“Ohhhh, turn it up! It’s Graduation Week!”

That was my message to my 4-year-old who was about to finish pre-kindergarten and to my 10-year-old who was graduating 5th grade. Yup, two in the same week!

Graduation Day will make any dad proud and, since my dad never made it to any of my graduations, it means even more to me. My dad never made it because he had to work. How many other parents are in that same situation? I understand some people can’t make it, but if you can make up for a lost day of wages and still choose your work or other things over an hour or two of showing love — that’s no bueno.

Kids can only graduate from a grade once, so missing it when you could be there is lame. It’s a proud moment that doesn’t happen every week, and you should never miss an event at which your child is the star. Pictures of this special day are cool, but being there is priceless.

Have fun with graduation

Graduation is supposed to be for the kids, but you know dads like me still have to have our own fun with it. We wake up every day and make sure our kids get to school, so we deserve this day as much as they do.

I found a deal for $5 “big heads” on Groupon and jumped on the opportunity. It was a simple and cheap process that brought us tons of fun and memories.

The look on my kids’ faces when they saw themselves as huge cardboard heads was insane. All their friends and parents smiled while asking where we got them from.

I’m a sucker for making my kids feel like stars and making sure I had fun with it helped big time.

Take lots of photos

We have all encountered rude parents who block your view and photo ops at graduation. Often they are so excited they don’t even know they are doing it. It is what it is.

If you have to get in someone’s way to take pics of your kids, do so but don’t be rude. Don’t just barrel people over. Think about what you are doing.

Whenever my kids got called for an award or even their diploma, I weaved my way to the front to take a picture. If you’re a little shy like me, you do need to get over it. If you don’t, you will end up with some wack photos.

I abide by the rule of asking for forgiveness later, not asking for permission to capture the moment. however, always make sure you don’t mess it up for someone else. Get out of the way once you have your shot.

In conclusion, graduations are special for everyone involved. Childhood goes by way too fast and you never get a replay of moments like these. Do all you can to be there, take dope pictures and have fun. You will thank yourself when you see how proud your kids are and the smiles on their faces when you hug them. That feeling is the best.

A version of this first appeared on Cool4Dads. It first ran here in 2019 and has since been updated. Photos: James Lopez family.

Seated at a table this past spring in the courtyard of a nursing home, I squeezed into the frame of my iPhone camera and snapped a selfie with my parents. In this fifth decade of my life, it’s the only photo I have of the three of us together. It’s among my most valuable possessions.

This family portrait is neither flattering nor joyous. My mom and I are covered head to toe in the garb required of nursing home visitors in this Age of Corona. A face mask covers our noses and mouths. A curved face shield extends from our foreheads to our chins. From the neck down, we’re draped in a flimsy gown of blue plastic that if it were yellow, could easily pass for the infamous hazmat suits from “Breaking Bad.”

My dad, 90, is in the center of the scene, clad in a faded navy blue polo, smiling as a big as he can despite missing teeth and oxygen tubes running from his nose. His thin, frail body has been ravaged by time and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, but it’s clear he’s happy to be with us in this moment — he mustered the strength to sit upright and pose.

It’s a family portrait that had been in the making since 1974, the year I was born.

No pictures exist of me and my dad before 2006, the year I concluded my journey to find him, arriving in the lobby of a senior housing complex in Inglewood, Calif., where he anxiously waited to greet me.

He was 74 at the time; I was 31. I’d last seen him when I was six years old. It was the only time I’d seen him. And it had been 25 years.

My dad missed out on becoming a father. He met my mother in 1973. They carried on a relationship for two months, maybe longer. Then, she stopped coming by his place.

“I didn’t know she was pregnant when she left. I really didn’t,” my dad once told me, reflecting on the memory. In 1981, when I was 6, my mother arrived unannounced at his home — with me in tow. She was married by then but apparently felt it was important for us to meet. That was the last time I saw my dad.

When we reconnected a quarter century later, my dad took those first awkward lurches toward a bond with me, those wobbly steps at becoming a father. During our first Father’s Day conversation, he shared stories about going fishing with a favorite uncle and hunting raccoons and soft-shell turtles as a young boy.

As I’ve gotten to know my father over the past 15 years, he’s shared his discomfort with being called “dad” — he says doesn’t feel worthy of the title. Instead, he prefers I call him by his military nickname, “Watashi,” Japanese for “I.” It’s how his friends greet him.

