Spring dad jokes are a warm, seasonal joy for the paternal. After months of slogging it out through cold, snow and winter dad jokes, it’s time to turn over a funny new leaf, right?

That’s why we searched high and mostly low to find the best, funniest, silliest dad jokes of the vernal season. That includes a few April Fools’ Day laughs and even a St. Patrick’s Day giggle that you can spring on unsuspecting children, adults and, of course, enemies of the pun. Enjoy without worry — these have all been spring-cleaned for your kids’ protection. 

If you need some non-seasonal yucks, check out our musical dad jokes for some laughs that sing!

Best (and worst) spring dad jokes, riddles and puns

Q. What does your winter fat turn into?
A. Spring rolls.

Q. What’s the best place to plant flowers at a school?
A. In kinder-garden.

Q. How excited was the gardener about the arrival of spring?
A. So excited that he wet his plants.

Q. How did the tree feel about spring?
A. Re-leafed.

Q. What’s Irish and comes out in spring?
A. Paddy O’Furniture

Q. Which superhero likes spring the best?
A. Robin.

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A family of moles awakens from hibernation.

The father mole pokes his head out of the hole and says, “I smell tulips. It must be spring!”

Then, the mother mole pokes her head out of the hole and says, “I smell cherry blossoms. It MUST be spring!”

The baby mole tries to squeeze between his parents but gets stuck and says, “All I smell is molasses.”

A few April Fool’s Day dad jokes

Q. What’s the best day of the year to monkey around with your friends?
A. Ape-ril Fool’s Day.

Q. Which monster is the best at playing April Fools’ Day jokes?
A. Prankenstein.

Q. Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?
A. Because they just finished a long 31-day long March!

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Did you hear about the pregnant bedbug? She’s having her babies in the spring.

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Q. Why did the farmer throw his seeds into the pond?
A. He was trying to grow watermelons.

Q. What season is best to go on a trampoline?
A. Spring-time

Q. What did the seed groan after the flower told one too many spring dad jokes?
A. “OK, Bloomer.”

Q. What did the tree say to spring?
A. What a re-leaf!

Q. What is the best flower for a boy to give his mom this spring?
A. A son-flower.

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Did you see that the local mattress store is having a spring sale? Unfortunately, the rest of the bed is still full price.

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Q. What can you find in the middle of April and March but not at the beginning or end of either?
A. The letter R.

Q. Why did the farmer bury all his money before planting his spring crops? 
A. To make his soil rich.

Q. Why did the bucket bounce?
A. Because it was filled with spring water.

Q. What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
A. Seasoning.

Q. What do you call a bear caught in a spring shower?
A. A drizzly bear.

Q. Why couldn’t the flower bud ride a bike?
A. It didn’t have any petals.

Q. What do you say when it’s raining chickens and ducks in April?
A. Foul spring weather.

Q. What did summer say to spring?
A. “Help, I’m going to fall!”

Spring dad jokes photo: © Africa Studio / Adobe Stock.

Bucket Head is a game. A great game. One of our favorites.

It involves me putting a yellow plastic bucket over one of my kids’ heads until their face is completely covered and then using it for a drum. All the while loudly chanting, “Buuuucket HEAAAD! BucketHeadBucketHead!” I drum fairly lightly, and they laugh and laugh and then it’s my turn to wear the bucket. It is elegant in its simplicity.

The game has evolved. Now the Peanut plays it with her little brother. In her version, she runs at him and slams the bucket down over his wispy, blond-haired, unsuspecting head and then wails on it with everything she’s got.

Just pounds the snot out of him. While screeching “BUCKET HEAD!!!” like an insane bird of prey.

The Pumpkin Man usually vacillates between laughing and crying until I can rescue him. He’s so happy she’s playing with him, but man, love hurts. She smiles and screams his name and tells me, “He likes it, Daddy. He likes it!”

It’s a little frightening for everyone. In a good way.

At our twice-weekly YMCA playgroup, not everyone talks to me. It’s mostly moms. Some of them are nice, many are standoffish. Some of the standoffish ones even go to the trouble of carrying extra, suspicious, mistrustful stares in their diaper bags that they drag out just for me.

There are times when I’m self-pitying about it and I wonder what I did wrong. Of course, when I’m honest with myself, I know what I did.

It started innocently enough. I was over to the side, playing a game of Bucket Head with my kids.

Some of the other kids noticed. They were intrigued. Who wouldn’t be?

Being naturally friendly, I shared our family game with them. At first it was just a couple of the bolder 3-year-olds. They, in turn, passed it on. Paid It Forward.

In a flash, toddlers everywhere were playing Bucket Head. Playing it hard. Like a campfire in a meth lab, it quickly got out of control. Toddlers, dozens of them — maybe hundreds — eyes wild, unseen mouths flecked with foam, running blindly, screaming, “Bucket Head!”

(Some of them had placed the bucket on their own heads and were stumbling around the gym, the call of Bucket Head echoing out from under their plastic headwear. That is not how the game is played. I mean – c’mon, guys. Pay attention. Which is something I probably shouldn’t have been saying at that moment.).

We ran out of buckets early on. They used plastic bins, toy strollers, Big Wheels, Playskool garages; whatever plastic toy they could cram onto each other’s heads and then thump. Tiny warrior-savages careening around, smiting the stuffing out of each other, crashing into each other. Screaming and eventually, swearing.

“Bucket Head! Fucking Buuucket Heaaad! GAAAHH!”

Civilizations collapsed and the playgroup plunged into chaos. Darkness. Not unlike the darkness you might experience if you were to have a bucket suddenly descend, unbidden, over your eyes.

It took us a long time to recover. Not everyone has forgiven me.

I wonder if they would like Cymbal Feet any better?

A version of this first appeared on Musings from the Big Pink. Main photo: © Michael Kachalov / Adobe Stock. Secondary photo: Homemaker Man.

Online retailer Amazon will soon bow to the pressure of fathers without meaningful employment by introducing an “Amazon Family” discount program for gender-role confused caretakers of children in the United States, according to a source.

The program name that got the Mr. Moms’ panties in a twist is not going away, though.

The U.S. division of the Interest-based seller of banana slicers has been steadily harassed about its “Amazon Mom” program name on social media by sperm-donating babysitters using #AmazonFamilyUS.

The subscription-based “Mom” service offers a substantial deal on necessities for people who take care of children such as ear plugs and nipple-leak shields. Since the service is open to all people — regardless of whether they are female, male or refused service in the state of Indiana — the online protesters wanted the name changed to “Amazon Family.” For reasons that cannot be explained, that term is already used in countries where children are almost exclusively raised by mothers (Japan) or brolly-toting nannies who cavort with chimney sweeps (the United Kingdom).

Yet that’s just what those fathers with fallopian-tube envy wanted and will get, a source has confirmed.

A source revealed that Amazon USA will create multiple discount program segments based on specific caregiver relationships. These new lines will all be placed under the umbrella name “Amazon Family.” For example, a new “Amazon Dad” program with offer deals on lounger chairs and Super Beta prostate pills; “Amazon Grandma,” Hummel figurines and saggy nylon knee-highs; and, “Amazon Drunk Uncle,” blackouts and bitterness.

News of the change comes not from the retailer, but from a confidential draft of a news release smuggled out of the company’s Seattle headquarters. The draft was purloined by a U.S. Postal Service employee who said he was disgruntled about having to work Sundays to make deliveries to Amazon Prime customers and threats that he would soon lose this job to unmanned drones.

“We find segregating consumers based on their gender, genetics and those attributes they have been most easily associated with since the founding of this great country expedites the search and hastens the buying process,” Amazon Senior Executive Vice President for Simplified Labeling Ferguson Grobnik is quoted as saying in the draft announcement. “These new caregiver segments will be separate but equal programs for all you people.”

Amazon, as it has done during the entire online campaign to dump “Amazon Mom,” steadfastly ignored media requests for comment on its daddy issues.

However, others were more than happy to flap their gums.

In a show of support for his Seattle neighbors’ situation, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz announced he would stir the gender role debate further by having baristas write the words “Parent Apart” on all cups at the coffee chain.

Schultz also said his spelling-challenged, minimum-wage work force would also be required to refer to all female customers as “breeders.”

Actor and dad diapering advocate Ashton Kutcher expressed disbelief that Amazon would make such a bold move before the rest of the world heeded his call for changing tables to be put in all men’s rooms.

“Dude, I got like 50 kazillion more signatures on MY Change.org petition in a week than those guys did in, like, three years or something,” said Mila Kunis’s impregnator. “I mean – jeez. C’mon. Do you believe this, Jackie?”

Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg credited the name change to her latest activism campaign #SlouchDown, in which she encourages women to slump in their work chairs to symbolize them being less visible in the corporate boardroom.

When told the alleged program change at Amazon actually hampered the movement to empower women by relegating them only to homemaker roles, Sandberg said, “You need to watch this video of Beyoncé saying I’m right.”

Dads involved in the #AmazonFamilyUS campaign were too busy raising their children to be bothered commenting on this report.