Two leading fatherhood support networks will soon unite as a single organization dedicated to championing fathers and helping them succeed at being actively engaged parents.

City Dads Group and Fathering Together will operate as one, creating a stronger and more comprehensive platform to help provide vital resources and connections to fathers in and through local communities across the globe.

City Dads Group is a diverse community of fathers dedicated to being actively involved in their children’s lives. Founded in 2008, City Dads Group has chapters in 41 cities across the United States and Canada. The chapters focus on holding in-person gatherings of fathers, with or without their children present, where bonding, commiseration and support can take place.

Fathering Together is a nonprofit global network of more than 125,000 fathers and allies around the world dedicated to promoting active fatherhood and providing support, resources, advocacy and education for dads. Established in 2018, Fathering Together started years earlier as a Facebook group “Dads with Daughters” which quickly blossomed to include tens of thousands of fathers sharing stories, seeking advice and offering wisdom.

The new organization, to be headed by Fathering Together’s current leadership team, is a strategic partnership that will result in a broader online and in-person network, enhanced programming, and a more significant impact on the lives of fathers, families and communities.

“We are thrilled to join with Fathering Together to strengthen, sustain and expand our communities,” said Matt Schneider, co-founder of City Dads Group. “We have a real opportunity to positively impact the way we view and value fathers as a society.”

Lance Somerfeld, co-founder of City Dads Group, added, “Since the pandemic, we’ve been trying to figure out the best path forward for our communities of dads to evolve, grow and thrive. We felt that the most authentic, seamless, and strategic partner to fulfill that goal was joining forces with Fathering Together.”

Key benefits of the partnership include:

1. Expanded Reach: The new organization will reach over 150,000 dads across the globe with in-person groups in Canada, Kenya, Malawi, and the United States.

2. Innovative Programming: The entity will offer more robust programs including school-based “social emotional learning” for dads, online panels, and in-person meetups to empower dads to be advocates for change.

3. Inclusive Community: As members define fatherhood for themselves, regardless of background or identity, all will be welcome to share their story, and grow together in their journey.

Brian Anderson, co-founder and board president of Fathering Together, said, “We are honored that City Dads Group places their faith in us to continue advocating for fathers worldwide. We look forward to bringing the City Dads Group community into ours so we might empower dads to be emotionally courageous, connected, and committed to their families.”

Read the official press announcement.

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

It is hard for me to believe November 2021 marks my sixth year as a stay-at-home dad. My journey began when my wife and I learned were going to have twins. Well, she was going to have the twins. I would spend most of the time binge watching as many series as I could on Netflix when not attending to her every need while she adhered to the bedrest she so rightly deserved.

This was our second time readying for twins. The stress of our loss of twins at 19 weeks in 2011 made us ever vigilant to get to the finish line this time. We were better prepared to do everything necessary to see our bundles of joy, Jackson and Sophia, arrive right on time in September.

The pending arrival of twins is the main reason we even discussed me becoming a stay-at-home dad. It made sense financially since my entire salary would likely be going to a nanny or daycare. And in the end, who better to be home with my kids than me (my wife will tell you plainly the stay-at-home lifestyle is NOT for her). 

Finding a detour along lonely road

But, my first few weeks by myself with the kids, I felt very alone. I knew about “mommy groups” and often saw gatherings of mothers at the neighborhood playground. Very rarely, though, did I see any dads. 

I am a very social person by nature, and while many moms I encountered on playgrounds or at library story times were friendly, I felt my journey as a dad was very different than theirs. Not being the main breadwinner and doing many of the tasks traditionally handled by the mother made me wonder: Am I the only man out here in this role?  

So I did some Googling. A few searches and emails later led me to The National At-Home Dad Network, an amazing organization at-home fathers who support each other and offer resources to help make them the best parents and partners they can be.  And somehow, in a sea of amazing dads who outshine my accomplishments in any number of ways, I was honored enough to be selected as a panelist at this past month’s HomeDadCon, the group’s annual conference.

Seeing all these dads, from various walks of life, who came armed with a number of questions on subjects from camping to mental health to gender and beyond, my most important take away of the weekends was this: Find your tribe.

How to find your tribe

It is so important to know that no matter where you are in life, it is likely there are many others out there who are in the exact same place. Once you accept this and that many of these people have the same struggles, the next step is to find them:

• Look online. Try a random Interest search or using a social platform like Facebook, Meetup or NextDoor. It’s easier than every to find your tribe be they fellow at-home fathers, hobby enthusiasts, musicians or what have you.
• Get to know your neighbors. Sometimes help and comradery is just outside your own front door.
• Get involved. It can be at your place of worship, your local school or a youth center. Volunteering is a fulfilling way to contribute to your community and meet others with common interests and issues.

