My daughter has never eaten a hamburger. Or pizza. Or chicken nuggets. In fact, she’s never had a smorgasbord of foods most 8-year-olds devour with abandon: grilled cheese, hot dogs, spaghetti, mac and cheese, and — my personal favorite — tacos. Who doesn’t love a good taco?

Oh sure, she may sniff, touch, and occasionally lick these foods. But to actually bite, chew, and swallow it? Well, that’s just asking too much.

My daughter is more than just a picky eater. She’s what feeding experts call a “resistant eater.” This means she eats just 10 to 15 foods (or fewer), limits her food groups (to mostly carbs), and often expresses disapproval, sometimes with a harrumph, over the presence of a new food on her plate.

This food fussiness stems from my daughter’s autism, which makes her uncomfortable with changes in routine. Adding to it is a sensory processing disorder (SPD), a neurological condition that causes difficulties with processing information from the five senses: taste, sight, touch, smell and hearing.

The SPD manifests as a preference for snacks with a crunchy texture and bold flavor. For her, these are smoked Gouda Triscuits, barbeque quinoa chips, cheddar Pringles, and, her mainstay, white cheddar popcorn. The autism appears as a need for certain foods to always be the same brand. I once bought my daughter SkinnyPop white cheddar popcorn instead of the usual Smartfood brand because it was on sale. When I pulled the popcorn from the grocery bag, she took one look at the unfamiliar green and white packaging and uttered, “No, Daddy.”

Fussy eating appears during solid food introduction

While there are no reliable statistics on the feeding and eating problems of autistic children, one widely reported study found they are five times more likely to face mealtime challenges — from narrow food selection to rigid eating behaviors — than their typically developing peers.

When my daughter was diagnosed as autistic in 2017, shortly before her third birthday, I focused less on what went into her mouth and more on what was coming out of it — hardly any discernible words. I didn’t know much about the connection between autism and eating habits.

My daughter’s unique palette and pickiness began to emerge at 6 months old. This was when my wife first introduced her to solid food: yogurt, apple sauce, assorted baby foods, cereal, pears (which always ended up on the floor), and even pico de gallo (she apparently liked the light kick of jalapeño).

There was the occasional bite of a pork chop here, a forkful of blueberry pancake there. But, as our daughter grew older, she never really took to eating a broad variety of foods. At 13 months she consistently drank milk from a sippy cup, and that was only after my wife successfully transitioned her from formula in a bottle — a change our daughter mightily resisted.

To ensure our daughter got the proper helping of nutrients, my wife started mixing the milk with varieties of Naked Juice, a brand of fruit and vegetable smoothies. That eventually evolved into a blend of Naked Juice and Greek yogurt (packed with protein and probiotics) for her school lunches. I jokingly refer to these smoothie blends as the “Elixir of Life” because without them I’m certain our daughter wouldn’t be thriving or hitting her growth and weight targets. In my daughter’s words, “Smoothies are very tasty at lunch and recess.”

Still, getting your child to eat shouldn’t be this complicated.

Strategies for combating a resistant eater

Doctors confirmed our daughter didn’t have swallowing or gastrointestinal issues, but that didn’t relieve my constant worry about her nutritional intake. Can she continue to thrive on such a limited diet? Am I packing enough food in her lunch box to last the school day? Will she ever outgrow these food aversions?

I reached out to my daughter’s therapists for tips and advice. Through them, I learned just how complicated the act of eating is. It involves 26 muscles, eight sensory systems, six cranial nerves to chew and swallow, and engages every organ in your body. As speech-language pathologist Judy McCrary Koeppen notes in The Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism: “Eating is a multisensory experience. Each mouthful brings the possibility of a variety of flavors, textures, and temperatures.”

Whatever you do, they said, never withhold food or physically force a child to eat. That will only make things worse for a resistant eater, a picky eater or any child.

So we began with “food chaining.” You start with a child’s preferred food and gradually “chain” together similar foods with slight changes or variations until you get to the new food. For example, go from chips to crackers to crackers with a sweet topping to chocolate pudding. We did the best we could. Our lack of time and patience, though, caused us to abandon this tactic.

