The best fatherly advice I received before we had our son was so simple and straightforward that it’s the only tip that stood out among the clichés most people offered me.

The advice?

“Just be there.” 

As simple as it sounds, the decision to consciously be present with your children goes deep. Just think back to your favorite memories of your parents. Do you remember the toy you opened on your seventh Christmas? Or the present you got for your 14th birthday? I highly doubt it.

But I’d bet you remember playing basketball with your dad. Or putting a puzzle together with your mom. What about playing video games with an uncle? Or cooking with your grandmother. Do you remember the connection you felt when you played a board game with your entire family? Even though my dad sucked at basketball and my mom always cheated at board games those are my favorite childhood memories and why I have a strong bond with my family.

This is why I didn’t mind quitting my job and becoming a stay-at-home dad. And if you’re an at-home dad I’m assuming you probably feel the same way. You want to be a part of your children’s life. You want to have that connection. It’s easy to be present like this when your kids are babies because you’re holding them or playing with them most of the day.

But as they grow older, they become more independent and it becomes too easy to start letting distractions come between you and your children. Distractions like email, chores, Netflix, Facebook, YouTube, exhaustion, smartphones, errands, Threads, Instagram, video games … did I say Netflix?

These are my main offenders at least. They plot against my relationship with my son and slowly try to drive a wedge between us. But I found that if I stand up to them and keep my relationship with my kids in mind, they’re weak enemies.

What’s my solution to be present more often? As often as we can, my wife and I take an hour and turn off all of the electronics in the home, especially smartphones. We use this time to play with blocks or toy soldiers, draw, paint, paste, build, role play, go for a walk, bike ride, go to the park, or do anything that involves us connecting. This one-on-one time is so important to your child’s development and it’s something you don’t want to leave out of your relationship with your kids.

Why is it important? Because one day they’ll be … teenagers! 

OK, everybody calm down, you can stop crying now.

I know you don’t want to think about it now, especially you guys out there with a little princess to protect. However, laying the groundwork by being present now is important. It helps build a solid foundation for your relationship with your children. You’ll want that when the tween and teen years arrive because you will want them to trust you enough so they can talk to you. That talk may be about drugs, alcohol or sex. It may be about bullying or sadness they are experiencing. It may just be about how their day went.

Now that you’re done reading this distraction, turn off your electronics and go find your kids. It’s time you did something together.

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This blog post is part of the #NoDadAlone campaign. Fathering Together/City Dads Group, the National At-Home Dad Network, and Fathers Eve are joining forces to amplify messages that help dads recognize we are not alone! Follow #NoDadAlone on Instagram, and learn more at NoDadAlone.com.

This post first appeared on the Chicago Dads Group blog in 2015. It has since been updated. Photo by Ketut Subiyanto via Pexels.

Looking for the perfect family destination this summer? Our family’s happy place is Hershey, Pa. — the sweetest place on earth! Home to Hersheypark — the absolute, best amusement park in the entire Northeast — it boasts 15 rollercoasters, a massive waterpark, and endless treats to satisfy anyone’s sweet tooth.

Our goal is to help your family enjoy all the fun, thrills and food of Hersheypark. Plus, we can help you possibly get through the gates for FREE. Scroll to the bottom for a chance to win an epic family four-pack of tickets to visit this summer or later in the year.

How do we do Hersheypark? Glad you asked!

1. Become season pass holders

After visiting Hersheypark for the past eight summers, we made the leap to becoming first-time season pass holders this year. If you plan to visit a few days during summer, Dark Nights in Fall around Halloween, and Christmas Candylane during winter, a season pass it’s where it’s at. It includes many great benefits and perks — early entry, exclusive pass-holder events, free or reduced parking — in addition to saving lots of money. Financially, if you plan to visit more than three days per year, we recommend purchasing a season pass.

2. Play spot the Big 5

We love hugging, smiling, and posing with the lovable Hershey Characters: Hershey Bar, Reese’s, Jolly Rancher, Twizzler and Kisses. Which is your favorite?

New this year: In addition to being out and about, the characters this year were strategically stationed at some specific photo op points more than we’ve ever experienced. In the past, we had to seek out the famous Hershey characters. Now, it seemed like they were always popping up around the grounds for a high five or quick hug. Also new, sometimes surprise characters like Hershey’s Syrup and Cupfusion’s Gum Drop and Commander Cup show up for the fun. So keep a close eye out.

3. Always stay overnight for 2 or 3 days

We usually make a 3-day weekend out of our adventures because you need at least two days to do Hershey, Pa., and the park right. We just stayed at The Hotel Hershey – a stunning, majestic hotel located directly across the street from Hersheypark. Staying at one of the “official resorts” of Hersheypark comes with a range of awesome perks, including SWEET START! Being a season pass member OR if staying on property at one of the Hershey Entertainment & Resorts, unlocks this priceless experience: one hour of early park access!

Other exclusive benefits of staying at an official Hersheypark resort include:

• free bus shuttle service to and from the front gate
• “Preview Plan”- up to 3 hours at the park the night before your park admission tickets
• best pricing on Hersheypark tickets
• free chocolate at check-in
• an abundance of on-property activities to keep the whole family entertained

Talk about being entertained: The outdoor pool complex at The Hotel Hershey is something out of a fairytale. It features waterslides, mushroom waterfalls, an adult-only infinity pool, a hot tub, a zero-entry pool, and drink service with delicious frozen cocktails. Then, we play glow-golf (mini-golf after dark), roast s’mores, tie-dye shirts, play ping-pong, corn hole, chocolate bingo, and so much more.