While you find your tribe, don’t concentrate on finding your own twin. Not everyone should blindly support or echo your way of thinking, your feelings and — worse — your own bad behavior. You can’t grow as a parent if your only reinforce the habits you already have, some of which may not be best to practice.

As parents, we should look to find others who can challenge our way of thinking or give us a new perspective on how raising our children. Maybe they will shine a light on where you truly excel; maybe they’ll help you find where you can improve. Taking a step out of your comfort zone will help you learn more about who you really are, where you really stand, and where you really belong.    

Photo: © william87 /  Adobe Stock.

First came Father’s Day. Then Fathers Eve. Now comes “Father’s Friday,” an educational event aiming to spark a movement that raises dear old dad’s status in the parenting and working worlds.

Backed by two fatherhood nonprofits and a thriving Facebook community, Father’s Friday is a six-hour, pre-recorded streaming event on June 18. It will feature panels and diverse dad speakers discussing strategies for fathers. Planned topics include creating individual plans for fatherhood and family life, pushing for increased gender parity and more family-friendly working conditions for parents, such as paid family leave, and translating work skills to home life skills.

The online event is scheduled from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m., Eastern Daylight Time, June 18. It can be viewed on YouTube and Facebook. The organizers are:

• Fathering Together, a nonprofit that builds virtual communities of support for dads.
• The Black Fathers Foundation, a nonprofit that offers resources to help Black men effectively raise children and strengthen families.
• Soy Super Papa, a Facebook community with a mission of empowering fathers, especially Spanish speakers, that focuses on highlighting their roles in society and within the family.

(DISCLOSURE: City Dads Group is supporting collaborator for Father’s Friday.)

The organizers want to play against the stereotypical gift to dads on Father’s Day, using the social media rallying cry of #MoreThanANecktie. They want fathers to use social media to post stories about how they are “present and engaged” with their children and “not only a breadwinner, but active in the care and management of your home.” They also ask dads to submit short videos of such statements.

The aim is to drive a narrative that fatherhood comes in many colors, shapes and styles beyond the tropes we’ve seen in media, marketing and entertainment, according to material provided by the organizers. The goal is to “elevate stories of positive and engaged fathers” and to “provide strategies and support for fathers who aren’t sure how to be [more than a marginalized stereotype] for their families, according to the organizers.

Throughout the day, members of the organizing communities will offer reflections on fatherhood.

Featured speakers will include:

• Ted Bunch, chief development officer of A Call to Men, a movement to promote healthy, respectful manhood. Bunch has been internationally recognized for his efforts to prevent violence against women. 
• Josh Levs, a former journalist turned workplace equality advocate focused on fathers. He wrote the book, All In: How Our Work-First Culture Fails Dads, Families, and Businesses Alike – And How We Can Fix It Together.
• Ben Killoy, a U.S. Marine veteran, speaker, coach and podcaster. He recently wrote a Memorial Day column for City Dads Group.

Dad necktie photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

I killed a thousand butterflies. It’s not my proudest moment. It happened right in front of my children, too. Not just my children, but 13 other children as well. Things could have gone better.

This past summer in Iowa, butterflies migrated right through the center of the state. It happened to coincide with my annual “dads’ trip.” This is the trip my dads’ group takes every year so we can build memories with our children. We pick a direction and go. We see the silliest of the silly. Large balls of twine or the world’s largest set of overalls. And this time, we killed at least 17% of the monarch butterfly population.

I didn’t much notice. I think that makes it worse.

Things did not go as planned on this trip. I mean, besides the butterfly massacre. Three days before we left, Penguin Books bought the rights to my at-home-dad book. It’s going to be a how-to book. It’s the culmination of a lifelong dream. When I got the call, I was over the moon.

The very next day, my brother-in-law died in a car accident.

Two days after that, I went on the dads’ trip.

It’s hard to explain the emotions I was going through at the moment. The book deal was magical. The death of a close friend was life-shattering. Can you be in your highest high while also being in your lowest low? Apparently, yes. The emotions battle each other like two prizefighters in an octagon ring. At rest stops, I was emailing my new editor about the title of my book. At the same time, I was emailing my wife about funeral arrangements. In between, the kids were staring at the butterflies in my car’s grill.

