Of all the words you could’ve used to describe my life before marriage and kids, “routine” would not be one of them.

With no real responsibilities other than work a decade ago, I never really knew what my day would hold from one day to the next. I came and went as I pleased. It was the life – at the time, of course.

But fatherhood changes things. It’s transformative. And those changes can be a rude awakening if you’re not prepared or equipped to deal with them. 

Friday night lights out

I think back to just a few Fridays ago. I was hanging out on the couch in the evening, decompressing after a long week. The kids were asleep and my wife was upstairs watching one of her shows. Alone I sat, aimlessly flipping channels and scrolling on my phone. Looking at my contacts, it quickly became apparent that most of my friends who I would consider sending a “what’s the move?” text to in the same boat as me – parents worn out from the week and not willing or able to get out and do anything.

So just as the story goes for most Friday evenings these days, that night ended with me falling asleep while watching TV. A thrilling turn of events. 

That’s my routine now. A life that was once free-flowing and spontaneous, is now structured and predictable, with little-to-no wiggle room. From school and daycare pick-up and drop-offs, to weekend activities, to bedtime routines, the look and feel of my days as a dad rarely changes. I know what needs to be done and when. Rinse and repeat. 

Accept today’s routine, change is coming fast  

While having a routine and structure can be tedious, it’s ideal for how I’ve chosen to approach fatherhood. My kids are 5 and 2 so stability and consistency is vital to their development at this stage of life. Their routine has pretty much been their norm since birth and it keeps things somewhat in order. For me, however, it has been and still is at times tough to accept.

For all its joys and rewards, dealing with the lifestyle changes that come with fatherhood is tough. I’ve struggled with the loss of my “old life.” I’ve longed for just one weekend where my responsibilities could be put on the shelf so I could go to happy hour. Or just hang out with my friends. Or maybe play a round of golf.

Don’t get me wrong, I do get out and have fun here and there. But the “heres and theres” are few and far between. The routine of fatherhood is where I am now. I’ve come to accept that, even though I’m surrounded by energetic little people, the loneliness I feel navigating through the day-to-day routine is just for a season. Kids grow up. Their needs and demands of you will change until one day it will pass.

But for now, I’ll keep checking my Google Calendar daily to make sure I know where the kids need to be, and when.

Tips for breaking out of a parenting rut

If the routine of parenting is running you down, first realize that you are not alone. Then do something about it. Here are some helpful tips from online parenting experts about practicing self-care and changing things up:

• Schedule a date night with your spouse/partner. Hire a sitter and take a night every few weeks to have a quiet dinner out or catch a movie or a concert.
• Find time to decompress every day. Whether it’s five minutes of peaceful meditation, a walk around the block or a cup of coffee in a corner cafe, take a break for some quick relaxation.
• Join a parenting support group. Whether online or in real life, there’s a like-minded group of moms and dads to commiserate with and draw strength and support from. Dads can find a local City Dads Group, join the The National At-Home Dad Network or one of Fathering Together’s popular Facebook groups.

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This blog post is part of the #NoDadAlone campaign. Fathering Together/City Dads Group, the National At-Home Dad Network, and Fathers Eve are joining forces to amplify messages that help dads recognize we are not alone! Follow #NoDadAlone on Instagram, and learn more at NoDadAlone.com.

Photo: © globalmoments / Adobe Stock.

For seven years I held the best job the world has to offer. It’s the most fun job I can envision, and at times, one of the hardest imaginable.

I’m talking about my happy time as a SAHD: a stay-at-home dad.

For seven years, I was the MAN. The go-to parent for every joy, every heartache, every need. I oversaw food, fitness and fun. We would take “dadventures” — exploring nearby museums, parks, historic sites and more. I raised my son and daughter, loving every moment I spent with them. And life was amazing.

But the pay … it sucked.

This past fall, my daughter, the younger of our kids, enrolled in preschool. At first, I felt free. I’d have more time to focus on the housework, cooking and other responsibilities without feeling rushed all the time. Yet, those wide-open days started feeling a bit …boring. When you’re used to constant noise and attention, the quiet while your children are at school is both empowering and unsettling.

So I started working part-time as a substitute teacher. I enjoyed spending this time in my kids’ schools and even subbing in their classes. Subbing is good for the struggling school systems (I was a full-time teacher before our kids were born) and I liked being able to do it on my terms. School holiday? I’m off too. One kid sick? I don’t take a sub job that day. And so on.