4. Conquer the coasters

With 15 rollercoasters, each with their unique quirks, surprises, twists, and thrills, rollercoasters are always our top priority. Buckle up because Hersheypark has some of the most high-octane coasters on the planet!

New this year: The fan favorite and classic Comet wooden coaster is sporting all new, updated trains celebrating over 75 years in operation! Additionally, the thrilling Skyrush coaster got “first class” upgrades with new trains and an awesome lighting package in the station. Come prepared to conquer the coasters and make sure to ride the award-winning and our family favorite, Wildcat’s Revenge!

5. YES DAY! Saying YES to our children!

Just say:

• YES to your kids helping to plan your daily itinerary
• YES to that ice cream sundae, s’more treat, or sweet confection
• YES to going on that ride again and again. Looking at you Wildcat’s Revenge!
• YES to staying until the park closes
• YES to coming back to the SWEETEST PLACE on EARTH

Free tickets to Hersheypark giveaway

Want to win a family four-pack of tickets to Hersheypark? Enter below for a chance to win four general admission tickets this summer or later in the year for the park’s Halloween event, Dark Nights, or Christmas Candylane? Winning tickets will be sent via email.

Important details:

• We’re giving away one family four-pack of one-day ticket general admission to Hersheypark. (Each winner will receive four one-day passes.)
• The contest runs from June 28 through July 10, 2024.
• Entrants must be 18 years or older and residents of the United States.
• One winner will be chosen randomly using Rafflecopter after the entry period ends July 10, 2024.
• The winner must follow Rafflecopter instructions for getting entries
• The winner must supply an email address to receive four electronic tickets to Hersheypark 2024. Tickets are for one daily admission to Hersheypark. The tickets expire on Jan. 1, 2025.
• Hersheypark charges a separate fee for parking, which is NOT included with these tickets. The winner will need to pay for parking if needed.
• City Dads Group is not responsible for lost or stolen tickets.
• The winner must respond to the prize notification within 48 hours otherwise a new winner will be chosen.

Disclosure: Lance Somerfeld is a member of Hersheypark’s Sweet Insiders Program. The program includes complimentary park passes and one-night hotel accommodations to his family provided by the kind folks at Hershey’s Entertainment & Resorts. His thoughts and opinions are genuine and have not been influenced by the brand. All photos were provided by his family.

For many new parents, all of their time is spent simply taking care of the baby. It can be tough figuring out how to find time to work out or exercise. If running is your thing (or was — before having kids), here’s a “how to” guide for getting back into your sport by using a jogging stroller:

Picking a Jogging Stroller

There are many great brands (Jeep, Graco, BabyTrends, Joovy) and types (single, double, fixed wheel) jogging strollers. I suggest that you try out a few before deciding. I use BOB Gear jogging strollers because I found they work best in terms of size, flexibility, and durability for the streets, elevators and small apartments of New York City. Our BOB Gear stroller comes in handy for more than just running with my child. It’s great to take when I bring my daughter grocery shopping or to a museum.

Start Slowly

I started running with my daughter, Lucinda, when she was around 5 months old. The instructions for my BOB Gear jogging stroller advised me not to run with a baby younger than 8 months. You need to use your best judgment. I felt confident trying it as soon as she could sit up without slumping over in the stroller. The first time out we went for about 2.5 miles. The first mile and a half she was fine, but then she got fussy. So we abandoned ship. The second time out was a little better. By the third time, she had gotten used to the stroller and things started to go more smoothly.

Jogging Strollers Help with Naps

After about five short runs in the jogging stroller, she had gotten into the routine of napping really well during my runs. Before I knew it, I couldn’t stop or she would wake up! And as you know or will certainly learn … you should do whatever humanly possible NOT to wake a sleeping baby. The breakthrough came in early June, when she fell deep into a nap and didn’t wake up after the usual 30 minutes. She slept and slept, and before I knew it, I had run almost 2 hours in the middle of the day! Running with ourBOB Gear jogging stroller was a great antidote to short napping. Eventually, we got into a routine of taking most afternoon naps during a jog in the park.

Stopping could end a nap prematurely during the middle months, but I find as she’s getting older, stopping isn’t as detrimental to the nap. My daughter has always been a light sleeper, but if you have a good sleeper it should be fine.

Prepare for Weather

Spring and fall are the best months for the jogging stroller. Always keep in mind that your baby is not getting warmed up from exercise like you are.

If you plan to run in the summer, find a model with a sun shield. This will protect your child from the rays and keep her cooler. Most good brands (BOB Gear, Jeep, Graco, BabyTrends) have jogging strollers with these that are either detachable or foldable. It’s also best to go early or late and avoid the heat in the middle of the day.

In the winter, we’ve been using a weather shield, essentially a plastic enclosure, which keeps the stroller quite toasty and dry. In fact, you should not use the shield unless it’s lower than 60 degrees due to the possibility of overheating. It also protects your child from wind and the elements. I’m not sure how cold will be our cut-off for going out, but below 30 degrees will probably be our limit.

Speed

Don’t expect to be running 7-minute miles with the stroller; it can really slow you down. My running pace is around 11 to 12 minutes with the stroller, and when I’m without the stroller it’s usually more in the 9- to 10-minute range, sometimes faster if I’m racing in a shorter distance. So don’t expect to run fast with the stroller, but do expect to work hard. I think the extra effort you put into running with the stroller, even if you are going at a slower pace, can make your runs without the baby a little faster. Think of it as a type of speed work!

How Much Should I Run with the Stroller?

I train for ultra marathons so running for 90 minutes every day with my baby isn’t such a problem for me. But if you are not an ultra marathoner, at least getting out there for an hour will be great for you and the baby.

Best Jogging Stroller Routes

Living in NYC, we usually head to Central Park or Riverside Park. Hills are tough but add to the fun. Quiet routes are ideal, so try to stay away from construction, heavy traffic, and people wanting to ask how it is to run with the baby. That is my warning, but it’s hard to schedule around those problems.

Bringing the jogging stroller into your and your baby’s life can be fun (a little intimidating initially) and I think it can help you and your baby explore the town, provide fitness, and give your baby a great opportunity for napping. Since my daughter, Lucinda, is turning 1 next week, we will see how this plan works and evolves as she gets older.

About the author

Mat Gerowitz is a stay-at-home dad, ultra runner, and part-time running coach. Mat can be found on what used to be Twitter at @matruns and at ultrarunningstayathomedad.blogspot.com.

This post first ran in 2012 and has since been updated.

BOB Gear, Jeep, Graco, BabyTrends single, double, fixed wheel jogging strollers

Summertime is the perfect time to take the kids to an amusement park. Hersheypark in Pennsylvania makes for an ideal destination and, as seasoned veterans of The Sweetest Place on Earth, we have the ultimate cheat sheet on having a successful, entertaining and sweet vacation! If your family is going to read one article to get you prepared for a Hersheypark Happy visit, this should be your primary source.

In addition to helping your family enjoy all the fun, thrills and food with minimal hassles, we can help you possibly get through the gates for FREE. Scroll to the bottom for a chance to win an epic family four-pack of tickets to visit this summer or later in the year.

Secret #1: “Sweet Start” — VIP status means more rides

A fantastic bonus offered exclusively to guests at the official resorts of Hersheypark and some levels of season-pass holders is the “Sweet Start” option.

Sweet Start allows you to feel like a VIP. At no extra charge, you may enter Hersheypark one hour before the general public and access numerous popular rides in the front half of the park. These include Candymonium, Comet, Skyrush, Sooperdooperlooper and Reese’s Cupfusion. This amazing perk enabled our family to go several times on rollercoasters that usually have long lines and wait times. In fact, we can usually knock off seven or eight rides during Sweet Start.

Additionally, if you come the day before your ticketed visit to the amusement park, the “Preview Plan” allows you to enter Hersheypark three hours BEFORE closing that night. That’s three hours of bonus fun time to enjoy the rides and attractions.

Secret #2: Stay overnight at an official park resort

Hersheypark is our family’s happy place. Rather than cram in over 70 attractions — including 15 top-notch rollercoasters — in one day, we recommend staying two days to experience it all. We stayed overnight at The Hotel Hershey — located directly across from the amusement and water parks.

The Hotel Hershey, one of three official lodging sites, was as magical of an experience as the park. The accommodations were amazing and provided panoramic views of the rides and attractions.

Why is The Hotel Hershey so special?

For us, it was:

• The breathtaking, outdoor pool complex. (There’s an indoor pool on the property, too.) Here, you can sip frozen cocktails under a shady umbrella while watching your kids race through water slides in the pool.
• Roasting s’mores at a family-friendly fire pit EVERY evening was amazing as well.
• My children love the loads of engaging activities throughout the day like making ice-cream sundaes, playing “glow golf” after dark and bingo where the prizes are full-size Hershey candy bars!

When you stay at an official Hersheypark Resort, you receive VIP perks like Sweet Start (secret #1), Preview Plan and free shuttle service to an exclusive drop-off location – just steps away from the front gate of Hersheypark.

Secret #3: Candymonium — timing is everything

One of Hersheypark’s most popular rides is Candymonium. Located in Hershey’s Chocolatetown, right near the front gates, Candymonium the park’s tallest, fastest, longest and sweetest rollercoaster. It’s our second favorite thrill ride at Hersheypark. However, Candymonium often has average wait times of an hour or more.

Candymonium is included in Sweet Start, so make it your FIRST stop when the gates open. We’ve also found wait times for Candymonium usually dip to under 20 minutes in the late afternoon/evening before dark. Why? This is when most guests are deep inside the park. That could be another window of opportunity to ride this not-to-be-missed coaster.

Secret #4: “Rope Drop” — Hustle to your top attraction

Sweet Start is only for the rides in the front half of the park. It doesn’t include ZooAmerica or The Boardwalk waterpark. However, you’ve already been through security, had tickets scanned, and can be perfectly positioned inside the park near the Chevrolet Music Box theater where security guards have another set of gates and ropes set up as a barrier until Hersheypark officially opens. If you position yourselves at the “rope drop” area, it sets your family up to be among the first ones on any of the rides or waterpark attractions in the back half once Hersheypark fully opens. That’s invaluable on busy summer days.

We recommend you have a plan in advance. The entire family should select one popular attraction that can you hustle to (be safe because some guests literally race) when it’s rope drop time. We’ve tried this strategy on all of our visits and usually walk right onto popular attractions like LaffTrakk, Breaker’sEdge Water Coaster or Jolly Rancher’s Remix.

Secret #5: New entertainment – “The Sweet Escapes”

Want another way to brighten your day at Hersheypark? One new, extremely entertaining attraction this summer is the delightful “Sweet Escapes” a cappella group. This colorful and talented bunch is stationed by The Boardwalk waterpark and sings its hearts out four times a day. We timed our lunch each day so we could dine outdoors in the shade and sing along to their catchy tunes.

Secret #6: New rollercoaster — Wildcat’s Revenge

Buckle up! Hershpark’s newest attraction is Wildcat’s Revenge which opened in early June. You definitely need to ride this Rocky Mountain Construction (RMC) hybrid coaster. It’s an amazing addition to the iconic rollercoasters at the park. Wildcat’s Revenge is sleek, smooth and so epic that we rode it six times on opening day! Get ready for 2 1/2 minutes of ride time during which you’ll be thrust at 62 mph and rolled for four inversions including the world’s largest underflip!

More importantly, we love how Hersheypark designed this intense coaster with families in mind. Even our 8-year-old daughter was tall enough to enjoy the thrill.

Secret #7: Download the Hersheypark app

Most people enter Hersheypark and start with the rides nearest to the entrance. Then, they either work their way back or follow a rigid agenda that tries to squeeze everything into one day. Forget those approaches.

Thriving in Hersheypark starts with the free and fairly reliable Hersheypark mobile app. It enabled our family to strategize and maximize our fun time.

First, keep a loose agenda. Start by creating it based on park geography using the app’s online park map. Then drill into its useful tools, such as ride descriptions and minimum heights, then apply the app’s “ride wait time” feature — it’s a game changer.

We always kept a close eye on the app for wait times under 25 minutes for our favorite attractions like Sooperdooperlooper, Breakers Edge Water Coaster and Candymonium.

Secret #8: Food and treats exceed expectations

Most people don’t get excited about eating at a theme park. Hersheypark, though, elevates the culinary experience. There are quality, name-brand options across the park. These include many of our favorites, such as Nathan’s Famous, Subway, Chick Fil-A and Moe’s Southwest Grill. East Coast Mini Donuts are also outstanding.

Additionally, we always carve out time for a family meal at The Chocolatier. It’s our favorite restaurant on the property. This not-to-be-missed destination features a diverse menu including crowd-pleasers like nachos, club sandwiches, chicken and waffles, and sweet potato fries. Our best memories, however, are of their drool-worthy dessert menu.

We also love the house-made, custom-created ice creams at Milton’s Ice Cream Parlor located just down the stairs from The Chocolatier. Try the toasted marshmallow! Another tasty option is to grab a batch of homemade cookies or fudge at neighboring The Sweeterie!

Secret #9: Water, water, everywhere

Staying hydrated at Hersheypark is important. You’re allowed to bring in your own sealed water bottles or empty bottles that can be refilled at numerous bottle-filling Coca-Cola Freestyle locations throughout the park. The water at the filling stations is ice cold!

Secret #10: Take the path less traveled

The best way to beat the crowds over to The Hollow Area, especially Skyrush and SooperDooperLooper, is to take “Skyrush Way” which is a little-known secret. This shady path navigates around the winding turns of the Skyrush Rollercoaster and literally drops you off at the entry gate to the ride. During “Sweet Start,” this should be your go-to path. It lets you avoid the massive crowds headed through Founder’s Way.

Secret #11: Hit The Boardwalk waterpark when it opens

Remember, your Hersheypark admission ticket INCLUDES The Boardwalk waterpark as well as ZooAmerica. The lines for waterpark attractions are much more manageable when The Boardwalk first opens for the day. This season, The Boardwalk opens at the same time as the rest of Hersheypark. Lines are also much lighter on weekday visits, so skip weekends if you can.

There’s something for everyone at The Boardwalk, but we recommend making a dash for Breakers Edge Water Coaster. It’s an incredible ride, arguably the best at The Boardwalk. Naturally, it normally has the longest wait time. We usually hit it twice in a row before the crowds descend on it. The nearby Whitecap Racer is a spectacular, timed mat-racing slide, and the entire family can get whisked through looping tunnels to determine who is the champion.

What are you waiting for? Make Hersheypark your next family getaway.

Ticket giveaway for visiting Hersheypark

Want to win a family four-pack of tickets to Hersheypark? Enter below for a chance to win four general admission tickets this summer or later in the year for the park’s Halloween event, Dark Nights, or Christmas Candylane? Winning tickets will be sent via email.

Important details:

• We’re giving away one family four-pack of one-day ticket general admission to Hersheypark. (Each winner will receive four one-day passes.)
• The contest runs from June 23 through July 7, 2023.
• Entrants must be 18 years or older and residents of the United States.
• One winner will be chosen randomly using Rafflecopter after the entry period ends July 7, 2023.
• The winner must follow Rafflecopter instructions for getting entries
• The winner must supply an email address to receive four electronic tickets to Hersheypark 2023. Tickets are for one daily admission to Hersheypark. The tickets expire on Jan. 1, 2024.
• Hersheypark charges a separate fee for parking, which is NOT included with these tickets. The winner will need to pay for parking if needed.
• City Dads Group is not responsible for lost or stolen tickets.
• The winner must respond to the prize notification within 48 hours otherwise a new winner will be chosen.

Disclosure: Lance Somerfeld is a member of Hersheypark’s Sweetest Families Program. The program includes complimentary park passes and hotel accommodations for our family provided by the kind folks at Hershey’s Entertainment & Resorts. His thoughts and opinions are genuine and have not been influenced by the brand. All photos were provided by his family.

Nine-year-old Anna likes dance parties, having her hair done by my teenage daughter, and wearing a necklace full of her enemy’s tongues. As Dungeons & Dragons warriors go, she is a sweet little pixie that you don’t want to mess with. She also helps her father grow vegetables for those less fortunate than herself.

I introduced my kids and their friends to D&D during the pandemic. Their fathers are all part of our Kansas City Dads Group so many have known each other since birth. We’ve had a lot of adventures together during the last 15 years, but lockdown might have been the most challenging. I rely on my dads a great deal, and it was hard to be away from them for so long. My own kids felt the same. I realized it was as though they didn’t get to see their brothers and sisters anymore.

Trying to find a way to make Zoom meetups fun and interesting, I dug out my old Dungeons & Dragons books from the ’80s, bought some dice and figurines, and gave it a shot. Three years later, my little murder hobos have kicked me out of their D&D campaigns and now rampage through the imaginary lands without me.

I’m one proud dad.

A memory three years in the making

In the beginning, our “littles” had the attention span of barbarian goldfish. The group called them the Pixies, and they had special powers. When your need was great, you could summon a pixie to add an extra roll of the dice. The teenagers of the group used them with ruthless efficiency in big boss fights. Victory was snatched from the will of mind flayers and gelatinous cubes. When in doubt, call in a pixie.

The rest of our Dungeons & Dragons troops, which ranged in age from 12 to 15, often battle planned around the availability of the pixies. They took to my initial campaign with vigor, although not with the tactics I had hoped. For example, they hated talking and bargaining. Why bargain when you have a barbarian with an 18 Armor Class and a short temper? After a few sessions, it was clear that I could no longer lead them into innocent villages. My little imaginary townspeople were running out of tongues.

Eventually, the quarantine ended, and we had the final epic battle together. It took three hours, multiple visits from unpredictable pixies, and a lucky roll by a rogue — but the final boss was beaten. I thought they were done, and that it was a memory that made the pandemic a little bit better.

The next day the kids were setting up meetings on their own. 

They started collecting dice and putting D&D books on their Christmas lists. They invested in spell cards, studied lore and rules, and took turns being the Dungeon Master. And when they were done, I would get to hear the epic battles and the impossible dice rolls. Sitting from my chair in the living room, I could hear them debate a tricky section of the rules. And they did it all on their own, my little harbingers of doom.

I witnessed firsthand how they learned to cooperate, problem-solve, and use analytical thinking. They asked me to explain plot points and inciting incidents. I heard the stories that they crafted and they blew me away. To see all of this happen was amazing to me, and more than I could have hoped for in the beginning.

From tabletop to the big screen

The minute the D&D movie — Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves — was announced, I knew I had to take them.

I bought movie tickets and worked out all the details with their dads. How could I not? I introduced a hobby during a low point in all our lives in hopes that it would provide them with the connection they needed. The other dads and I joined in during those first early games as either a hapless wizard, a sly bard, or even role-playing an NPC to make this all happen. Honestly, I thought they would quit as soon as the pandemic was over. But to my joy, they kept playing.

I’m going to spoil them with popcorn, candy, and new sets of dice. We are going to cheer on the good guys, boo the bad guys, and probably secretly love the ones that are a little bit of both. For me, this is the culmination of that first campaign, when a little pixie asked if she could cut off the butt of a fallen monster.

“Um,” I said.

“I cut off his butt!” The pixies cheered, and the rest of the group laughed.

“OK,” I said.

“And I put it on my necklace!”

“Yeah, I think that is too much. Let’s not tell your mother about this.”

Often, I think about the long-term consequences of being a father. The actions that we take ripple out into the future, and sometimes mean more than we intend them to. An innocent act that can grow over years and transform into a core memory that they will keep for the rest of their lives. It occurs to me that a lot of my parenting wins are the result of me stumbling in the right direction.

Which is fine, as long as I can call upon a pixie to save the day.

Dungeons & Dragons photo: © EGinvent / Adobe Stock.

Talk about your lazy holidays. The daily routine of my teens over their recent December school break from school was as uniform as it was non-eventful – wake up really late, eat, Snapchat, Instagram, repeat. 

Dad sighs.

The routine of my non-teens (ages 7 and 9) was a bit different – wake up a little late, eat, YouTube reels, go outside, play, come back in after 20 minutes, repeat.

Dad sighs. 

Is this normal? 

Everywhere I go, every fellow dad I speak with tells me that sleeping followed by endlessly gazing at a phone is the go-to teenage activity on these lazy holidays. On average, teens need eight to 10 hours of sleep and, with a nonexistent holiday break bedtime, I would expect them to awaken later. But noon? 

The phone coma, though, I cannot stand. When I’m only mildly frustrated, I simply encourage my teens to go to the gym, for a walk/jog or to clean their room. They typically shun my suggestions as “boring.” When I’m all-out pissed (by 3 p.m.), I force them out of the house, relegating them to chores I make up out of desperation. These each end similarly – my teenagers claiming boredom after feeble attempts and eventually sinking back into a video of a chiropractor cracking necks. 

My little ones, while prone to quicker shifts between activities, require the same daily prodding to get outside or to free play with non-connected things around them. I worry about them watching their zombie-like older siblings and deferring to a tablet versus knocking on the neighbor kids’ front door. 

These behaviors are, I gather, normal. Given how busy families are I do think some lazy days during breaks are just fine. But every day for two weeks? 

Dad sighs.

Should my kids’ lazy holidays worry me?

While I acknowledge holiday break lethargy is normal, I have three major worries as I watch my kids.

First, if any of them use their social channels to call friends out. For instance, there are times when my kids will say “XX is at the beach but he/she can’t go to bowling with me?” This blame-game excuse for why they are left at home is lame and unhealthy.  

Next, I see my kids using Snapchat or Instagram to judge the willingness (or availability) of friends to do anything. 

“Can you and Jimmy hang today, Lynden?” I might suggest.    

“Wait, let me check Snap to see if he’s around. Nope, looks like he’s with Jake,” scrolling continues. 

Huh? 

I worry none of our kids are reaching out to each other. I am convinced they are on their phones while laying around, claiming they are bored while secretly hoping someone else takes the initiative to reach out. Reaching out is easier now, right?!!?

My final worry spurned by my kids’ holiday laziness is that tired seems to beget tired.  Because of their day-long coma, the odd times when they are presented with decent social options, my kids might choose to pass.

What does/should/can this break tell me about my kids?

Under the backdrop of this inactivity during the holidays, should I re-evaluate the lengths I go to keep my children active throughout the year? If they are sooo exhausted, should we cut down on the soccer games, school plays, dance recitals, or music lessons? If they haven’t touched a soccer ball during the break, why should I shell out big money to have them travel the state for competitive tournaments? If no one reaches out for a playdate or to go to a movie, should I worry that my sons or daughters are the school nerds? 

These questions swirled in my head during our recent break as I watched my kids. I could have answered each differently every time, with varying levels of frustrated concern. 

As I reflect now, though, I come back to the idea that my job is to provide and support my kids. With that mindset, I need not try to answer these questions as much as I acknowledge they will not be answered today. Fueled by that awareness, I can ask the right questions of my kids instead of having them feel judged or scared to be themselves around me. Maybe the constant worry and over-analysis does nothing for my family in the long term.

So, as with most parenting conundrums, I am left looking in the mirror.

What might my holiday break routine say about me? Mine was not like my kids’. I would wake up, exercise, eat, then worry, judge, plan, get frustrated, and repeat. 

Just like my kids’ routines, though, mine might be as normal as, ultimately, meaningless.     

Dad sighs.

Photo: © DimaBerlin / Adobe Stock.

How can you help develop the inner workings of your child’s brain? According to a new book, you must “think outside” our culture’s normal associations with the brain.

In The Extended Mind: The Power of Thinking Outside the Brain, science writer Annie Murphy Paul declares the common metaphor of the brain-as-computer is flawed and limiting. “Our culture insists that the brain is the sole locus of thinking, a cordoned-off space where cognition happens, much as the workings of my laptop are sealed inside its aluminum case,” she writes. “This book argues otherwise.”

The book focuses on the problems such a “brainbound” perspective creates in modern schools and workplaces. But many of Murphy Paul’s well-researched insights have relevance for today’s parents, especially given our ever-increasing technological saturation. Indeed, technological devices often “isolate” both adults and growing children “from one another, sealing us within our individual digital bubbles,” she writes.

Benefits of eye contact, gestures, conversation

The key for parents is to think beyond the screen as much as possible when interacting with their children. Some of these strategies for “extending the brain” are instinctive, but Murphy Paul’s research often pinpoints the reasons that can help parents be more intentional.

For example, we know that from birth a baby starts tracking a parent’s eyes, and parents naturally return the gaze. But Murphy Paul explains the importance of eye contact is actually built into our eyes. “Such gaze-following is made easier by the fact that people have visible whites of the eyes,” she writes. “Humans are the only primates so outfitted, an exceptional status that has led scientists to propose the ‘cooperative eye hypothesis’ — the theory that our eyes evolved to support cooperative social interactions. ‘Our eyes see, but they are also meant to be seen,’ notes science writer Ker Than.”

Beyond eye contact, gestures are another bodily way to “extend” a young child’s brain development. Murphy Paul explains “linguists theorize that gesture was humankind’s earliest language …  all of us, then, are effectively bilingual.” She notes that “well before babies can talk, they are waving, beckoning, holding up their arms in a wordless signal: pick me up.” Parents help “translate” the child’s gestures. Growing children, therefore, benefit from an environment rich in both words and gestures like pointing. Gestures can be especially helpful when a parent and child read a picture book together, which is essentially preparing the child’s brain to “read” the outside world as well.

As young children age, their brains and social skills benefit tremendously from as much face-to-face conversation as possible. The reason? “The body is the bridge,” Murphy Paul writes.

During conversations, “the body acts as a critical conduit, supplying the brain with the visceral information it lacks. … When interacting with other people, we subtly and unconsciously mimic their facial expressions, gestures, posture, and vocal pitch,” she writes. “Then … we perceive what the other person is feeling because we feel it in ourselves.” Think of how the lack of body language often impacts the quality of e-mail or of what Murphy Paul calls the “stutter-stop rhythm of asynchronous text exchanges.”

Role of exercise, motion, nature in brain development

Parents can also bodily “extend” a child’s brain development via frequent exercise and exposure to nature. Movement while learning new information can actually improve recall (hence we “never forget how to ride a bike”). Other ways to capitalize on this connection might be to encourage children to use their fingers when learning to count, act out stories they read, and write their thoughts in a journal. As Murphy Paul states, “whenever possible, we should offload information, externalize it, move it out of our heads and into the world.”

The value of exposure to nature in our increasingly digital (and urban) world cannot be overstated. In terms of brain development, Murphy Paul explains “children’s play is more imaginative when they are outdoors than when they are inside, research has shown; natural play spaces are less structured and more varied, and the props children may come across (leaves, pebbles, pinecones) have no purpose predetermined by teachers or parents.” Even if nature is hard to access, benefits can still result from home environments with natural light and growing plants. 

On a larger scale, Murphy Paul notes the paradox of nature’s effect in our high-tech age. “The time we spend scrutinizing our small screens leads us to think small, even as it enlarges and aggrandizes our sense of self,” she writes. “Nature’s vastness — the unfathomable scale of the ocean, of the mountains, of the night sky — has the opposite effect. It makes us feel tiny, even as it opens wide our sense of the possible.”

In her conclusion, Murphy Paul returns to the pitfalls of the brain-as-computer metaphor. “We should resist the urge to shunt our thinking along the linear path appropriate to a computer — input, output, done — and instead allow it to take a more winding route,” she writes. Such a route would embed brain-extensions into our family life as much as possible.

Parents do some of this instinctively, but Murphy Paul’s book is a reminder that while today’s technology has many benefits, it also tends to limit brain development linked to our bodies, environments and relationships. In other words, we don’t want our growing children to just “use their heads,” but to “extend their minds” as well.

Child brain development photo: © denisismagilov / Adobe Stock.

I don’t really like my son’s friends. Not at all. I don’t like their music or their lack of manners. Still, I relented when he asked if he could just take one more ride with them before coming in to dinner.

I definitely didn’t want him to give them rides. Yet, I sighed and stood there, watching my 5-year-old boy hold his friends tight in his lap, taking them one at a time down the slide. He laughed, and I was glad for his joy. One by one, they slid.

All 27 of his friends.

All 27 cicadas currently residing in his bug house.

And, for the record, I hate bugs.

But it’s not about me.

Let me back up.

In the final months of my wife’s pregnancy, my excitement began to grow. I was nervous to be a father — all right, make that terrified — and, at the time, had absolutely no plans to be a stay-at-home dad — my current profession. Yet, beyond the newness and the normal life-shattering “let’s flip the entire world upside down and never see the universe the same way again” stuff that everyone deals with, my growing excitement centered around another factor.

You see, this soon-to-be kid was going to be a “little me.” This was someone I could share my interests — my nerdiness — with, right from the beginning of his life. I just knew my son was going to love everything I loved. I bottle fed him in front of anime shows. He took his first steps to the Star Wars soundtracks. And one of his earliest complete sentences was “You … shall not … pass!”

Where our interests part

However, as he grew, something funny began to happen. My son wasn’t a little me. He was a little “him.” He had a huge, almost stereotypical boy-interest in trucks. Why is he so interested in trucks? How can he go from an adorable Lord of the Rings sentence to walking around saying “What’s that truck?” — which, due to his developing vocal patterns sure sounded an awful lot like, um, something less age appropriate. I tried to encourage him, though. I don’t like trucks, but I started getting books about trucks, drawing pictures of trucks and learning with him.

When trucks went out, and dinosaurs came in, I learned more than I thought possible about the beasts. I swear, when I was a kid there were only five species of dinosaurs. (Yeah, I’m old. Pluto used to be a planet, too.) It wasn’t until we were eating with another family and my son took out his toys that I truly realized what I’d learned. “Nice triceratops,” said my friend. “Um, that’s clearly a styracosaurus,” I instantly replied. It was. My son smiled. And I smiled.

You see, it doesn’t matter what interests me. Or what I’m interested in. Maybe he’ll get into that nerdy stuff later on, maybe not. It’s not about me, it’s about him.

We took a single vacation during the pandemic. Before vaccinations or re-openings or the world feeling close to sane, we traveled to Rehoboth Beach, Del., during the coldest week of winter. We stayed in a virtually abandoned vacation community, right on the water, and were the only people on the beach. After months of struggling through Zoom Pre-K, I saw a spark ignite. I saw my son become interested in things he had never cared about. We darted shell to shell, marveling at mussels and the washed-up bodies of horseshoe crabs. Thanks to my friend, Google, (note: Google Lens on the phone is a lifesaver) I learned that horseshoe crabs aren’t crabs at all. Who knew?

New interests, new knowledge

And did it work? Is he learning?

Well, here’s our bedtime conversation last night:

Me: I’m so proud of all the growth you’ve shown. You’re done with Pre-K, and you’ve learned so much. You’re growing up fast.

Kid: Well, you taught me a lot.

Me: I appreciate that, but I’m still very proud of you.

Kid: I am pretty grown up. I’ll be a daddy like you soon, and then I’ll have 15 kids … no, probably 9,000 kids.

Me: Nine thousand, huh?

Kid: Yup. I think I might need a wife first.

Me: Might help.

Kid: I grow up fast, though. I mean I don’t know everything like you. I don’t even know what’s in the deep.

Me: The deep?

Kid: You know … the deepest part of the ocean. The midnight zone. I don’t really know what’s there.

Me: Yeah, well, I think you already know more than me about that. You know, ever since the beach —

Kid: Oh, sure I know about hydrothermal vents, yeti crabs, gulper eels, anglerfish, [continues naming like a hundred other things for five minutes] … but I definitely don’t know everything. What am I gonna teach my 9,000 kids?

Me: I’m sure you’ll think of something.

And that brings me back to today. The truth is that dinos and the ocean were easy. I knew nothing about them, but it’s easy to encourage something you don’t mind. But bugs … bugs are gross. Here in the Mid-Atlantic there’s a perpetual scream, roughly 10 billion decibels loud. It’s the so-called Brood X cicadas. (I’m pretty sure Broodix is a planet from Star Trek. Or it should be.) I’m typing this with the windows closed. I can still hear them. And they’re swarming all over the window screen.

But it’s also a once-in-a-17-year event for my son to embrace. Did you know cicadas have five eyes (three ocelli between the two big red ones?) or that only the males “sing”? I didn’t know those things, but my son taught me. He taught me they’re harmless and ultimately, if he wants to take some extra slide trips with his friends, whether I like those friends or not …

It’s not about me. It’s about him.

