Three leading fatherhood organizations are undertaking a yearlong “No Dad Alone” campaign to help more fathers find support and an understanding community.

Fathering Together, of which City Dads Group is a part, The National At-Home Dad Network and Fathers Eve will cross-promote each other’s work to amplify information, resources and events available to dads through each entity. The groups plan to use their organizations’ platforms, including social media, newsletters, blogs and podcasts. The three organizations combined have more than 180,000 followers on various popular social media channels.

“The No Dad Alone campaign aims to address the ever-growing stats surrounding men’s health, specifically, the negative stigmas and untrue portrayals of fathers in the home and beyond,” said Cordan James, executive director of Fathering Together. “The web of resources this collaborative provides will instantly increase the positive impacts of fathers. It will also give people language to address, engage and support fathers in need and elevate the spirit of fatherhood.”

No Dad Alone arose, in part, from increasing U.S. media attention to male loneliness, particularly among fathers. Societal pressures about maintaining traditional masculinity (for example, remaining strong, stoic and independent in difficult times) and fewer resources and attention devoted to helping dads as opposed to moms contribute to these issues.

“Fathers are often isolated and they are not always sure what to do or how to alleviate it,” said John Francis, a co-organizer of the Twin Cities Dad Group and founder of Fathers Eve. “I think this campaign brings awareness to an important issue many guys have trouble with.”

Keith Nagel, president of The National At-Home Dad Network, said, “By highlighting and showcasing each of our organizations’ great work, we can create and build a much larger network of support for all our dads than we could individually. We hope to make other dads aware of our support offerings while connecting our members with ones we don’t provide.”

The ambitious campaign, using the social media hashtag #NoDadAlone, starts Father’s Day weekend 2024 to the following one in 2025. A key kickoff and celebratory ending point will be the annual Fathers Eve celebrations those weekends.

“From my work in the fatherhood area for the last dozen or so years, I see lots of people and groups doing good things to try to help their audience or their local market, but I don’t see a lot of connectivity,” Francis said. “They’re great guys all doing good work. When we work together I know we will make a much larger impact on this important issue.”

About the No Dad Alone organizers

Each organization involved in No Dad Alone has embarked on similar, though separate, missions to provide support and community to dads. At various times, each has worked with the other on a campaign or event.

The National At-Home Dad Network was established in 2003, initially under the name Daddyshome Inc. The first national nonprofit for at-home dads, it focuses on advocacy, education and support for families with fathers as primary caregivers. The network offers a variety of online communities, webinars and virtual opportunities to connect throughout the year. Its annual conference for at-home fathers, HomeDadCon, marks its 28th year this October with a three-day event in St. Louis.

Since 2012, Fathers Eve has gathered groups of dads — formally or informally in public or private spaces — the night before Father’s Day to celebrate each other and the joys and challenges of fatherhood. The event, held in dozens of U.S. towns and cities, lets dads offer support to each other and help foster a positive fathering environment. It culminates in a toast, in person and online, at 8 p.m. local time in each U.S. time zone.

Fathering Together started with the “Dads with Daughters” Facebook group in 2018. It quickly grew to have more than 125,000 followers supporting each other’s efforts to be great fathers. In 2020, the founders created the current nonprofit. It offers Facebook communities, a podcast, and a variety of webinars and resources supporting dads.

City Dads Group began in 2008 as a playgroup for at-home dads and their children in New York City. It now consists of groups of fathers who meet, with and without their kids, in 40 cities across the United States and one in Canada. City Dads Group merged with Fathering Together in 2023.

I’ve discussed at length turning 40, in writing and in various conversations with friends. I’ve talked about what it means from a physical and mental standpoint, where I am now versus where I thought I would be, and the reality of how this age has been so far compared to what I thought it would be when I was much younger.

Nearly two years in, it’s been great. I feel good — aside from the occasional aches, pains and concerns that come in this season of life. OK, overall it hasn’t been that bad.

For those of us in our 40s, we have spent the better part of two decades or so getting acclimated to the information age. Social media allows us to connect with others, learn, and debate about various topics every second of every day. It also gives us a glimpse into the lives of our peers. We learn of their struggles, their highlights, and whatever they carefully curate to share with us on their respective timelines.

