A friend of mine from college was in town recently so we got together to catch up. Seeing him again was great because it brought back some great memories and encouraged me about today’s young people.

For the record, I feel I’m 90 years old when I write “today’s young people.” However, in this context it’s true. My friend’s son is in his senior year of high school. My kids are 3 and 5. I don’t feel like an “old” dad but, suddenly, having a good friend talking about his near-adult child made me feel weird.

Having a kid forces you to grow up immediately and become more mature. What would I have done had I become a father in my 20s rather than my mid-30s? I know lots of guys who became dads in their early 20s. It all worked out fine for them. But for me, it seems alien and out of place. Being a dad and, more importantly, being mature enough to parent responsibly is something I couldn’t even fathom until I was in my mid-30s.

My friend and I met for lunch at a fast-food restaurant with one of those attached playground rooms. He marveled that my sons were always by my side. They always wanted to be near me. They’d pop out of the playground room to ask questions, play peek-a-boo and generally be cute.

“One day, they just stop wanting to be with you all the time,” he said. “They get their license, get a group of friends and you’ll see them for dinner. Maybe.”

I peppered him with questions about raising older children. As his son is applying for college, I asked about that process. He was frank about the costs, how much he could cover and how much debt he’d have at the end of four years. It was shocking to realize that the total cost for four years of college for the two of us cost only slightly less than one year of college for his son.

But he also put some of my concerns at ease. Some things had changed for the better since we went to college. For starters, a rising freshman now has an idea of what to expect employment-wise from their proposed major. They know their job possibilities, where those employment opportunities are located and how much they’ll realistically earn after graduation. We never had an idea of how much money it takes to exist, make it, succeed or prosper in the real world. Believe me, had those information fields been filled in for me when I was in college, I would’ve gone after a more stable and profitable profession.

My friend went on to tell me about some of our school friends who now owned small businesses, were chefs, city planners and one who is a high-ranking explosives expert for a large state bureau of investigations. We marveled at how we all ended up in such a diverse arena of employment.

My friend had to start his drive home. He left me feeling that the kids who are going to college today aren’t going in as blind as their parents did back in the day. It was also a great reminder that no matter how annoying, tiring, messy, repetitive and frustrating small children can be; a day will come when I’m not as cool to them as I am now.

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This blog post is part of the #NoDadAlone campaign. Fathering Together/City Dads Group, the National At-Home Dad Network, and Fathers Eve are joining forces to amplify messages that help dads recognize we are not alone! Follow #NoDadAlone on Instagram, and learn more at NoDadAlone.com.

A version of this first appeared on Daddy Mojo and ran here in 2015. It has since been updated. Photo: PublicDomainPictures.net

Many of us have or are helping our children’s grandparents schedule their COVID-19 shots. While we’re at it, don’t forget to check in to make sure Pop-Pop and Grams are up to date on other vaccines that help keep older adults healthy through their golden years.

As we age, our immune systems weaken. Some vaccines received in childhood also lose  efficacy. These leave a person, especially one with other health conditions, less able to fend off infections as well as when they were younger and stronger. Bottom line: Seniors and even those of us parents over age 50 are more venerable to contracting and developing complications from diseases.

Older adults should start with a visit to their doctor to discuss the matter. A look at the U.S. Health and Human Services Department web pages dedicated to adult vaccines might give you an idea of what you may be lacking going in.

The following vaccines are commonly recommended for most older adults:

Influenza. Seasonal flu may seem like nothing in the age of COVID-19. While mask wearing and social distancing may have knocked it down this past winter, it is still something not to be forgotten when life returns to a more normal states. Seniors are especially vulnerable to the flu, with the U.S. Centers for Disease Control noting people age 65 and older annually account for over 60 percent of seasonal flu-related hospitalizations. A special high dose vaccine is available (and only recommended) for adults older than age 65.

Shingles (Herpes Zoster): Shingles presents as a painful, blistering skin rash. It can also cause postherpetic neuralgia — a condition causes burning pain long after the rash and blisters of shingles disappear, fever, hearing loss and vision problems. A third of all people in the United States will contract shingles at some point in their lives, according to the CDC, and having it once doesn’t protect you from a repeat. As shingles is most common and severe among seniors and people with compromised immune systems, this vaccine is highly recommended for people over age 50.

