You know Father’s Day is near when you see members of our City Dads Groups across the nation popping up all over your TV screens and social media feeds. And 2018 was no exception to the rule.

Our biggest appearance came on Father’s Day 2018 itself. City Dads Group co-founder Lance Somerfeld joined CBS Sunday Morning correspondent Mo Rocca on a segment discussing how the “dad look” is fashionably hip (as if we didn’t know).

He forgot to tell Rocca to — please — don’t believe the fanny pack hype. Or that dads would blow $1,000 on butt-ugly Gucci sneakers. We like our butt-ugly at bargain prices.

Father’s Day 2018 also saw the opening of Incredibles 2, which received some hype for superhero Mr. Incredible becoming a stay-at-home dad. That brought the media to our door. Several of our members, including NYC Dads Group member Andrew Bentley, are quoted in a story on Refinery29 about being real-life superheroes.

“Superheroes represent our aspirations, individually and collectively. They have the abilities we want. They have the ambition. The empathy. All of those things that they’re able to influence the world in ways that we would like,” Bentley says in the story. “So when we see Mr. Incredible take a step back and say, ‘I’m going to take care of this kid and allow my wife to go off and pursue her career,’ if he can do it, anyone can do it.”

A playground play date between two of our Dallas Dad Group members and their children is also used to illustrate the link between being an at-home father and a superhero. Way to save the day, Adam Hill and Trevor Stamp:

“There’s no manual or guide on how to be a parent,” Gutierrez is quoted as saying. “I think [this group] has taught me a lot about myself, and I realized that I had to make a lot of changes. I was very much focused on my career because that’s what society expected me to do. Now, being more open with a community that has supportive fathers and environments like the City Dads’ network, I’ve been able to find other dads out there trying to do the same thing. It’s OK not to be so focused on my career. I can be balanced on my career and family and travels and make my life what I want it to be.”

Brock Lusch, co-organizer of our Cincinnati Dads Group, had the lead quote in the Refinery29 story and then took the spotlight in a local TV news interview to discuss what our social and support network does for fathers.

Brandon Billinger and Tucker Smith of the Kansas City Dads Group did a similar interview for one of their local TV news programs.

Finally, Darrell Humphrey of Charlotte Dads Group dispelled some of the common misconceptions about fathers caring for their kids as well as promoting his chapter in a one-on-one with a local TV news anchor.

The Tampa Tribune, a newspaper that long reflected and enhanced the lives of hundreds of thousands of Central Floridians, landed in driveways for the final time May 3, victim of a competitor buyout. That day also happened to be World Press Freedom Day.

In the wake of that depressing news, I asked myself a question I never expected to ask when I became a parent in 2005: What will our children do without newspapers?

For 300 years, newspapers informed and connected members of the community. Reporters and editors held civic leaders accountable. They shared stories that made home, home. However, kids growing up in the past decade live in a world where the public service provided by such dedicated, smart, committed journalists no longer seems valued.

The reasons for the newspaper industry’s demise – the emergence of the Internet as a source of “information” and cheap advertising, the greed and shortsightedness of those who held the purse strings – do not interest me much anymore. I am more concerned – as a journalist and as a father of two elementary-age children – about how the end of newspapers affects our culture.

I fear photojournalist Will Steacy, who documented the recent end of the Philadelphia Inquirer, said it best:

“When we lose reporters, editors, newsbeats and sections of papers, we lose coverage, information and a connection to our cities and our society, and, in the end, we lose ourselves.”

A quick story about my relationship with newspapers.

In the mid-1990s, when my career was just starting, I lived and worked in a place called Sebring, Fla. I was a young man on my own in a small, unfamiliar town. I was ambitious and optimistic. My future held Super Bowls and major-league baseball. I would one day travel the world and see and do amazing things.

Back then, though, I lived in a palmetto bug-infested, one-room efficiency on shallow Lake Jackson.

Sunday in Sebring was laundry day. It became a cherished ritual. I would stuff my dirty rags into a big duffel bag and head to the laundromat. On the way, I would swing by the 7-Eleven for coffee and to make change for the washer and the dryer. I would grab four extra quarters to drop into the box outside for a Sunday New York Times.