It felt strange working part-time, though. It made me realize I had an even bigger decision looming ahead of me as my children got older: Should I return to work full-time?

I hadn’t had a traditional “office” job in seven years. Would employers even want to talk to me? Realistically, as sexist as it sounds, leaving the workforce for stay-at-home fatherhood is a tough sell to potential future employers.

Another thing to consider: What would I do for work? I didn’t want to go back to teaching, I knew that. And I didn’t know what the job market for my skills would be like. I did know I wanted to try something.

I dove into the job hunt. A hundred applications across months. A handful of interviews that didn’t pan out. And a lot of crickets.

Let me backtrack a moment. When you become an at-home parent, you experience an initial period of limbo when nothing feels right or normal. You’re used to being on someone else’s clock, but now you set the timetable. Rather than a boss who dresses you down, your “boss” is now this little person you have to dress daily. Instead of being surrounded by co-workers and other adults, you are now isolated on Kid Island—sometimes I needed reminding to go outside and be around others.    

I thought about that period because here I was in limbo again. I didn’t know what I wanted or how to get there. My kids still mattered the most, but I knew I wanted to be working and earning money. I wanted to still be there for them for intense, amazing play at least a little bit every day. So then, what could I do?

Well, I threw in the job search towel.

Instead, my wife and I decided to open our own business from home, working full-time to make it succeed.

It hasn’t been easy, but here I am … making more money than I ever did as a full-time teacher. I work from home, setting my own timetable. My boss is my wife. She dresses me down often, if you know what I mean, but I keep it PG in front of the kids. And since working from home is a bit isolating, we’re constantly putting ourselves in front of others. I’m even giving a TEDx talk in front of a crowd at Philadelphia next month.

In other words, we took all the elements we liked about my time as an SAHD and kept them then fit work around them. Every day, I spend time with my kids. Every day I spend time with my wife. I work on my terms and on my timeline.

Creating and running your own business won’t be for everyone, but for me, this scenario has been the secret to being “happy after SAHD.” I think the key is to find the priorities that matter to you and find a way to make them happen. My priority is spending time with the kids. Finding an employer willing to work with me on that, with a seven-year “gap” as a SAHD on my resume and a career change in mind … well, maybe my wife’s the only boss who that would work for. Still, find those priorities and stick to them.

Parenting, regardless of your work (or non-work) situation, doesn’t end. In my new position, our dadventures still happen, and so do the dad jokes and, of course, the constant care of kids. It’s possible to do all those, and still work. Being happy after SAHD means embracing the longer-term job of fatherhood, and recognizing that everything else is secondary.

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This blog post is part of the #NoDadAlone campaign. Fathering Together/City Dads Group, the National At-Home Dad Network, and Fathers Eve are joining forces to amplify messages that help dads recognize we are not alone! Follow #NoDadAlone on Instagram, and learn more at NoDadAlone.com.

Photo by Gustavo Fring from Pexels.

Three leading fatherhood organizations are undertaking a yearlong “No Dad Alone” campaign to help more fathers find support and an understanding community.

Fathering Together, of which City Dads Group is a part, The National At-Home Dad Network and Fathers Eve will cross-promote each other’s work to amplify information, resources and events available to dads through each entity. The groups plan to use their organizations’ platforms, including social media, newsletters, blogs and podcasts. The three organizations combined have more than 180,000 followers on various popular social media channels.

“The No Dad Alone campaign aims to address the ever-growing stats surrounding men’s health, specifically, the negative stigmas and untrue portrayals of fathers in the home and beyond,” said Cordan James, executive director of Fathering Together. “The web of resources this collaborative provides will instantly increase the positive impacts of fathers. It will also give people language to address, engage and support fathers in need and elevate the spirit of fatherhood.”

No Dad Alone arose, in part, from increasing U.S. media attention to male loneliness, particularly among fathers. Societal pressures about maintaining traditional masculinity (for example, remaining strong, stoic and independent in difficult times) and fewer resources and attention devoted to helping dads as opposed to moms contribute to these issues.

“Fathers are often isolated and they are not always sure what to do or how to alleviate it,” said John Francis, a co-organizer of the Twin Cities Dad Group and founder of Fathers Eve. “I think this campaign brings awareness to an important issue many guys have trouble with.”