Breakdowns: mechanical and otherwise

The other dads on the trip knew what was going on. They are going to be a big part of the book because they are a big part of my life. The things we have done together is the basis for all my writing. I’m a better father because of them. They were simultaneously happy for me and sad for me, which pretty much described my mood.

I followed our convoy of minivans to our next destination. But, if I’m honest, I had no idea what that destination was. My mind was preoccupied, as one would expect. I was thinking next steps. I was worried about my children, which is why we still came on the trip. I wanted them to be around their friends. Between all of us in this group, we have 16 kids who have grown up together over the last 11 years. I wanted my kids to have support during this hard time. And I needed the support. Desperately.

Halfway through the trip, white smoke began coming out the back of my van. This was it. This was my breaking point. The anxiety attack I had threatened to overwhelm me. I was in the middle of rural Iowa which is famously known for not being near anything. Chest-high fields of corn and wheat surrounded us. I didn’t know what to do.

But I didn’t need to. I had a dads’ group.

Do you really want to know the unvarnished truth about what it’s like to have a dad’s group? What it really means? If I take away all the filters on men’s emotions, even the ones I put on my own, and speak plainly: It’s life-changing. That’s what it is. There is no better way to explain it than that. It’s joy and camaraderie. It’s having someone to lean on without having to ask. It’s guys that know absolutely what you mean when you absolutely can’t say it. There’s an understanding there that goes beyond words. It’s a look or a nod. It’s a feeling that they know what they mean to you even if the words won’t come.

Dads’ group to the rescue

“What the fuck am I going to do?” I asked at a two-pump gas station with my car caked in dead butterflies. “That’s it. I quit. I’ve got nothing left.” I was cackling. I wanted to punch something. I was losing it.

“Shut up. We’ve already got it figured out,” Jake said.

“Yup,” said Mike.

Larry already had my hood up. He was standing with Mick over the engine. Jake was getting a paper towel to check the oil.  They already had a plan to not only take care of my car, but my family. I don’t remember asking them for the plan, but apparently I didn’t need to.

At that moment, they took the weight of everything off me. The book, my brother-in-law, and the butterflies. This is what it means to be a part of a dad’s group. When you absolutely can’t lift anymore; they can.

For the rest of the trip, I was always bracketed by minivans. My oil was checked constantly. My kids were watched to free me up to deal with either the book or my extended family. I didn’t have to ask for either. It just happened. The trip went fine, and the minivan made it home. As it turns out, my very old minivan had engine sludge that caused the white smoke.  My dads got me home, and on the trip, gave me the sturdy shoulders to count on when I wasn’t sure I could even count on myself.

Even now, months later, it’s tough to write about this because I’m afraid of how I’ll be perceived sharing something so personal. In fact, I’ve written a dozen versions of this story and thrown them all out. Expressing emotion to other men is not something that comes naturally to me. Simply saying “thank you” to them feels inadequate, as if it doesn’t go far enough to truly say how I feel about them. I’m usually full of humor and laughs, a nice way to hide emotions while still expressing them. It’s uncomfortable doing it this way. It’s exposing.

It is necessary.

City Dads Group is all about empowering fatherhood. It’s a place to make connections, to learn, and to advocate for fathers. But it’s also about giving back to others what we have been given. It’s taking our experiences and handing them to the next set of guys who are involved fathers. We do this without being asked because we know. We absolutely know.

Here, I can truthfully answer the question: What does a dads’ group mean to me? This. This is what a dads’ group means, and I hope you are as lucky as I am.

Washington is the latest state to join the City Dads Group network with the addition of the Puget Sound Dads Group, a chapter for fathers living in the Seattle metropolitan area and stretching the 90 miles from the cities of Olympia to Everett.

With a growing population — the Seattle metro area alone has nearly 4 million people, the 15th largest in the United States — the need for a fathers’ group seemed evident enough. The Puget Sound region, though, will be a challenging one to conquer because of its geographical vastness so the leadership is being divided among several members. However,

“Not only is Seattle growing at such a fast rate but now Tacoma and the south sound are seeing a sharp increase in home sales with more people moving into the region,” said Brandon Garcia, who will oversee many of urban Seattle programs. “The tech industry is leading the way mostly in Seattle and on the east side but we also have aerospace in the north and a major military base in the south sound.”

Garcia, a former journalist and native to Seattle, is a married at-home father of a 7-year-old boy. He lived in New York City for a decade, where he was an active member of the NYC Dads Group, before moving back about three years ago to Seattle where his family takes advantage of the abundant outdoor and mountain sports.