Then we tried bribery. Our daughter could earn iPad screen time if she tried a new food. It worked for a few weeks (I recall her taking bites of broccoli and salmon), but her motivation waned.

We knew consistency would be key to overcoming the limitations of our resistant eater. We worked with our daughter’s behavioral therapist to add a feeding component to her therapy sessions. Three times a week my wife and I pack a new (or less preferred) food for the therapist to try with our daughter. Eating is the goal, but touching and licking the food also counts as success.

Every time the therapist reports our daughter actually ate something new, I do a happy dance. So far she’s taken a liking to baby carrots, apple slices, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When you’re the parent of a resistant eater, you celebrate every victory, no matter how small.

Sharing a meal socially helps

My wife and I build on our daughter’s progress at home by offering her the same food we’re eating, even if we think she’ll refuse it.

My Italian sausage lasagna? Nope.

My wife’s savory beef chili? Declined.

One day my wife offered her rice with salted butter. She ate it and asked for it again later that month. The week before that, our daughter requested orange juice. My wife and I looked at each other with an expression that read, “Who’s child is this?”

With each bite of new food, our daughter is maturing as an eater. Just as some people are social drinkers, we’re learning our daughter is a social eater. She’s a bubbly chatterbox now and loves participating in occasions that involve food — birthday parties, holiday dinners, family outings. She just happens to bring her own smoothies and snacks to the table.

Last autumn a friend invited us over for dinner with his family. I warned him my daughter may not eat what was served. When the chicken lettuce wraps arrived at the table, to my amazement, she grabbed one and took a few bites before retreating to her snack tote. Months earlier, at a dinner party, she casually snacked on tortilla chips and mixed nuts like it was no big deal. But indeed, it was.

I used to think my daughter, as a resistant eater, was missing out on moments because she was missing out on the food. That’s because my own childhood memories are intertwined with the scents and tastes of dishes prepared with love. The gooey and decadent German chocolate cake my mother made. The tangy sweet peach cobbler with the gloriously buttery crust baked by my grandmother. My great-grandmother’s New Year’s Day meal of collard greens, black-eyed peas, and cornbread for good luck in the new year.

I’m realizing that as long as my daughter is connecting with the people around the table, she’ll never miss out on love, joy, and laughter even if she is munching from a different menu.

She’ll join in when she’s ready.

If a holiday weekend isn’t complete without grilling up a tableful of your favorites, then have we got some tips for you this Memorial Day.

We asked a couple masters of the backyard flame for suggestions for happier taste buds and tummies whether your preference runs to firing up with gas or charcoal.

Tips on the right grill, grilling equipment

In the market for a new grill? Think quality over quantity.

“Buy a smaller, more expensive one,” suggests Rob Ainbinder of a Greensboro, N.C., author of Pitmaster’s Log Book: Barbecue Notes & Perfected Recipes. “The bigger, cheaper ones fail faster and cook less consistently.”

If grilling over charcoal is what you like, forget about lighter fluid.

“Buy a chimney starter. You can find them in any big box hardware store,” says Darren W. Carter, co-owner of Carter’s BBQ and organizer of our Cleveland Dads Group.

These vertical tubes work by placing waded-up newspaper in the bottom and then stacking coals on top. Once the paper is lit, the flames rise and “naturally catch the coals on fire,” he said.

“It only takes about 15 minutes. When coals are half gray ash or more, you’re good,” Carter said. “No chemical smell or taste on your food from all those additives.”

One of the best grilling tips has to do with cooking utensils. The most important item to own, next to a sturdy set of long-handled tongs, is a reliable thermometer.

Why? Because you want to cook to “internal temperature, not time,” Ainbinder said.

No grill cooks completely evenly. The weather outside — wind, temperature, sun or lack there — can affect the consistency of your grill temperatures as much as the heat source.

Carter recommends buying an “instant read” thermometer that takes only a second or two to hit the correct temp. He suggests the ThermoPro or Inkbird brands for the budget-conscious, and ThermoWorks for the aspiring boss of barbeque.