Where my father was out of the picture, my mother was front and center. For nearly every milestone moment in my life — the day I was born, my favorite childhood Christmas, my college graduation, my wedding day — there is photographic evidence of her anchoring presence, from holding me swaddled in her arms at the hospital to dabbing tears from her eyes as my wife and I exchanged vows in a Hawaiian garden.

Now here she was with me, visiting Watashi in the twilight of his life while bringing closure to a piece of her past.

Photos are memories you can touch. And the memory that eluded me most was a photo of me with my parents, a family portrait. It took 46 years, eight months, and six days —from the day I was born to that nursing home visit in May — for the timelines of our lives to finally intersect, placing us in the same place, at the same time. As it turned out, when I was growing up in Los Angeles, my father never lived more than six miles away from me and my mom.

The layered and complex narrative behind my one and only family portrait is what makes it so priceless to me. It represents the culmination of the steps I took as a man to find my father and fill the holes in my origin story.

But my photo also reminds me of something else: the important role dads play in documenting family life.

From camcorders in the 1980s to the camera phones of today, I’ve witnessed fathers joyously capture everything from baby christenings and weddings to family holidays and exotic vacations. The technology of this digital age allows us to snap scores of photos and video clips with the press of a thumb and edit (or delete) them on the spot. At times, we have to remember to simply live in the moment instead of fussing over how to get the perfect shot or angle, something I’m totally guilty of myself.

All I ask is that you fit as many people into the frame as possible—mothers, sisters, brothers, grandparents, cousins, good friends and, last but not least, yourself. There will no doubt be one photo in the bunch that will come to mean the world to your loved ones, today or years from now.

Don’t let it take 46 years to make.

Has your kid done something extraordinary (like, all the time!) and you whip out your phone or camera, only to miss it by a few seconds? Well, it happens to us all the time! This time, however, we actually caught one of our L.A. Dads Group co-organizers Juan Pablo on camera trying to film his son’s first attempt at surfing. We won’t give away the hilarious story…but the moral of the story might just be that we should all just “be in the moment” with our kids a little bit more often, rather than watching our kids through our phone or our camera.

Whatever you do, first enjoy our short film about his experience, and then post your funny camera experiences in the comments section.

Hey, kids! Time for some family photos!

Say “cheese!!!”

Come on! You were having fun a second ago. Geez, you’re so literal … a few minutes ago. Remember way back then? Ah, the laughter. You don’t have to be having a great time right now, you just have to look like you’re having a great time. Because you were having fun and you will again! Just as soon as we get one good photo. Maybe two good family photos. We have so few with all of us together.

You’re young, so let me explain it to you. Calmly and rationally.

Right now, you’re annoyed that you have to stand still and pose for some dumb picture. I get it. We’re taking you out of the moment, away from actual fun. Or maybe we forgot to take pictures earlier, when you would have been genuinely happy, and now you’re just genuinely tired. I understand. Chances are, I’m tired, too. And now, also kind of annoyed. Mostly, I’m annoyed that, after your mother and I planned, and had, such a nice day with you and your brother, spent a lot of money to be here and bought you each an overpriced whatever-the-hell it is that you’ll forget about tomorrow, you refuse to thank us simply by smiling.

So stop being an ungrateful little brat and just fu- … frigging smile!!! Haha! Just kidding. We’re having fun! So let’s have fun out here! Smile, say “cheese,” say “booger farts,” I don’t care what you say.

WE’RE MAKING MEMORIES, SO SMILE FOR THE CAMERA, DAMMIT!

I’m sorry I raised my voice. You’re right, I shouldn’t have done that. Give me a hug. I love you, too.

Family photos bring out our worst

I love being your parent. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But, here’s the truth: being a parent is a tough, and can seem like a thankless job. Your mother and I feel appreciated in the little things. Your smiles and laughs; the hugs and kisses you give us; seeing that look of pride you get when you’ve mastered a once out of reach skill. And, when we take you someplace new, we love to just watch you and see the wonder and excitement on your beautiful face. That is why families spend a million dollars for a weekend at Disney World. Well, maybe not a million, but close to it. Whatever the price, it seems like too much until you give Mickey a hug that shows him you’ve known him your whole life. So worth it.

You’re always worth it. We want you to experience everything.

We don’t ask for much in return, just a well-timed smile. Heck, a slightly upturned grin will do.