As my laundry spun and soaked and dried, I would while away the morning immersed in my favorite sections, my old friends the Week in Review, the Book Review, the NY Times Magazine, and Arts & Entertainment. I felt smarter after I read them, more refined – even though I was anything but. I was more informed, though, and I was more connected.

This was before the Internet took off, before Buzzfeed and Reddit and ESPN and Fox News established their dominance of the media world, before the fierce demands of immediacy began to trump thoughtful consideration and accuracy.

The 24-hour news cycle, however, won in the end. I, and thousands of other fellow journalists, lost. As did their readers.

With newspapers no longer a force for contemplative connectivity in our society, what are our children missing? How will their adulthood be different from ours, which was shaped in so many ways by the power of the press?

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the deterioration of the political discourse in the United States has coincided with the demise of newspapers and the related winnowing of the watchdog media class. People consume their “news” in echo chamber silos that leave no room for opposing opinions to intrude, let alone hard, unbiased news.

Social media feeds and cable news channels only serve to reinforce fiercely held beliefs, often at the expense of truth.

Newspaper reporters and editors were, and still are, far from perfect arbiters of the local and national discourse. But back when TV and Internet news aggregators took their cues from trained, experienced journalists, the country felt smarter, more refined – even if it was anything but.

Still, I remain cautiously optimistic. We enjoy a different kind of connectivity now, a different kind of community. The Internet and social media helped shred newspapers, but they also have enabled a generation of creators and thought leaders to share knowledge at an unprecedented scale.

Something good could come of that. For the sake of our children, I hope so.

Being a dad proved a little crazy in these parts last week, what with an appearance at a special “dad edition” of The White House Summit on Working Families, us launching our nation City Dads Group website, and — oh — a few hundred media outlets around the globe deciding, “Hey, let’s ask these characters what they know about fathers playing an important role in their kids’ live” all at once.

You’ll find some of the highlights in City Dads Group Father’s Day Media Takeover, and here are some more specific NYC Dads Group items:

• The June issue of New York Parenting does an extensive feature on the Devoted Dads the members of our group are.
• MyFox5.com did a piece showing that if you are a dad and you are not involved with your child, then you are not the norm in the modern world of Doting Dads.
• Frequent blog contributor Christopher Persley appeared on Good Morning, America as one of “Three Dads Surprised by Kids’ Father’s Day Messages.”
• Another frequent contributor Sat Sharma and one of his daughters appeared in “Little Ones Weigh in on Why Dads are so Special” on the Today show

Christopher Persley on Good Morning, America last week.

Being a dad proved a little crazy in these parts last week, what with an appearance at a special “dad edition” of The White House Summit on Working Families, us launching this here website, and — oh — a few hundred media outlets around the globe deciding, “Hey, let’s ask these City Dad characters what they know about fathers playing an important role in their kids’ live” all at once.

For those who missed the media blitz, here’s some links and photos from all that happened last week:

“‘It makes me super proud’: A look inside the life of a stay-at-home dad” on the Today Show features Chris Bernholdt, co-organizer of our Philly Dads Group; Mike Hennan of the San Francisco Dads Group; and Pat Jacobs of the Chicago group, and a cameo by City Dads Groups’ Lance Somerfeld.

“Organizer Spotlight, Father’s Day Edition: City Dads Group” highlights our accomplishments in five years from just the NYC Dads Group to the national City Dads Group.

Sat Sharma of the NYC Dads Group and one of his daughters appeared in “Little Ones Weigh in on Why Dads are so Special” on the Today show

“5 ways today’s dads are changing the face of fatherhood” on Today.com has quotes from Beau Coffron, co-organizer of the San Francisco Dads Group. Beau also pops up in “Celebrating Superstar Dads that use Social Media”on Good Morning, America.

“Do Father’s Day cards that portray dad as an incompetent boob reflect today’s fathers?,” in The Washington Post quotes City Dads Group co-founder Matt Schneider.

