What is love?

That was one of the many questions the children of some of our NYC Dad Group members tackled in a special web segment “Valentine’s Day: How do you know when you’re in love? These kids have the cutest Valentine’s Day advice” for NBC’s Today morning show. Check it out below:

Being a dad proved a little crazy in these parts last week, what with an appearance at a special “dad edition” of The White House Summit on Working Families, us launching this here website, and — oh — a few hundred media outlets around the globe deciding, “Hey, let’s ask these City Dad characters what they know about fathers playing an important role in their kids’ live” all at once.

For those who missed the media blitz, here’s some links and photos from all that happened last week:

“‘It makes me super proud’: A look inside the life of a stay-at-home dad” on the Today Show features Chris Bernholdt, co-organizer of our Philly Dads Group; Mike Hennan of the San Francisco Dads Group; and Pat Jacobs of the Chicago group, and a cameo by City Dads Groups’ Lance Somerfeld.

“Organizer Spotlight, Father’s Day Edition: City Dads Group” highlights our accomplishments in five years from just the NYC Dads Group to the national City Dads Group.

Sat Sharma of the NYC Dads Group and one of his daughters appeared in “Little Ones Weigh in on Why Dads are so Special” on the Today show

“5 ways today’s dads are changing the face of fatherhood” on Today.com has quotes from Beau Coffron, co-organizer of the San Francisco Dads Group. Beau also pops up in “Celebrating Superstar Dads that use Social Media”on Good Morning, America.

“Do Father’s Day cards that portray dad as an incompetent boob reflect today’s fathers?,” in The Washington Post quotes City Dads Group co-founder Matt Schneider.

Christopher Persley of NYC Dads Group appeared on Good Morning, America as one of “Three Dads Surprised by Kids’ Father’s Day Messages.”

“Redefining Fatherhood: What it Means to ‘Be a Man’ Today” on Today.com again quotes City Dads Group co-founder Matt Schneider. Matt also pops up in “Fewer Stay At Home Dads in US, Study Finds” on the CBS News website.

Matt and his co-conspirator in City Dads Group, Lance Somerfeld, are the focus of “Stay-At-Home Dads Move Past Stereotypes” on the All Parenting website. They are also offer their views in “Does the Media Reflect Real Fatherhood?“ on Yahoo! News.

Lance squared off against Chuck Nice in a special Father’s Day diaper-change, baby-bottle video challenge in “Daddy Do-or-Die Boot Camp” on the Veria Living website.

Now pardon us. We need a nap.

BootCamp For New Dads and NYC Dads Group As Featured on NBC’s TODAY SHOW….

When I had my son four years ago, there were less than a dozen dad blogs that I cared about, two or three books on the market covering fatherhood, and no classes or workshops offered locally specifically geared towards new and expectant fathers.  I was thrust into fatherhood when our son was born a month early – ill prepared – never got to those books, never got the nursery prepared, and didn’t even have our emergency bags packed.  For me (and most other parents), we learn most of our parenting skills on the job, going with our gut or instincts, and through trial & error.  But, it could’ve been an easier transition into parenthood if a workshop like Boot Camp for New Dads had been available to me.  Boot Camp for New Dads is a national organization that’s been around for twenty years and is available in forty-six states, but NOT New York City…until about a year ago.

Another Today Show segment on at-home dads?  Yep, they are on fire with ongoing public displays of this amazing family role reversal.  This particular segment is a follow-up to a September-issue Marie Claire article:  “When roles reverse: The rise of the stay-at-home husband” by Hilary Stout.

The segment includes the usual formula – a heartfelt, positive, and honest look at an at-home dad (Jason Sperber & his breadwinning wife) + live studio analysis & discussion with Matt Lauer and Joanna coles, editor-in-chief of the Marie Claire magazine.  Overall, the segment did not offer anything you might consider groundbreaking but certainly offered some reassurance that these “once unique” situations are becoming more common.  For example, take the subtitle that was flashed up on the screen several times during the segment – “No MORE Mr. Mom: Stay at Home Dads in 2010.”  Also, I truly enjoyed Sperber’s quote that what he is doing “isn’t babysitting, it’s parenting” as well as the in-studio conversation calling many reverse family situations as having “an enlightened relationship.”

Lastly, just wanted to mention that more research studies are starting to focus on at-home dads and their breadwinning wives.  In fact, last winter, my wife & I participated in a research study with Caryn Medved, an associate professor of communications at Baruch College in New York.  Medved is conducting a study of 45 families with female breadwinners.  Based on her research, she was included in the Marie Claire article: “Medved says that most couples adapt. While the guys listed a number of challenges, she said, they also talked about what a deeply rewarding experience it could be. “I’ve had men crying when I interviewed them,” Medved says. “I remember a man in Utah who talked about the ability to be a father in a way his father couldn’t, and the joy he felt in seeing his children grow.” I look forward to learning more about the results of this research study in the coming months.