Dorin Jannotta, a stay-at-father of two, will head up work in the south Seattle area. He previously ran the Seattle Active Dads Group, which merged into the new Puget Sounds Dads Group. “My philosophy has always been to get my kids out of the house for at least two hours a day,” said Jannotta, who has worked as a 3D artist and project engineer. “I mostly do playground, museum, indoor play spaces, and short hikes meetups.”

Puget Sound native Sean Leacy will be helping organize fathers in and around Tacoma, which is about 30 miles south of Seattle. The married father of four had been heading up a similar father’s group, BK’s Dads Group, and manages the scheduling for the new group’s events and social media for the southern part of the Sound.

Father of two Danny Rees will organize events in the north Seattle area. Another former member of the NYC Dads Group, Rees and his family moved to Seattle a year ago and prompted created his own dads group via Facebook to help meet new people and visit local parks and breweries. 

“I am excited to continue that with the new Puget Sound Dads group and also help organize more opportunities to get out of the city and take the kids outside,” said Rees, who is a fundraiser for a public land trust.

Puget Sound Dads Group on social media

• Meetup (go here to join)
• Facebook
• Twitter
• Instagram

About City Dads Group

Washington, D.C., dads and those in its surrounding suburbs now have a chapter of City Dads Group to call their own.

DC Dads Group started earlier this year in our nation’s capital. Heading the new chapter is Abraham Walker, a real estate agent who lives and works in neighboring Alexandria, Va. Walker is a father of two children, ages 8 and 10. He initially started the Washington, D.C., dads group by looking for local fathers who wanted to hang out through a social media app, then turned to City Dads Group to expand the new organization.

With more than 700,000 residents, Washington, D.C, is the 20th most populated city in the United States. However, as the home to our nation’s federal government, its daytime populations swells with residents from the surrounding suburbs in Virginia and Maryland commuting in for work. When those areas in neighboring states are included, the D.C. area has the sixth largest metropolitan population at approximately 6.2 million residents.

Washington, D.C., Dads Group on social media

• Meetup (go here to join)
• Facebook
• Twitter
• Instagram

About City Dads Group

City Dads Group is a dynamic and diverse community of fathers redefining, by example, what it means to be a dad in the 21st century. Our international support network is based in and around major metropolitan cities in North America. These include Boston, Chicago, Dallas, Los Angeles, Toronto and New York City. The organization has more than 13,000 members and tens of thousands of followings on various social media platforms.

Founded in November 2008 in New York City as a way a handful of fathers could arrange playdates and outings with their children, the organization went national as City Dads Group in 2014.

Washington, D.C. photo: ©SeanPavonePhoto / Adobe Stock.

City Dads Group has gone international, opening its first chapter beyond the U.S. borders in Toronto, Canada.

Toronto Dads Group is being led by Amar Lohana, a stay-at-home dad to two young children and a filmmaker. His involvement in starting the group is a story many City Dads members know very well.

“I left my Wall Street career in New York to move to Toronto and be a stay-at-home father. It was a big change and I didn’t know anyone in Toronto. I was alone with the kids in a new city,” he said. “While I found moms to groups to be tolerant of my presence, I didn’t seem to be able to make deep connections the way moms made with each other. I couldn’t find an active dads Meetup in the city so I started one. I knew there had to be other dads like me.”

Lohana was right. The Toronto Dads Group already has more than 300 members.

Toronto is a perfect choice for City Dads Group’s first chapter outside of the United States. The predominantly English-speaking capital of the Canadian province of Ontario is both that country’s most populous city (with more than 2.7 million residents) and one of the fastest growing cities in North America, according to a 2019 study by Ryerson University in Canada. Toronto, which lies less than 100 miles north of Buffalo, N.Y., across Lake Ontario, is renown for being among one of the most multicultural and cosmopolitan world cities.

Toronto Dads Group on social media

• Meetup (go here to join)
• Facebook
• Twitter
• Instagram

About City Dads Group

City Dads Group is a dynamic and diverse community of fathers redefining, by example, what it means to be a dad in the 21st century. Our national support network is based in and around major metropolitan cities in North America. These include Boston, Chicago, Dallas, Los Angeles and New York City.

Founded in November 2008 in New York City as a way a handful of fathers could arrange playdates and outings with their children, the organization went national as City Dads Group in 2014.

Utah is the latest state to join the City Dads Group social and support network as a chapter recently opened in Salt Lake City.