Meet a tasty grilled meat

Thick, juicy burgers are a staple for any backyard cookout. Carter offers two simple but vital tips for grilling patties:

• If your patties are fresh and thick, before tossing them on the griddle or grate press down in the center of the hamburger’s top with a thumb or spoon to make a small indent. This compensates for the proteins in the meat shrinking as they heat and bulging up in the center.
• Never press down on the burger. It squeezes out the juice leading to a dry, less tasty patty. It could also flames to flare up when the fat hits the fire. “DO NOT FLIP AND PRESS! Put that in capital letters,” Carter said.

Speaking of flipping, conventional wisdom is to avoid flipping meat more than once. A nice thick steak is an exception.

“Any steak over an inch thick you should flip more than once or it’s going to burn,” Carter said.

That’s where searing comes in.

Place the steak over high, direct heat for a minute or two to sear one side; then flip and repeat with the other side. Then move the steak over to a cooler or unlit side of the grill and bring it up to the temperature through indirect hit, he said.

You can also do a “reverse sear,” Carter said. Heat the steak using indirect heat until it’s nearly at the temperature then move to high direct heat to sear each side at a minute or two per. “If you like medium rare, which is 130 to 140 degrees, you’d move the steak over to direct heat at about 120,” Carter said.

Remember not everything is best cooked over the hottest, highest flames. Low and slow can create great dishes, especially when dealing with tougher or fattier cuts of beef or pork.

“Your grill has a low and medium setting. You should use them,” Ainbinder said.

Don’t be chicken about chicken

Chicken. We’ve all bit into a piece that’s black on the outside and inside … pink?!

It happens to the best cooks. Armed with an instant-read thermometer — as recommended above — you’ve lowered the odds of it happening.

You can also help avoid the black-and-pink problem by holding off on the sauce until the very last minutes of grilling. Starting with sauce on the bird often results in flare-ups from the sugar and fat dripping onto the flames.

For really tasty chicken, especially for wings, thighs and even bland ol’ breasts, Carter suggests a simple brine. Just mix:

• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 cup salt
• one gallon of water

Place your chicken pieces into this brew and refrigerate for 2 to 4 hours. Remove the pieces, pat dry with paper towels, and then onto the flames.

“If your chicken has the skin on, start skin side down to crisp it up,” Carter said.

Want more great grilling tips?

Check out these sites:

• Rob Ainbinder’s “Pitmaster Rob” channel on TikTok
• Carter’s BBQ YouTube channel
• Kingsford Charcoal grilling guide
• Weber Grills recipe page – options to filter recipes by grill’s fuel or type of food

Grilling tips photo: © Alexander Raths /Adobe Stock.

When I decided to become a work-from-home dad so I could spend more time with my children, I started thinking about how, apart from just playing with them, we could have more constructive time together. Well, I found a recipe for success.

My 3-year-old son, Noah, has always played with our cooking pots and his toy kitchen. Most of the games he created revolved around him being a cook. In the evenings, when I make dinner, Noah would climb up on a chair and stand beside me, watching me peel an onion or prepare a sauté, observing everything I do. I thought that this could be “our thing.” Cooking with dad could mean having fun and talking but, at the same time, I could provide him with a new stimuli.

Teaching cooking to my child seemed like a natural progression along the Montessori education path he began in kindergarten. At school, he is taught independence, taking responsibility for his work-space and learning directly from personal experience even when it involves making mistakes. For example, in his school, they use actual glass plates and cups and metal utensils; after meals, they clean the space where they have eaten, and so on.

I started involving Noah in the culinary process. We started going shopping together. Here he learned the names of the various vegetables and brands we use. I explained the differences between products and what was needed to cook a particular dish. I gave him small tasks in the kitchen such as cleaning the garlic (a lot harder than it seems), peeling onions (teaching the tricks that prevent tears, too), and cutting parsley (using a sharp plastic knife). His pride and satisfaction grew with every task. We gradually increased the complexity of things like cleaning fish.

Teaching cooking to my child … and others — online

Yes, there may be a bit of disorder when teaching cooking to children. It certainly takes more time to clean when Noah is helping, but the benefit that he has gained has been remarkable, both in terms of concentration and also accountability. When, for example, Noah has to open an egg he knows he has to carefully crack the egg, perfectly with no mess or fragments of shells going all over the place (this took practice, many adults still haven’t mastered this). When chopping a chili pepper he knows exactly how cautiously to handle work it. Trust me, he learned this through trial and error.