Td (tetanus/diphtheria) or Tdap (tetanus, diphtheria, and pertussis): Most people received these shots as children. But did you know it is recommended that everyone, regardless of their age, get a booster shot at least every 10 years? Tetanus, a bacterial infection you might now better as “lockjaw,” is so deadly that even people who have already been vaccinated are recommended to get a tetanus booster after a severe cut, puncture wound or burn.

Pneumonia:  Pneumococcus bacteria can cause meningitis, severe pneumonia and various blood infections. Health care centers and hospitals tend to be hotbeds of these strains, leaving seniors who visit them most venerable. The pneumococcal polysaccharide vaccine (PPSV23), recommended for those age 65 and older, protects against the most common strains of the bacteria. The pneumococcal conjugate vaccine (PCV13) may also be recommended to people with weakened immune systems and certain other conditions.

Other vaccines may also be recommended for older adults with certain medical conditions. These include shots against chickenpox, Hepatitis A and Hepatitis B

Vaccines for older adults photo: ©Yakobchuk Olena/ Adobe Stock.

Contrary to the popular opinion of most parents, I am very thankful my kids are growing up.

Some many months ago when my wife and I were traveling, we had a chance to watch a family with their young children at the airport. I was reminded of the family trips we took just a few short years ago – pushing strollers, hauling large amounts of baby gear through airports, installing car seats in rental cars and making sure hotel rooms had cribs or pack ‘n’ plays available. Now when we travel, our kids wheel their own suitcases through the airport. Heck, my wife and I even have even given them their own row on the airplane while we sit across the aisle.

Seeing this airport family got me thinking: What else do I no longer have to do now that my own children are older? Well, now that we no longer have babies, it’s been years since I’ve changed a diaper in the trunk of my car in the Trader Joe’s parking lot. I can now also see and retrieve the food in our freezer since it no longer houses hundreds of ounces of frozen breastmilk.

Now that our children all ride bikes, I was finally able to donate the bike trailer that I used to pull them around for years and years. This is no small thing because that bike trailer seemed to weigh about two hundred pounds when the kids were in it. It made me feel like I was pulling a parachute behind me while a hurricane wind blew against us.

So next time someone asks you if you are sad that your children are growing up, think before you respond. Your answer just may surprise you.

A version of this first appeared on Indy’s Child. Photo: © New Africa / Adobe Stock.

My parents had children in their early 20’s, as did many of the married couples at that time. I had children in my 30’s – another common theme these days, with many married couples waiting a bit longer to start a family. I am certainly more mature than I was in my 20’s (at least I hope I am). Consequently, I always wonder what it would have been like if I was raising a family in my early 20’s. For one, I doubt I would have chosen to be an at-home-dad…too selfish in that phase of my life. Do you wonder what kind of dad you would be if you had young children when you were in your 50’s? Would you be able to crawl around on all fours chasing after your children or would the bad back prevent that? Would you be able to toss around the football? Worried your child’s friends would call you “gramps”? How old would you be when your child graduates from college? Gets married? Well, you get the point – it really makes you wonder.

These kinds of reflections came to a forefront this weekend when I read about a “few men in Brooklyn (who) began posting for an older fathers’ group they called Over 50, Under 5. After a couple of false starts, a core of six came together, and they’ve been meeting monthly for dinner for four years now.” The NY Times Sunday Styles section has done it again! They have provided another heart-warming story about caring & involved parents – older dads with young kids.

Generation B: The Virtues of a Slow-Moving Dad by MICHAEL WINERIP quoted one 59-year old dad, who has a 7-year-old daughter and a 4-year-old son, as saying “We seek comfort in other dads in the same situation.” (a Great read – thanks Matt S. for thinking of me). Winerip says, “That, however, makes the group sound a little weepier than it actually is. In truth, they count themselves quite lucky to have young children at a time of life when they are not building careers, not seeking fame and fortune, when they are able to put their young sons and daughters at the center of their lives.”

I truly enjoyed hearing how a few of these involved dads now realize it is all about putting their children first while their careers are already completed or put on the back-burner – ” there are days I can think about Isaac (his son) and nothing else. I mean, I think about making dinner, but I can give him an enormous amount of undivided attention.”

Do you often wonder what it might be like if you started a family later in life?