Keith Nagel, president of The National At-Home Dad Network, said, “By highlighting and showcasing each of our organizations’ great work, we can create and build a much larger network of support for all our dads than we could individually. We hope to make other dads aware of our support offerings while connecting our members with ones we don’t provide.”

The ambitious campaign, using the social media hashtag #NoDadAlone, starts Father’s Day weekend 2024 to the following one in 2025. A key kickoff and celebratory ending point will be the annual Fathers Eve celebrations those weekends.

“From my work in the fatherhood area for the last dozen or so years, I see lots of people and groups doing good things to try to help their audience or their local market, but I don’t see a lot of connectivity,” Francis said. “They’re great guys all doing good work. When we work together I know we will make a much larger impact on this important issue.”

About the No Dad Alone organizers

Each organization involved in No Dad Alone has embarked on similar, though separate, missions to provide support and community to dads. At various times, each has worked with the other on a campaign or event.

The National At-Home Dad Network was established in 2003, initially under the name Daddyshome Inc. The first national nonprofit for at-home dads, it focuses on advocacy, education and support for families with fathers as primary caregivers. The network offers a variety of online communities, webinars and virtual opportunities to connect throughout the year. Its annual conference for at-home fathers, HomeDadCon, marks its 28th year this October with a three-day event in St. Louis.

Since 2012, Fathers Eve has gathered groups of dads — formally or informally in public or private spaces — the night before Father’s Day to celebrate each other and the joys and challenges of fatherhood. The event, held in dozens of U.S. towns and cities, lets dads offer support to each other and help foster a positive fathering environment. It culminates in a toast, in person and online, at 8 p.m. local time in each U.S. time zone.

Fathering Together started with the “Dads with Daughters” Facebook group in 2018. It quickly grew to have more than 125,000 followers supporting each other’s efforts to be great fathers. In 2020, the founders created the current nonprofit. It offers Facebook communities, a podcast, and a variety of webinars and resources supporting dads.

City Dads Group began in 2008 as a playgroup for at-home dads and their children in New York City. It now consists of groups of fathers who meet, with and without their kids, in 40 cities across the United States and one in Canada. City Dads Group merged with Fathering Together in 2023.

When our family’s child care situation proved unworkable last year, we knew we had to make a major lifestyle change. For us, it was bringing an au pair into our home to help care for our two children.

Au pair comes from the French, meaning “on par” or “equal to.” Agencies we talked to repeatedly stressed this concept. Unlike a live-in nanny, an au pair is expected to be treated more like a family member than a salaried employee.

What is an au pair?

Au pairs in the United States come from a foreign nation to live in your house for one year. They have J-1 student visas which require them to take courses during their time in the States. Host families set their schedules with certain labor law limitations and requirements (up to 45 hours a week, no more than 10 hours a day, paid vacation). Their duties often include watching and teaching the kids, changing diapers, giving baths and bottles, doing the kids’ laundry, and cleaning playrooms. Other responsibilities are up to the family. These may include school pickup or driving them to appointments, tutoring, or preparing meals for the broader house. The key in all of these arrangements is the “equal to” mentality. They’re paid, but not as servants — more like a cousin who’s living with you for a year. 

Finding an au pair was an interesting experience in itself. Many au pair agencies exist and, once you sign on with one, the experience becomes similar to the online dating systems my wife and I used to meet one another years ago. We created a profile and looked at candidates through a search portal online. We scrolled through profiles, read compatibility tests, and eventually conducted video interviews. Our candidate pool was a bit unique and limited. As a vegan house, we didn’t want to ask a non-vegetarian to live with us. Yet, we still had many people to consider.

Costs to consider

At this point, you hit the biggest con of the program: the cost.

An au pair costs roughly $10,000. (We found a similar price among the many agencies and programs we investigated.) This money goes to the program itself. It pays for the search, flights to bring your au pair to the States, training, visas and insurance. Beyond that, by law, the family pays the au pair a minimum weekly $200 stipend.

Then come the additional costs. You are responsible for room and in-house boarding. If your au pair drives, your auto insurance will rise. Most host families also cover their helper’s phone. If you plan to travel with your au pair, expect more expenses. You must pay for flights, separate hotel rooms, meals, entertainment tickets, etc. It adds up fast. 

