holiday comes up. It’s those traditions you talk about with anyone who will listen.

There’s no secret formula to forming those traditions – at least none I’m aware of. Sure, repetition seems like a needed ingredient. Sprinkle in some loved ones and fun. And well, I think you have a tradition.

I believe our Thanksgiving tradition will remain memorable for my children. My wife has made dinner for her family ever since her father’s last Thanksgiving, and he passed away nearly 30 years ago. It’s the one holiday that we know where we’ll be and who we will be spending it with.

The family has another Thanksgiving tradition: naming the turkey. That’s right: while eating the bird, everyone is given a slip of paper and a pen. They write a name on the paper, fold it up, and drop it into a hat (when someone has not been able to make Thanksgiving dinner, they’ve texted). The names are read aloud, and a winner is selected based on crowd reaction. Last year’s winner was Num Num, named by our great niece (those were her only words at the time).

My wife spends Thanksgiving morning cooking and watching March of the Wooden Soldiers, and the boys and I go to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. This will be my oldest son’s seventh year of attendance and his brother’s third. We’ll point out our favorite floats, complain about the cold, and wish we were taller to get a better view.

But they love being in New York City.

They love taking the bus and train.

They love the snacks.

One day, my boys will be getting ready for Thanksgiving. Maybe they’ll be getting together for the holiday, like their mom and her sister. Maybe they’ll just be calling each other sometime during the day and sharing memories of naming the turkey, or trip to New York City. Either way, I’m happy and proud that we gave them this Thanksgiving tradition.

A version of this first appeared on Me, Myself and Kids. Photo: mgstanton via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

As soldiers of the Dad Army, one of our missions is to become an expert at bottle feeding. No problem, right? It’s part of one of the most important functions of our parenting duties — keeping the kid alive!

When my wife and I had our second child, I knew it was time once again for me to enter the fray. It had been nearly two years since bottle feeding my first child, but you know — the whole “riding the bike” thing. However, the battle lines were drawn rather quickly. 

The first few times went smoothly. My newborn daughter took to the bottle fairly easily. However, last week my wife was out for the day and this daddy was left in charge of his nearly three-month-old. It was a bigger disaster than when Napoleon tried to invade Russia.

My daughter wouldn’t take the bottle at all. She fought me tooth and nail. I fought back with agitation and frustration as she tugged on the frayed ends of my sanity. We were both getting upset. The day ended with an exhausted and hungry baby and an angst-filled father who was ready to grab his own bottle of whatever he could find, down it in an instant, and then for good measure, perhaps smash it over his head.

Why did this happen? Let me use an analogy. Let’s say you were planning to go out with some friends for a delicious steak dinner. You had two options for your meal:

• Option A: A Michelin-star steakhouse with a menu of mouth-watering main courses and sides that puts a rumble in the stomach just thinking about it.
• Option B: A hole-in-the-wall joint between the train station and a crack den where you play Russian roulette with E.coli just by looking in the window.

There’s no question where you would go to dine, right? 

Breast is best, but …

Breastfeeding is the best and most comforting thing for newborns. They get to eat. They are cozy and warm. They are as close to their mother as humanly possible. Breastfeeding releases oxytocin. According to a popular breastfeeding website, La Leche League International, “oxytocin’s role in breastfeeding includes causing nipple erection, increasing blood flow to the breast and to the mother’s skin (to keep the baby warm), enhancing the expression of instinctual behaviors (in mother and baby), contributing to the flow of nutrients from the blood into the mother’s milk, giving the mother a feeling of calmness, increasing tolerance of pain, and enhancing wound healing. Because of the feelings of calmness and emotional connection oxytocin generates in the nursing mother, it is often called ‘the mothering hormone.'” 

When they are first born, children are not privy to the difference between a bottle and the breast. However, at around the 2-month mark, it is quite common for the baby to reject the bottle. There is no substitution for nursing and babies certainly don’t want to downgrade to some artificial nipple substitute. How on earth can we achieve this zen-like state when replacing the real thing with silicone?

I needed to come up with a meaningful plan. 

Through some diligent research on the internet by my wife and my own “aha” findings, I came up with what I like to call “Six Pointers to Keep Calm and Bottle Feed Your Baby”. (Sponsorship from Six Point Brewery is pending).

1. Set the mood

Find a calm place to give your baby the bottle. Look for a place in the house where it’s quiet and dimly lit with a comfortable chair/couch for you to sit on. You want it to be a different place from where your partner or wife usually breastfeeds. Babies have an uncanny sense of things and if you try and give a bottle in the chair they usually breastfeed in it might throw them off. 

Have everything you need handy before you sit down. Burp cloth and bibs for baby, and water and a snack for yourself. Turn off your phone. You don’t want any distractions during this time. (This includes your partner/wife asking you, “How’s it going?”) If you have another child in the house, find something to keep them occupied as well. A calm place for bottle feeding is imperative to success.

2. Calm your mind and body

If you are stressed or in a poor mindset, you’re setting yourself up for imminent failure. Take a few deep breaths before you sit down with your baby. Put on some calming music. Do whatever you need to do to relax yourself. 

