“Ohhhh, turn it up! It’s Graduation Week!”

That was my message to my 4-year-old who was about to finish pre-kindergarten and to my 10-year-old who was graduating 5th grade. Yup, two in the same week!

Graduation Day will make any dad proud and, since my dad never made it to any of my graduations, it means even more to me. My dad never made it because he had to work. How many other parents are in that same situation? I understand some people can’t make it, but if you can make up for a lost day of wages and still choose your work or other things over an hour or two of showing love — that’s no bueno.

Kids can only graduate from a grade once, so missing it when you could be there is lame. It’s a proud moment that doesn’t happen every week, and you should never miss an event at which your child is the star. Pictures of this special day are cool, but being there is priceless.

Have fun with graduation

Graduation is supposed to be for the kids, but you know dads like me still have to have our own fun with it. We wake up every day and make sure our kids get to school, so we deserve this day as much as they do.

I found a deal for $5 “big heads” on Groupon and jumped on the opportunity. It was a simple and cheap process that brought us tons of fun and memories.

The look on my kids’ faces when they saw themselves as huge cardboard heads was insane. All their friends and parents smiled while asking where we got them from.

I’m a sucker for making my kids feel like stars and making sure I had fun with it helped big time.

Take lots of photos

We have all encountered rude parents who block your view and photo ops at graduation. Often they are so excited they don’t even know they are doing it. It is what it is.

If you have to get in someone’s way to take pics of your kids, do so but don’t be rude. Don’t just barrel people over. Think about what you are doing.

Whenever my kids got called for an award or even their diploma, I weaved my way to the front to take a picture. If you’re a little shy like me, you do need to get over it. If you don’t, you will end up with some wack photos.

I abide by the rule of asking for forgiveness later, not asking for permission to capture the moment. however, always make sure you don’t mess it up for someone else. Get out of the way once you have your shot.

In conclusion, graduations are special for everyone involved. Childhood goes by way too fast and you never get a replay of moments like these. Do all you can to be there, take dope pictures and have fun. You will thank yourself when you see how proud your kids are and the smiles on their faces when you hug them. That feeling is the best.

A version of this first appeared on Cool4Dads. It first ran here in 2019 and has since been updated. Photos: James Lopez family.

The City Dads Group website has been nominated for a new award that recognizes excellence in and commitment to creating parenting content.

The Richard and Linda Eyre Family Is Awards were established last year to recognize social media influencers whose online content best celebrates commitment, popularizes parenting, bolsters balance and validates values. The Family Is awards are scheduled to be presented in early February at the I Am Mom Summit, an online conference on parenting.

City Dads Group’s website was chosen as a finalist from among hundreds that were nominated and screened by an expert panel of judges. Two awards — a judge’s selection and a “people choice” selection will be given in the following catagories: Blogs, Websites, Podcasts, YouTube, Instagram and Facebook.

“The Family Is Awards were created to recognize those who are promoting strong families.  Parenting may be the most important thing we do to affect society yet there is little public recognition.  We want to change this and celebrate people like you for your family-centric content,” said Jamie and Mike Taylor, chairpersons and founders of I am Mom summit in the letter announcing City Dads Group’s nomination. “The whole point of the Family Is Awards is that recognition can spawn more quality content online that will help an ever-growing number of marriages, families, and parents to build strong and lasting relationships.”

Richard and Linda Eyre, authors of 50 books and honorary chairpersons for the wards bearing their names, have been at the forefront of a movement to strengthen families amidst cultures and societal norms that are moving in opposite directions, according to a press release accompanying the nomination announcement.

City Dads Group, along with its predecessor NYC Dads Group, has received several honors over the years for it chapters’ work, website/blog and podcast.

“Jason Greene,” came through the speakers and I walked up the stairs to shake Mayor de Blasio’s hand and receive a Dads Matter award; an award given to ten dads that have overcome adversity to become a good father at home and in the community.

An hour earlier…

My hands clutched the steering wheel tightly as I drove away from picking up our vegetable share from our local CSA. I was upset that my wife had asked me to pick up the vegetables because: 1) I was in a time crunch, 2) I didn’t want the vegetable share to begin with, and 3) it meant that I had to drive into Manhattan to pick up my award. And I hate driving in Manhattan. But there I was, driving away with my kids in the back seat and the aroma of dirty beets, carrots, strawberries, and lettuce filling the car.