Yet, even with all the above, the costs can come out well worth it. A single au pair cares for all your children. If you send two or three kids to daycare, an au pair may be far cheaper.

Our experience so far

Our au pair, Stefanin, arrived from southern Brazil eight months ago. It took a few months for my wife and I, as well as our two kids, to get used to the arrangement. Another person suddenly always being in the house is an adjustment. At times it felt like we’d adopted an older teenager. At other times it felt like we had Mary Poppins, minus the British accent. Note: Many au pairs do not speak English as a first language, which is one reason they join the program — to improve those skills. 

The biggest pros for us are the consistency and the flexibility. We set Ste’s schedule before each month, but if something happens, like a child getting sick, we don’t have to cancel having a sitter. Just last week, my wife was out of town. My 4-year-old daughter fell and injured her head. I called an ambulance and rushed her to the hospital, but was able to leave my son home, knowing he was fine with Ste. Having that extra adult there made a huge difference for my peace of mind. 

I am glad my children get to interact with someone who can teach them a bit about Brazil and South America. I’m glad for the flexibility and reliability in child care she’s provided, allowing my wife and I to take fairly regular date days. I’m also grateful for the help she’s given when we have traveled with her, whether just for a day or for longer trips. 

Is an au pair right for your family? It’s a different way to spend a year, and a different option to consider. Not every match works well. Yet, many matches go on to be part of the family forever. The program changed how I parent and live. It helped my kids, too. If it works for you financially, it’s something to consider.

For more information:

• How to hire an au pair (BabyList)
• Pros and cons (Fatherly)
• Pocket money, working hours, contracts (AuPairWorld)
• How to find the right au pair (Cultural Care Au Pair)

Photo by Kampus Production via Pexels

I have a theory. It’s so revolutionary, so mind-altering, I’m terrified to unleash it on the world. I’m sure a savvy behavioral scientist will steal my idea and claim it as his own. Perhaps some pseudo-scientist will develop an outlandish experiment to test my hypothesis while giving me zero credit. Despite these obvious dangers, I’ve decided to bravely share my idea with the world.

I believe children appear to have endless energy because they actively and greedily consume the life force and willpower of their parents and caregivers.

That’s it. That’s the theory. It’s the only way to explain my children’s ability to grind my resolve into dust.

I’m sure most parents can relate, but with all humility, I’m not your average parent. My hobby — running ultramarathons — is based on willpower and longsuffering. I voluntarily push myself to the physical limit just to see how far I can go. My endurance and resolve to will myself to finish these races is my superpower, and yet . . . my 4-year-old can bring me to my knees.

Compare your life before v. after kids

If we are on even footing, human to human, I believe I can out willpower anyone on Earth. Those rare times I encounter someone with similar resolve, it’s a bad day for us both. However, my children come equipped with a genetic advantage. They can somehow extract my life force, my very essence, and use it against me. It’s the only way a 9-year-old could use logic and wit to defeat me. How else could you explain a 7-year-old with more probing questions than a special counselor investigating a former president?

Yeah, sure, it’s possible I’m not as special as I think I am. However, I reject that reality. Instead, I’ve invented an outlandish, borderline supernatural explanation for why children erode parents’ defenses. As crazy as it seems, it does make sense. Let’s look at the evidence. (And remember, you’re reading this theory on the internet — I’m not obligated to offer any — let alone, REAL — evidence yet I’m offering it.)

Firstly, I bet you had more energy before you had children. Morning wake-ups were easier. Drink a glass of wine while following a complex recipe? Easy-peasy. Staying up beyond 10 p.m.? Non-issue. Reading a book was a relaxing, calming experience; you could easily finish a chapter without losing consciousness. But then, kids …

Secondly, I bet you used to do stuff. Any stuff. All the stuff. Hobbies. Social lives. Yard work. You know — stuff! Your only consideration was whether you felt like doing stuff. There was no one else to interfere. No one else draining your will and resolve. It was just you. But then, kids …

Thirdly, remember sex? I do. It’s how we got ourselves into this mess.

Fourthly . . . well, I’m still stuck on the sex part.

Oh, the endless questions, negotiations

Now, I have a confession. All of the above is admittedly nonsense. It’s a cover. An elaborate explanation to give me the courage to say: I’m tired, and I feel like I’m losing.