3. Smile and have fun

When you finally sit down and get situated, look at your baby and smile. This is a wonderful bonding moment and shouldn’t be a stressful war. Sing a quiet song or a silly nursery rhyme or limerick. This will put your baby at ease and make it enjoyable for both of you. Talk to your baby and let them know that this bottle they are about to have is going to be the best thing ever. Positivity goes a long way and your baby will sense it (like a Jedi does the force).

4. Be positively persistent

Your baby may reject your initial attempts to give the bottle. Be prepared for this and don’t freak out. Persist. Hold the bottle gently, but firmly, to your baby’s lips even when they shake their head and arch away. If it doesn’t work after a few minutes, put the bottle down and move it out of sight. Take this time to regroup yourself, keep calm, and remind yourself that it’s not your fault. After a few minutes, return, cuddle with your baby, tell them a joke or even make a funny fart sound. Then, again happily offer the bottle. It may take an hour for your baby to drink four ounces of milk the first time, but it will get better over time.

5. Stick to your guns

There are more brands and types of bottles on the market than there are parodies of the latest teeny-bopper hit. The key is to continue with the same bottle once you find one that works! Be consistent, and stick with it. Don’t get frustrated and start changing through bottles like Lady Gaga does outfits! 

6. Cut your losses 

There may be a point where your baby will not take the bottle despite all of your loving attempts. If the baby doesn’t want the bottle then, leave it be. I would recommend trying at least three times for at least 10 minutes each time to get the baby to take the bottle. Now, if your partner or wife is around, DO NOT give the baby to them to breastfeed immediately after a failed bottle feeding. This pretty much tells your baby that you’re waving the white flag and they have won. The best thing to do is to do something else for about 10 to 15 minutes. You can do tummy time, read a book or even bathe your baby. This break in the feeding action will disassociate the bottle from the breast.

There you have it Dad Army. I certainly hope this helps.

This article was first published in 2013 and recently updated. Father bottle feeding baby photo: © o_lypa / Adobe Stock.

If you walk into my house during dinner or a movie night, you can tell my parenting style from where I sit. And there is a reason I sit where I do.

The house I grew up in was arranged like most houses during the 1970s and ’80s. Our living room showcased the hierarchy of the home. A couch and a loveseat lined up along the walls opposite one another while my father’s recliner received a direct view of the television. Sitting on the couch or loveseat meant you had to turn your head or body to watch TV.

My father’s chair always seemed silly to me, even though my sister and I would fight over it when he wasn’t around. It was silly that only one person could have the best view of the TV. It was silly that everyone huddled close together while one sat all alone.

In my house, a couch sits directly in front of the TV and a loveseat sits off to the side. There are no chairs. There are six people in my family, and we often squeeze together on the couch. Arms wrap around one another, legs cross in different directions, but we’re all on the same viewing page. If there was a chair, chances are it would be shared by two people.

The same goes for my seat at the dinner table. Growing up, my parents sat at both ends of the table, while my sister and I sat across from one another in the middle. We have a long rectangular table in our house today, but my seat is the same one I occupied as a child, right in the middle. In my seat, I am in the center of the action. Everything goes through me and around me. I am smack-dab in the middle of my family.

Fatherhood looks a lot different now than it did generations ago. Dads are stepping into the middle of their families, instead of watching from the top. Trickle-down parenting is on its way out while a more engaged and hands-on approach has taken its place. My seating arrangements may not be the way of the generations before me, but it is my way. My kids, wife and I sit (or stand) shoulder to shoulder – whether taking on tasks, being entertained, or simply just living.

And in this way, no one in my family is alone.

A version of this first appeared on One Good Dad. Photo: jaredpolin via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

Editor’s Note: We’re digging into our archives for great articles you might have missed over the years. This article about Halloween with older children comes from 2017.

Last night was Halloween, and there were ghouls and fools aplenty. All our favorite shows were represented in various levels of costumed detail. Movies, too. Star Wars and superheroes, the staples of my own childhood, still remain firmly affixed upon those of my children. There were red balloons and orange buffoons, clowns from every angle.

The ratio of candy given to the amount received was squarely in their favor. My boys laughed. They had fun. They ate more sugar in one night than in the past six months combined. It was an evening of playful mischief and warmly lit wonder.

Man, I’m glad that’s over.

Except, and I’m not supposed to tell you this, it isn’t.

That may be because deadlines created by evil editors in eye shades are forcing me into actually writing this a week before, only pretending to have survived yet another Halloween. Or it may be because we live in a world so much scarier than anything the holiday can throw at us. Either way, we seem destined to live out the rest of our lives (or the next three years, whichever comes first) in a very special episode of American Gothic, but slightly more racist.

Maybe it’s both.

The thing is, I’m having a hard time getting into Halloween this year. There are several reasons, including, but not limited to the aforementioned fact that nothing make-believe can compare to the terror of our actual reality. Knowing that, it makes conversations about costumes and decorations feel mocking and hollow, the gallows humor of a Target aisle.

Also, I quit eating candy.

Additionally, the boys themselves seem less than excited about Halloween this year. As I typically fuel my enthusiasm from theirs, our home shows nothing to suggest the season but a couple of gourds rolling around our doorstep. The spiderwebs hung themselves.