Noah’s adventures cooking with me in the kitchen became regular moments of bonding with my son. So why not share it with all? We started “Noah Cooks,” a YouTube channel (see video above) that could become a source of inspiration for others and, judging from the feedback and requests we receive, it’s working. Some of my friends have also started to introduce their children to the kitchen so I feel proud of being an inspiration.

Putting this on video has also allowed Noah to express his personality, a real bonus considering he is naturally shyer than his older brother. Cooking has allowed him to channel his interest in preparing food and the process of cooking even if ironically, like many chefs, he is not even a big eater.

About the author

Federico Bastiani is a freelance journalist, based in Italy, with a degree in economics from University of Pisa. His work has appeared in local and international publications, including the NYC Dads Group blog. He has two children. You can contact him through his website and follow him on Twitter.

Teaching cooking to Noah photos: Federico Bastiani.

It’s now more manly than ever to create in the kitchen. And that’s exactly how you should approach this.

Embrace the world of cooking as creation.

You don’t have to be a Jedi Master to have an appreciation for cooking up culinary excellence every single day. But you should at least have a baseline knowledge of how things work and how to make up dishes to serve a variety of diners: whether you’re eating alone, enjoying a romantic meal with your partner or creating a feast for the whole family.

Before getting into the cooking hacks, let’s chat about the reasons why you should take up cooking:

Take some pressure off of your partner

If your family basically doesn’t eat unless your wife makes the food, then you are failing the idea of “partnership.”

A dependence on your partner as the sole provider of meals for the clan is just unacceptable. It’s always nice to take a vacation, and it’s up to you to allow your partner to do just that every once in awhile.

Save some money

Dining out and eating fast food is expensive. While the occasional splurge is fine, relying on another chef (gourmet or fry) to make your meals is a drain on your wallet.

Home cooking is healthier

Home cooking remains undefeated for keeping you in tip-top condition. At home, you control the ingredients and portion sizes.

Start with a quality game plan

Your graduation from kitchen noob to culinary expert starts before you even turn on the burner. It begins with the cooking hack of all cooking hacks: preparation for the grocery store.

Set aside time each week to get an idea of the next seven days worth of eating. Plan out any or even all of your meals and determine what you’ll need from the store to make it happen.

Stumped for ideas? Millions of other wannabe Bobby Flays have done the hard work, creating billions of recipes and takes on recipes and takes on the takes of the recipes. All you have to do is log on to the web, find something you like and execute. For inspiration, check out these guys that hold it down in the kitchen:

• Fit Men Cook (https://fitmencook.com/)
• Dad Cooks Dinner (https://www.dadcooksdinner.com/all-recipes/)
• Dad With A Pan (https://dadwithapan.com/)

Cooking hacks for the win

Start small –– No need in trying to conquer veal shank osso bucco over saffron risotto if you have a hard time boiling pasta to a perfect al dente. Stick to a few recipes and learn them inside and out. Eventually, you get so comfortable in the kitchen with your handful of go-to meals that you won’t even need the instructions. Once you’ve reached a level of comfort with your easy to prep meals, graduate to some more complex dishes for special occasions, like a romantic evening with your baby mama, or for when you’re entertaining guests.

Play around with spices –– Adding some balsamic vinegar, squirting a pinch of lemon over a finished product or even adding the occasional exotic fruit or vegetable in place of the staples can really take a dish to the next level. The same rule applies here in terms of repetition. Just like learning the intricacies of the perfect jump shot in basketball, it takes practice.

Turn basic into brilliant — Enjoy making scrambled eggs? Cool. Make the best scrambled eggs in town and know how to add the best spices and add-ins to turn a simple breakfast into a brunch-worthy classic.

Consider chicken to be a palette for creation. A roasted chicken with some lemon and some fresh thyme, tossed with olive oil and thrown in a roasting pan with red potatoes is a dinner for an entire family in about an hour of time. Add different vegetables, side dishes and seasonings to make it something unique.