I probably shouldn’t view parenting as a winning or losing proposition, but it all feels so contentious. Each interaction with my kids is a complex negotiation. My oldest, for example, has begun questioning every request or decision my wife or I make, and she needs detailed explanations to be satisfied.

Eat your dinner. Father, how much food do I have to eat?

Pick up your toys. Mother, how many toys would be acceptable?

Brush your teeth. All of them, dear parents? And just how many minutes of this would constitute sufficiently brushed?

It’s exhausting.

Meanwhile, my middle son is a cliché “boy,” and everything has become physical. He runs around the house like a raging Viking, plundering my other kids of their safety and me of my will. By the time my youngest makes her move on me, I’m like a limping antelope asking the cheetah, “Just make it quick.”

Worst of all, these little soul suckers are only 9, 7, and 4.5 years old. What will I have left in the tank when requests start to involve dating, driving and the really scary shit?!

I look at other parents who have survived and wonder: How?

Is this what good parenting feels like?

I’m terrified of the future and I question my ability to navigate what lies ahead. Already I struggle to keep up. School and sports. Birthday parties and play dates. So many dance practices, cheer practices, and cheer AND dance competitions. Do I spend enough time with them individually? Does one of them feel like they don’t get enough attention? Is there enough time for each child to pursue his or her own interests?

I’ve told other moms and dads that if they are stressed about their parenting decisions, it means they’re doing something right. I wonder if I can take my own advice? Is it truly evidence I’m doing my best? Who the hell determines why my “best” is, anyway? Why do I keep asking so many questions? Is THIS where my kids get it from? Crap.

There is some pseudo-science part of my brain that may believe children have a secret, cosmic superpower that allows them to drain us of our life force. Maybe that’s the alternate reality explanation I need to get myself through the parenting quagmire of endless questions and chronic bickering. Perhaps, in some alternate universe, I’m winning awards for parenting aplomb, but in this world, the words of the English band Bastille say it best: “What can I say? I’m survivin’, crawling out these sheets to see another day.”

So go — observe your kids from a distance. If they make eye contact, and their eyes shine and glow as they drain you of will and life, remember life-force energy vampires are real, and those damn kids always know what we do in the shadows.

Photo of life-force drained father: © globalmoments / Adobe Stock.

I’d be lost without Google Calendar. In many ways, it’s my own little digital personal assistant.

Every meeting, trip, doctor’s appointment, party invitation, important birthday, sports practice and game, and more fill the days, weeks, and months on my computer screen and phone. 

Yay, technology!

As I’ve aged, having a detailed calendar has become a necessity. If it isn’t on there, forget about it. I’m not going to be on time. Hell, I might not even show up at all. I could get away without writing down appointments and such when I was younger. Dentist appointment next Thursday at 9? No problem, I’ll remember. Flag football practice on Mondays? I’ll be there. 

But life has changed thanks to fatherhood. The responsibilities I have as a dad require me to be as organized and on top of things as possible. In the blink of an eye, it seems, my once sparsely populated calendar has transformed into a colorful smorgasbord that is exciting, rewarding, stressful, and exhausting, all at the same time.

Their activities are now your activities

As a dad of a 5-year-old son, I’m now fully immersed in the “activity” phase. And I’ve leaned into it 100 percent. As dads, it’s an unspeakable joy to see our kids take an interest in some of the things that were part of our childhood. It’s equally joyful to watch them create their own path. 

Soccer, swimming, Cub Scouts, and T-ball are all on the agenda for my son these days. Not to mention birthday parties. Even my 2-year-old daughter is getting invited to parties for her daycare “classmates.” On any given weekend I go from the pool to the bouncy house to the park with snacks and tablets in tow. 

I often say this is part of the deal that comes with being a dad. The weekends once reserved for a round of golf or a pickup basketball game have been replaced with being a chauffeur for your favorite little person. For me, this is just the beginning. Once my little girl gets older, she’ll hopefully get involved in activities of her own. By then, who knows what my son will have going on? I’ll just add it to the calendar. 

Balance calendar for you and your kids

The reality for me is that two things can be true. There’s excitement for this season of life; there’s also an acknowledgment of the toll it takes on parent and child. For as much as we may not want our kids to “miss out,” a balance for managing activities must also exist.

