“It moved,” muttered George Costanza, the contemptible yet lovable Seinfeld character, in terror. He had been receiving a full-body massage from an objectively attractive male masseuse, and, well, “it” moved.

I suspect I don’t have to spell this one out. If you grew up with “it” between your legs, you know it has a mind of its own. It does what it wants when it wants and, for the most part, we are passengers on the “please no one notice” train.

The Seinfeld episode in question first aired in 1991. I would’ve been around 11 or so. This is a prime age for uncontrollable and inexplicable, ummmm, swellings. Around that time, I would’ve been begging dear sweet baby Jesus to protect me from the Devil’s hormones raging in my body. The all-too-tight khakis I had been forced to wear at church offered no protection. I was exposed. I could do my best Ron Burgundy “It’s the pleats” defense, but I had no pleats. Only a snug, flat fabric stretched across my crotch, waiting to advertise an untimely pitched tent.

Self-care or snake oil?

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been awkward about being touched, and since this Seinfeld episode, I have genuinely had a fear of massages. I feel compelled to report it had nothing to do with men or my sexuality, but it heightened my fear of accidental bulges – regardless of who or what may have been the cause. Now you understand why “it moved” has been a terrifying mantra bouncing in my brain for 30-plus years.

And so, at the age of 44, I finally had my first massage.

I tend to reject what’s new and popular. The self-care industry has become so full of snake oil and nonsensical claims, I barely pay attention. There’s an infinite supply of influencers and hucksters eager to prey upon our desperate desire to feel better. Through smiling, beautiful faces, they claim to care about us, when it mostly seems they only care about separating us from our money. Sadly, the preponderance of profit-obsessed businesses and products has made it hard to find the real people, the genuine healers, who truly devote themselves to helping others. This cacophony of profiteering has made it hard for me to believe there’s any value in taking care of myself. I’m a stay-at-home dad. My full-time job is caring for three (sometimes four) kids. Taking care of myself is low on my list of priorities.

After my hour-long massage, I’m questioning the ranking of my priorities.

Feeling bad normally is not normal

Let’s address the first fear: Did it move?

Yep. Sure did.

A man didn’t give me my massage, but that was never my fear. I was worried about making things awkward and weird because I’m awkward and weird – which is exhausting, by the way. But, although blood was certainly flowing, and I did feel pretty dang good, nothing untoward happened. In the words of Costanza, “I think it moved. I don’t know. … It was imperceptible, but I felt it. … It wasn’t a shift. I’ve shifted. This was a move!”

My face was covered by a towel. In the background, there was meditative music. I was doing guided breathwork. Periodically a deep breath would be filled with some exotic aroma. All the hippy woo-woo shit the old me would mock.

The new me? I’m weary of being afraid of everything. I’m tired of being the frowning skeptic closed off from everything and everyone. “No one touch me. No one hug me. Respect my giant, ‘Merica-sized bubble, dammit!” I’ve always confused intimacy and sensuality with sexuality, and it’s a shame our society seeks to continue this confusion. Feeling good isn’t bad, but we’ve all felt so bad for so long that we’ve convinced ourselves it’s normal.

As fathers, how has all that impacted our children?

Massage your parenting message

I don’t know about you fellow dads, but I don’t want my kids to feel bad. Ever. About anything. OK, maybe sometimes, like when I recently found tiny particles of “window crayons,” all over the house, but in general, I want my kids to feel great. Great about themselves. About their bodies. About feeling great. Why would I want anything else?

How can I make them feel great if my body is falling apart? How can I create a happy home if I’m tense, grumpy and in pain from being tense and grumpy? I want to be a better human so I can be the best dad I can be. I’m no longer going to reject some of the tools in the cosmic toolbox. [*Giggles* — tool!]

I’m not saying we all need to put on our tinfoil hats and stop getting measles vaccines. We should absolutely trust doctors and experts when appropriate, but they don’t deserve our blind allegiance – no ideology does. There’s a whole world of possibilities, and the only way to know what works, sometimes, is to give it a try. Imagine our hypocrisy when we frustratingly stare at a plate full of uneaten food we encouraged our kids to try while knowing we’ve rejected alternate solutions to our own problems because we didn’t have the courage to try.