Additional cooking hacks:

• Whenever possible, buy in bulk to save on the ingredients you’ll need on a weekly basis.
• Take a day to cook several meals for the week that can be packed for lunches or reheated for dinners.
• Or look for larger meals that can create all kinds of leftover options. Roasting a full chicken on Sunday can lead to multiple meals like chicken soup, sandwiches or just pulled chicken over leafy greens for a protein-added punch to your lunch salad.

Additional healthful hacks

One of the most successful keys to pulling off a consistently healthy and incredibly tasty meal is to stick with some basic cuisines and mind the big four factors of your dish: Proteins, Carbs, Vegetables and Fats.

Every time you dine, if you focus on a decent inclusion for all of these pillars, you are doing a great job.

When shopping, keep in mind that fresh foods like fruits and vegetables win the day. Look to leaner cuts of meat for the protein sources. In simple sound byte form: Don’t eat pre-produced meals and sides.

A way to really kick this into another gear of mindful and healthful eating would be to stick to slimmer options for the majority of your dining. Think close to 80-percent of all your meals being focused on lean proteins and lots of vegetables with a good dose of starchy carbs and some fats.

This will help reduce the bottom line on your waistline.

For more of Pete’s tips for living a healthier and more focused life, check out his piece detailing the Five Core Values that will change your life for the better.

Cooking hacks photo by Aaron Thomas on Unsplash

My mother made plans. At 5 p.m., the family would gather at our house for a barbecue. Lovely. After all, it was July Fourth and barbecuing is one of those Independence Day things to do along with seeing fireworks, having picnics, watching baseball, etc.

But there was a problem. We didn’t have a grill.

Well, not exactly. We had the unopened box from Sears with all the parts of a grill.

All we had to do was put it together. My father and I, that is.

My father had a number of good qualities he passed down to me and we shared – a love of sports, a sense of humor, an appreciation for ice cream, etc. But handy, he was not.

He loved model planes and trains and bliss for him included putting together one and painting it (while eating some ice cream as noted above). Yet putting together anything bigger than a model … well, that wasn’t a strength of his. To put it mildly.

And I inherited this trait, too.

For my father, it was always about the proper tools. He’d search our garage which had more junk than Fred Sandford’s lot. I’m not so sure my father wanted to find the tool he was looking for. If he didn’t find the tool, he could blame the construction issues on not having the proper one.

Maybe, the tool was somewhere in that mess of a garage, but it wouldn’t appear again until it was unneeded.

Anyway, we got outside early and took out all the parts for the grill. We separated and stacked them neatly. Then, we looked at the instructions – there must have been 87 steps. To clarify, it’s not like we were building some ornate fire pit. It was probably a glorified hibachi. However, it was electric – hence the complications.

After a sigh and a silent “oh, crap,” we proceeded. We had seven hours to figure this out.

As the day dragged on, we made halting progress. There were meltdowns, questioning if the barbecue looked like the picture, panic attacks, and consideration of ordering pizza. More than a few times, we questioned what my mother was thinking.

At around 3 o’clock, the barbecue looked pretty much like the picture, and we only had a few missing parts. We, in our mechanical wisdom, deemed them unnecessary.

There was one final step. We had to make sure the grill would light. The grill was supposed to light with a simple turn of a knob. However, something went wrong (could blame the manufacturer?) and my father and I determined we would light a match, throw it in, and turn the knob at the same time.

Before making sure the grill would light, we took a break. We had a cold drink and looked at our creation.

“You think it’ll work?”

“I hope so.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“So, whose going to light it?”

After we couldn’t nurse our drinks anymore and with go-time ticking closer, we approached the grill.

My father lit the match and turned the knob. And nothing happened.

He tried again. Nothing happened.

After making a bunch of suggestions and him repeating, “I did that,” we decided to try together.

He would light the match, and I would turn the knob.

I had nightmare visions of creating our own Fourth of July fireworks.

As my father dropped the burning match in, I turned the knob.

And jumped back.

Hey, I prefer pizza.

Anyway, as I jumped back, I smacked into my father who had also taken a few steps back.

My father and I looked on together as the flame caught the fuel and the fire caught. We had put together a working grill. Now, it didn’t look exactly right and it made some odd noises, but that night the family barbecued and everyone was happy.