With that, one thing has stood out of late. It seems every time I log on to social media, someone in my age range is dealing with some life-altering event. A parent has passed. A separation has started or a marriage has ended. An illness has struck. These always remind me that we have to enjoy life as much as possible because things can change in an instant.

Big questions to ponder, answer as we age

As a dad, when I see these updates from friends and family, it can’t help but make me think of my own mortality. This is the “dark side” of being in your 40s. Real-life issues and concerns weigh on you more than ever before, especially when kids are involved.

If something were to happen to me tomorrow, would my kids be OK?

Am I doing enough to prepare my kids for a successful future, with or without me?

Are my affairs in order?

I should be thinking about these questions anyway, but they sound louder and more urgent when I learn about the bad news of others. It makes me look in the mirror.

The irony for me is that, in dealing with my own aging parents, I’ve been trying to have these conversations with my mom and dad. It’s uncomfortable for sure, but necessary. However, because those talks to date have not been as productive as I would like, it’s given me more incentive to make sure I’m doing right by my children now. I want to make sure that when my time comes, whenever that may be, the process will be as stress-free as possible for them. Why? Because we’ve all seen online when families aren’t prepared for life’s twists and turns. The GoFundMes pop up, along with the venting, and much of it can be prevented by proper planning.

I try to lead by example to make sure my son and daughter understand the value of preparation. We should always hope and pray for the best, but prepare for the worst. My prayer in my 40s is to live a long, healthy life to be there for my kids. But if my story has an unexpected ending, it’s my responsibility to make sure they have the tools needed to finish their own book.

How to prepare for life-altering family events

Here is some suggested reading to help start you on readying your children and family when life throws you curves:

• 11 life skills you should teach your child (Very Well)
• 65 life skills to teach kids at every age (Mommy Poppins)
• Teach masculinity to sons with positive, healthy examples (City Dads)
• Saving for college: Educate yourself on these 3 main methods (City Dads)
• How to write a will when you have children (WikiHow)
• Tips for estate planning conversations (Fidelity Investments)
• Living trusts vs living wills (MetLife)
• Children and divorce (HelpGuide.org)

Prepare photo by cottonbro studio via Pexels.

Two leading fatherhood support networks will soon unite as a single organization dedicated to championing fathers and helping them succeed at being actively engaged parents.

City Dads Group and Fathering Together will operate as one, creating a stronger and more comprehensive platform to help provide vital resources and connections to fathers in and through local communities across the globe.

City Dads Group is a diverse community of fathers dedicated to being actively involved in their children’s lives. Founded in 2008, City Dads Group has chapters in 41 cities across the United States and Canada. The chapters focus on holding in-person gatherings of fathers, with or without their children present, where bonding, commiseration and support can take place.

Fathering Together is a nonprofit global network of more than 125,000 fathers and allies around the world dedicated to promoting active fatherhood and providing support, resources, advocacy and education for dads. Established in 2018, Fathering Together started years earlier as a Facebook group “Dads with Daughters” which quickly blossomed to include tens of thousands of fathers sharing stories, seeking advice and offering wisdom.

The new organization, to be headed by Fathering Together’s current leadership team, is a strategic partnership that will result in a broader online and in-person network, enhanced programming, and a more significant impact on the lives of fathers, families and communities.

“We are thrilled to join with Fathering Together to strengthen, sustain and expand our communities,” said Matt Schneider, co-founder of City Dads Group. “We have a real opportunity to positively impact the way we view and value fathers as a society.”

Lance Somerfeld, co-founder of City Dads Group, added, “Since the pandemic, we’ve been trying to figure out the best path forward for our communities of dads to evolve, grow and thrive. We felt that the most authentic, seamless, and strategic partner to fulfill that goal was joining forces with Fathering Together.”

Key benefits of the partnership include:

1. Expanded Reach: The new organization will reach over 150,000 dads across the globe with in-person groups in Canada, Kenya, Malawi, and the United States.

2. Innovative Programming: The entity will offer more robust programs including school-based “social emotional learning” for dads, online panels, and in-person meetups to empower dads to be advocates for change.

3. Inclusive Community: As members define fatherhood for themselves, regardless of background or identity, all will be welcome to share their story, and grow together in their journey.

Brian Anderson, co-founder and board president of Fathering Together, said, “We are honored that City Dads Group places their faith in us to continue advocating for fathers worldwide. We look forward to bringing the City Dads Group community into ours so we might empower dads to be emotionally courageous, connected, and committed to their families.”