The Today Show aired a progressive segment this morning on stay at home dads & working moms.  The segment, intelligently titled The Modern Family, included a more personal spotlight on my family (as opposed to a focus on the NYC Dads Group)- my wife Jessica, my son Jake, & I were all willing participants.  This segment had the promise to start shifting the at-home dad conversation moving BEYOND Mr. Mom…and I thought the Today Show did a really nice job of delivering on that message. Yep, included my bit about being termed “modern men” or “involved father” as opposed to some other terms splashed around by the media.

At the segment’s outset, Hoda commented, “if you’re tuned in today from home and taking care of your kids, there is a good chance that you are a dad.”  Thanks for recognizing that fact!  The piece included equity in hearing both sides of the modern family story – my wife sharing her two cents on the emotional piece of being away at work everyday and me describing what life is like on the daddy-front.  There was balance on the different perspectives and range in discussing some of the rewards/challenges.  There is a lot to dissect from this packaged segment that included a back to the studio live discussion with authors Jeremy Adam Smith (groundbreaking author of The Daddy Shift) and Stacy Kaiser (How To Be a Grown Up).  Truth be told, it was awesome to be included in a segment including Jeremy Smith because he truly understands the big picture here – just read his book.

I would have subtracted the use of Stacy Kaiser, especially throwing out her view on dads feeling emasculated (getting old already), but I understand the show was going for equity on this one.  That said, I will praise Smith for disagreeing with Kaiser, and clearly stating that “the big story here is the degree to how the stigma (of at-home dads) is disappearing.  The dads are not alone on the playgrounds anymore and they are forming communities…providing options for dads.”  Even host, Willie Geist, concurred in his closing comments that the “stigma is starting to crack a bit.”
I am not an expert, but will offer my food for thought here.  If you are considering becoming an at-home dad (an extremely challenging role, but with limitless reward), there are three main factors your family should consider:
1. You have to really want to do it!  Sure, you might be nervous about it, but you have to want it and embrace it internally.
2. Your wife/partner has to completely support the idea!  They have to stand behind you the entire time – for good & bad.
3. Financially, your family has to be able to budget properly and make things work with the support of a single income.
*All three factors need to be present for your role to be most successful.

Lastly, for those of you that watched the segment, welcome to NYC Dads Group: The Destination for Involved Fathers as They Navigate Parenthood by offering interesting thoughts, quality content, news articles, and playgroup information. This blog is an extension of a meet-up group of nearly 250 active fathers who enjoy meeting weekly and spending quality time with their children during the day.  I know the segment mentioned the NYC Dads Group is an at-home dads group, but we are much more than that.  We welcome all involved fathers – expectant dads, working dads, dads who work part-time, teachers, etc.

As a participant in the segment, it is not always easy to praise it properly or critique it.  Please share your comments…

I was away on vacation this week with my family when I watched the Today Show segment they taped with our NYC Dads & Stay at Home Dads Group a few weeks ago. Now that I am back in front of my PC, I have several thoughts that I would like to share in this blog.

Overall, the segment displayed our group in a positive way. The producers were able to capture the true dynamic of our group in action in Central Park – having fun, relaxing, supporting each other, all while our kids are playing & interacting with each other. We have doubled in size over the past four months because of the quality and commitment of the dads in the group. I know that I am “in good company” and surrounded by other caring fathers, as Jeff Rossen stated in the segment!

I was pleased to hear that the number of dads groups in the last 6 months has doubled on meetup.com. I am not surprised as there are more stay at home dads out there as result of their own choices and the effects of the economy. There are not enough support services for dads out there so it is encouraging to hear that they are finding ways to connect with each other and avoid the isolation! Additionally, the segment was great exposure for our dads group and enabled other stay at home dads who watched it, to find & join us.

A few negatives – I prefer the term “modern man” (thanks Mr. B.) when referring to stay at home dads. Unfortunately, the term “Mr. Mom” was splashed across the segment – from the title, silly movie clip, and background during psychologist discussion…I sure hope we are NOT always compared to that movie or as the “real househusbands!”

I agree with Rebel Dad…the Today Show could have provided much more on this grand media stage on how the American Family dynamic is changing.

I leave you with a few stats that were included in this segment:

• 31% of dads would leave their job to stay at home if mom’s income covered all of the expenses
• 30% of dads would take pay cuts to spend more time with their family
• 39% of working dads report spending less than two hours with their children every day