We did it. My father and I saved Independence Day. And we survived to tell the tale when we later went to see the real fireworks.

A version of this first appeared on Me, Myself and Kids. Photo Danny Gallegos on Unsplash

Ten years ago this summer, we moved to the suburbs. We left the city for the typical reasons. My wife and I decided we needed more space. We thought the boys should have a backyard. And we had no intention of drinking past 10.

In many ways, we’ve adapted very nicely to the suburbs. The boys play in the backyard. My wife loves planting and killing flowers. I’m happy to have a driveway.

Yes, despite my casual complaints and periodic yearnings for the city, I think moving to the suburbs has worked out for my family and me. I’d even say we’ve adapted nicely. We appreciate the hum of crickets, bunnies running around freely, and the thrill of the UPS delivery.

However, there are some ways in which my family – well, me in particular – has not adjusted to the suburbs. So on that, here are six reasons why I still don’t belong in the suburbs.

1. I don’t own a grill

Not an in-ground, electric, or even a hibachi. You ever walk around the suburbs around 5 p.m. on a weekend in the summer? I guarantee you smell someone grilling faster than can say “white picket fence.” However, you won’t be sniffing or rubbing your eyes from the smoke by my house. No barbecue here and no interest. Shoot, we don’t even have a deck to put it on.

2. I’m uncomfortable buying in bulk

Advertisements such as “48 rolls of toilet paper for $14.99” send people scurrying. Customers bring multiple shopping carts and are disappointed when they see the limit is three packages. Seriously, why the hell does anybody need that much freakin’ toilet paper? You know, just because you have the storage space doesn’t mean you have to fill it. Nah, I’ll stick to the 4 pack. Or maybe go crazy and buy the 8-pack.

3. Our house doesn’t have an addition

Nor do we plan on adding one.  Yes, thankfully, we have equity in our house. Yes, I know rates are still low, traditionally speaking. Sure, I wouldn’t mind a bigger house, but instead of competing against the neighbors to see who has the biggest house, I’m simply going to live in mine.

4. We don’t own a minivan or an SUV

We have a Honda Accord. That’s it (I know one car – roughing it). While picking up the boys at camp or attending a school event, it’s hard not to look around, notice, and then wonder, “Does size matter?” Does everyone really need a huge car to schlep around their 2.1 kids? There’s only one time a year I want a bigger car and that’s when we drive toward our rented vacation home for one week. The boys are squished and even have had to carry suitcases on their laps. I feel bad then about the size of the car. But it passes and therefore, I’ll pass on the minivan.

5. I don’t go to the mall

It’s not a rule or anything but I have no interest in going to a mall. We have a huge mall near us – hey, we live in Jersey – with many top stores. One could buy everything they need – clothes, furniture, electronics, kitchenware, linens. And then there are the three wings – under one massive roof. Nah. Not for me. In fact, if the movie theater wasn’t in the mall, I don’t think I’d ever go there. Well, one day, 30 years from now, maybe my wife and I will walk around the mall as a form of exercise. For now, the mall holds no interest for me.

6. I mow my own lawn – standing up

While I do hate mowing my medium-sized lawn, I can’t imagine how doing so while sitting down on a tractor would make it more pleasant. Now, if they put a television on the tractor, I might reconsider.  Sorry, Mr. Gardener – I could use the exercise and soon the boys will take over.

So, does this make my family and I outsiders? Hmm, maybe we could drive to a destination a couple of blocks away and turn our noses up when someone suggests we actually walk. Walk? Nah, who walks? We’re suburbanites.

A version of this first appeared on Me, Myself and My Kids.

Your kid doesn’t like vegetables? Try serving her a medley of colorful, cut up veggies in a martini glass topped with a cookie and a little drink umbrella.

Making food fun, and letting children have pride and ownership in what they create in the kitchen are among the tips and tricks members of our Twin Cities Dads Group gave a local Minnesota television station on a special cooking segment in March.