Read the official press announcement.

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

Clear your calendar and line up some childcare for early May! You’re invited to attend the Mom 2.0 Summit parenting conference in Scottdale, Ariz.

Mom 2.0, scheduled for May 7-9, 2023, brings together influencers who create content online and on air in parenting, entertainment, food, politics, business, marketing, technology, social change, travel and design. City Dads Group is a media partner for the conference.

Despite the name, the Mom 2.0 Summit is not exclusively for women. Since its start in 2008, the annual conference has brought together like-minded parents passionate about creating content online, digital entrepreneurship, and writing.

 “We have partnered with the Mom 2.0 team in a variety of ways since our inception, and we know this will be a valuable experience for parent content creators and entrepreneurs,” said City Dads Group co-founder Matt Schneider.

Organizers have loaded the 2023 Mom 2.0 Summit with information from experienced creators and industry professionals. Slated discussions include:

• Turning your content into cash
• Building a successful online writing community, newsletter, or TikTok feed
• Becoming a local influencer
• Prioritizing, organizing and simplifying your life
• Working with brands and using affiliate links

+ + Get more info on 2023 Mom 2.0 Summit + +

Scheduled keynote speakers include:

• Jen Hatmaker. A New York Times bestselling author and podcaster. Her books include For the Love, Of Mess and Moxie and Fierce, Free and Full of Fire. She also hosts the award-winning For the Love podcast and leads an online community that reaches millions of people each week.
• Attica Locke. An award-winning author and writer/producer for television and film. A former writer and producer of the hit TV show Empire, Locke is also a New York Times best-selling author. Her novels include Heaven, My Home and Bluebird.
• Tembi Locke. Actor, screenwriter, TV producer, and like her sister, Attica, a New York Times best-selling author. Her memoir From Scratch: A Memoir of Love, Sicily, and Finding Home was adapted by Attica into the Netflix series From Scratch. The show earned six NAACP Image Award nods and a Los Angeles Film Italy award. 
• Austin Channing Brown. The CEO of Herself Media is a media producer, author, and speaker focused on racial justice in America. She is also the New York Times bestselling author of I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness. 

Along with scheduled speakers, panels and workshops, attendees will have ample time to network and connect with brands that work with online creators.

Mom 2.0 is to be held May 7-9, 2023, at the JW Marriott Scottsdale Camelback Inn Resort & Spa in Scottsdale, Ariz. Tickets cost $599.

Photo: Courtesy Mom 2.0 Summit.

Talk about your lazy holidays. The daily routine of my teens over their recent December school break from school was as uniform as it was non-eventful – wake up really late, eat, Snapchat, Instagram, repeat. 

Dad sighs.

The routine of my non-teens (ages 7 and 9) was a bit different – wake up a little late, eat, YouTube reels, go outside, play, come back in after 20 minutes, repeat.

Dad sighs. 

Is this normal? 

Everywhere I go, every fellow dad I speak with tells me that sleeping followed by endlessly gazing at a phone is the go-to teenage activity on these lazy holidays. On average, teens need eight to 10 hours of sleep and, with a nonexistent holiday break bedtime, I would expect them to awaken later. But noon? 

The phone coma, though, I cannot stand. When I’m only mildly frustrated, I simply encourage my teens to go to the gym, for a walk/jog or to clean their room. They typically shun my suggestions as “boring.” When I’m all-out pissed (by 3 p.m.), I force them out of the house, relegating them to chores I make up out of desperation. These each end similarly – my teenagers claiming boredom after feeble attempts and eventually sinking back into a video of a chiropractor cracking necks. 

My little ones, while prone to quicker shifts between activities, require the same daily prodding to get outside or to free play with non-connected things around them. I worry about them watching their zombie-like older siblings and deferring to a tablet versus knocking on the neighbor kids’ front door. 

These behaviors are, I gather, normal. Given how busy families are I do think some lazy days during breaks are just fine. But every day for two weeks? 

Dad sighs.

Should my kids’ lazy holidays worry me?

While I acknowledge holiday break lethargy is normal, I have three major worries as I watch my kids.

First, if any of them use their social channels to call friends out. For instance, there are times when my kids will say “XX is at the beach but he/she can’t go to bowling with me?” This blame-game excuse for why they are left at home is lame and unhealthy.  