Christopher Persley of NYC Dads Group appeared on Good Morning, America as one of “Three Dads Surprised by Kids’ Father’s Day Messages.”

“Redefining Fatherhood: What it Means to ‘Be a Man’ Today” on Today.com again quotes City Dads Group co-founder Matt Schneider. Matt also pops up in “Fewer Stay At Home Dads in US, Study Finds” on the CBS News website.

Matt and his co-conspirator in City Dads Group, Lance Somerfeld, are the focus of “Stay-At-Home Dads Move Past Stereotypes” on the All Parenting website. They are also offer their views in “Does the Media Reflect Real Fatherhood?“ on Yahoo! News.

Lance squared off against Chuck Nice in a special Father’s Day diaper-change, baby-bottle video challenge in “Daddy Do-or-Die Boot Camp” on the Veria Living website.

Now pardon us. We need a nap.

Editor’s Note: The New York Times ran a front-page article Sunday by reporters Jodi Kantor and Jessica Silver-Greenberg called “Wall Street Mothers, Stay-Home Fathers” looking at this growing, non-traditional family arrangement. Our Jason Greene, an at-home dad of three children, offers his perspective in response to the piece.

Before my wife and I were married, we dreamed about what our future would look like. In this dreamland of ours, my wife would be an attorney and I would be a star on Broadway’s stage. So, without knowing anyone in New York City but with plenty of confidence in ourselves, we packed a U-Haul with all our belongings and headed from Columbus, Ohio, to The Big Apple.

Then, during the summer between my wife’s second and third year of law school, our first son was born. For the next couple of years, we would hand him off to one another on the subway as she came home from classes or work and I would go to auditions or some job that I hated. When she graduated and began working as an attorney, we were finally in a financial position where I could focus on acting full-time.

A year later, our daughter was born.

We could have continued our old lifestyle stressfully carting our children around on the subway and handing them off to one another with barely enough time to give a hello/goodbye kiss to one another. If we had chosen this route, then not only would our children not have had a lot of time with both their parents, but my wife and I would not have seen each other that much either.

The choice was pretty clear for us. If we were going to have the ideal family life, then one of us would have to stay home. Since my wife was the one with the established career, the lot fell to me.

Needless to say, the front page New York Times article on working mothers and stay-at-home fathers was met with great acceptance in our home. Similar to the working mothers in the story, my wife has been able to prosper in her job in part because she is able to kiss our children goodbye in the morning and not have to worry about how they will be cared for throughout the day. She can rest easy behind her desk at work knowing that if she does need to work late, her kids will be well taken care of. If she has to suddenly fly somewhere the next day, we do not need to try to juggle a million things to make it work. Giving my wife that freedom helps take away stress and helps her to focus on her job. And also, like a lot of people who have a spouse that stays home with the kids, her employer does not need to worry that she will miss a lot of work to deal with sick kids or household emergencies.

We tossed out social norms a long time ago. You’re not going to find me acting like Ward Cleaver, looking over a paper waiting for the opportunity to throw out some fatherly advice. I’m both Ward and June rolled up in one. I’ll cook and clean up the house, help with homework, run the kids around, and teach them how to throw a football – and when they act up, I’m an active participant in handling discipline.

Sometimes our arrangement seems odd to people, but we really don’t care much about what other people think. Although we don’t care about how we are viewed, the conversations at parties or events can be a little uncomfortable. Often times, shortly after being introduced at a function, I’ll get the question, “What do you do?” After telling them I am a stay-at-home dad, there’s usually a pause. Depending on the mood that I’m in, I’ll milk the uncomfortable pause as long as I can.

Staying home has also allowed me to dive into community projects. Since I do not have a typical job, I have the freedom to be the PTA President at my kids’ school and take on additional duties within my church (I’m an elder and active in the youth group). The choice to stay home was a difficult one, but one that has allowed me to focus on my children, support my wife’s career, and take on a community role.

On occasion I can’t help but wonder, “what if?” But shortly after wondering, I get wrapped up in my three children’s lives and remember that there is no place I’d rather be.