The phrase “booked and busy” can sometimes be glorified as a badge of honor. If every time I look up, I’m taking my child from one activity to the next, I have to be a dedicated dad, right? The beauty of activities, particularly, sports, is they teach kids far more than Xs and Os. You learn teamwork, respect, confidence, and social skills, among other things. 

In a world that seemingly glorifies busyness, we have to be sure that we’re not only teaching our kids the importance of having a good work ethic, but showing them how to be self-aware in knowing when to take a day off.  

Because if we’re lucky, there will be plenty more activities to come. Just check the calendar. 

Photo by Windows on Unsplash

It’s been more than 15 years since Matt Schneider and I became at-home dads, knowing that we were headed into the most amazing and challenging years of our lives. We were amateur dads then, and even now, we are far from experts. Fortunately, we are surrounded by a large community of fathers of all stripes in our NYC Dads Group and beyond so we have a network to draw upon for some tips and best practices.

We developed these top 10 tips for stay-at-home dads back in 2011 at the request of HealthyWoman website. We sincerely believe these tips can still be a valuable asset to a parent of any gender who chooses to be the primary caregiver to his or her child.

10 At-Home Parenting Tips for Dads

By stay-at-home dads Lance Somerfeld and Matt Schneider

1. Clear communication with your wife/partner on responsibilities
   It is imperative to discuss expectations and responsibilities early and often regarding all aspects of parenting. Discuss expectations about cooking and home care, contributions to parenting at night and on weekends, managing relatives, etc. Setting clear expectations upfront will reduce conflict and resentment.
2. Find time for yourself
   Now that you are an at-home parent, parenting does not have to consume your entire life. It is extremely important to carve out personal “me” time for yourself to still get together with your friends, hit the gym or pursue a hobby.
3. Take your job seriouslyhttps://citydadsgroup.com/at-home-parenting-isolation/
   As with any other job, you should navigate parenthood with the goal of being the best dad you can be, the same way you strive to succeed at any job.
4. Consider the future
   Being an at-home dad may not be your job forever so it is important to continue networking within your field or area of expertise, staying sharp and keeping up on current events.
5. Connect with other parents
   You are not alone in this journey of parenthood although it may feel isolating at times. In fact, isolation is one of the chief complaints of stay-at-home parents. It’s so important to socialize, network and share your tips and frustrations with other dads. Join a dads group (there are so many of them now) or a local parenting group.
6. Establish a routine
   Having your child(ren) on a consistent schedule (eating, napping, bedtime routine) is important for them so they know what to expect every day and for you so you can confidently plan your day.
7. Get out of the house
   It’s easy to feel overwhelmed at home with housework or parenting responsibilities. Getting fresh air is important for you and your child. Make sure you get out once or twice a day (even during winter) to take a walk with the stroller through a park, run a few errands, enroll in a parent and child class, or hit the local library or bookstore.
8. Seek advice or help
   Let’s face it: many dads don’t like to ask for directions or read the manual. We recommend approaching parenting a little differently — you can’t do it all by yourself. Ask for help when you need it whether it’s hiring a cleaning person to help with housework or calling another parent with a challenge regarding child discipline, potty training or sleep wakings.
9. Embrace the experience
   Sometimes it may be hard to realize, but caring for your child during the first few years of his or her life is a wonderful opportunity. You not only get to observe and witness the major milestones, but, you get to share and enjoy the small wondrous moments that happen every day!
10. Shattering stereotypes and informing society
    At-home dads oftentimes get a bad rap based on negative perceptions in media and society at large. You must inform others, as well as demonstrate through parenting, that fathers can be nurturing, competent and caring.

This at-home parenting tips article was first published 2011 on HealthyWomen. Photo: © Wayhome Studio / Adobe Stock.

For many new parents, all of their time is spent simply taking care of the baby. It can be tough figuring out how to find time to work out or exercise. If running is your thing (or was — before having kids), here’s a “how to” guide for getting back into your sport by using a jogging stroller:

Picking a Jogging Stroller

There are many great brands (Jeep, Graco, BabyTrends, Joovy) and types (single, double, fixed wheel) jogging strollers. I suggest that you try out a few before deciding. I use BOB Gear jogging strollers because I found they work best in terms of size, flexibility, and durability for the streets, elevators and small apartments of New York City. Our BOB Gear stroller comes in handy for more than just running with my child. It’s great to take when I bring my daughter grocery shopping or to a museum.