Next, I see my kids using Snapchat or Instagram to judge the willingness (or availability) of friends to do anything. 

“Can you and Jimmy hang today, Lynden?” I might suggest.    

“Wait, let me check Snap to see if he’s around. Nope, looks like he’s with Jake,” scrolling continues. 

Huh? 

I worry none of our kids are reaching out to each other. I am convinced they are on their phones while laying around, claiming they are bored while secretly hoping someone else takes the initiative to reach out. Reaching out is easier now, right?!!?

My final worry spurned by my kids’ holiday laziness is that tired seems to beget tired.  Because of their day-long coma, the odd times when they are presented with decent social options, my kids might choose to pass.

What does/should/can this break tell me about my kids?

Under the backdrop of this inactivity during the holidays, should I re-evaluate the lengths I go to keep my children active throughout the year? If they are sooo exhausted, should we cut down on the soccer games, school plays, dance recitals, or music lessons? If they haven’t touched a soccer ball during the break, why should I shell out big money to have them travel the state for competitive tournaments? If no one reaches out for a playdate or to go to a movie, should I worry that my sons or daughters are the school nerds? 

These questions swirled in my head during our recent break as I watched my kids. I could have answered each differently every time, with varying levels of frustrated concern. 

As I reflect now, though, I come back to the idea that my job is to provide and support my kids. With that mindset, I need not try to answer these questions as much as I acknowledge they will not be answered today. Fueled by that awareness, I can ask the right questions of my kids instead of having them feel judged or scared to be themselves around me. Maybe the constant worry and over-analysis does nothing for my family in the long term.

So, as with most parenting conundrums, I am left looking in the mirror.

What might my holiday break routine say about me? Mine was not like my kids’. I would wake up, exercise, eat, then worry, judge, plan, get frustrated, and repeat. 

Just like my kids’ routines, though, mine might be as normal as, ultimately, meaningless.     

Dad sighs.

Photo: © DimaBerlin / Adobe Stock.

City Dads Group has joined a national online campaign to help combat stereotyping and change inaccurate perceptions about Black fathers.

The #CelebrateBlackDads social media initiative, launched by Dove Men+Care highlights stories of Black fathers caring for and engaging with their children. The positive tales of love and commitment include several from City Dads members, contributors and supporters.

According to a recent research study commissioned by Dove Men+Care, less than half of Black fathers polled think social media, mainstream media, and popular culture portray Black fatherhood accurately.

“All caring fathers deserve to be seen, respected, and celebrated,” said Carlos Gil, Global Brand Vice President of Dove Men+Care. “We know how important a dad’s care is, and the transformational effect that care has on everyone around them. But too often, the care that Black fathers have for their kids and family is not seen or celebrated. It felt incredibly important to help break down the barriers that limit who is seeing the true stories of these fathers.”

#CelebrateBlackDads is the latest addition to the grooming product company’s Commit to C.A.R.E. (Care About Racial Equality) initiative, launched in 2020 in the wake of the murder of George Floyd at the hands of police. This campaign initially launched on Father’s Day 2022 with the support of country music star Jimmie Allen, vlogger and influencer Beleaf in Fatherhood (Glen Henry), and Black fatherhood network The Dad Gang. 

City Dads has been a longtime partner and supporter of Dove Men+Care’s ongoing mission to shatter stereotypes about what it means to be a man and a father. Some past campaigns, City Dads has worked with them on include advocating for universal paternity leave and recognizing father figures.

To learn more about the campaign and find more inspiring Black dads, visit DoveMenCare.com/CelebrateBlackDads.

Photo: © WavebreakMediaMicro / Adobe Stock.

If you are a parent of a teen (or a soon-to-be teen), your child’s relationship with screens and social media probably worries you. But should it?

Two Harvard researchers who have extensively studied teens and their use of technology will discuss their findings and how parents can offer better support and guidance on the subject during a talk in Brooklyn next week.

City Dads Group co-founder Matt Schneider will lead the discussion, titled Screens, Teens & Rattled Parents. It will explore this digital generation gap, unfounded assumptions about the evils and benefits of social media, and a “reset” for adults.

The talk is scheduled for 6:30 to 8 p.m., Tuesday, Sept .13, at the Center for Brooklyn History, 128 Pierrepont St., in Brooklyn.