While on the massage table, I felt transported into another realm. My recently departed mother and brother were there. They were laughing at me. It was ludicrous some silly episode of a 30-year-old show had isolated me from my fellow humans. They told me the only person standing between me and everything I ever wanted was me, “It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem. It’s me.” They were right. And I think I realized I’m also standing between my kids and everything they may want, and I desperately don’t want to be that guy.

Be better today than you were yesterday

Did I REALLY travel to alternate dimensions? I hope so, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is whether I’m willing to be better today than I was yesterday. While I can’t pretend I’ll always be willing to make my physical and mental health a priority, viewing self-care as a service to my wife and kids puts a whole new spin on it.

So get a massage.

Go for a run.

Lift some weights.

Sprinkle some rosewater on your pillowcase.

Mediate and get a little dizzy trying to figure out some complex breathing technique.

Go stretch in a hot room and try not to fart.

Give it a try. It just might work.

If it doesn’t work, that’s OK too. At least you tried, and it’s probably your kid’s fault, anyway. It’s always the kid’s fault.              

Author’s note: During the writing of this piece, “it” did NOT move.

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This blog post is part of the #NoDadAlone campaign. Fathering Together/City Dads Group, the National At-Home Dad Network, and Fathers Eve are joining forces to amplify messages that help dads recognize we are not alone! Follow #NoDadAlone on Instagram, and learn more at NoDadAlone.com.

Massage photo by Pixabay via Pexels.

For many new parents, all of their time is spent simply taking care of the baby. It can be tough figuring out how to find time to work out or exercise. If running is your thing (or was — before having kids), here’s a “how to” guide for getting back into your sport by using a jogging stroller:

Picking a Jogging Stroller

There are many great brands (Jeep, Graco, BabyTrends, Joovy) and types (single, double, fixed wheel) jogging strollers. I suggest that you try out a few before deciding. I use BOB Gear jogging strollers because I found they work best in terms of size, flexibility, and durability for the streets, elevators and small apartments of New York City. Our BOB Gear stroller comes in handy for more than just running with my child. It’s great to take when I bring my daughter grocery shopping or to a museum.

Start Slowly

I started running with my daughter, Lucinda, when she was around 5 months old. The instructions for my BOB Gear jogging stroller advised me not to run with a baby younger than 8 months. You need to use your best judgment. I felt confident trying it as soon as she could sit up without slumping over in the stroller. The first time out we went for about 2.5 miles. The first mile and a half she was fine, but then she got fussy. So we abandoned ship. The second time out was a little better. By the third time, she had gotten used to the stroller and things started to go more smoothly.

Jogging Strollers Help with Naps

After about five short runs in the jogging stroller, she had gotten into the routine of napping really well during my runs. Before I knew it, I couldn’t stop or she would wake up! And as you know or will certainly learn … you should do whatever humanly possible NOT to wake a sleeping baby. The breakthrough came in early June, when she fell deep into a nap and didn’t wake up after the usual 30 minutes. She slept and slept, and before I knew it, I had run almost 2 hours in the middle of the day! Running with ourBOB Gear jogging stroller was a great antidote to short napping. Eventually, we got into a routine of taking most afternoon naps during a jog in the park.

Stopping could end a nap prematurely during the middle months, but I find as she’s getting older, stopping isn’t as detrimental to the nap. My daughter has always been a light sleeper, but if you have a good sleeper it should be fine.

Prepare for Weather

Spring and fall are the best months for the jogging stroller. Always keep in mind that your baby is not getting warmed up from exercise like you are.

If you plan to run in the summer, find a model with a sun shield. This will protect your child from the rays and keep her cooler. Most good brands (BOB Gear, Jeep, Graco, BabyTrends) have jogging strollers with these that are either detachable or foldable. It’s also best to go early or late and avoid the heat in the middle of the day.

In the winter, we’ve been using a weather shield, essentially a plastic enclosure, which keeps the stroller quite toasty and dry. In fact, you should not use the shield unless it’s lower than 60 degrees due to the possibility of overheating. It also protects your child from wind and the elements. I’m not sure how cold will be our cut-off for going out, but below 30 degrees will probably be our limit.

Speed

Don’t expect to be running 7-minute miles with the stroller; it can really slow you down. My running pace is around 11 to 12 minutes with the stroller, and when I’m without the stroller it’s usually more in the 9- to 10-minute range, sometimes faster if I’m racing in a shorter distance. So don’t expect to run fast with the stroller, but do expect to work hard. I think the extra effort you put into running with the stroller, even if you are going at a slower pace, can make your runs without the baby a little faster. Think of it as a type of speed work!

