When my daughter was born, my paternity leave consisted of whatever paid and unpaid time off from work I could bank before the big due date. It took me almost two years, but I saved a month’s worth of vacation, sick and personal days. During that month, I changed diapers, helped my wife recover from a C-section, and bonded with my child.  

At the end of my paternity leave, which was still an oddity then, I returned to work. I had no choice. My wife’s maternity leave was at reduced or no pay at all and my family needed my health insurance and paycheck. Things were fine until they were not.

My wife had to have gallbladder surgery during her maternity leave. She also popped a stitch carrying our newborn down the stairs and was in a lot of pain. I wanted to be there but couldn’t. I felt helpless.

What prevents men from being engaged fathers?

It is no secret mothers carry most of the mental load of parenting. There is a demand, and rightly so, for fathers to be more engaged. However, after the argument for better paternity leave policies, there is no path for this to happen. Many men are prevented from becoming engaged fathers.

To put it bluntly, many fathers can’t afford to spend more time with their kids. It’s the exact same situation I found myself in 17 years ago.

According to a 2023 Pew Research Center study, 55% of marriages “have a husband who is the primary or sole breadwinner, and 16% have a breadwinner wife.” The study also reports 29% of marriages where both spouses earn the same amount. While that last number is encouraging, the onus for providing an income for a family still falls primarily on men.

Now add in the average annual cost for childcare (a little over $10,000) and health insurance ($23,000). An average American family is already 33 grand in the hole the minute they have a child. This is before we get to the rising cost of diapers and formula, the housing market, or general inflation. Working parents everywhere are struggling just to survive. The term “side hustle” has now become part of a parent’s lexicon.

As a stay-at-home dad, I have seen the struggles my wife has endured as our financial caregiver. This goes beyond missing baseball games or not helping with laundry. She has fought back against misogyny and sexism to keep our health insurance. I point this out because being the primary breadwinner keeps one of the parents from being as engaged as they would want to be. And this cuts that way for most fathers.

Finally, societal and grassroots support systems in place for fathers are lacking. There is very little mentorship, acceptance or consistent quality advice available for fathers. A simple but telling sign: there are still men’s bathrooms in this day and age without changing tables. It’s such a simple fix that would help fathers and mothers everywhere.

My own experiences have shown me that fathers in the everyday parenting world are either treated as a potential threat or lavished with false praise for doing the simplest parenting job. When I go out with my dads’ group and their kids, especially early on when we had six dads with strollers, we’ve been stopped and asked to pose for pictures. I know of one father who was told to sit quietly during a playgroup with moms and not to speak unless someone approached him. And although that is a dramatic example, it still points to the problem.

What’s the solution to creating more engaged fathers?

To have more engaged fathers, ones that take on the mental load and are allowed to participate fully in family life, we have to make it possible for them to do so.

The burden of financial caregiving needs to be lessened. This includes affordable health insurance not tied to your employment and reasonable childcare. This is more difficult. In 2022, The Inflation Reduction Act was passed but cut out provisions for pre-kindergarten funding, lower childcare costs and enhanced tax credits, among others. This is disastrous for not just fathers. Not only did we not ease the financial difficulties for parents; we made it worse.

When legislation like this is passed, it’s mostly discussed on how it affects women and children. Fathers are often forgotten about in governmental policies and programs, which only adds to the dad as a “less than” parent association. For example, look at the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children, or WIC for short. Even though fathers can access the program, it’s not exactly inviting. Caregiving is genderless. Luckily, in this case, The National Fatherhood Initiative, one of the largest non-profit fatherhood-focused organizations, works with “human service organizations to be intentionally and proactively father-inclusive.”

To correct this thinking, we all need to treat fathers as parenting equals and expect them to be engaged. That means parenting spaces need to be more welcoming. When I go to story time with my children, I don’t need to ask why no one wants to sit next to me. I don’t need to be stopped for pictures with my dads, and please don’t applaud me for going to the grocery store with three kids. I’ve been doing it for 16 years, it’s normal.