For a while, I thought the boys may be apprehensive, seeing as each of them are in new, bigger schools than they were last year. Maybe they just needed some extra time to get a feel for how Halloween worked at the current level. I may have been too optimistic.

The oldest did have a costume idea that he seemed relatively interested in, where “interested” means he mentioned it once. He thought it would be fun to dress as Monty Python’s version of the Spanish Inquisition, which if you are familiar with the sketch, is quite funny. However, I had to point out that the context may be lost on some people, which would leave him as:

• a non-Catholic kid appropriating a different culture (the irony being that the Spanish Inquisition was established to deny others their respective culture through acts of great severity), and
• wearing religious stuff to a public school, which may or may not be against the rules, but certainly out of my comfort zone.

The youngest remains uncommitted.

I suppose my fear is that this is yet another milestone on the path out of childhood, the one where holidays, while still enjoyed, lose a bit of the magic that once made them monumental. They are no longer the pinnacle of a season, but rather Tuesday with a wig on it.

Factor in the heat (it’s over 100 degrees today), carry the one, allow for whatever, and you’ve got The Great Bupkis, Charlie Brown (rocks sold separately).

Honestly, I don’t know what will become of Halloween this year, if this is new for us or just a phase that we are going through. I’m pulling for the latter. I will do my best to keep the season, but at the end of the day, I just want my kids to have fun. We could all use a bit of that.

UPDATE: We did it. The boys picked out costumes on Monday after school while I went through the slim pickings of discount candy a couple of aisles over. The youngest chose a werewolf mask, the oldest a decorative light. One cut shirt and a jigsaw later I found myself sitting in a neighbor’s house with a group of other parents (and the frequent passerby) watching the Dodgers take it to Game 7 while the boys enjoyed the safety of mob mentality, a pack of sugar-bellied kids knocking and laughing and hopefully saying “thank you.” They were back by the bottom of the 8th, taking the corner and rounding for home.

Summertime is the perfect time to take the kids to an amusement park. Hersheypark in Pennsylvania makes for an ideal destination and, as seasoned veterans of The Sweetest Place on Earth, we have the ultimate cheat sheet on having a successful, entertaining and sweet vacation! If your family is going to read one article to get you prepared for a Hersheypark Happy visit, this should be your primary source.

In addition to helping your family enjoy all the fun, thrills and food with minimal hassles, we can help you possibly get through the gates for FREE. Scroll to the bottom for a chance to win an epic family four-pack of tickets to visit this summer or later in the year.

Secret #1: “Sweet Start” — VIP status means more rides

A fantastic bonus offered exclusively to guests at the official resorts of Hersheypark and some levels of season-pass holders is the “Sweet Start” option.

Sweet Start allows you to feel like a VIP. At no extra charge, you may enter Hersheypark one hour before the general public and access numerous popular rides in the front half of the park. These include Candymonium, Comet, Skyrush, Sooperdooperlooper and Reese’s Cupfusion. This amazing perk enabled our family to go several times on rollercoasters that usually have long lines and wait times. In fact, we can usually knock off seven or eight rides during Sweet Start.

Additionally, if you come the day before your ticketed visit to the amusement park, the “Preview Plan” allows you to enter Hersheypark three hours BEFORE closing that night. That’s three hours of bonus fun time to enjoy the rides and attractions.

Secret #2: Stay overnight at an official park resort

Hersheypark is our family’s happy place. Rather than cram in over 70 attractions — including 15 top-notch rollercoasters — in one day, we recommend staying two days to experience it all. We stayed overnight at The Hotel Hershey — located directly across from the amusement and water parks.

The Hotel Hershey, one of three official lodging sites, was as magical of an experience as the park. The accommodations were amazing and provided panoramic views of the rides and attractions.

Why is The Hotel Hershey so special?

For us, it was:

• The breathtaking, outdoor pool complex. (There’s an indoor pool on the property, too.) Here, you can sip frozen cocktails under a shady umbrella while watching your kids race through water slides in the pool.
• Roasting s’mores at a family-friendly fire pit EVERY evening was amazing as well.
• My children love the loads of engaging activities throughout the day like making ice-cream sundaes, playing “glow golf” after dark and bingo where the prizes are full-size Hershey candy bars!

When you stay at an official Hersheypark Resort, you receive VIP perks like Sweet Start (secret #1), Preview Plan and free shuttle service to an exclusive drop-off location – just steps away from the front gate of Hersheypark.

Secret #3: Candymonium — timing is everything

One of Hersheypark’s most popular rides is Candymonium. Located in Hershey’s Chocolatetown, right near the front gates, Candymonium the park’s tallest, fastest, longest and sweetest rollercoaster. It’s our second favorite thrill ride at Hersheypark. However, Candymonium often has average wait times of an hour or more.

Candymonium is included in Sweet Start, so make it your FIRST stop when the gates open. We’ve also found wait times for Candymonium usually dip to under 20 minutes in the late afternoon/evening before dark. Why? This is when most guests are deep inside the park. That could be another window of opportunity to ride this not-to-be-missed coaster.