Start Slowly

I started running with my daughter, Lucinda, when she was around 5 months old. The instructions for my BOB Gear jogging stroller advised me not to run with a baby younger than 8 months. You need to use your best judgment. I felt confident trying it as soon as she could sit up without slumping over in the stroller. The first time out we went for about 2.5 miles. The first mile and a half she was fine, but then she got fussy. So we abandoned ship. The second time out was a little better. By the third time, she had gotten used to the stroller and things started to go more smoothly.

Jogging Strollers Help with Naps

After about five short runs in the jogging stroller, she had gotten into the routine of napping really well during my runs. Before I knew it, I couldn’t stop or she would wake up! And as you know or will certainly learn … you should do whatever humanly possible NOT to wake a sleeping baby. The breakthrough came in early June, when she fell deep into a nap and didn’t wake up after the usual 30 minutes. She slept and slept, and before I knew it, I had run almost 2 hours in the middle of the day! Running with ourBOB Gear jogging stroller was a great antidote to short napping. Eventually, we got into a routine of taking most afternoon naps during a jog in the park.

Stopping could end a nap prematurely during the middle months, but I find as she’s getting older, stopping isn’t as detrimental to the nap. My daughter has always been a light sleeper, but if you have a good sleeper it should be fine.

Prepare for Weather

Spring and fall are the best months for the jogging stroller. Always keep in mind that your baby is not getting warmed up from exercise like you are.

If you plan to run in the summer, find a model with a sun shield. This will protect your child from the rays and keep her cooler. Most good brands (BOB Gear, Jeep, Graco, BabyTrends) have jogging strollers with these that are either detachable or foldable. It’s also best to go early or late and avoid the heat in the middle of the day.

In the winter, we’ve been using a weather shield, essentially a plastic enclosure, which keeps the stroller quite toasty and dry. In fact, you should not use the shield unless it’s lower than 60 degrees due to the possibility of overheating. It also protects your child from wind and the elements. I’m not sure how cold will be our cut-off for going out, but below 30 degrees will probably be our limit.

Speed

Don’t expect to be running 7-minute miles with the stroller; it can really slow you down. My running pace is around 11 to 12 minutes with the stroller, and when I’m without the stroller it’s usually more in the 9- to 10-minute range, sometimes faster if I’m racing in a shorter distance. So don’t expect to run fast with the stroller, but do expect to work hard. I think the extra effort you put into running with the stroller, even if you are going at a slower pace, can make your runs without the baby a little faster. Think of it as a type of speed work!

How Much Should I Run with the Stroller?

I train for ultra marathons so running for 90 minutes every day with my baby isn’t such a problem for me. But if you are not an ultra marathoner, at least getting out there for an hour will be great for you and the baby.

Best Jogging Stroller Routes

Living in NYC, we usually head to Central Park or Riverside Park. Hills are tough but add to the fun. Quiet routes are ideal, so try to stay away from construction, heavy traffic, and people wanting to ask how it is to run with the baby. That is my warning, but it’s hard to schedule around those problems.

Bringing the jogging stroller into your and your baby’s life can be fun (a little intimidating initially) and I think it can help you and your baby explore the town, provide fitness, and give your baby a great opportunity for napping. Since my daughter, Lucinda, is turning 1 next week, we will see how this plan works and evolves as she gets older.

About the author

Mat Gerowitz is a stay-at-home dad, ultra runner, and part-time running coach. Mat can be found on what used to be Twitter at @matruns and at ultrarunningstayathomedad.blogspot.com.

This post first ran in 2012 and has since been updated.

BOB Gear, Jeep, Graco, BabyTrends single, double, fixed wheel jogging strollers

If I’ve learned anything during my fatherhood journey thus far, I’ve learned that parenting is a 24-7 job.

There’s literally always something going on. The free time we once enjoyed as single, childless men is long gone. From the newborn stage where all your attention is focused on figuring out how to keep this little person alive through the early school years where calendars are filled with extracurricular activities, and on to the teenage years when you’re helping guide your children into young adulthood, fatherhood is a never-ending cycle of being here, there, and everywhere for the sake of your kids.

While stressful, tiresome, and thankless, it’s what we signed up for. It’s a calling. A responsibility for us as fathers to be active and involved every step of the way. 