And as it is normal, there continues to be a need for more fatherhood organizations that encourage the everyday involvement of fathers. These have been growing over the last decade such as Fathering Together, Movember for men’s mental health, and many others. There has also been more fatherhood advice that reaches dads where they are such as podcasts like The Dad Time Out Show and the Dadass Podcast, which recently worked with the Columbus City Council to install 130 changing tables. This is the kind of societal change that will go a long way to show that fathers are welcome, needed, and valued.

Becoming an engaged father doesn’t end with paternity leave. It’s the beginning and the first step to a future that is better for all parents.

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This blog post is part of the #NoDadAlone campaign. Fathering Together/City Dads Group, the National At-Home Dad Network, and Fathers Eve are joining forces to amplify messages that help dads recognize we are not alone! Follow #NoDadAlone on Instagram, and learn more at NoDadAlone.com.

Photo: Takako Harkness Photography courtesy New York Baby Show

Being a stay-at-home dad with a daughter has particular challenges.

Don’t get me wrong—I love my daughter. She can be the sweetest, most compassionate, caring and loving person. I cannot describe how much I love her hugs and kisses.

But she always wants to go into the women’s restroom. Whenever we are out, I always pause before deciding what to do. Do I just let her go by herself? What if she locks herself into the stall, can’t turn on the water or reach the soap? How do I not look awkward waiting patiently outside the women’s room?

In public places, such as airports and parks, I prefer to take her with me into the men’s room. However, when she has to go, she has to go! One time, we were at a park when she just ran into the women’s room, and as I ran after her, I stopped in my tracks when I saw the security camera at the entrance. I didn’t want the cops to show up and arrest me for going after a girl in the women’s room!

I was almost arrested once. One day at Santa Monica Pier here in Los Angeles, my daughter was about to pee her pants but we found the men’s room closed for cleaning. I stood at the door of the women’s room, yelling inside every 30 seconds to make sure she was OK. Just as she finished up, a cop car showed up to “check” that I wasn’t some “weird guy” on the pier Once the officer saw my young daughter, he understood my predicament.

Taking her to the men’s room can be equally awkward now that she knows that boys have penises and girls have “jinas.” She asks why boys get to pee at the urinal and she cannot. Sometimes she walks up to other people while they are using the urinal. This is when I realized the concept of privacy isn’t inherent; it has to be taught. Add to that the judgemental looks you get from others when a father helps his daughter to the men’s restroom. Those looks of indignation that “mom” should be doing it (or the assumption that there is even a mom) or that unsolicited advice on how to raise your child. Y

Another restroom challenge is when I have to go and ask her to “stay put” for just enough time to allow me to finish my business. Most of the time, she listens. One time, however, we were visiting the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. She was so thrilled by the experience of seeing the bridge that she forgot to tell us she had to pee, and she started to pee in her car seat. We quickly jumped out of the car to go to the restroom and clean up. It was a big public restroom with dozens of people coming in and out.

After I had cleaned her up, I asked her to wait while I used the facilities. But she wanted to see the bridge again! I almost peed my pants as I ran outside— zipper still down and screaming her name—to catch her. Thankfully, I caught her just before she stepped into the road to cross the parking lot.

I breathe a sigh of relief when a family restroom is available because we can all use the restroom together without a challenge arising. I can change my toddler. We can both go to the restroom in private. I don’t have to worry about her running out the door. It’s nice to see more restaurants, malls and public sites have family restrooms. Sadly, too many non-family people use them for the same reason that I like using them–privacy. It is frustrating when I have waited patiently, too many times, outside the family room just to see a non-parent come out and don’t care even to apologize when they see a family waiting–even when my daughter is doing the “potty” dance. We need more family rooms and stricter enforcement of rules around them so actual families can use them.

Fellow dads—how do you navigate going to the restroom challenge in public facilities? How do you address privacy issues? Do you have any fun stories to share? Post them in the comment section!

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This blog post, which first appeared on our L.A. Dads Group blog in 2017, is part of the #NoDadAlone campaign. Fathering Together/City Dads Group, the National At-Home Dad Network, and Fathers Eve are joining forces to amplify messages that help dads recognize we are not alone! Follow #NoDadAlone on Instagram, and learn more at NoDadAlone.com.

Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash

Originally posted in 2009. Updated in June 2024.

I’ve attended the US Open tennis tournament in Queens’ Flushing Meadows every year for the past 30 years. It is, hands down, one of the best annual sporting events in NYC. It became more complicated for me to attend when my son was born so, for a while, I was not planning to attend.

Then, as luck would have it, a ticket “fell into my hands” for a Friday afternoon session. I was not going to pass up the opportunity. Unable to secure a babysitter, my son was joining me for his first professional sporting event. (I know, I am a bad dad because we have not even been to a baseball game yet).

US Open Tennis is kid-friendly

Overall, I found the vast US Open tennis grounds, known as the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center, to be extremely baby- and child-friendly. It has only gotten more so in recent years:

• Diaper bags are allowed. However, the limit is one bag per person and it cannot be larger than 12-inches wide by 12-inches high by 16-inches long. (Single-compartment drawstring bags are OK but backpacks are not allowed.) There is no bag storage on the grounds, but you can leave them in a locker outside the East Gate or South Gate. Cost: $10 per locker, $20 per luggage.
• Baby changing stations in every public restroom!
• Nursing/lactation stations are located at the first aid stations at the Grandstand and Louis Armstrong Stadium.
• Strollers are permitted. The grounds are quite stroller-friendly, however, definitely opt for a lightweight, foldable umbrella model. Big and bulky are not optimal for cruising through the crowds and narrower walkways between the side courts.
• Reusable water bottles, metal or plastic, are allowed as long as they are 25 ounces or less.

The US Open is a pretty pricey place to bring a kid, though. Children age 2 and older require a full-price adult ticket to enter. There are plenty of food options and sweet treats on the US Open tennis grounds. However, bring a full wallet or a credit/debit card because you will pay a premium price.

But sometimes you get lucky. As we entered the event, they were handing out free cups of Stony Field Farms’ new organic yogurt. It made for a tasty lunch for my son! The cafe where we chowed down our lunch even provided a high chair for him.

I will admit – the amount of tennis I got to watch this year was an all-time low. My son did not have the patience to watch more than a few games at any one particular match. Therefore, we bounced around and watched a few games of several different matches.

A few other negatives: The late summer sun was intense and the crowds were thick. Despite the crowds, you can still get extremely close to the action if you avoid the main stadiums and spend time on the exterior (numbered) courts. We found that Court #7, had top seeds playing, was not too crowded, and provided some shade. You feel close to the action by walking around the grounds. We even got to meet tennis great Brad Gilbert (pictured above).

Arthur Ashe Kids’ Day, Fan Week

After being canceled for two years because of the COVID-19 pandemic, Arthur Ashe Kids’ Day returned to the US Open tennis tournament in 2022.

This free event celebrates the life and legacy of tennis and cultural icon Arthur Ashe, on Saturday, August 24, 2024. Tickets are not required, admission is free.

The day offers interactive games, music and tennis activities for all ages and abilities to promote the many health benefits of tennis. Tennis legends and current superstars always show up to meet and greet. It will also feature a free concert with exciting up-and-coming talent. In years past, superstars like Rafael Nadel, the Williams sister, Coco Gauff, Ariana Grande, Flo Rida and Demi Lovato have appeared/performed.

Kids’ Day is part of the also free pre-tourney US Open Fan Week, scheduled for August 19-25, 2024. This is a great, inexpensive alternative to attending the main tournament. Every day is filled with tennis-centric activities for the whole family and special events.

The tennis center grounds are open, free of admission charges, to the public during Fan Week. You can watch the tourney qualifying matches, superstars of the game practicing up close and even a Legends of the Game match.

City Dads Group recently pitched in to bolster a campaign to add changing tables to public bathrooms in central Ohio.

Our Cincinnati and Columbus chapters held successful diaper drives this month in support of “Dadvocate for Change,” an effort by two Columbus area parenting podcasters and a local fatherhood community group.

The hosts of The Dadass Podcast and CBUS Dads announced the campaign earlier this year. Their goal: adding changing tables to men’s and general-neutral bathrooms in the Columbus area. These additions would give caregivers, especially male ones, a clean, safe and comfortable place to change a baby’s diaper.