We would love to be able to blink our eyes and our eyelids would be the camera’s shutters. We would upload the image to our brains, think of witty yet heartwarming caption and share the picture on Instagram and Facebook. I know, that would be cool! Unfortunately, my sources tell me that technology is AT LEAST 18 months away. In the meantime, we have to either get lucky capturing the moment, camera at the ready, or force you to stand still and say cheese.

We’ll probably remember the joy of the day without the picture, but we are old and our memories aren’t what they used to be. So please smile for mommy and daddy.

Fake it if you have to. No, it’s not lying. It’s a reflection of the truth. No, that is not a fancy way of saying “lying.” It’s, well…

…if you smile, I’ll get you ice cream. With sprinkles. In a waffle cone.

I’ll take it!

BOOM! THERE IT IS!

Say “extortion!” Just kidding, say “ICE CREAM!!!”

A version of Family Photos first appeared on Amatuer Idiot/Professional Dad.

People are sharing photos more than ever. With cameras on our cellphones, and a multitude of sites where we can share our images, people of all ages are looking to create compelling photos that tell their story. And since children are learning to shoot photos as well, they need a kid-friendly resource that will get them thinking like a photographer without intimidating them.

National Geographic created an engaging book for kids with that in mind. National Geographic Kids Guide to Photography brings kids pro tips from National Geographic photographer Annie Griffiths in a visual style that is accessible and easy to read, thanks to children’s book author Nancy Honovich. The pages are also peppered with shots from National Geographic’s “My Shot” photographers community for inspiration.

The best part? This book isn’t just a photography guide for DSLRs; kids will get a primer on SLRs, film cameras, smartphones, disposable cameras, video cameras and even underwater cameras.

My favorite part of the book — as both a photographer and the father of a child who is interested in photography — is the chapter on photo editing. Many people think that a photographer’s job is done once the shutter is pressed, but the professionals know that cropping and adjusting for color, sharpness, hue, saturation and contrast all help create the story that an image tells. National Geographic Kids Guide to Photography does a great job reminding kids that only a small part of the process is aiming and shooting a photo. The authors don’t shy away from editing photos on a phone either; tips are given for choosing the right filter for an image.

The book also goes into some complex skills that adults new to photography can even benefit from reading. Skills like adjusting depth of field, choosing shutter speed, identifying good and bad lighting, light painting and even tips on shooting fireworks are included. Subjects are indexed in the back of the book for easy finding, and there’s a glossary of terms, just in case your child (or you) forgets what the “f-stop” or “ISO rating” are.

There are also interactive elements to the book — from “what went wrong” scenarios, where kids identify the element in two photos that makes one look better than another, to simple crafts like creating a pinhole camera to making your own camera strap. The partnership with My Shot encourages kids to submit their own photos in its moderated, kid-safe community.

National Geographic Kids Guide to Photography is (shhhhhh!) a really good reference for you parents as well. You can buy this book for your child (recommended for ages 8-12) and thumb through it for inspiration yourself. The book is fun for younger audiences, but the tips are ageless. If you’re looking to bolster your child’s inspiration with a good foundation, National Geographic Kids Guide to Photography is the perfect resource. Now, get your family up out of the house and shooting!

I’ll admit it: Yes, I started an Instagram account for my 5-year-old son.

I’ve been trying to find digital-age bonding methods for my son and I. Sure, we do all that old world stuff – play catch, cook together, read together, play with Legos. But we also bond over photography – and when my son started to commission me to take photos of things to post to my own account, I thought “why can’t he do this, too?”

I must admit – I’m also interested in the things he wants to present to the world. So starting an Instagram account for a 5-year-old is also a bit of a social experiment for us. Can my son create likable images? Will people follow a 5-year-old? Will he be driven by likes, or will he continue to post the photos he enjoys? When he’s got more than a handful of photos – what types of themes will emerge? Where in his world does he find beauty? Will it help his photography skills?

And most importantly, will I be able to steer him clear of his favorite 5-year-old topics – poop, his own wiener and bugs he’s stepped on?

We’ve got multiple cameras around the house, and from time to time, he’ll pick one up and snap off a photo. We’ll then sit on the couch and I’ll try to explain what all the buttons do (and then spend 10 minutes saying “don’t touch that button! Anything but that button!”). Really, the father-son bonding of it all excites me.