I should also mention that I have a terrible sense of direction.

I should also mention that my phone was dead because my daughter unplugged it so she could charge her iPod and take pictures at the ceremony.

And so the stage was set for my perfect storm of emotions: I had a dead phone, a terrible sense of direction, I was picking up vegetables that I didn’t want, and I was about to meet the mayor and receive an award.

And I missed my exit.

My kids and I sat silently in our car just like my car sat unmoving in the middle of the road. Traffic was backed up for miles and I was ready to spontaneously combust. My anger issues that I constantly try to bury welled up inside my chest. My heart beat fast as rage rolled around in my brain. The muscles in my shoulders bounced and tightened. I didn’t want to be in the car. I had wanted to take the Subway. I didn’t want the vegetables that sat next to me. Time was ticking away… and we sat still. I felt like jumping out of the car and erupting in a loud yell.

Then, my kids began to argue and shove each other in the back seat. And I lost it. I yelled loudly and angrily. I didn’t call them names, nor did I make it personal. But I yelled at them for fighting with one another. I yelled at them for my dead phone battery. I yelled at them for not being ready when I wanted to leave. I was a volcano. The anger that I had towards my wife boiled over as well, as I vented that I didn’t want to drive. I have given my life for my family and finally something was happening for me and I was about to miss it.

Traffic began to move as the car returned to silence. I pulled off at the next exit in hopes that I could turn around. But I couldn’t. So I traveled underneath the expressway hoping to catch up. But there was nothing. I pulled the car over and asked a mechanic for directions, and after a couple of mechanics and an interpreter, I was on my way and headed in the right direction.

“Sorry, Daddy,” my oldest son said. “I’m sorry that you’re going to miss your award.” I already felt guilty for my eruption and his sweet words floored me. Tears welled up in my eyes as I apologized to my kids.

I told them I loved them and that they were more important than any award. I had already won “World’s Greatest Dad” 9 years in a row.

We pulled up to Gracie Mansion, the Mayor’s home, and the kids and I walked along the path. As I gave my name to the keepers of the list, I was greeted and adorned with praises about my good parenting. Inside, I felt like a heel. Like I was an abusive parent. We walked toward the backyard and got some drinks and I knelt beside them and hugged them.

When my wife arrived, my kids told her that I was mad and almost cried. Which made me feel even more disgraced. I had let my family down.

I was led with the other honorees to the back of the house where we met the Mayor and his wife. The sting of my behavior still haunted me. Mayor de Blasio spoke briefly and congratulated all of us, we took a group picture, and then we all walked towards the stage. As I waited for my name to be called, I wondered what my children were thinking. Were they thinking that their father was a hypocrite or had they already forgotten? I felt like declining the award.

Then, my name was called and the mayor of NYC gave me a huge hug. He handed me the award as he towered over me and posed for a picture. More names were called and photographers and those in attendance applauded and took pictures. I found my daughter’s eyes in the crowd and we smiled at each other… and then she winked at me.

When I tucked my kids into bed that night, I apologized again for my behavior in the car. I told them that everything was my fault. My phone was dead because I let it die out and didn’t charge it earlier. It was my fault that I missed the exit. And although they shouldn’t fight in the car, or anywhere for that matter, it wasn’t their fault that I lost my temper. I wanted them to know that it isn’t okay to lose one’s temper and that I shouldn’t have done so. We hugged and I told them how much I love them. And off they drifted to sleep without a care in the world.

Parenting is difficult. Being a dad with anger issues makes it even harder. Uncontrollable anger has been passed down from one generation to the next in my family for far too long. I want it to end with me. Hopefully when my children grow up and encounter similar circumstances, they will tackle the situation with ease and sensibility. And maybe my own imperfections will make the lesson of grace even more real to them.

Did I deserve that award? I still don’t think so. I’m sure there are more deserving men in NYC. But I do cherish the fact that my children consider me the “World’s Greatest Dad.” I fail from time to time, but my kids go to bed every night knowing that I love them unconditionally and that I’ll try to be a better dad the next day. And maybe that’s all any of us can do.