The Salt Lake City Dads Group (SLC Dads for short) is being headed by Travis Chaston, a stay-at-home dad with two young daughters.

“I’ve been the primary caregiver from the beginning, and I was usually the only man at the playground and not always accepted by the moms,” said Chaston, who has been home with girls since late 2017. “The SLC Group was started to provide opportunities to meet other dads and socialize. We share stories, get advice from each other without judgment, build friendships, and have a good time.”

In addition to being the capital of Utah, Salt Lake City is the most populous municipality in the state. It has nearly 191,000 people in the city proper and 1.15 million in the entire metro area, based on 2014 U.S. census figures. While well known for its tourist industry built around outdoor recreation such as skiing and hiking, the city is also considered the industrial banking center of the United States.

Salt Lake City Dads Group on social media

• Meetup (go here to join)
• Facebook
• Twitter
• Instagram

About City Dads Group

City Dads Group is a dynamic and diverse community of fathers redefining, by example, what it means to be a dad in the 21st century. Our national support network is based in and around major metropolitan U.S. cities. These include Boston, Chicago, Dallas, Los Angeles and New York City.

Founded in November 2008 in New York City as a way a handful of fathers could arrange playdates and outings with their children, the organization went national as City Dads Group in 2014.

New life has sprung up in the American Southwest desert: The Phoenix Dads Group has been born.

The Phoenix Dads Group is being run by Christopher Craig and Gary Kaitlyn, who hope to provide a conduit for dads in and around Arizona’s capital city to talk about their experiences, learn from each other and — most of all — have fun with their kids.

“My hope for our group is that it can be a place for fathers of all kinds to gather and become a peer group that men can lean on in times of good or bad. We want the Phoenix Dads Group to provide fun activities for fathers and kids alike, and provide good opportunities for the kids to socialize and learn,” said Craig, a married father with two stepdaughters, ages 13 and 20.

Phoenix Dads Group on social media

• Meetup (go here to join)
• Facebook
• Twitter
• Instagram

Phoenix, Arizona’s most populous city with more than 1.6 million people, is one of the United States fastest growing metropolitan areas, according to U.S. Census figures. Roughly a third of the households in the metro area have children under the age of 18.

Craig is a business systems analyst, who does reporting for a large financial services company. In his spare time, he coaches and plays hockey. He also volunteers at a local Labrador retriever rescue center.

Kaitlyn, a father of two daughters, runs an independent travel agency and also contributes to the family travel blog, Life with Nerds

Photo: Alan Stark – Flickr: Downtown Phoenix Skyline Lights

City Dads Group has broken out of the United States — the contiguous United States, that is.

The most populous city in Alaska recently started its own chapter of our expanding fatherhood social and support network — so please welcome, the Anchorage Dads Group.

Anchorage, situated on the south central coastline of the largest state in the union, contains around 300,000 residents — more than 40 percent of the state’s entire population. When the entire metropolitan area is taken into account, the 400,000 residents make up more than half of the Alaska’s population. All this makes Anchorage the perfect location for City Dads Group to open for business.

Michael Jenks, a married stay-at-home father of one boy, will lead the Anchorage Dads Group. He said he hopes to offer area fathers activities that won’t leave newcomers and the introvert “locked into an awkward social situation.”

“You don’t have to do anything but show up and have fun,” he said.

Jenks speaks from an experience common to most at-home dads. After leaving a full-time job in October 2016 to take care of his son, Franklin, now 2, he’d go out to parent-child activities and find only women there with children.

“Women have a tremendous ability to develop new social networks based on life circumstances, where men tend to use existing networks, whether it be childhood friends, or work friends,” he said. “I met a lot of men, but we had no real organization due to the limited number of us compared to women.”

When he meet other at-home dads, he said he found most of them were like him — professional men who made a temporary career sacrifice for the good of their family.

As a result, Jenks said the goals of Anchorage Dads Group are to:

• Provide fun activities specifically designed for dads and kids.
• Provide opportunities for kids to socialize and learn.
• Provide opportunities for dads to talk about their “job” and learn ways to manage their children.

Jenks worked for 10 years at an award-winning healthcare organization, some of which he spent in maternal-child health management and improvement. “I was exposed to many studies that showed how much of an impact a father has in a child’s life. A positive male role model — father or father-figure and preferably both — is a great predictor of how well the child does throughout life,” he said.

Anchorage Dads Group on social media

• Meetup (go here to join)
• Facebook
• Twitter
• Instagram