But my initial struggle was: he’s a kid. I know folks that don’t let their children watch television or use their iPhones for games – and here I am registering an e-mail address and Instagram account in his name and giving the kid a camera. All right … so, we may have crossed the bridge before some of our peers, but I think it’s a bridge that we’re all walking toward. Our generation didn’t get phones and social networks until we were teenagers (at least!). But kids these days are growing up with digital footprints. I’ve already been Instagramming photos of my son on my own account. Now, I’m putting power in his hand to create art of his own (and to take unflattering photos of ME for a change). And yes, there are going to be a lot of food pics.

Otherwise, he tells me which photos he’d like to upload, I make sure they’re suitable, and post them. He can’t read or write yet, so I ask him what he’d like to add as a description and type it for him (spoiler alert, a lot of times, it’s “best [ITEM] ever”). I also allow him to come up with a couple of hashtags, and add a couple with his permission (since his are rarely SEO-friendly). As a child that will be growing up on the Internet, he’ll probably have to learn hashtags in school the way I had to learn the Dewey Decimal System. So this is a good start.

Maybe once he’s established and people know that he’s not, in fact, being carried away. But until then, kid, I reserve the right to deny potentially weird descriptions. (Coincidentally, Instagram’s Terms of Use states that you’ve got to be at least 13 in order to have an account – so I’m happy to be the account’s custodian for, oh … the next eight years.)

I also set him up to follow (with his permission) accounts that I thought he’d like: Disneyland, National Geographic, Marvel, DC, Lego and, of course, mom and dad’s accounts. He enjoys looking at the photos and liking the ones that appeal to him. And it’s only right that I teach him to “Like” photos that he enjoys. Social media is a two-way street.

Part social experiment, part artistic expression, and part introduction to modern digital life, I think that opening an Instagram account for my son will be fun for the both of us. There’s a big, wild Internet out there, and for a creative kid, this is a great place to jump in. You can certainly do worse than giving your kid a little creative outlet and teaching him about the internet and social media. Personally, I’m excited.

A version of this first appeared on 8BitDad. Photo by Kampus Production from Pexels

On Friday, I threw a guy out of the New Tots Playground in Central Park for trying to take a photograph.

My daughter and I got to the playground around 3:30 in the afternoon. It was a fairly ordinary day. It was sunny. It was pleasant. It was a little warm for October. Everything seemed to be as right as rain (even though it wasn’t raining). The playground was populated as playgrounds tend to be, with children and parents and wealthier parents with full-time (possibly even live-in) nannies in tow. And there was one other person.

A man.

A man with a camera.

A tourist, without a child of his own, but with a telephoto lens.

Taking a photograph, or many of them, of kids in the playground.

I noticed this almost immediately and found it strange. Turns out, I don’t like strange.

As I put my beloved Effing Offspring in the swing which she’d requested, I thought (or rather, started to think), If that guy turn his camera on — but I was unable to finish my thought as he turned and looked at us and our swing and brought his camera up and pointed it at us, and I fucking lost it.

Through my rage memories of the moment in question, I seem to recall briskly walking toward the guy and saying something along the lines of “No! Do not take a photograph of my kid! Never take a fucking photograph of someone else’s kid! Do you even have a kid in here?!”

I remember that he said that he did not.

“You’re not even supposed to be in here without a child! Get out! I want you out! I want you out now! Get the fuck out of here!”

I recall him saying something in a heavy accent along the lines of his being sorry, and I recall saying something along the lines of how I didn’t give a shit. I reiterated again that I wanted him to vacate the premises and, albeit slowly, but without taking any additional pictures, he waved his girlfriend over, who’d been sitting off to the side for some reason, and they left and walked over to Sheep Meadow.

After that, the play in the playground returned to normal (as everything had abruptly stopped during all my yelling and carrying-on), and my daughter and I were then largely ostracized for the next hour we spent at the New Tots Playground.

The following day, after running into the friend who was supposed to meet us, and telling her the tale, she said, “Do you think they ostracized you because you overreacted?”

But, did I overreact?

Harsh language, sure. But creep with camera trumps harsh language, right?

This same friend also wondered, “What if it was all innocent?” Just a tourist taking photos of American children like they were zoo animals. Yes, what if it was all innocent? But, what if it wasn’t?

What’s the best-case scenario here? He was just some amateur shutterbug weirdo taking an unsolicited photograph of children without asking permission or stating his purpose. That’s the best-case scenario? If that’s the best-case scenario, what’s the worst-case scenario?