Watch the whole thing and learn from Chris Brandenburg, John Francis and Keith Nagel (who brought along his two sons, Logan and Sawyer):

Her love of cooking is theoretical, a fanciful idea she has, like saying you love Mexican food because you serve Tostitos Scoops with your Italian hoagie.
_________

There were no photos staged or taken. No cutesy videos either. Not a single sight or sound was constructed or reconstructed to share with the world. A tree goes boom, whether anyone is there to hear it fall or not. There was only my 7-year-old daughter and I righting a wrong in the kitchen.

Just the two of us sweating it out on an unseasonably warm evening, making chicken parm from scratch. Egg wash, panko, frying pan, sauce, cheese, oven. You know the drill. But she didn’t. I needed to correct that parenting fail. This is why I am now letting my kids cook dinner.

Mouse said, randomly as she often will, during our last trip that she “loves to cook.” Those three quickly muttered words were a 10-inch chef’s knife into my heart.

What have I done? Her love of cooking is theoretical, a fanciful idea she has, like saying you love Mexican food because you serve Tostitos Scoops with your Italian hoagie. I don’t invite my daughters, either of them, into my kitchen nearly enough to justify such a declarative statement of love. When I do, they mime the actions, pouring in already portioned amounts of this or that, stir and then run off to continue playing. That is no more cooking than reciting the alphabet is writing a book.

Things changed on Tuesday night, with the chicken parmesan, diced fresh veggie medley, pasta and naan. Wednesday night, too: buttermilk banana pecan pancakes. She cooked, in the real sense of the word. She chopped with the chef’s knife. She did it all, no playacting. She was in the weeds.

I’m not gonna say this is some cosmic shift in how I parent. She and/or I might fall back into our regularly scheduled programming. Or maybe we’ll have a disagreement about how to pinch salt atop the haricot verts. It all might go to hell in a flash, but this feels really good right now.

And right now is the currency I trade in as a dad. I can’t alter the past and the only way to impact the future is by doing the work right now — today. I am changing my routine, one that has had me alone in the kitchen prepping, cooking and cleaning, because my little girl loves to cook. Cook she shall.

A version of this first appeared on Out with the Kids. Photo: ReneS via Foter.com / CC BY

What do the fathers of City Dads Group do when a blizzard (kinda) hits their fair metropolis? Some of our NYC Dads Group fathers explain, in words and photos, how they handled the approach, arrival and aftermath of this week’s Winter Storm Juno.

We go sledding.

“On snowy days, we either commute to school or do pick-up via sled. Here I am bringing my son home from school as Snowmageddon 2015 kicked off.” — Lance Somerfeld

We get them gear and explore

“When I looked out the window … the snow was very light so I put my son in the cushy Bugaboo and went for a walk down to the soccer field at Asphalt Green. The wind was blowing off the East River and was bitter cold so decided to head back home.” — Brandon Garcia

We catch snowflakes on our tongues

“With Sienna still being so young, it fills me with joy to just watch her catch snowflakes on her tongue. Later, we’ll go out and see what’s higher – Sienna or the snow piles.” — Lorne Jaffe

We build mountains to conquer

We build snowpeople

“We had a brief snowball fight on the sidewalk and then did some street sledding (which turned out to be great exercise for Daddy). After we met up with neighbors, we played in the snow together with their kids, and eventually built a ‘Snow Princess Jedi’ (equipped with a wand and mini light saber). Once we were frozen, we returned inside for lunch (grilled cheese). My younger daughter refused to nap and so we let the girls watch a movie. All in all, a great day!” — Ariel Chesler

We make snow angels

When it’s too cold out, we read, sing and cook with them

“Snowed in on a Tuesday. Jake’s not in the mood to go sledding. What to do? What to do?

“Wake up.

“Serve ‘His Highness’s’ breakfast. French toast with maple syrup, sprinkles, and cinnamon. Got that?

“Read children’s books.

“Color by numbers.

“Sing silly songs like ‘Goodness, Gracious, Great Balls of Snow!’ Gotta love Jerry Lee Lewis.

“Watch Peppa Pig and Tickety Tock.

“Hop on Pop. No. Not Dr. Seuss’s Hop on Pop. Jake’s actually hopping and jumping up and down on my chest right now. I think he cracked one or two of my ribs.

“Speaking of ribs … What’s for lunch?” — Jason S. Grant