Secret #4: “Rope Drop” — Hustle to your top attraction

Sweet Start is only for the rides in the front half of the park. It doesn’t include ZooAmerica or The Boardwalk waterpark. However, you’ve already been through security, had tickets scanned, and can be perfectly positioned inside the park near the Chevrolet Music Box theater where security guards have another set of gates and ropes set up as a barrier until Hersheypark officially opens. If you position yourselves at the “rope drop” area, it sets your family up to be among the first ones on any of the rides or waterpark attractions in the back half once Hersheypark fully opens. That’s invaluable on busy summer days.

We recommend you have a plan in advance. The entire family should select one popular attraction that can you hustle to (be safe because some guests literally race) when it’s rope drop time. We’ve tried this strategy on all of our visits and usually walk right onto popular attractions like LaffTrakk, Breaker’sEdge Water Coaster or Jolly Rancher’s Remix.

Secret #5: New entertainment – “The Sweet Escapes”

Want another way to brighten your day at Hersheypark? One new, extremely entertaining attraction this summer is the delightful “Sweet Escapes” a cappella group. This colorful and talented bunch is stationed by The Boardwalk waterpark and sings its hearts out four times a day. We timed our lunch each day so we could dine outdoors in the shade and sing along to their catchy tunes.

Secret #6: New rollercoaster — Wildcat’s Revenge

Buckle up! Hershpark’s newest attraction is Wildcat’s Revenge which opened in early June. You definitely need to ride this Rocky Mountain Construction (RMC) hybrid coaster. It’s an amazing addition to the iconic rollercoasters at the park. Wildcat’s Revenge is sleek, smooth and so epic that we rode it six times on opening day! Get ready for 2 1/2 minutes of ride time during which you’ll be thrust at 62 mph and rolled for four inversions including the world’s largest underflip!

More importantly, we love how Hersheypark designed this intense coaster with families in mind. Even our 8-year-old daughter was tall enough to enjoy the thrill.

Secret #7: Download the Hersheypark app

Most people enter Hersheypark and start with the rides nearest to the entrance. Then, they either work their way back or follow a rigid agenda that tries to squeeze everything into one day. Forget those approaches.

Thriving in Hersheypark starts with the free and fairly reliable Hersheypark mobile app. It enabled our family to strategize and maximize our fun time.

First, keep a loose agenda. Start by creating it based on park geography using the app’s online park map. Then drill into its useful tools, such as ride descriptions and minimum heights, then apply the app’s “ride wait time” feature — it’s a game changer.

We always kept a close eye on the app for wait times under 25 minutes for our favorite attractions like Sooperdooperlooper, Breakers Edge Water Coaster and Candymonium.

Secret #8: Food and treats exceed expectations

Most people don’t get excited about eating at a theme park. Hersheypark, though, elevates the culinary experience. There are quality, name-brand options across the park. These include many of our favorites, such as Nathan’s Famous, Subway, Chick Fil-A and Moe’s Southwest Grill. East Coast Mini Donuts are also outstanding.

Additionally, we always carve out time for a family meal at The Chocolatier. It’s our favorite restaurant on the property. This not-to-be-missed destination features a diverse menu including crowd-pleasers like nachos, club sandwiches, chicken and waffles, and sweet potato fries. Our best memories, however, are of their drool-worthy dessert menu.

We also love the house-made, custom-created ice creams at Milton’s Ice Cream Parlor located just down the stairs from The Chocolatier. Try the toasted marshmallow! Another tasty option is to grab a batch of homemade cookies or fudge at neighboring The Sweeterie!

Secret #9: Water, water, everywhere

Staying hydrated at Hersheypark is important. You’re allowed to bring in your own sealed water bottles or empty bottles that can be refilled at numerous bottle-filling Coca-Cola Freestyle locations throughout the park. The water at the filling stations is ice cold!

Secret #10: Take the path less traveled

The best way to beat the crowds over to The Hollow Area, especially Skyrush and SooperDooperLooper, is to take “Skyrush Way” which is a little-known secret. This shady path navigates around the winding turns of the Skyrush Rollercoaster and literally drops you off at the entry gate to the ride. During “Sweet Start,” this should be your go-to path. It lets you avoid the massive crowds headed through Founder’s Way.

Secret #11: Hit The Boardwalk waterpark when it opens

Remember, your Hersheypark admission ticket INCLUDES The Boardwalk waterpark as well as ZooAmerica. The lines for waterpark attractions are much more manageable when The Boardwalk first opens for the day. This season, The Boardwalk opens at the same time as the rest of Hersheypark. Lines are also much lighter on weekday visits, so skip weekends if you can.

There’s something for everyone at The Boardwalk, but we recommend making a dash for Breakers Edge Water Coaster. It’s an incredible ride, arguably the best at The Boardwalk. Naturally, it normally has the longest wait time. We usually hit it twice in a row before the crowds descend on it. The nearby Whitecap Racer is a spectacular, timed mat-racing slide, and the entire family can get whisked through looping tunnels to determine who is the champion.

What are you waiting for? Make Hersheypark your next family getaway.