Emily Weinstein and Carrie James recently published Behind Their Screens: What Teens are Facing (and Adults are Missing). The book explores the complex digital universe that teens inhabit and the often misguided efforts of adults to intervene. Based on a multiyear project surveying more than 3,500 teens, their findings look at social media phenomena that prompt concern if not outright panic on the part of well-intentioned grownups. These include sexting, “comparison quicksand,” and “digital pacifying.”

Weinstein is a research director at Project Zero at Harvard, which has a mission to understand and nurture human potential. She is also a lecturer at Harvard’s Graduate School of Education. James is a sociologist and principle investigator at Project Zero. Major publications, including Time, The Boston Globe, The Washington Post and The Atlantic, have discussed their work.

Reservations are required for Screens, Teens & Rattled Parents. They can be made online. Guests must provide proof of vaccination and are encouraged to wear masks while onsite at all times. In-person capacity is limited and seating is on a first-come, first-served basis.

Often, I’m confused by the folks who are certain THEIR generation had it right.

Their mindset comes with a wild confidence that any generation following theirs is diminished, either of intestinal fortitude or common sense. They shake their fist and curse about society being destroyed by these “kids.” This new generation, yet to have any power to shape the world, is always The Bogeyman. The harbinger of the apocalypse.

Yet the folks who have been on watch for decades slide right on past responsibility and consequences. Even as a child, this seemed silly to me.

I believe I have a slightly divergent perspective because I’m part of a unique generation. We grew up in a very analog, and yet increasingly digital, world. My first phone had a rotary dial, a long spring-like cord and stayed anchored to a wall, but I also had a gaming console. In the mid-1980s, this magic box let me hunt pixelated ducks and control a robot with spinning gyros. I had one of the first PCs in my friend group, and I was certainly the first to figure out how to connect my computer, via a landline, to bulletin boards around the world, and not just for boob pictures (but maybe for boob pictures). It was a world where I’d still rather play outside than inside; however, I wasn’t exactly bummed to check out the latest video games.

We turned out all right. Right?

Over the last few months, the aggressive social media algorithms have figured out I find historical photos interesting. Now the robots flood my feeds with them. As you might expect, our digital overlords always send me ones with some sort of inflammatory caption that engages the masses.

A good example of this will be showing an old playground with equipment that now seems wildly dangerous. The caption reads something like: “I remember when playgrounds were more fun, and kids weren’t so scared. LIKE IF YOU AGREE.”

Of course, those of a certain age will flood the comments about how weak the next generation has become. I’m particularly fond of the “X happened to us, and we turned out all right,” comments. We know for a fact, though, that the generations precededing us didn’t all “turn out all right.”

I often wonder if these older generations know it’s all their fault. This sounds negative and accusatorial. It’s not. It’s meant to be matter of fact, honest and truly logical.

After all, they raised us. They sent us out into the big, scary world. Didn’t they tell us that the weird neighbor was harmless? Push us on the swings with rusty chains, and let us loose on monkey bars that were crazy high and suspended over nothing but asphalt? Who put us in the cars with no seatbelts? Cars they smoked in with the windows closed.

Yes, they told us to suck it up. They told us to walk it off. They did all this, and in response, what did we do? Did we get weaker? Did we become pathetic creatures afraid to leave the house?

Nope. We grew up. We got smarter.

New generation trying to improve, not erase

Now, playgrounds are a little softer and safer. Not because the kids are softer, and not because we are weak. Because it makes sense to try to make things better. Also, now much of the newly designed equipment allows kids with certain physical needs access and enjoy it. This is somehow “weak”?

Furthermore, why in the hell doesn’t the past generation celebrate the fact their progeny tries to make the world a little better? It seems a previous generation is only happy if nothing changes. It’s as if their time was the best time, and any other time is ruin.

In certain ideological circumstances, I can understand the divide. But how in the world does making things safer and more accessible for every child somehow signal the downfall of modern society?

I’d like to hope my children grow up to change the world for the better. Even if I don’t understand the changes, even if some make me uncomfortable, I’d like to think I’ll be there, beaming with pride and celebrating the achievements. The last thing I’ll ever do is hold them back, judging them by my antiquated standards, and accusing them of destroying society.