NYC Dads Group in the NY Daily News “Focus Now” Features

The New York Daily News did a features story today on hands-on fatherhood.  Article: OVER-THE-TOP POPS: Gotham’s ‘papa grizzlies’ go above and beyond to keep their kids safe.

In this case, they highlighted examples where dads are so devoted and involved in the parenting process that they keep logs of their babies habits the first few months, sanitize children’s hands frequently when taking public transportation, and worry about taking babies outside in 90+ heat.  Yes, these challenges are certainly similar to those of many parents, not just dads.  We continue to believe “New Dads can be just as a capable and nurturing – and sometimes just as scared – as new moms.”

Now, everyone knows I’m guilty of having an active son that has required stitches on his face on three different occasions during his first four years and as a result have a pediatric plastic surgeon on speed dial.

Sure, the piece brings up dads in the conversation about helicopter parenting (coins it “Black Hawk Dads”), over-protective parenting, and being worry warts.  We believe the bar and standards are always set extremely low for fathers.  Reflecting on this entertaining piece, maybe focusing on “extreme daddying” moves the conversation beyond the bumbling idiot, incompetent dad, or absent father to the dad who is engaged and tuned into parenting with his partner as a team.

I tip my hat to journalist Nicole Pesce for mentioning NYC Dads Group as a “perfect place for dads to ground themselves and for camaraderie” and the pictorial display that supports that fact. You can read the full story here in the online version of the New York Daily News!

Poll: Please share one of your “extreme parenting” stories where you went above and beyond for your kids?

Open up your Sunday edition of The New York Times Business section and you might be surprised to find the feature story is about the recent Dad 2.0 Summit that we attended in Houston a few weeks ago.  The event billed as “an open conversation about the commercial power of dads online, as well as the opportunity to learn the tools and tactics used by influential bloggers to create high-quality content, build personal brands, and develop business ideas.” 

We are thrilled to be part of a time when there is a changing perception of the face on fatherhood to a more nurturing, confident, hands-on dad who does grocery shopping, laundry, shuttles the children to school and extracurricular activities, and is not afraid to be on the floor engaging with their children.  We are proud to be a voice for parents as we redefine what it means to be a “good dad” in the 21st century.  And, we are excited to be in the mix during a time when brands see a ripe opportunity to market to our demographic.  We love the title of Hannah Seligson’s piece, Neither Moms, Nor Imbeciles, and believe it’s a must read for people that consider themselves a parent blogger, a dad-influencer, and especially brands that are seeking the opportunity to embrace and engage in the dad space.

The piece provides some insight from some of the loudest and most influential dads we know as well as some of these dads who have strategic positions with some of the larger marketing/public relations companies:

An example of the current state of affairs on marketing to fathers:

The piece continues with some tangible examples of the direction we are headed from the title sponsorship of an amazing brand like Dove Men+Care that are already capitalizing on a tremendous opportunity (since 2010, it’s a $100 million dollar brand where 75% of their customers are fathers)…to some of the projects that Charlie Capen, How To Be A Dad, has participated in using sponsored content with Honda, Clorox, and Kia.

For the past year, we have participated in several sponsored opportunities (ie this with Britax or this with Time To Play) with brand-integration projects and have found it to be a positive experience.  We realize that stories like the one in the NY Times today, the increasing frequency from mainstream media focusing their lens on fatherhood beyond Father’s Day, and annual networking experiences like the Dad 2.0 Summit will continue to open doors for dads and brands to work together on a more permanent basis….and that is something we are jazzed about!

Pick up a copy of today’s Wall Street Journal and you might glimpse a headline on the front-cover: “Domestic Dads Do it Their Way.”  Dig a little deeper to the front page of the Personal Journal section and see: “At-Home Dads Make Parenting More of a ‘GUY’ Thing” by Sue Shellenbarger.

First Sentence: “MR. MOM is DEAD.”