Pluie, makers of a self-sanitizing changing table for public bathrooms, is a major partner in the campaign. They installed the first Dadvocate for Change table at the North High Brewing brewpub in Dublin, Ohio, this month.

Our groups’ contributions were among more than 3,200 diapers and 720 wipes collected to kickoff the campaign, according to the Dadass Podcast website. It estimated that more than 125 families would be helped by the donation made to a local diaper bank.

Podcasters Matt Lofy and Shaun Ditty contacted our Cincinnati and Columbus groups this spring seeking help with the Dadvocate for Change launch. In response, Cincinnati Dads co-organizer Brock Lusch hosted a meetup/drive for his dads at a local brewery on May 7; Columbus Dads co-organizer Aaron Sheldon hosted one at a local doughnut shop and nearby playground the next weekend. The two leaders represented City Dads the campaign’s main event on May 14.

A history of helping keep babies clean, dry

The battle for equal access to changing tables is a familiar one for City Dads Group.

NYC and City Dads Group garnered attention for the cause in 2016. An Upworthy video interview of co-founder Lance Somerfeld on the subject, showing him needing to change his daughter’s diaper on a park bench, went viral.

In 2019, City Dads assisted diaper maker Pampers meeting a commitment to install 5,000 changing tables in men’s restrooms throughout the United States and Canada. City Dads members and followers nominated businesses and public spaces in need of changing tables.

City Dads has also worked to raise awareness of U.S. families struggling to have enough diapers and baby wipes for their children. That 2017 campaign was in coordination with the National Diaper Bank Network and its founding sponsor, Huggies diapers.

Changing your child’s diaper when out on the town is never fun, but Pampers and Koala Kare have made things a little bit easier for dads to handle.

City Dads Group has signed on to help Pampers, the maker of the world’s No. 1 selling diaper, in its recent commitment to install 5,000 changing tables in men’s restrooms throughout the United States and Canada by 2021.

City Dads Group members and followers are being asked to nominate local businesses and public spaces in their communities that are in need of changing tables. With your help identifying these locations, Pampers will continue to provide Koala Kare changing tables in public restrooms. The first round of nominations will target seven cities – San Francisco, Charlotte, Chicago, Denver, Detroit, Philadelphia and New York City – but nominations in all areas are encouraged and will be considered.

Pampers announced its commitment to improve the “potty parity” situation this past June as part of its #LoveTheChange campaign to help recognize the increased responsibility and role of modern fathers in day-to-day child care. On Father’s Day 2019, the diaper and wipes brand began this initiative by providing hundreds of changing tables to businesses, parks, and recreation centers throughout the U.S. and Canada.

+ Click to submit locations in need of changing tables +

The partnership with Pampers and Koala Kare was a natural one for City Dads Group because our mission includes demonstrating that being a modern father means being a caring and capable parent actively involved in all aspects of raising a child … no matter how messy or smelly.

“I need the tools to get my job done as a hands-on parenting partner with my wife. I’ve been as frustrated as anyone with restaurants, museums, parks and businesses that didn’t have a diaper changing station in the men’s restroom when I needed to change my children,” said City Dads Group co-founder Lance Somerfeld, who has been an at-home father since 2008. “We extremely proud this new City Dads Group partnership with Pampers and Koala Care because it gives a chance to make a positive impact on our communities and help other fathers who are committed to sharing the work as much as the fun of being an active, involved parent.”

According to a recent survey Pampers commissioned, nine out of 10 fathers have gone into a public restroom with a child to discover that it did not have a baby changing table.

Pampers commitment to changing table equality launched with their #LoveTheChange campaign. It was done in partnership with singer John Legend, and Florida father of three, Donte Palmer, whose social media photo of him trying to change his son’s diaper while squatting on a restroom floor, with his child over his lap, went viral. Palmer later started the #SquatForChange organization to campaign for more baby changing tables in men’s restrooms. Palmer is working with Pampers to champion thousands of dads who have used social media to voice their desire to see changing table equality.

Equal access to public restroom changing tables has been ongoing issue in recent years with various celebrities championing the cause and new laws being introduced at state and federal levels. For example, New York State mandated them for new or newly renovated bathrooms as of Jan. 1 of this year while, in 2016, President Barack Obama signed legislation requiring federally owned buildings to install changing tables in both men’s and women’s restrooms.

Putting a new diaper on your little one becomes easier in New York starting this year, moms and dads.

A state law went into effect Jan. 1 requiring diaper changing tables be in all new or newly renovated public restrooms in the Empire State.

While the lack of diaper changing tables in men’s rooms sparked the new law, it’s a win for all parents and caretakers regardless of gender.

“All parents deserve a clean, safe space to take care of their baby’s needs,” N.Y. Gov. Andrew Cuomo tweeted back in April when announcing the new law. “We’re ensuring equal access to these amenities so all New Yorkers can give their children the care they need at this critical stage of their lives.”

The state legislation follows a similar diaper changing tables law passed in NYC a year ago although this statewide effort was first introduced in 2015 by state Sen. Brad Hoylman, D-27, of New York City.

The New York law, part of the state’s Uniform Building Code, affects private businesses and state offices, buildings and facilities. Restaurants, retail stores and movie theaters will need to comply along with parks and government offices. At least one changing table will need to be accessible to the genders per publicly accessible floor. Signs must also be posted to direct the public to the nearest available changing table.

Diaper changing tables in the spotlight

The call for equal gender access to diaper changing tables has taken the national spotlight a few times. In 2015, actor Ashton Kutcher complained about the lack of tables in men’s rooms on social media. The next year, President Obama drew more eyes and ears to the issue when he signed legislation requiring federally owned buildings to install changing tables in both men’s and women’s restrooms.

In September 2018, a father’s Instagram post of himself having to change his child’s diaper while squatting on a men’s room floor caused another media sensation.

NYC and City Dads Group garnered attention for the cause in October 2015. The Upworthy video website interviewed co-founder Lance Somerfeld, showing him needing to change his daughter’s diaper on a park bench. The video has received more than 590,000 views to date.

Photo by mrjorgen on Visualhunt.com / CC BY-NC-ND

When it comes to changing diapers, New York City is on the verge of potty parity.

Mayor Bill de Blasio Tuesday signed into law a bill requiring all new public restrooms — regardless of gender designation — have baby changing tables. The lack of the stations in men’s rooms around the city sparked the legislation.

“The way our society has organized things, it’s a message to men to not do their fair share,” de Blasio said at a City Hall media conference to celebrate the signing. “If you can’t find a changing station it literally bakes in those stereotypes, and it inhibits men from doing what they need to do more and more, which is step up. So today is a day to celebrate the idea that all caretakers need to be respected, that all caretakers need to be able to do this precious work.”

The law applies to new construction accessible to the public such as restaurants, theaters, retail stores and more. Current establishments that undergo major renovations will also need to add bathroom changing tables. The new law takes effect later this year.

The NYC City Council approved the changing table bill in December after being introduced by Brooklyn Councilman Rafael Espinal. Espinal said he was inspired after watching a father struggle to change his child’s diaper while the infant lay on a bathroom sink in a mall.

“Parents should be changing their children’s diapers with a little more dignity, in a space that’s sanitary,” he told HuffPost in a Dec. 11 article.

The changing table revolution

The lack of diaper changing tables in men’s restrooms has grabbed the national spotlight a few times in recent years in the debate over parenting equality. In 2015, actor Ashton Kutcher complained about the problem on social media. The next year, President Obama drew more eyes and ears to the issue when he signed legislation requiring federally owned buildings to install changing tables in both men’s and women’s restrooms.

NYC and City Dads Group garnered attention for the cause in October 2015. The Upworthy video website interviewed co-founder Lance Somerfeld, showing him needing to change his daughter’s diaper on a park bench. The video has received more than 590,000 views to date.

Our recent report on diaper changing tables now being required in men’s and women’s rooms in publicly accessible federal buildings caught the eye of the people over at the Upworthy website. They interviewed City Dads Group co-founder Lance Somerfeld on the subject as he changed his daughter on a park bench, and posted the video on Facebook.

Earlier this month, President Obama recently signed into law the Bathrooms Accessible in Every Situation Act, or BABIES Act. The new law requires baby changing tables to be installed in men’s and women’s restrooms in publicly accessible federal buildings.

Earlier this month, President Obama signed into law the Bathrooms Accessible in Every Situation Act, or BABIES Act. The new law requires baby changing tables to be installed in men’s and women’s restrooms in publicly accessible federal buildings.

The folks at the popular Upworthy website read a post we did on City Dads Group the baby changing tables law and liked it. They interviewed NYC Dads Group co-founder Lance Somerfeld on the subject as he changed his daughter on a park bench, and posted the video on Facebook.

The lack of changing tables in public bathrooms, especially men’s room, has been a newsmaker in recent years. The most notable proponent of increasing changing accessibility is actor Ashton Kutcher who complained loudly about the need on social media in 2015. A year before, Dads Who Change Diapers blogger Scotty Schrier started a national changing table database to help parents with soiled children.

Potty equality is nearly upon us, moms and dads.

Just when you thought legislators in Washington, D.C., couldn’t agree on anything, Congress passed and President Obama recently signed into law the Bathrooms Accessible in Every Situation Act, or BABIES Act. The new law requires baby changing tables to be installed in men’s and women’s restrooms in publicly accessible federal buildings.

“Government needs to do more to ensure that public buildings are family-friendly. No mom or dad should ever have to worry about finding a safe, sanitary place to change their baby ― least of all in a federal building that’s paid for by taxpayers,” the act’s original sponsor, U.S. Rep. David Cicilline (D-R.I.) posted on his website after Obama’s Oct. 7 signing.

The lack of changing tables in public bathrooms, especially men’s room, has been a newsmaker in recent years. The most notable proponent of increasing changing accessibility is actor Ashton Kutcher who complained loudly about the need on social media in 2015. A year before, Dads Who Change Diapers blogger Scotty Schrier started a national changing table database to help parents with soiled children.

“It’s only public buildings at this point … BUT YAY!!!!! This is a huge first step!” Schrier wrote on his Facebook page following the signing.

In light of this new law, a few of our City Dads Group members proved why this is an important change by sharing some of their worst experiences from the lack of changing tables in men’s rooms:

Hotel hell

“I was at a Marriott in Michigan where there was no changing table in the men’s room. I brought it up with the staff and was told, ‘There is one in the ladies’ room.’ I told them it was a bit presumptive to assume only moms change diapers. She didn’t respond, and I changed my daughter on the couch in the lobby.” — Austin, Dallas Dads Group

Restaurant teamwork

“The lack of changing tables in men’s restrooms have been a major frustration for me as well the thousands of active dads in our communities. Diaper parity is frustrating for our wives and partners as well because they’re the ones forced to shoulder the burden and perform a diaper change when their bathroom is the only one properly equipped with a change table.

“I’m currently in the throes of diaper changes and navigating the pitfalls of public restrooms not equipped with changing tables.

“About a year ago, our family was eating at a popular restaurant when our daughter had a violent blowout.  The poop was everywhere and in addition to a new diaper, our baby needed a complete outfit change.  Sadly, there was only a changing table in the women’s restroom. The grueling diaper changes like these usually fall under my domain. Consequently, my wife stood guard, while I used the WOMEN’S RESTROOM to give my daughter a bath in the sink to get her clean and into a fresh diaper and clothing. That’s teamwork!” — Lance Somerfeld, co-founder of City Dads Group

Chain store blues

“I was at Home Depot and my 3-year-old had to use the restroom. I took her to the men’s room and there was no changing station. I had no choice but to bring her in a stall where there is a guy in the next stall handling business. It was very awkward and uncomfortable. I never want to go through that again. I hope they put them in all big chain stores.” — Clint, Dallas Dads Group

More makeshift changing table tales

NYC Dads Group member Niel Vuono has changed diapers in a hotel lobby, a cemetery, even in Independence Hall in Philadelphia. Read his hilarious story on WhatToExpect.com, The Strangest Places I’ve Ever Changed a Diaper.

Photo: BoogaFrito Epcot – Baby Change via photopin (license)