As a man in my 40s, the state of the world is now at least partially my fault. I’ve had at least 20 years as an adult to try and make the world better. In most ways, I feel I’ve failed. It is my hope that I at least succeed as a father, and maybe in some small way, serve society by raising the next generation to change the world. I promise not to get in their way with folded arms and a sour puss, bitching about their clothes, music and how soft they’ve gotten. 

Well, just as long as they stay off my damn lawn. 

Photo: © Jess rodriguez /Adobe Stock.

“I want to apologize for my generation and the world we have created for you.”

A mentor of one of my teen daughters made this statement a few years back. When my daughter first told me about it I understood his mindset. His apology was well-intended. It had been an especially crazy media week featuring stories of environmental disaster, civil strife and political rancor.

But then I thought again: No! Don’t model such pessimism for the next generation! That just makes us part of the problem. If adults can’t envision a better future, how can we expect children to have hope?

Finally, a larger question emerged: How did we get to this defeatist point?

Neverending news cycle wears us down

No doubt one culprit is the media saturation many of us have allowed our families to experience. On the national level, the onslaught of the 24/7 news cycle is hard to tame. On the personal level, the onslaught of social media, texts, e-mails, snaps, posts, tweets, etc. is also hard to tether — especially for teens. In a sense, many of us are becoming human media outlets stuck in a forever “breaking” news cycle of our own lives. Even new brain metaphors like “my mind doesn’t have the bandwidth for that” and “my mental batteries need recharging” show the technological seepage.

The result? We end up living way too much in the present, with no time for reflecting on the past or envisioning the future. Hence the anxiety of my daughter’s well-intentioned mentor.

So what can today’s parents do? I discovered some answers in Madeline Levine’s recent book, Ready or Not: Preparing Our Kids to Thrive in an Uncertain and Rapidly Changing World.

Levine notes “it is the velocity of change that we find truly head-spinning” in today’s media-dominated culture. Consequently, anxiety “is now the number one mental health disorder for both adults and children.”

“Old” solutions to the media saturation problem

For Levine, one road to a better, less anxious future for children leads to the past. “For most kids, having something resembling an old-fashioned childhood — playing outside, meeting challenges without constant parental interference, being bored, having chores, taking some risks — is far more likely to build the kinds of competencies kids have always needed and that will be particularly important in the future,” she writes.

Another way of thinking about such “old-fashioned” remedies for media saturation is to divide them into body and mind strategies. Physically, parents can try to foster more non-tech, slowed-down family time. These strategies include:

• age-appropriate chores
• projects
• volunteering
• nature walks
• arts and sports.

Granted, technology has many beneficial uses at home. However, children need boundaries. Boundaries help their physical development beyond looking at screens.

Psychologically, Levine recommends parents revisit a tool from the past.

“While it may sound profoundly old-fashioned, never underestimate teaching your kids the value of a good attitude,” she writes. “That means teaching and appreciating optimism, empathy, gratitude, self-reflection, humility, and enthusiasm around challenges and diverse points of view.”

She calls for parents to model an optimistic “explanatory style,” or “the manner in which we habitually explain to ourselves why things happen and what they mean.”

In addition to expressing optimism, parents should provide context. This helps “reframe” media narratives for children to provide more balanced perspectives. For example, in our house we have talked about the eventual endings of the 1918 flu pandemic and the 1960s nuclear gamesmanship as ways to cope with recent scary headlines. Reflecting on historical traumas that eventually passed helps lessen everyone’s anxiety about the present and future.

The “new” power of increasingly involved fathers

Late in her book, Levine models optimism for the future by noting the positive impacts of increasingly involved fathers. The continued redefinition and expansion of modern fatherhood — whether working or at-home — bodes well for all families.

“In a popular quip, the scientist Alan Kay said, ‘The best way to predict the future is to invent it,’” Levine notes. This quote reminded me of years ago when I attended the Annual At-Home Dads Convention, which I highly recommend. At the conference, one of the presenters joked that full-time at-home dads are like “fathers from the future.”

It’s ironic that Levine offers some old-fashioned advice to “future-proof” today’s families. But in a statement that contrasts with my daughter’s well-meaning mentor, she practices the “good attitude” she preaches.

“We want our children to run toward adulthood eagerly, not cringe from it or burrow down in our spare room for years,” Levine writes. “We want to reassure them that, even in our unpredictable era, there’s always a way forward to a fulfilling life.”

In other words, “the future isn’t a tide that’s going to crush us, it’s a wave we’re a part of.” Don’t let media saturation make your family forget that.