A few weeks ago, I was at Gracie Mansion for an unusual, progressive, and inspirational event.  The NYC Mayor’s Fatherhood Initiative were hosting their annual celebration of fatherhood: the “NYC Dads Matter Awards.”  This year hit me right in the feels as I sat in the crowd with my family to cheer on a friend and fellow NYC Dads Group member, Jason Greene. Jason, an active at-home dad living in Queens, has overcome some extreme challenges in his life, and was being recognized along with nine other well deserving honorees for becoming positive and consistent influences in the lives of their children. New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio was on hand along with Alan Farrell, Fatherhood Services Coordinator to distribute the Mayor’s Fatherhood Initiative awards.

Most amusing moment of the evening: Lance’s son charging over to the Mayor to inquire how tall he is.  See photo below. Answer: six feet, six inches.

The Mayor’s Fatherhood Initiative, NYC Dads, was established in June 2010 to strengthen New York City’s families by helping dads take a more active role in their children’s lives.  The goals of this exciting program include making all City agencies as “father friendly” as possible and championing the message that dads matter.

We realize that fatherhood is front and center in the month of June with the climax surrounding Father’s Day. Consequently, we congratulate and applaud the Mayor’s Fatherhood Initiative that work diligently to make New York City a more ‘dad’ friendly place to work and live each and everyday.

Jason, Cara, and Wyatt Greene posing with Mayor Bill de Blasio

Lance Somerfeld’s son admiring Mayor Bill de Blasio’s height: 6 feet 6 inches!

Lance speaking with Alan Farrell, NYC Fatherhood Services Coordinator at NYC Dads Matter Awards

With special guest (expectant dad), Henrik Lundqvist from the NY Rangers

Dads matter – not just on Father’s Day, but everyday in the lives of their children.  About two years ago, Mayor Michael Bloomberg established the Mayor’s Fatherhood Initiative (NYC Dads) to “strengthen New York City’s families by helping dads take a more active role in their children’s lives.”  The goals of the initiative include making all city agencies as “father friendly” as possible and championing the (same) message (that so many dad bloggers, dad groups, and journalists are) that DADS MATTER.

“The (2nd annual) NYC Dads Matter Award recognizes fathers from throughout the city who have overcome challenges to become positive and consistent influences in the lives of their children.”  Last night, I had the honor to go to Gracie Mansion to attend the powerful award ceremony for the ten “NYC Dads Matter” award recipients. We were excited and rooting on one of our NYC Dads Group members, Christopher Astacio, who was one of the deserving recipients.  Despite a constant battle with stomach cancer, Chris is a constant, active, and engaged dad to his two children.  His youngest daughter, Cristina, has autism and Chris is dedicated to fundraising and supporting research while he works full time as a teacher & as well as pursuing his Masters degree.  All of the other deserving award recipients had similar stories of overcoming significant challenges to be the best dad they can be.  Only ten dads are selected, but Alan Farrell, the NYC Fatherhood Services Coordinator, mentioned that 175 dads were nominated for the prestigious award this year.

Even though Mayor Bloomberg was not on hand (he was downtown with President Obama at the World Trade Center Memorial), Deputy Mayor Linda Gibbs, Alan Farrell, & special guest (expectant dad) Henrik Lundqvist, of the New York Rangers, made the entire evening feel very special.  For me, it was a wonderful feeling to be attending an event where fatherhood was front and center and the focus of the conversation.  I wanted to share some pictures to best capture the essence of the event.  Hat tip to Mayor Bloomberg, Alan Farrell, and the rest of their team for what they have accomplished in two short years & for their future plans on fatherhood in New York City.

NYC Dads Group member, Chris Astacio with NYC Fatherhood Service Coordinator, Alan Farell, Deputy Mayor Linda Gibbs, & Henrik Lundqvist

Enjoying the Grounds of Gracie Mansion

With Proud dad Chris Astacio & his daughter Cristina

Today, I received this positive note about our blog site:
Hi Lance at NYC Dads Group,

I am writing to inform you that NYC Dads Group has been featured on Guide to Online Schools’ list of the Top 50 Dad Blogs.  We hand-picked a list of our favorites and outlined the unique reasons why we love them.