About the author

Chris Mannino lives with his wife and two children. As a full-time stay-at-home dad, he considers himself a lion tamer, cat herder, sanitation manager, personal chef, private teacher and more. Somehow, he also manages to squeeze in a writing career: crafting fantasy stories from picture books through adult. Visit him at www.ChristopherMannino.com

Dad embraces kid’s interests photo: ©golubovy / Adobe Stock.

Summer 2021 is finally here and NYC outdoor public pools in all five boroughs will reopen Saturday, June 26, for all to enjoy. However, there are some rule changes (grrr – dang, COVID-19!) to know before enjoying these free treasures.

All pool goers will be required to wear a face mask at certain times, according to the NYC Parks pool page (you’ll find the locations of all the pools there). These are when:

• Entering the pool facility
• In locker rooms or bathrooms
• When on the pool deck

Masks are not to be worn in the water, thankfully.

And that’s it. Although the city’s indoor pools remain closed and many aquatic classes have been cancelled because of the pandemic, much of rest is the same as in recent years when it comes to swim fun in New York City’s boroughs.

NYC outdoor public pools, which are free, will be open daily from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. for open swims, with a break for pool cleaning between 3 and 4 p.m. Early morning and late night adult lap swim hours are also available at some locations. The city may still host free “learn to swim” programs but many other aquatic programs are definitely off.

Rules for outdoor water fun – sunscreen included

The big things to know, mask requirements aside, are:

• You must have on a swimsuit to enter the pool area.
• Men’s swimsuits must have a lining, and yes — you might be ask to prove it.
• If you need a shirt or hat to protect you from the sun, they must be plain WHITE. No shirts with colors on them on the deck.
• Swim diapers required for babies and the yet-to-be potty trained.
• Most places have stroller parking but getting a space is not guaranteed.
• No floaties or water toys.
• No food, glass bottles, electronic devices, and newspapers, either!
• If you plan to use a locker, bring a sturdy lock. No luggage locks.

Free, broad-spectrum SPF 50 sunscreen will be available in dispensers at all the city’s outdoor pools, thanks to the American Academy of Dermatology’s SPOT Skin Cancer.

NYC public outdoor pools are open through Sept. 12, 2021.

Check out the NYC ‘Cool Pools’

The Cool Pools initiative has upgraded 16 NYC public outdoor pools in recent years that hadn’t had major renovations since being built in the 1970s. These spruced up facilities have:

• fun summer-themed wall art
• lounge chairs for sunbathing and relaxing poolside,
• cabana-style shade structures to help keep you cool, 
• plantings to make our pools greener, and
• fun and free poolside activities, including games, sports, arts and crafts, and fitness classes

You’ll find Cool Pools in each borough, but new for this year are the Van Cortlandt Pool in The Bronx and Bushwick Pool and Howard Pool in Brooklyn.

My family owes a lot to ice skating. In fact, my first date with my wife of 25 years was at a festival of lights that featured outdoor skating. I still remember how we both pretended we were not good skaters so we could cling tighter to each other.

I grew up in New York’s Niagara Falls area right next to the Canadian border, so ice skating has always been a part of my life. When I was a child, one of my best friend’s fathers created that magical oasis that cold-weather kids crave: a backyard ice rink. Looking back, the rink was quite small, but in my memories it had NHL proportions complete with chain link fence “boards” my friends and I would check each other into. I’ll never forget how heavy an actual puck felt on your hockey stick compared to a street-hockey tennis ball.

As our bodies grew and our skating skills sharpened, we eventually moved our pick-up hockey games to a nearby frozen creek. But I miss the backyard rink more than the creek, which required more shoveling and did not include a post-game meal in my friend Tim’s warm house.

Learning to skate benefits children

Such memories flooded my mind when the time came for my two daughters to learn how to ice skate. While our yard has never been suitable for an outdoor rink, my wife and I made sure they took skating lessons at a local rink. The look of pride and wonder on their faces when they first learned to keep their balance was priceless.

No one remembers the feeling of gaining balance when we learned how to walk. But we can relive a fraction of that conquest of gravity by learning how to do things like ice skate, roller skate, ride a bicycle, snow ski or waterski. That’s why it’s important to help children achieve at least some of these balance-focused abilities that also fuel self-confidence.

Over the years, my family has enjoyed skating together every winter at local rinks or school events. A few times one of my daughters would even choose to have an ice skating birthday party. Caution: if your child wants such a party, make sure everyone invited knows how to skate reasonably well. My back nearly gave out one year trying to help an adorable but very wobbly boy make his way around the rink.

Skating backward benefits parents

My most poignant memory of ice skating with my daughters as teens occurred a few years ago. I was with my friend, Greg, who has two daughters the same age as mine. We were all skating on a little practice rink, and the older girls were trying to skate backward. I can only skate backward very slowly, and I was having trouble explaining how to do it.

Suddenly, Greg’s older daughter figured it out by herself and excitedly showed me how to skate faster. Basically, you push outward on alternating skates while leaning back slightly. I tried it — and it worked! Life had come full circle … or more like a figure eight. Years ago Greg and I had helped teach our daughters how to skate forward, and here they were teaching us how to skate backward.

Then it dawned on me.

Metaphorically, all children eventually teach their parents how to skate backward. When we meet our mates and start a family, our eyes (and skates) are fully on the path ahead. But as our children grow and push forward in search of their own missions and mates, their skates leave a trail in the ice that parents can’t help but retrace, savor and — let’s face it — miss terribly.

Photo: © pressmaster  / Adobe Stock.