Well, why we don’t quite think we’ve arrived at the point where the media will stop using the synonym Mr. Mom for stay-at-home fathers or acronym SAHD for stay at home dad … we do think that the journalists who “get it” (reads Sue Shellenbarger of WSJ, Alex Williams of NYT, Lisa Belkin of HuffPost, & others) are moving BEYOND Mr. Mom and digging deeper into real issues and angles through the fatherhood lens.

This article had depth. Shellenbarger did her homework – she spoke with at least fifteen dads in our NYC Dads Group community including several of their wives to uncover some consistent themes.  She moved outside of the urban jungle and interviewed several members of the Triangle Dads Group in North Carolina as well.  Some topics discussed were that some at-home dads may plunge into DIY tech or construction projects, take the kids on walking tours of Home Depot or on adventurous excursions, or overhaul the household budget. With their children, do at-home dads roughhouse at the park or gym, flex the daytime schedule rather than sticking to routines, or encourage kids to take more risks?These were just a few of the areas explored with interviewees.

Let’s dissect today’s fantastic piece by Shellenbarger, the Work & Family columnist over at the Wall Street Journal whose journalism we’ve admired and respected for quite a while.  She plows into her piece with the angle of how at-home fathers are shaking off old gender-related stigmas and putting a distinctly masculine stamp on the American home life. It navigates way beyond the fluff piece of proud dad changing a diaper and is a complete 180 degree turn from the “bumbling idiots like we are sometimes portrayed.”  The piece by itself seeks to be a voice for parents as we redefine what it means to be a “good dad” in the 21st Century which is right in our sweetspot.

If we want more journalists to truly understand that at-home fathers are shattering stereotypes everyday we need to SHARE articles like these displaying confident, competent, active, and nurturing dads are embracing their roles to be the best dads they can be.  Whether you’re like Bryan Grossbauer, a good friend and active member of our NYC Dads Group, taking both kids on a walk through the woods to dig for worms so they don’t get “cabin fever” or like Niel Vuolo, another active member of our group and contributor to our blog, who involves his children in their Do-It-Yourself home renovation projects, or like Ian Worthington who uses modern technology to keep his parenting life organized  – these men are focusing on their strengths and fitting their children into their lifestyle.

Even though many of the dads in our NYC Dads Group community contributed their time to this article and weren’t mentioned, please know, that your loud and positive voices helped shape this article – thank you!

Excellent article in The New York Times about the changing face of dads, “Dads are Taking Over as Full-Time Parents (Just Wait Until Your Mother Gets Home)” by Alex Williams. The article features many members of the NYC Dads Group as well as some of our favorite fathers around the country, including Mike Adamick in San Francisco and Dave Worford in Colorado. Some of our favorite quotes:

Six years later, he considers himself less a Mr. Mom than a new archetype of the father as provider. “I sort of take things upon myself,” said Mr. Griffioen, whose family has added a son and moved to Detroit. “I don’t go to the store to buy my kids toys. I make them toys. I do woodworking, leatherworking. I learned all sorts of manly skills that I never would have had time to learn if I were sitting in an office 28 stories above San Francisco.”

“Just a few years ago, I was usually the lone dad on the playground during the day,” Lance Somerfeld, 39, said on a recent sunny Wednesday morning, while hanging out with eight other dads at the Heckscher Playground in Central Park. “The moms and nannies gawked at me like I was an exhibit at the zoo. Now, I’m the new normal.”

But Brad Harrington, director of the Boston College Center for Work and Family, who has conducted multiple studies involving fatherhood, said that many men now feel the freedom to choose to be at-home dads for the deeper rewards, even when their jobs are secure. Of those who had made the choice, Professor Harrington said, “many expressed, ‘This may be the most meaningful work I’ll ever do.’ ” 

Last week, he [Brooklyn Dad, Chris Michel]  recalled: “We were walking through the park, and I had a nice alliterative line drop into my head, so I pulled out my phone, opened up the tiny little word editor, trying to frantically type this good line. And of course, as soon as I opened my phone, she wants to show me this bug that she has found.” 

“This ain’t the 20th century,” he added. “There are 300 million people in the U.S., so there are 150 million ways to be a man.”

Definitely worth a read and a big step forward for the media’s representation of stay-at-home dads.