Ticket giveaway for visiting Hersheypark

Want to win a family four-pack of tickets to Hersheypark? Enter below for a chance to win four general admission tickets this summer or later in the year for the park’s Halloween event, Dark Nights, or Christmas Candylane? Winning tickets will be sent via email.

Important details:

• We’re giving away one family four-pack of one-day ticket general admission to Hersheypark. (Each winner will receive four one-day passes.)
• The contest runs from June 23 through July 7, 2023.
• Entrants must be 18 years or older and residents of the United States.
• One winner will be chosen randomly using Rafflecopter after the entry period ends July 7, 2023.
• The winner must follow Rafflecopter instructions for getting entries
• The winner must supply an email address to receive four electronic tickets to Hersheypark 2023. Tickets are for one daily admission to Hersheypark. The tickets expire on Jan. 1, 2024.
• Hersheypark charges a separate fee for parking, which is NOT included with these tickets. The winner will need to pay for parking if needed.
• City Dads Group is not responsible for lost or stolen tickets.
• The winner must respond to the prize notification within 48 hours otherwise a new winner will be chosen.

Disclosure: Lance Somerfeld is a member of Hersheypark’s Sweetest Families Program. The program includes complimentary park passes and hotel accommodations for our family provided by the kind folks at Hershey’s Entertainment & Resorts. His thoughts and opinions are genuine and have not been influenced by the brand. All photos were provided by his family.

Yesterday I stopped by CVS and went through their seasonal clearance items, and came home with something I thought my 2-year-old daughter would be bananas over. It’s a yellow plastic cylinder, like the base of a flashlight, with a clear egg-shaped top made to look like a bee. When you press a button, the insides of the egg spin causing lights to flash and the whole thing to buzz and quiver. The toy cost 62 cents or approximately what it cost to make.

Sienna squealed with glee and I smiled because I’d made my daughter happy.

“Ear!” she shouted, eyes gleaming with fascination at this new sensation tickling her skin. She pressed the buzzing bee to her earlobe. “Nose! Arm! Elbow! Head!”

“Wait until your bedroom’s dark,” I said excitedly. “It’ll light up blue and green and yellow and red! Do you like how it vibrates?”

And then my innocently meant words hit me in an entirely different context.

I looked at the shape of the thing. The bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz sound echoed in my ears.

:: facepalm ::

To all you new or soon-to-be parents out there, letting these dirty things slip out of your mouth isn’t an abnormal thing. You’re all going to say something really simple only to do a double take as it sinks in that you’ve said a simple phrase you’ve happened to associate with Skinemaxian entertainment for the past decade or two.

At first, you’ll blush.

Then you’ll giggle.

Soon you and your partner will race to say, “That’s what she/he said!”

And finally, as your child gets older, and you and your partner try not to laugh at what one of you just said, you’re just going to do the old facepalm.

So I present to you the seven funniest phrases (plus one bonus Q&A that had me and my wife on the floor) I’ve said to my daughter that, when taken out of context, means something entirely different in the bedroom:

Dirty Things I’ve Said to My Child

No. 1: “Do you like how it vibrates?”

See above.

No. 2: “Please swallow!” and “Don’t spit! Swallow!”

The first time I said this (while trying to get my daughter to eat dinner) I literally cringed until I caught my wife’s eye and saw her trying so hard not to laugh. Then I just laughed along and went with it.

No. 3: “The girl was so wet, she was dripping.”

Ah, those fluctuating pre-air conditioner spring days when you put your kid down for a nap and discover her all sweaty and disgusting because her room was about 80 degrees.

No. 4: “You need to suck harder.”

Teaching my daughter how to use a straw. My wife beat me to “That’s what he said!”

No. 5: “She’s so cute, I just want to eat her.”

Can’t remember when or why I said it, but does it matter? When those words come out of your mouth, translate into adult connotations, and you realize you’re talking about your daughter? :: shiver::

No. 6: “Did you just put that whole thing in your mouth?!”

After Sienna gobbled an entire string cheese without chewing forcing her cheeks to look like she’d been gathering nuts for the winter.

No. 7: “Stop playing with your balls!”

Doesn’t apply to a girl, but it still generated a sideways look between me and my wife. Parents of boys are sure to love saying that one for the first time!

BONUS: One thing new and soon-to-be parents might not know is that kids sometimes take time to learn how to use their tongues correctly (:: facepalm::) meaning that the letter “L” often gives them trouble. Hence, I bring you the following interaction that had our daughter standing with such a gloriously proud and pure look on her face:

Me: “Sienna, what do you want for dinner?”

Sienna, pointing at the wall clock: “C*ck”

What can we parents do but cackle?

A version of Dirty Things first appears on Raising Sienna. Photo: ©Krakenimages.com / Adobe Stock.

Editor’s Note: We’re digging into our ample archives to find some great articles you might have missed over the years. This one comes from 2014.

Parents have more stuff than ever to make their lives easier, but some common-sense parenting tools still need to be invented … soon!

Sure some of this stuff might be as likely as hoverboards to come along soon, or it might not pass all the safety tests, but it would restore sanity to busy parents’ lives. Something must be done, so here is my list. Borrow it, steal it, share it, whatever you do — just invent one thing off here and you will go down in parenting folklore as a hero.