Media saturation photo: ©photoschmidt/ Adobe Stock.

I challenged myself to go a full year without social media in March 2021.

At the time, I was recovering from the brutality of the first full pandemic year with all the polarization and fear it brought from doomscrolling through newsfeeds. I found myself constantly consuming content I wasn’t seeking; scrolling endlessly throughout many moments of my day for something to spike my dopamine levels enough to evoke an emotion.

Then I watched The Social Dilemma on Netflix. It’s an enlightening documentary about how social media is designed to hook and manipulate us. This made me contemplate all the effects it had on me. That’s when I knew I needed to take action. 

Risks, benefits of going cold turkey

However, as someone who has been active on social media since the days of Myspace and who needs to stay updated on platforms for my career’s sake, I kept finding excuses to avoid limiting my social media use.

Finally, I decided — I’d go cold turkey. For a year.

I was expecting FOMO — Fear of Missing Out. I readied myself for anxiety from being away from constantly updating feeds. But I knew in the long run, it would be good for me.

And it was.

Stopping my social media consumption gave me back so much time for myself. It made me feel liberated. And, I can’t believe how much better it made me for my family’s sake.

During the first week, I noticed how my fingers would automatically click on the folder where my apps once were on my phone, only to not find any. Similarly, I found myself typing in facebook.com on my browser throughout many times of the day. I soon realized I didn’t know how to properly be bored anymore. Any chance I got, I was spending it on consuming content.

Sleep, independence, clear-headedness

Over time, I began to do more of the little things I enjoyed. I started doodling a lot more, reading in-depth articles on things I truly enjoyed and reading more books because I would scroll less in the mornings. My sleep is better probably due to the lack of blue light from my phone. I was enjoying and controlling more of my own time.  

Another benefit for me was my sense of independence. Maybe it was the lack of unsolicited news content or an echo chamber of like-minded thinking, or even an urgency to send out virtue signaling, but I have never felt like such an independent thinker. I no longer feel aligned with any party or thought process. The decisions I made for myself and my family were truly mine. I felt free to have my own opinion, and since I can’t post, I don’t have to worry about sharing it with people that I otherwise wouldn’t be talking to on a day-to-day basis.

The adage that “ignorance is bliss” did play true here and, honestly, I really like this bubble I’ve created. It’s free of external judgment and I no longer seek virtual validation of my opinions. 

With all these changes, my mind was also clearer. I was more intentional, and with that, a better person for my family. No longer did I ignore a beautiful moment when my daughter is dancing in front of me because I was busy reading an article or editing a picture. I took incredible in-the-moment pictures because I wasn’t worrying about how it would look when I posted them. My conversations with my wife were so much more creative, aspirational and exciting as we moved away from discussing current events and topical news. I felt much more present.

Stay without social media or return to the apps?

Even though I originally felt I wasn’t THAT MUCH engrained in social media, removing myself from it showed me just how much it was seeping its way through my life. 

So what are my next steps? As much as I have enjoyed this journey, I don’t know if it’s sustainable for me.

One key thing that was missing was the sense of connection I felt with some people. Although much of the “social” part of social media has been lost, some people I connected with on social media were not people I could just call or text with. As much as I could say I didn’t need surface-level connections with people in that way, it wasn’t the case. I found myself wanting to know what was going on in their lives, their families and their adventures. I missed out on celebrating major life moments for others. Ironically, the motivation for self-improvement I received from some really inspiring people was also now missing in my life. 

So now the hard part has come:

• How can I go back to social media without losing all the benefits I gained without it?
• How can I use it for the true social aspect without consuming it like I did before? Is that even possible?
• I loved how I have felt this past year, so have I really weighed the pros and cons of returning?
• In my field of work, it could be dangerous to not understand the social environments I can market in and how they evolve if I am not a consumer of them. But is that enough of a compelling reason to return?

It’s difficult. I don’t know the answers to any of these questions. Because of that, I’m figuring out just how I will return and to what extent. One thing I do know, though. I need to find the tools and put the parameters in place now to allow me to use these platforms differently than I had before.

Or maybe I’ll just stick to this blissful bubble. I kind of can’t wait until I run into someone I haven’t seen in years and really mean it when I say, “Let’s catch up. 

Photo: ©dusanpetkovic1 / Adobe Stock.