How Much Should I Run with the Stroller?

I train for ultra marathons so running for 90 minutes every day with my baby isn’t such a problem for me. But if you are not an ultra marathoner, at least getting out there for an hour will be great for you and the baby.

Best Jogging Stroller Routes

Living in NYC, we usually head to Central Park or Riverside Park. Hills are tough but add to the fun. Quiet routes are ideal, so try to stay away from construction, heavy traffic, and people wanting to ask how it is to run with the baby. That is my warning, but it’s hard to schedule around those problems.

Bringing the jogging stroller into your and your baby’s life can be fun (a little intimidating initially) and I think it can help you and your baby explore the town, provide fitness, and give your baby a great opportunity for napping. Since my daughter, Lucinda, is turning 1 next week, we will see how this plan works and evolves as she gets older.

About the author

Mat Gerowitz is a stay-at-home dad, ultra runner, and part-time running coach. Mat can be found on what used to be Twitter at @matruns and at ultrarunningstayathomedad.blogspot.com.

This post first ran in 2012 and has since been updated.

BOB Gear, Jeep, Graco, BabyTrends single, double, fixed wheel jogging strollers

There’s a lot to juggle when it comes to parenting. Hitting the gym for a workout quickly drops on the priority list when it comes to your children’s needs. Some simple fitness tips to help busy parents get back on track would surely be welcome, right?

It would. A 2014 study from the University of Pittsburgh concluded that new parents not only are less physically active than singles or married couples without children but also that they took a steeper, deeper fall into a sedentary lifestyle.

No matter how busy our schedules, it’s important we moms and dads remind ourselves that staying in shape doesn’t just benefit us. It benefits our children as well. Improving your health through regular exercise is one of the best ways to ensure you’re able to keep up with your active children (and their busy schedules) and able to be there for them for years to come.

Here are some fitness tips to help overwhelmed parents get on the healthy track:

Simple fitness tips for busy parents

1. A little exercise can go a long way, mom and dad

Starting a new exercise routine is daunting, especially if you haven’t been active in awhile. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and discouraged early on. People, parents or not, tend to try to do too much after doing too little for an extended period of time. The most important of these fitness tips, especially when starting out, is to focus on just doing SOMETHING:

• Go for a short walk.
• If you have stairs, make two trips up and down every time you use them instead of one.
• Try the “repetitive habit” trick. For example, do five pushups and five bodyweight squats every time you use the restroom throughout the workday.

It may not seem like much, but these little efforts will add up over time.

2. Strive for consistency — it’s an exercise “routine,” after all

One of the best ways for parents to build healthy habits is to set up a fitness routine that works for their schedule.

If you typically take lunch at the same time every day, plan for a short walk or jog during that time. If your schedule is more random, plan an exercise routine for your days off or free time.

Remember the core principle of the fitness tip above: You don’t have to do a lot to be effective. Small and consistent improvements over time will help you achieve your goals.

3. Focus on the now, not your past

Like many parents, I was extremely active for most of my life before having children. When I started refocusing on my personal fitness again, I was plagued with memories of what I used to be able to do. Don’t get weighed down with how much you once could bench, how far you used to run, or how many days a week you used to be able to exercise. Instead, focus on what you’re doing now, and what you can continue to do in the future. It may not be at the same level, but it can still be more than enough.

BONUS FITNESS TIP: Get the whole family involved

Fitness doesn’t have to be a solo journey. There are tons of activities that involve the entire family, such as hikes, bike riding or even just playing around in the backyard.

Even if your kids or spouse are not directly participating in the activity you are doing, they can still be a part of your fitness routine. If you exercise at home, set up a play space nearby where your children can hang out during your workout. If part of your workout is timed, teach your children to use a stopwatch to help you.

Overall, it helps to keep a clear focus on why fitness is important as a parent. It’ll help ensure you remain an active participant in your children’s lives for as long as possible.

Fitness tips for busy parents photo: ©LIGHTFIELD STUDIOS / Adobe Stock.

It is time again for making resolutions. After downing eggnog and Santa shaped cookies for a month straight, the most common ones for the New Year are usually declared after we look into the mirror and realize, “Yeah, I might need to lose some weight and exercise more.” Now those are some worthy healthy habits!

Millions of people every year decide to face this challenge head on, often by signing up for a membership at their local gyms. Sadly, this is where they typically end their journey. A gym membership is great, but how do you keep from becoming part of that high statistic of people who quit going to the gym after February rolls around?

Success starts with reasonable goals, plans

When signing up for the gym, do you envision yourself going every day after work and hitting the treadmill for two hours? Do you picture yourself at the weight rack seven days a week, hammer curling a couple of 75-pound dumbbells until your biceps rip your shirt to shreds from your massive gains?

Wake up.

The No. 1 reason people quit going to the gym is because they start with unrealisticly high goals. They set themselves up for failure before they even start.

I always advise people to make reasonable goals along with feasible plans to meet them. You want to work out five days a week? Start with a goal of two days a week. When you hit those two days consistently without problem, add a third day.

Baby steps will always get you where you want to go, just be willing to take the time to get there. Remember, no one lies around for a year then jumps off the couch and runs a marathon. You work your way up to a 5K, build up to half marathon and continue to train to finish a full 26.2 miles.

Healthy habits require routines, time to form

The conventional wisdom is that it takes at least 21 days of regularly doing something for it become automatic, or a habit. Your mileage may vary — requiring less or even much more repetition and time.

I know I am a morning person and I have certain days of the week when my mornings are free. So I make my gym/workout sessions the same time in the early part of the day and on the same days of every week. For example, I know that Monday at 8:45 a.m., every week, is my leg workout day/time. It part of my routine just like brushing my teeth is.

Having a schedule you know you can stick to (thanks to having reasonable and manageable goals) makes you more likely to follow through rather than using the “when I have the time” method. If you have a schedule that changes often, try to find or create a “slot” rather than time/day to workout. Change your drive to or from work or dropping the kids off so you go past the gym — it will make it easier for you to stop in and get that workout in. The important thing is to be consistent, and make working out a predictable part of your week.

The dreaded D-word: DIET

When making resolutions, the other area where people tend to go overboard is dieting. They think “I will eat nothing but carrots and gluten-free cardboard,” and after a week — at most — they are gorging on Little Debbie snack cakes.

First, I hate the word diet. You should never do anything that makes you die. I prefer to call it a “live-t” because it needs to be something that you can live with. The real key to healthy “liveting” is tracking what you eat. You might be surprised to find you are eating more than you realized!

There are many great free and paid food-tracking apps you can find for you phones/computers to help. You don’t have to give up the foods you love, you just have to be more aware of the foods you are eating. I personally lost almost 200 pounds doing a program where I still ate the meals I wanted, I just learned to find the right portions and tracked what I ate.

If you think it might be to hard to track your food, I suggest committing to just tracking one day. If that goes well, try for a second day. Pretty soon you will find that you have built a healthy habit!

I hope you were able to find some new ideas to help you on your journey. Remember these three key things:

• Make reasonable goals and plans to meet them.
• Make those goals a consistent part of your life.
• It’s OK to take baby steps toward your dreams.

Put these ideas together and pretty soon you will find that you have gone from making resolutions to having built a healthy habits.

Making resolutions / healthy habits photo: ©AdriaVidal / Adobe Stock.

I added strength training to my exercise routine this year. That is to say, I’ve added strength training when my schedule permits working out. Being a stay-at-home dad and influencer/blogger eats up a lot of my time. There isn’t a lot of room for consistent “me time.”

Other than my long run on Saturdays, everything else fits in when it can. While I would love to be a gym rat, I can be a “home gym rat.” My teenage son has been acquiring weights and workout equipment over the past couple of years. As a result, my fitness routine has been a beneficiary of his growing collection.

Having my “dad life” and my new desired “fitness life” has made me realize the similarities between the two.

Balance is key to working out, good parenting

When working out, your legs need to be set right and balanced. If one thing is off, it could be a disaster. No matter what I do when I lift weights, I keep my feet shoulder width apart, my knees slightly bent, and my weight equally distributed. If I were to shift too much one way or the other, I’d fall or get hurt. When I’m set, not only will I keep myself from getting hurt, I can also carry a lot more.

The same goes for fatherhood. When I’m firm in my foundation, I can carry a lot more. Balance is important for parenting. A well-balanced dad can carry the weight his family needs him to. If unbalanced, the family can fall apart.

Know when to lessen the load

Some days when I work out, I can pile on the weights. Rep after rep adds to a great day of lifting weights. Then, there are days I struggle. Those days require extra attention. If the body is telling you “no” then something has to go. Pushing through could result in an injury and that can keep you from being your best for a long time. The saying “No Pain, No Gain” isn’t always true.

Dads try to put as much as we can on our plate . We believe we can shoulder all the responsibility and still be at our best. And sometimes, that can work out. Then there are days when you can’t. Those days require an adjustment. Carrying a little less those days can stop a permanent pain.

Stretching is as good as exercise

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized the importance of stretching. There was a time when I could jump right into a workout or run and have it not be a big deal. Now, my body has to be limbered up before I work out or run. Stretching helps keeps muscles healthy and flexible. If someone doesn’t stretch, the muscles can tighten and become sore.

Stretching is also good for dads. Often, we come into fatherhood with a set of ideas and beliefs. In the early years, we stick to them. Then, as the years pass, we’re stretched to new ways of thinking, believing and acting. If we don’t stretch, we can’t grow. Our lives seize up and tighten everyone around us. We must move beyond our believed norms for the benefit of everyone around us.

Routine is key workout, parenting success

Working out here or there is fine to start, but to get the transformation you desire, you need a routine. I devote one day to one muscle group, another day to a different group. It’s best to come up with a calendar of exercises for what you need to do on that day and for how long.

A good routine also helps you have a successful day of parenting. If there is a routine in place, everyone knows what is expected at a certain time. For example, my family’s lives are crazy during soccer season, but I still need a routine to guide us through. my kids must do their homework by a certain time before soccer practice or they’ll be too tired once we get home. If we wait, I get upset that they’re not prioritizing their day right.

You need a rest day

If you’re working out regularly, you need some time off to rest the muscles and relax. That doesn’t mean sitting on the couch all day and eating junk food. You go through the day and get done what you need to, but give those overused muscles a break.

A rest day for a dad is the same. You don’t need to sit on the couch all day, although it is nice on a Sunday afternoon during football season. Giving space to your kids while resting provides dads with a lift to get back at it the next day.

Working out your priorities

The one thing that doesn’t fit equally into the worlds of working out and fatherhood is self-sacrifice. When working out, you are the priority. Being a dad, you’re the last priority. Sometimes, I have to sacrifice my hopes and dreams of the lifestyle I want for the overall benefit of my family. It’s a sad moment, but as a father to four, it’s worth it. All that being said, when the time comes around again, put yourself back in action.

A version of this first appeared on One Good Dad. Photo: © VadimGuzhva / Adobe Stock.

Skipping meals. Forcing themselves to throw up. Obsessively exercising until total exhaustion. This is the scary reality for many teenagers, especially young females, struggling with body dysmorphia and eating disorders.

Research shows that almost 10 in every 100 teenage girls suffer from an eating disorder of some variety. Many of these girls feel pressure from the media, friends or classmates to look a certain way or fit a particular mold. Too often, girls as well as boys are led to believe their value relies more on appearance than their character or their abilities. This thinking can lead to a dangerous infatuation with their bodies, dysmorphia and, subsequently, an eating disorder.

Often times, parents fail to recognize these disorders. Sometimes people even misread the situation and praise teens for losing weight or becoming “healthier” even though they may be practicing habits that are very bad for their physical and emotional well-being.

Fortunately, more discussion occurs these days about how and why these conditions burden so many young people. However, not a lot of material out there has been designed to help parents talk to their teenagers about this topic. It’s important to educate your child on the dangers of these disorders just as you would warn them about drunk driving or smoking. Anyone is susceptible, and could potentially face serious physical and emotional consequences.

Defining body dysmorphia, eating disorders

The term dysmorphia may sound intimidating or unfamiliar. However, it’s important to understand what it means in order to understand eating disorders.

Body dysmorphia refers to a person having an inaccurate image of their own body and the negative mental effects that occur for that person as a result. The person sees their own body as different than it actually is, or believes one particular element of their body is far beyond normal proportions and therefore something they should be very concerned about.

This can lead to several different kinds of eating disorders. The most common are:

• Bulimia is a condition in which body dysmorphia leads an individual to feel depressed and overeat, then force themselves to throw up or fast for an extended period to avoid gaining weight.
• Anorexia is characterized by dangerously low weight as a result of refusing to eat or excessive exercise.

Both disorders are extremely serious, can cause lifelong damage to one’s body, be life threatening.

Another common disorder not discussed as often is binge eating disorder. Similar to bulimia in it involves eating large amounts, but it differs in that it does not involve throwing up or fasting. It may seem odd for an individual who believes they are too large to overeat and gain a lot of weight. However, often times eating disorders are inextricably linked to low self-esteem. Those who feel they are overweight may experience depression and cope by eating lots of food and gaining more weight. This can lead to a hard to break cycle of self-sabotage.

Prevent the problem

One way you can start preventing these issues early on is by creating a positive home environment where your child doesn’t feel excessive pressure to conform to a perfect body type. By cooking balanced meals and not scrutinizing your child’s weight, you can help them develop a positive relationship with their body. If you value their accomplishments and celebrate their abilities, they will understand their body is not all that makes them valuable. Making sure they understand their worth is not tied to their appearance helps prevent a problematic relationship with food and body weight.

Eating meals together helps create a healthy relationship with food within your family. Sitting down to eat as a group helps children develop consistent eating habits, and demonstrates to them the importance of eating regularly. Another helpful measure is making sure food in your home is balanced and healthy. This sets a good example of what it’s like to treat your body with care and respect.

As we’ve said, it’s important to make sure your child eats healthy so they can be strong and happy. However, some teens fail to consider their own personal nutrition, and may have bad habits like only indulging in junk food or refusing to be active. How do you draw the line between guilting them over this and helping them set healthy boundaries?

Start by not creating so much pressure or emphasis on diet and exercise that your child believes it’s the only or most important thing. Aim for language targeting the bad food as the issue, not your child. For example:

“Hey, Greg. I noticed you’ve been drinking a lot of soda recently. I’m a little concerned. Soda is very high in sugar and certain chemicals. It’s not very good for you, even though it may taste good. I want you to be healthy and take good care of yourself, so I’m asking you to limit yourself to one every few days.”

Start a conversation

Education is one of the best methods of prevention. By addressing the topic of eating disorders before it potentially becomes an issue, you help your children recognize when they are adopting unhealthy habits. It never hurts to guide them to increase their awareness because messages from outside sources can really affect their perceptions of their own body.

To educate your children on the dangers of body dysmorphia, try beginning with a heart to heart about body image. Don’t be afraid to sit down and talk to them honestly about these topics. Try something like this:

“I love you and I want to make sure you love yourself, too. Do you ever wish you looked like someone else or feel insecure about your appearance? Have you ever taken measures to combat that insecurity outside of normal diet and exercise? I won’t be angry with you; I just want to be sure you’re OK.”

Being proactive to help teens understand what eating disorders are and how they could potentially be affected is important. By addressing these topics and creating a safe space to discuss them, you build a safety net for your teen. This helps if they ever feel they are slipping down a dark path regarding body image and self-esteem.

Struggling with body dysmorphia

Have you noticed your teenager dealing with issues surrounding their weight or body image? Maybe its a dramatic weight loss or another behavior that sends a signal of concern.

If you’re not sure what to look for, first pay attention to how much and what your child is eating within 24 hours. Make sure they are eating about three balanced meals a day. Also note how much time they spend exercising to see if they are stretching their body to an unhealthy extent.

It can be hard to confront your teen about a highly personal issue like an eating disorder. You may feel overwhelmed or scared you’ll say the wrong thing. The best approach: assume nothing and to be clear that your goal is to help them, not make them feel shame or guilt. Remind them that your biggest concern is their health and well-being.

Resources

Where can you go and who can you talk to when you know your teenager is suffering from an eating disorder?

• First, talk to a doctor to find out if your child’s disorder has caused any issues that need immediate attention.
• Then, reach out to a mental health professional for a proper diagnosis. Potential treatment, such as medication, regular therapy, and single or group counseling, could follow.
• You may need to monitor your child’s nutritional activities to ensure that they are staying healthy and taking care of themselves for some time after.

If diagnosed with body dysmorphia or an eating disorder, your child may have some trouble processing it. Be patient with them. Remind them you want to help them heal and grow from the experience. Perhaps call a family meeting to make sure all members of the house are on the same page. Your teenager needs a safe space where they can get better, so it’s important to make sure they are not facing any triggering actions from the rest of the family.

Next steps

Even if you don’t think your child might be suffering from dysmorphia or an eating disorder, show love and support. To prevent the development of these issues, remind your child they are valued for their accomplishments, personality and skills, not just their appearance.

If you can, educate your child as much as possible on the media’s perception of body image and the possible signs and risks of eating disorders. Be patient with any teen struggling to overcome the serious physical and emotional side effects of these conditions. Overall, show all the love and support you can to help your teenager get through this challenging time.

About the author

Andy Earle is a researcher who studies parent-teen communication and adolescent risk behaviors. He is the co-founder of talkingtoteens.com and host of the Talking to Teens podcast, a free weekly talk show for parents of teenagers.

Body image photo: ©Siniehina / Adobe Stock.

I could feel the anxiety kick in as soon as the notification popped up on my phone. May was supposed to be the month I took a break. I’d just finished running 92 miles in April, so I wanted to give my body a rest. I’d convinced myself that 40 to 50 miles was all I had to give for the next month.

Then, unexpectedly, my Nike running app let me know I’d been invited to a challenge for May — 75 miles.

My running journey dates back to around 2013. I started in part because many of my friends ran and would post their miles on social media. I guess in some ways it was a case of FOMO. But what began as something to do for “fun” has developed over the years into a lifestyle, albeit a love-hate one. And since I’ve become a dad, it’s become a fitness routine that I’ve committed myself to.

As fathers, we not only owe it to our kids to be our best version, we owe it to ourselves. And believe me, I get it. It’s tough. Practicing healthy habits while parenting, working, spending time with your spouse or significant other can be challenging. However, becoming fathers doesn’t eliminate the responsibility we have to take care of our bodies. The question I often ask myself is, “How can I be the best version for others when I’m not investing in myself?” What good are we to our families if we’re not doing what we can to ensure we’ll be around to enjoy the fruits of our labor?

For all that’s required of us as fathers, being available is at the top of the list. That’s why my primary motivation for trying to be healthy is my son. He will turn 3 in November, which means he’s on 100 from the moment he wakes up in the morning until it’s time to go back to bed at night. Nonstop. As someone who’s approaching 40, I have to work extra hard to ensure I can at least keep up with him as he gets older. No, I don’t have the final say on what happens in my life, but at the very least I can do my part.

It’s discouraging to see my dad and other older men, particularly those of color, popping pills every day and doing so accepting that it’s the norm. For many men of color, diet and exercise was not a priority in their lives as young men, and they are paying for it in their advanced age, or not even making it there at all. In recent months, DMX and Black Rob, both star hip hop artists of my youth, have passed away around the age of 50. With the knowledge and resources now accessible at our fingertips, we have no excuse but to live life more abundantly. That includes better health, both mental and physical.

To be clear, I’m not a fitness guru by any means. I’m just doing what I can to stay active and keep the juices flowing. And I encourage all fathers to do the same. We all have to find something that works for us. For me, it’s running. For others, it’s weightlifting or the Peloton or intramural sports.

While the dad bod is a running joke of sorts, it’s not funny when it starts to impact our livelihood. We have to do all we can to avoid that, whenever and however. I’ll start by trying to get these 75 miles in. Even if I don’t really want to.

Fitness father photo: ©LIGHTFIELD STUDIOS /  Adobe Stock.

EDITOR’S NOTE: City Dads Group is working with longtime partner Dove Men+Care to create “how to” videos for the grooming products company’s “Dads Care” campaign. We will be featuring the videos and scripts our members appear in. This one features Drew Bennett of our Boston Dads Group, with a little help from his son, Andy, talking about how to help kids stay physically active. https://www.youtube.com/embed/5BechfYINwI

When the COVID-19 quarantine happened, I became the de facto phys ed teacher for our family, tasked with keeping us healthy and physically active. Here’s three important tips if you find yourself in the same role or just want to get every one away from their screens and moving again.

Be consistent

Make sure that every day or every other day you are doing something. Let your children  know that some sort of physical activity is on the schedule, and that we’re doing it no matter what.

Andy and I go for a walk every morning. It helps get our day going with a little energy. We also take martial arts classes twice a week via Zoom. We make sure we do those classes at the same time so we having something to look forward to on a regular, consistent basis.

Turn a game into a physical activity and vice versa

We set up in our backyard something that that we use for a game in order to try some different physical activities. For example, we make challenges out of things like push-ups or high knees or jumping in and out of boxes. We took some chalk and turned our walkway into

a kind of ladder with different colored squares (you can also do this if you have a real ladder you can lay on the ground). You can decide that every square you step in requires a different activity, like doing high knees in one and jumping jacks in another, or just have your kids run in and outs through every square.

Make it a challenge

Here’s an example of how we get two things done at once. Matching up socks from the laundry is a chore, right? Not if you challenge your child to see who can match them up faster. For every pair of socks, I match Andy has to do a push-up. For every pair he matches, I have to do a push-up. We go until we finish all of the socks — it’s a fun and physically active way to complete a not-so-fun task.

Physically active children photo: © anekoho / Adobe Stock.

EDITOR’S NOTE: City Dads Group is working with longtime partner Dove Men+Care to create “how to” videos for the grooming products company’s “Dads Care” campaign. We will be featuring the videos and scripts our members appear in. This one features Devon Bandison of our NYC Dads Group, with a little help from his son, talking about how to teach kids to meditate.

My son and I have been meditating for about two years. We started doing about five minutes every day or every other day and then we’ve moved up to 15 minutes each morning. We find meditation is a great way to start our day. It helps us relax and stay calm, something very important during these days when so many families are home together for extended periods of time.

One common misconception about meditation is that you have to sit a certain way. You can sit on the floor, you can sit on the bed, you can actually lay down: it really is up to you and what you find most your comfortable.

Let’s look at three different types of meditation you can try with your children.

Balloon breathing

We call it this because when you inhale through your nose, your belly actually goes out like a balloon inflating. You close your eyes, inhale through your nose and fill that belly up and then exhale through your mouth so your belly deflates.

Guided meditation

This is when someone talks you through the process as you’re doing it. Sometimes they’ll tell you to focus on your breathing. Sometimes, they’ll tell you to focus on a sensation or a particular thought. You can find meditation apps — some free, some paid — podcasts, videos and audio to help you through this if you don’t know how or if you are not around to guide your child.

Silent meditation

This is exactly what is. There’s no sound. Nobody’s talking. It’s just you and your breathing and your thoughts. We like this style because it allows us to stay with our thoughts and what emphasize is that there’s no good or bad thoughts. Thoughts are kind of like a cloud in the sky. One moment, you just notice and, eventually, it will pass.

Photo: © Konstantin Yuganov / Adobe Stock.

EDITOR’S NOTE: City Dads Group is working with longtime partner Dove Men+Care to create “how to” videos for the grooming products company’s “Dads Care” campaign. We will be featuring the videos and scripts our members appear in. This one features Jason Greene and his son, Corbin, of our NYC Dads Group talking about how to get your children to play outside.

With much of the country social distancing (or they should be), kids have become accustomed to staying inside instead of enjoying the outdoors, even during the summer. And parents, since we’re still trying to work from home and manage the weirdness that is daily life, it has become all too tempting to let them sit comfortably on the couch. It isn’t healthy though.

I have been a stay-at-home dad for 15 years and during that time, I homeschooled for three years. Even while schooling them, I made sure that play outside time was a part of our everyday activity. Not only are you helping them get that all-important vitamin D, but it helps kids with their social skills and increase their imagination.

Here are my three tips for getting kids to play outside:

1. Put it on the schedule

During normal school hours in school, kids have recess or gym class on their schedule. They know while they’re sitting there that there’s going to be a time for them to run around, scream and play.

Also having it on a schedule, reminds you to give them outside time so you just don’t breeze past it.

2. Be an active participant with your the kids

Your children are much more likely to have fun and go outside if they know the parent is going to come with them. Not only are you creating these great memories with them but you are creating a desire in them to want to be outside.

When we go out, we play a lot of games — badminton, catch, HORSE on the basketball hoop. We have a lot of fun together.

3. Plan ahead

On sunny days, you should know you have sunscreen on hand and put it on them. On cold days, dress appropriately. And don’t forget to bring snacks and a water bottle. If your prepared, you’ll probably stay out longer and have more fun.

Photo: © anekoho / Adobe Stock.