Parenting Tools You Can Really Use

Shirts With Spit-Proof Shoulders

How many times have you left the house with spit-up, food, or saliva stains on your shoulder?! I now judge the cleanliness of my shirts just based on the collection of spots on the shoulders. C’mon, fashion designers, can’t we make some baby-proof Teflon fabric already?

Diapers That Actually Work

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t trap poop in a diaper? I feel as though there is a hidden tunnel in there specifically to channel poop up my baby’s back. How do babies pull off the trick of getting it up to their armpits without much landing inside the diaper anyway? Sure, your kid looks cute but transfer them to solid food and you might need a hose in the nursery to wash that crib down.

Pacifier Adhesive

There have been times I have looked longingly at duct tape and thought it would solve all of my pacifier problems. Can’t we have just a little nontoxic pacifier glue? I know, I know, there are all kinds of problems with this but an exhausted parent can dream, right?

Kid-Sized Hamster Feeder Water Bottle

I guarantee with a kid-sized hamster feeder water bottle, bedtime will be 300 percent more enjoyable. Does the kid need water? They just reach up to the wall-mounted gigantic upside-down water bottle and all is right with the world. Sure it would look ridiculous, but just think how much more entertaining Instagram would be with all those pictures.

Velcro Onesies

Another no-brainer in the parenting tools world. Onesies with snaps were designed by the devil himself. They should be illegal in all 50 states. I think being a zipper and Velcro-only country would stop half of all parent meltdowns. Point me in the direction of the store that sells these first and I will spend whatever it takes. They could even have a “Snaps Onesie” exchange program where you can trade in your vile snaps for the ease of Velcro. I might just cry tears of joy instead of tears of frustration.

Pants with Kid-Proof Knees

Engineers can design bulletproof vests but it’s impossible to make jeans that make it through an afternoon of my son at the playground. I firmly believe that we can upgrade our pants technology after keeping it status quo for hundreds of years. Sure there are more pressing issues in the world, but we all know little kids should grow out of their clothes before wearing them out. Kid-proof pants knees, I want them by Christmas.

Seatbelt for Eating at the Dining Room Table

What do you do when your child is too old for the booster seat but is allergic to sitting down at dinner? It’s like it is physically impossible for them to stay seated for longer than three bites of food. The dinnertime seat belt saves meals and lives!

Freeze-Frame

How many arguments have you been in the middle of and you just needed a short breather? Exactly. Saved By The Bell was ahead of its time when it introduced Zach Morris calling “timeout” in the middle of a scene. We need this among our parenting tools ASAP. Think about it. Everything freezes and you go eat a bowl of ice cream, then go back and solve the fight over what kid gets what book. You might even be able to finish cleaning the house before the first room you cleaned gets messed up again.

Instant Toddler Hug

As a dad, there is not much that brightens my day more than my son coming over and giving me a big hug. Why not get that feeling all day long? I don’t know how to do it but bottle toddler hugs and they would fly off the shelf. The world would just be a better place.

A version of Parenting Tools previously ran on Lunchbox Dad. Photo: © Syda Productions / Adobe Stock.

The first month of the year is not just January – it’s also Veganuary. The idea is simple: don’t eat any foods derived from animals for 31 days.

What began as an idea from a British husband and wife in 2014 has grown into an annual international phenomenon. During 2022, an estimated 620,000 people participated, and the United Kingdom-based Veganuary charity hopes to grow its participation each year.

Why am I telling you this? I’m a vegan dad raising vegan children. And Veganuary is the perfect time to explain why it’s a lifestyle worth considering.

Eleven and half years ago, I was on a first date with a sexy redhead. I was enjoying a bacon cheeseburger. When she only ordered a salad, I flirted by saying she didn’t need to stick to salad as she was so slim. Well, it turned out she was vegan. I was embarrassed, to say the least, though the date wasn’t blown … in fact, I ended up marrying her a year and a half later.

My wife, Rachel, never pressured me to change my diet. She did, however, explain why she was vegan herself. It broke down into three main topics.

Veganism can mean better health

Veganism, when properly planned to incorporate a diverse variety of plant and fortified foods, is healthier. There are many misconceptions about it, though. One of the most common is that vegans suffer from protein deficiency. High protein can be found in many plant sources including beans, soy, whole wheat and nuts. It’s all a matter of regularly incorporating them into your diet.

Another misconception centers around “fake meats” which have grown more common every year. I’ll be blunt. That stuff is delicious, but no one says it’s healthy. It’s essentially vegan junk food. While a Beyond burger may possibly be better for the environment, I’m still only eating those ultra-processed foods on rare occasions. In general, I stick to what’s called a “whole foods plant-based diet,” which is more diverse in food choices, far healthier and more sustainable long-term.

No animals are harmed

This is the original impetus for many people who go vegan. Obviously, if you care about animals, it is better to not eat them, wear them or otherwise profit from their deaths. Dairy and eggs might seem less harmful at first glance, but the animals are often kept in factory-like conditions, force-fed and artificially inseminated repeatedly to keep those products flowing. The more you start to wrap your head around where the animal products you consume come from, the more uncomfortable it feels.

Better for the environment

This is an important part of veganism for many. One study, from Oxford University, claims that going vegan is the “single biggest way” to reduce a person’s carbon footprint. The study argues that carbon use decreases by nearly three-quarters when living a vegan lifestyle since every step of the omnivore process emits greenhouse gasses: Forests are cleared for animals, food is transported to feed them, refrigeration is used to store meat, and so on. The Washington Post recently investigated the destruction of the Amazon rainforest and cites American demand for beef as the chief catalyst of the deforestation there.

Why try Veganuary?

Now you understand some of the reasons for trying veganism. But why now? How can you start? And what should you watch out for?

Veganuary is the perfect opportunity to try veganism. And switching to a plant-based diet has never been easier. You can order vegan options beyond just salads at many restaurants, including fast-food chains. Many supermarkets have plant-based sections with alternatives to meat, cheese and milk. And frankly, those vegan versions have never been tastier. I’ve been vegan for eight years, and am astounded at how fast the industry has changed, both in terms of quality and quantity available.

Yet, pitfalls also exist. The simplest way to go vegan is to switch all your current meals for vegan versions, but that’s not always the best choice. If you eat a lot of meat and chicken, for example, switching to plant-based processed alternatives won’t necessarily be your healthiest move. These versions sometimes have as many, if not more, calories, saturated fat and sodium as their animal counterparts. Plus, you’ll probably get tired of them after a month. Now, don’t deny yourself a few good “fake” burgers or nuggets, but move past them. Mix up your meals and your proteins. Look up some recipes. Try a chili with only beans, corn, tomatoes and spices. Cook up a curry with tofu. Barbeque some tempeh.

Rising vegan children

Parenting a vegan child has its own challenges, and we are raising two of them. I fully admit my own kids eat way more vegan nuggets and protein bars than I’d prefer, but we do what works. They’re healthy and happy kids.

The hardest part is birthday parties, traveling, and other parents. My best advice: Bring your food with you. Also, use the app HappyCow to search out vegan options on the road and at restaurants. Make sure your children get a selection of fruits, carbs, veggies and protein sources every day.

We still get odd looks and occasional jokes from neighbors, but I’m proud to be a vegan dad. And I encourage others to try it.

Photo: © Mara Zemgaliete / Adobe Stock.

Most people think of Hersheypark — with it’s combined theme park, zoo and water park — as the ultimate summer destination. You might be surprised to know that Hersheypark is open daily for the rest of December (closed Christmas Day) and through January 1, 2023.

During the most wonderful time of the year, you’ll be amazed by the Hersheypark Christmas Candylane spectacular. The seasonal event is a feast for the eyes as it features more than five million twinkling lights. Most incredible is the NOEL light show with lights synchronized to holiday music.

It’s also a sense-tingling thrill time. Several family-friendly rides are open including six awesome roller coasters, including Candymonium and Laff Trakk. Additionally, your taste buds will be dancing. Hersheypark rolls out a host of holiday-themed sweet treats like s’mores carts, king-sized shakes and their signature hot chocolate (see photo).

Their Christmas Candylane event includes photo ops with Santa Claus, of course. But it also prides itself as being the only Northeast destination with an interactive, up-close experience with Santa’s Reindeer, including Rudolph!

The Boardwalk water park becomes a festive holiday adventure trail called TREEville. The trail includes a dozen pit-stops with uniquely decorated trees, each sharing stories about the Sweetest Place on Earth.

Don’t want to be chilly? You can also enjoy some Hershey magic from the comforts of your own car. Just outside Hersheypark is the Hershey Sweet Lights drive-through attraction, open nightly through New Year’s Day 2023. This experience (beware: you need a separate ticket) includes two miles of fields and trails with beautifully designed, animated displays and LED lights galore.

Beyond Christmas Candylane and Hershey Sweet Lights, there is still plenty of fun to be had to make it a Hersheypark happy holiday:

• Make a personalized Hershey chocolate bar or hop on the FREE tour ride on how chocolate is made at Hershey’s Chocolate World.
• Play and stay at one of the Hershey’s Entertainment Resorts.
• View some animals at ZooAmerica.

Coming in 2023: Wildcat’s Revenge roller coaster

Already looking forward to 2023 at Hersheypark? So are we!

The Wildcat roller coaster is back with an exhilarating twist! The all-new wood and steel hybrid coaster, Wildcat’s Revenge, will take riders on a thrilling new Hersheypark experience. Climb a 140-foot hill, hit max speeds of 62 mph, dive into an 82-degree drop, invert four times, and get whisked through the world’s largest underflip. This new coaster will be ready for Summer 2023 and is the most highly anticipated ride opening since Candymonium.

Disclosure: Lance Somerfeld is a member of Hersheypark’s Sweetest Families Program. The program includes complimentary park passes and hotel accommodations for our family provided by the kind folks at Hershey’s Entertainment & Resorts. His thoughts and opinions are genuine and have not been influenced from the brand. All photos provided by Hersheypark.

It all starts with the crusted ravioli. Is there cheese inside or meat? Since this is a fancy party, maybe it’s something I haven’t imagined yet. Perhaps a jelly of some type infused with gold leaf foil. That would be fancy as fuck and this is a fancy fucking place.

I take a bite. Fried goodness crunches in my mouth. I contemplate the ravioli instead of paying attention to the conversation my wife is having.

This is a party for my wife’s boss and his new bride, a celebration of the nuptials. They are mingling while we hang with another couple on the couch. They seem very nice. The couch couple tells pretty good jokes and has no obvious evil intentions. I have to be on the lookout to survive any of my wife’s work social functions or parties. As an at-home dad, I have been out of the office politics game for a pretty long time. The only ulterior motives I usually run into involve scamming another cupcake or juice box. 

On a side note, there are cupcakes here. I’ll get to them in a bit.

Advantages of being the ‘plus one’

Around us are the work people and various family members of the newlyweds. Everyone seems nice. I just have absolutely no connection to any of them. I am the “plus 1” — the rando guy who shows up just to judge you on the quality of your food and if there is free alcohol. I give this party a “plus 10.” There is free whiskey, pizza, and these ravioli things.

I go to these parties every year with my wife. During that time, I have become a master at blending in and small talk. I find it easy. There is no pressure here on me at all. My wife has to say all the right things, talk to the right people and basically not make a fool of herself. But me, I’m different. I have no one to impress. No one even knows who I am and my wife can safely distance herself from me at any moment.

I’m two glasses of whiskey in as I study the ravioli. It’s definitely got cheese in there.

Always be busy

My wife usually does a terrible job with me at these things. I don’t mean she embarrasses herself. I mean she forgets to introduce me. At the beginning of this party, she left me hanging, talking to some guy about hair dryers and steak. I love steak so it was all good. Hair dryers, not so much. My wife is in advertising so you would be surprised at the conversations that get linked together. Such as the meat hair dyers –both clients her company represents.

I have learned it is better to roam around and just introduce myself, networking for no other reason than practice. I’ve gotten pretty good at it. Once you learn there are no real consequences for what you say, because these people will never see you again, I can crack jokes left and right all night. No accountability — that is how you survive a work party that’s not your own.

My wife is talking to the husband of a work friend about advertising. They are deep into shop talk since he also works in advertising. I nod at the appropriate places, maybe tell a joke somewhere, then get back to my happy place — the crusted ravioli. Now I think there is some meat in there. I should see if anyone has a hair dryer handy so I can use it to figure this ravioli out.

That’s the next thing I learned about how to survive my wife’s work parties: always appear busy. No one wants to be the odd duck sitting next to the wall appearing to do nothing, looking longingly at people having fun. So I usually find something to keep myself busy — like a mysterious fried ravioli. So many questions, so many things to discover. 

Size up the so-called competition

I met my wife’s boss at the beginning. Seems like a nice guy. Tall as a pine tree in rural Arkansas. A friendly smile, a manly handshake, and easily sized up. This is my next trick in how to survive work parties that are not yours — determining who I could take in a fight. I’m not a violent person, not at all. I just like the mental exercise of it. It keeps me busy while everyone else discusses whatever advertising deck they are preparing. Her boss is a tall guy so he probably has a pretty good reach. So I would have to close that distance and get to his legs. Once he is subdued, I can get to the ravioli.  Advertising people don’t look very tough, so throughout the years, I’ve decided that I could take most of them. Maybe not the meat hair dryer guy though. He looks serious.

I’ve eaten about eight of the ravioli things so far. My stomach feels full but I’m going to keep eating. I imagined a whole fake fight just to get to this point, so I better keep eating. Definitely meat and cheese in here.

My wife and her friends have started to discuss which companies are on the downswing. They are bringing up names of people I don’t know, doing jobs I had no idea existed. I wonder how much they bullshit each other at these things? Probably a lot. It’s sad that they don’t get a chance to truly taste the delicious ravioli.

Go out with a bang

Then I spy the cupcakes in the corner.

They are fancy too. Not normal cupcakes bought from the grocery store. These have been catered. They have only a wisp of frosting on the top. I think I see a red velvet one in there. I call dibs. I eat four of them before my wife announces it is time to go. I say goodbye to my ravioli and the experience that we shared. 

This is my last lesson on how to survive the spouse’s work parties. When it’s time to go, go out with a bang. Shake the hands, smile, and leave a lasting impression.

We say goodbye to our couple of friends. My wife says something in advertising or Klingon, I’m not sure which, and we head to the door. The bride is there! I haven’t met the bride yet. As usual, my wife doesn’t introduce us. So yeah, do my thing.

“Hi! Great party! Really lovely time. Congratulations.”

“Thank you!” she says. She really does look wonderful. Pure happiness on her face. But she also looks a bit confused. Who the hell is this guy with ravioli crumbs in his beard?  “I don’t think we’ve had a chance to meet yet.”

“Nope. I’m a plus one. We should hang out next time. I’m very fun.”

As I leave, I hear one of the other guests start laughing asking, “Who was that?”

I’m basically a +1 ninja.

A version of this first appeared on Hossman At-Home. Survive work parties photo: ©Scott Griessel / Adobe Stock.