The worst-case scenario, of course, is unthinkable.

So, did I overreact?

My wife has stated that she’s a little relieved I didn’t get arrested after, at best, throwing his camera to the ground and stomping on it, or at worse, shoving it down the guy’s throat. (But, in all honesty, on the second count, I wouldn’t even know how to go about such a thing.)

All in all, I was feeling very much like Bjork in the airport several years ago when a journalist shoved her camera into Bjork’s stroller to get a shot of Bjork’s new baby, and Bjork went beserk and tried to rip the woman’s head off. I recall at the time that Bjork got some bad press for this. Now, as a guardian of a human child, I can’t say why that was. (If you don’t remember this incident, I am fairly confident it’s on YouTube.)

So, like the press thought of Bjork in the airport, and as my friend has also implied, did I, indeed, overreact?

Frankly, I’m a little hard-pressed to say that I did.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jason Duncan is a full-time stay-at-home-dad, writer, blogger, fly fisher and terrier owner. He writes the humor blog My Effing Offspring, where a slightly different version of this post first appeared.

Stranger photographing child photo by PNW Production from Pexels.

Editor’s Note:  Mother’s Day is on the horizon.  We have several talented photographers within our community, and this new guest post is from NYC Dads Group member & photographer, Michael Kormos, providing some creative insight for dads on gift ideas for Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day is the new Valentine’s Day!  At least that’s the case in our home.  Once measured by the number of carats, my gifts are now measured by the amount of effort and creativity.  Cheesy, but true.  Gone are the days of a quick trip to Whole Foods for off-the-shelf flowers and chocolates.  In those first few years, when our children’s gift ideas are limited to crayon scribblings and lollipops, it’s up to us to create a special gift that truly celebrates our family’s love.

As a photographer, I can’t think of anything that moms treasure more than beautifully captured memories.  It’s about the only gift that grows in value and brings more happiness with time. So here are just a few of my favorite ideas as we approach Mother’s Day:

–Photo Jewelry.  My wife loves to browse Etsy for hours, but I prefer a one-stop shop.  My favorite vendor for photo jewelry is PlanetJill.  Each of their pieces has a high-quality, heirloom appeal.  They offer an array of custom designs including necklaces, bracelets, rings, keychains, and more.  Besides featuring images of your children, you can further personalize your elegant gift with engravings, monograms, initial charms, and birthstone pieces.  They have a gift guide for mother’s day as well.

-Wall Art: Bold.  This is the perfect opportunity to fill that empty space above your couch, along your staircase, or whatever blank wall needs to pop.  Make a bold statement with a single large image.  What’s large? I have found that a good way to decide on a size it to measure a piece of cardboard or wrapping paper and tape it on your empty space.  You’ll see that 16×20 isn’t quite as grandiose as it sounds, and generally a 20×30 or 30×40 enlargement makes a much stronger visual statement. Why stare at stock photos from IKEA, when you can gaze lovingly at the little mini-me’s that seem to be growing up before your very eyes?

-Wall Art: Cluster.  If you’re having trouble selecting just one favorite image, or if you don’t have the resolution for a large print, create a cluster of multiple images. Especially with children’s portraits, a montage is a wonderful way to tell a story. The key to creating a stunning cluster is consistency. Your local Michael’s Arts & Crafts store is sure to have a wide range of affordable frames (and they’re often on sale). So pick out a variety of sizes, and then print your photos to match. Having at least 7 photos in a cluster is a good start.

-Keepsake Album.  If you’ve got a larger image library, and an hour or two to spare, head on over to Shutterfly.com and use one of their album design templates.  And for those busy dads who’d rather have the album designed for them, Shutterfly will arrange the photos for you for just a small fee.

Last year, I surprised my wife with a beautiful keepsake album.  This year, I’m thinking of a large canvas gallery wrap for that empty wall space above the piano. As for the card, I’ve never been particularly crafty, but I have a feeling that’s about to change.  My 3-year-old loves any excuse to whip out her pink plastic scissors and a large assortment of crayons.  The glue and glitter (and huge mess) are usually quick to follow.  What are your creative gift ideas?

Michael Kormos is a family photographer based in NYC.  He has two children who keep him very busy and constantly inspired.  You can see more of his work at www.michaelkormos.com and www.michaelkormosblog.com.