Sincerely,
Cate Newton
Guide to Online Schools

Below is the introduction from the Guide to Online Schools’ list of top 50 dad blogs:

What’s the one job where you get to be a top chef, taxi driver, baggage carrier, and Superman all in the same day? A dad, of course! Dads are an integral part of a child’s life and development and they hold very special roles in the family structure.
If you have ever wanted to venture into the life or thoughts of a dad, you’ve come to the right place. Each of the blogs on the list below was written by a dad. These blogs were chosen because they demonstrate passion and personal experience, are updated frequently, and are interesting to read. No two dads are the same, however, and you’re sure to get a variety of paternal perspectives.

Well, we did not crack the top 5 of this unscientific survey of dads blogs – those honors went to The Busy Dad Blog, Daddy Dialectic, Daddy Forever, Daddy Types, & Fishing With Dad.  However, it is nice to be recognized and for that we are truly grateful! 

See the list is no longer online but they suggest you check out this site.

Our NYC Dads Group & I were selected by meetup.com as their nationwide, Meetup group of the week! An organizer is only as good as the people who surround him. Fortunately, during many of my weekdays, I am surrounded by a bunch of cool dads who care so deeply about raising their kids and looking to connect with other dads in a similar situation so they can be even better parents. Sure, it is no Oscar, Emmy, or even a Tony Award (airing June 7th), but getting some recognition always feels good! As our reward, Meetup.com is featuring our group this week on their site. Check out their story and a brief interview with me below:

Lance Somerfeld & New York City Dads Meetup Group- 05.18.09

“The Stay-At-Home Dad. Ten years ago, the concept was almost unheard of. As the glass ceiling cracks for women in the workforce coupled with recent economic woes, the right choice for many families places Dad in the role of primary caregiver.

Enter Lance Somerfeld, Meetup Organizer of the Week. When Lance took the role of primary caregiver for his son, he entered the lonely world of the stay-at-home parent. Through Meetup.com, he took the bull by the horns and created the fantastic New York City Dads Meetup Group.

These dads and kids know how to party! Lance has the group all over the city – taking advantage of everything cool NYC has to offer children. It’s wonderful! And so is he! Thanks, Lance!”

Was your decision to be a stay-at-home dad your choice or a result of a job loss situation?
Fortunately, my decision to be a stay-at-home dad was by choice. My wife & I agreed that it made the most sense for our family.

What’s the biggest adjustment/challenge you’ve dealt with since taking over the role of main caregiver for your infant son?
There are several challenges I face as the primary caregiver to my son. As a stay-at-home parent, daytime can be very lonely with the feeling of isolation. It is extremely important for me to reach out and connect with other stay-at-home dads in the same situation to avoid isolation, share best practices, and vent frustrations.

Do you miss working outside the home?
I was a public school teacher at an amazing school in the Bronx for five years before deciding to be a stay-at-home. Yes, I miss working with such a dynamic and caring staff as well as the reward of teaching my 6th grade students every day. I was fortunate to be in a career I truly enjoyed & look forward to returning to it in the future.

I should add that the NYC Department of Education has an unpaid Childcare Leave of Absence Program that makes it possible for me to stay home with my son for the year and return to a similar position in teaching.

How did you find out about Meetup.com, why did you decide to start your group?
Another stay-at-home dad, Theo R., turned me on to Meetup.com. He inspired me to use the internet (via Meetup.com) to connect and network with other stay-at-home dads in a similar situation and avoid isolation.

I have come across a lot of guys who do not like to ask for directions. Consequently, I selected the “un”original name “New York City Dads Meet Up Group” because I knew it would be easy for dads to find when doing an internet search.

What do you like about being a Meetup Organizer?
Being an organizer of a group like this one is a lot of fun because the dads in our group are so supportive of one another. Additionally, being surrounded by such a diverse and great group of guys enables each of us to embrace our role & have a blast with our kids!

Where do you see the group heading eventually?
I want the group to continue to be a positive resource and support for dads in and around NYC as they take on their role as primary caregiver. There is not enough support out there for dads. Therefore, I look forward to continuing to be a “destination” for dads with our NYC Dads Meet Up Group as well as providing quality content, information, and news with my blog at www.nycdadsgroup.com.