With that, however, we have to be sure we’re taking time for ourselves. Fathers have to prioritize mental and physical health so we can be the best version of ourselves possible for our children, especially as we age. For those of us fortunate enough to be in healthy marriages, relationships, and partnerships with the mothers of our children, it can’t go without saying how beneficial it is to have someone by your side to help share the load of parenting, because it gets heavy. 

Even so, as men, we are wired to be “strong,” to not show any signs of weakness. No matter what we’re carrying internally, there’s no time for that. After all, we have to get the kids ready for school, for bed, and everything in between. That’s the priority. It has to get done, right? But at what expense?

Make self-care a priority in parenting

I’d like to think I’m pretty good at taking care of myself. I work out regularly. Every now and then, I’m able to hang out with the guys and enjoy some time away from the kids. But, if I’m being honest, dad burnout smacks me in the face often. And when it does, it tends to simply stay there.

For me, it comes as a result of being in a constant state of “doing.” I pride myself on being an active father – coaching soccer, taking my son to swim class, picking my daughter up from daycare, and being available whenever my wife needs me. And not to mention the day-to-day household responsibilities of a husband and father. The “go go go” mentality I and other dads have is, yes, what we’re supposed to do. But it’s also a recipe for fatigue.

Simply put, at times I find myself stretched thin. And no dad wants to feel that. Even with the most routine challenges of fatherhood, we shouldn’t have our overall well-being put at risk. In looking for a healthy balance, we have to be sure we’re being intentional in carving out time for us. That may mean altering our schedule to fit in a walk during the day. Find a dad tribe to have a space to talk openly and honestly about your experiences. The connections made through other dads will help you realize that you’re not the only one going through it. We can be there for each other.

Most importantly, we have to be open with our partners. Just as we need moms to be open with us when they need a break, we as dads need to be vulnerable enough to say we need a break, even for a few hours. 

We have to be there for ourselves so we can be there for our kids.

Caring for yourself photo: © Antonioguillem / Adobe Stock.

Editor’s Note: We’re digging into our archives to find great articles you might have missed. This tale about an at-home dad finding new friends comes from 2018.

Someone at the park handed me their phone number today. I’m planning on calling tonight!

If you are a little confused, that’s understandable. I am a 35-year-old man with an amazing wife of six years and three awesome kids. Why am I still getting girls’ phone numbers?

I never said I was getting a girl’s phone number: the digits I’m getting these days are of fellow stay-at-home dads.

Finding new adult friends as an at-home father is no day at the park. If you thought it was difficult to ask a girl for her phone number in a bar when you were 21, try asking another grown man for his phone number at the playground. It is not just awkward, but a little creepy.

But that is exactly what it has come to. Finding friends as a stay-at-home dad means you start at your new hangouts: the local park, school playground or zoo. You see other dads at these places, too. Since most dads with full-time jobs are also not able to push their kids on the swings at 10:30 on a Thursday morning, so it quickly becomes apparent who the other stay-at-home dads are.

The interactions with other fathers usually start small, with some type of primal grunt in the general direction of the dad. That is most likely the only interaction the two of you will have at that time. If you see each other a couple more times, one of you may even get up enough courage to muster, “Hey, how’s it goin’?” After a few more encounters the conversations begin and usually happen in this order:

1. Which ones are yours?
2. So how old are your kids?
3. Do you stay at home with them full-time?
4. What did you do before you stayed home with your kids?
5. So what does your wife do? (Probably the oddest question of them all.)

After the obligatory questions have been asked and answered, then snap judgments must be made about this guy’s entire family.

Could I really see myself hanging out with this guy?

Do his kids seem a little weird? I’m not sure I want my kids hanging out with somebody’s weird kids.

What if all he is interested in are shotguns and NASCAR? Will we ever have anything to talk about?

What if this guy is really a psycho? I don’t want to invite some psycho to come to my house and hang out with my kids.

And I sure hope he’s not a Yankees fan.

After this quick assessment has been made and the dad is deemed acceptable, it’s time to make a move. Want to get our kids together sometime? Deep breath … here goes … “How ’bout we exchange phone numbers so we can set something up for next week?”

And that’s it. You and your kids have found some new friends to play with, even if they are weird, gun-toting, NASCAR-loving, psycho Yankees fans.

A version of this first appeared on Indy’s Child. Finding friends on a beach photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash