While stuck in typical Los Angeles traffic the other day, I wondered if my kids would ever learn to drive.

Then I thought, “Maybe I should ask, ‘Will my kids ever need to drive?'”

I know several people who never learned to drive and will never need to. In certain cities, such as New York with its extensive mass transportation system, it’s not a big deal. In other cities, such as my Los Angeles, it is absolutely necessary (as the song goes, nobody walks in L.A.). But technology has been advancing at such a rapid pace that in 10 years instead of getting a driver’s license or having a casual conversation with the Uber or Lyft driver, my boys will probably call an automated car through an AI device installed in everyone’s house. If they ever own a car, it will probably be self-driving.

This past summer, a group of us dads spent some time at a friend’s cabin. We all had different technology with us — smartphones, laptops, gaming consoles and more — and it became a game exchanging and playing with new equipment. Then our host said something I find myself thinking about a lot.

“Do you remember who was at your sixth birthday party?” he asked,

I replied, “No way, that was like 40 years ago!”

“Any pictures from any of your birthdays?” he asked.

“A few I suppose.”

He put his virtual reality (VR) goggles on me and said, “This is how our kids are going to remember their birthdays.”

There it was – his 6-year-old daughter’s birthday party in full immersive virtual reality.

What will technology be like in another 40 years, I constantly wonder. What about in another 20 years … even another five?

My kids will have plenty of pictures and videos from their childhood, thanks to our ever-present smartphones. I wonder what their own kids will say about being able to experience, not just hear about, those days and years before they were born. The sheer difference is mind-boggling.

But at what point does technology surpass science fiction and imagination, consuming all our time and focus? Or has that happened already?

Since one of the things I dislike most is driving, I am fascinated by all these new options for getting around. Technology is where dreams can arise from. But it’s also where nightmares can come from. I am both excited and scared for my kids’ future.

Regardless of what comes, I still believe driving a stick shift is a good life skill so I’ll be imparting my old-school ways on them.

I can just hear me now, “In my day …”.

+ + +

This blog post, which first ran on our L.A. Dads Group blog in 2017 and has since been updated, is part of the #NoDadAlone campaign. Fathering Together/City Dads Group, the National At-Home Dad Network, and Fathers Eve are joining forces to amplify messages that help dads recognize we are not alone! Follow #NoDadAlone on Instagram, and learn more at NoDadAlone.com.

Photo by Pixabay via Pexels.

It has been said that when children are born, instructions are not included with them. I, however, have evidence to the contrary.

In the months since the birth of our daughter, we have accumulated enough manuals and instruction booklets to keep a small team from Ikea busy assembling and running safety checks until she starts kindergarten.

We have three strollers, each with a set of instructions save one. That stroller came with four separate manuals.

Our car seat, which came essentially fully assembled, still included a 66-page instruction book. This car seat is so durable that you can strap a watermelon inside, drop it from a skyscraper and your fruit would still hit the ground fully intact.

We have several contraptions to hold our baby at different angles and heights. Instructions are not NOT included with any of them. Thank God because these devices have multiple settings and options so they sing, swing, soothe, rock, turn, swivel and tilt in various combinations and speeds. Our early favorite, a rocker, included all of the aforementioned. We call it “The Flying Saucer.” You place it under a sunny window and your baby rocks to a soothing beat until they drift off for hours of uninterrupted nap time. The instructions for this item mimic a kid’s “choose your own adventure” coloring book because of the many options for the rocker’s final use. Other seats simply sit and hold your child in one place just above ground level. Those multipage-instruction books all boil down to one simple demand: “Place seatbelt on the child.”

We have four baby carriers/slings: two for outside travels and two for in-house use. One outside option I use to take our daughter to the park daily. This baby carrier also comes with a sleeping bag attachment to keep her warm in the severe weather; those instructions are drawn in pictures on the tag. The other outdoor baby carrier is so structured and has so much storage space that I could take my child and a week’s worth of survival gear up through the Himalayas. The manuals for that, oddly, are fairly basic and straightforward.

We have attained three high chair/table seating devices. One is an ordinary A-frame type that we use next to our dinner table. Another is a travel unit that connects to any table. The third one is a “sturdier” (according to my wife) travel unit that she assures me we will need at some point. When we reach that point is anyone’s guess. These items are a bit more in-depth with instructions on how to secure your children and attach them to fixed furniture. Well, you do eat more often than you hike through Nepal.

We also have two night-sleeping units. The master crib, adorned with all of her stuffed animals hanging from each corner, was put together in the early days of pregnancy. The instructions were many, yet straightforward enough to understand the different stages of converting it from a crib to a bed as she grows. We have a co-sleeper unit that, I’m guessing by its name, aids your child in sleeping dependent on the parents. Our daughter slept in it one evening, next to our bed, until my wife decided it was easier just to lay her in our bed. So that may be the end of that. I’m thankful. Should we ever need to explore the different height settings of this co-sleeper unit, the manual and its photos indicate I might need to go back to school for a different degree.

As the seasons have changed and the blooms kick in we have had to utilize the nose suction device that pulls the runny snot from inside your nostrils. Fun for the whole family! This is not a favorite of our little girl but it’s effective. And the pictures in the instruction book are worth a thousand words!

There are, of course, many other useful items — toys, first aid, soothers, and clothing, to name a few — that we regularly use. All are accompanied by pages and pages of words that I keep in a specific drawer. And while I prided myself on never reading instructions on home goods before her birth, I am now certain to follow all manuals to the letter when assuring the safety of our little one.

They keep us all sleeping soundly! Well, most of us …

About the author

Robert Brawley is a West Coast kid who moved out to NYC. He and his wife are the proud parents of a beautiful girl.

“Instructions Not Included” was first published in 2013. Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko via Pexels.

For many new parents, all of their time is spent simply taking care of the baby. It can be tough figuring out how to find time to work out or exercise. If running is your thing (or was — before having kids), here’s a “how to” guide for getting back into your sport by using a jogging stroller:

Picking a Jogging Stroller

There are many great brands (Jeep, Graco, BabyTrends, Joovy) and types (single, double, fixed wheel) jogging strollers. I suggest that you try out a few before deciding. I use BOB Gear jogging strollers because I found they work best in terms of size, flexibility, and durability for the streets, elevators and small apartments of New York City. Our BOB Gear stroller comes in handy for more than just running with my child. It’s great to take when I bring my daughter grocery shopping or to a museum.

Start Slowly

I started running with my daughter, Lucinda, when she was around 5 months old. The instructions for my BOB Gear jogging stroller advised me not to run with a baby younger than 8 months. You need to use your best judgment. I felt confident trying it as soon as she could sit up without slumping over in the stroller. The first time out we went for about 2.5 miles. The first mile and a half she was fine, but then she got fussy. So we abandoned ship. The second time out was a little better. By the third time, she had gotten used to the stroller and things started to go more smoothly.

Jogging Strollers Help with Naps

After about five short runs in the jogging stroller, she had gotten into the routine of napping really well during my runs. Before I knew it, I couldn’t stop or she would wake up! And as you know or will certainly learn … you should do whatever humanly possible NOT to wake a sleeping baby. The breakthrough came in early June, when she fell deep into a nap and didn’t wake up after the usual 30 minutes. She slept and slept, and before I knew it, I had run almost 2 hours in the middle of the day! Running with ourBOB Gear jogging stroller was a great antidote to short napping. Eventually, we got into a routine of taking most afternoon naps during a jog in the park.

Stopping could end a nap prematurely during the middle months, but I find as she’s getting older, stopping isn’t as detrimental to the nap. My daughter has always been a light sleeper, but if you have a good sleeper it should be fine.

Prepare for Weather

Spring and fall are the best months for the jogging stroller. Always keep in mind that your baby is not getting warmed up from exercise like you are.

If you plan to run in the summer, find a model with a sun shield. This will protect your child from the rays and keep her cooler. Most good brands (BOB Gear, Jeep, Graco, BabyTrends) have jogging strollers with these that are either detachable or foldable. It’s also best to go early or late and avoid the heat in the middle of the day.

In the winter, we’ve been using a weather shield, essentially a plastic enclosure, which keeps the stroller quite toasty and dry. In fact, you should not use the shield unless it’s lower than 60 degrees due to the possibility of overheating. It also protects your child from wind and the elements. I’m not sure how cold will be our cut-off for going out, but below 30 degrees will probably be our limit.

Speed

Don’t expect to be running 7-minute miles with the stroller; it can really slow you down. My running pace is around 11 to 12 minutes with the stroller, and when I’m without the stroller it’s usually more in the 9- to 10-minute range, sometimes faster if I’m racing in a shorter distance. So don’t expect to run fast with the stroller, but do expect to work hard. I think the extra effort you put into running with the stroller, even if you are going at a slower pace, can make your runs without the baby a little faster. Think of it as a type of speed work!

How Much Should I Run with the Stroller?

I train for ultra marathons so running for 90 minutes every day with my baby isn’t such a problem for me. But if you are not an ultra marathoner, at least getting out there for an hour will be great for you and the baby.

Best Jogging Stroller Routes

Living in NYC, we usually head to Central Park or Riverside Park. Hills are tough but add to the fun. Quiet routes are ideal, so try to stay away from construction, heavy traffic, and people wanting to ask how it is to run with the baby. That is my warning, but it’s hard to schedule around those problems.

Bringing the jogging stroller into your and your baby’s life can be fun (a little intimidating initially) and I think it can help you and your baby explore the town, provide fitness, and give your baby a great opportunity for napping. Since my daughter, Lucinda, is turning 1 next week, we will see how this plan works and evolves as she gets older.

About the author

Mat Gerowitz is a stay-at-home dad, ultra runner, and part-time running coach. Mat can be found on what used to be Twitter at @matruns and at ultrarunningstayathomedad.blogspot.com.

This post first ran in 2012 and has since been updated.

BOB Gear, Jeep, Graco, BabyTrends single, double, fixed wheel jogging strollers

Editor’s Note: We’re digging into our ample archives to find some great articles you might have missed over the years. This one comes from 2014.

Parents have more stuff than ever to make their lives easier, but some common-sense parenting tools still need to be invented … soon!

Sure some of this stuff might be as likely as hoverboards to come along soon, or it might not pass all the safety tests, but it would restore sanity to busy parents’ lives. Something must be done, so here is my list. Borrow it, steal it, share it, whatever you do — just invent one thing off here and you will go down in parenting folklore as a hero.

Parenting Tools You Can Really Use

Shirts With Spit-Proof Shoulders

How many times have you left the house with spit-up, food, or saliva stains on your shoulder?! I now judge the cleanliness of my shirts just based on the collection of spots on the shoulders. C’mon, fashion designers, can’t we make some baby-proof Teflon fabric already?

Diapers That Actually Work

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t trap poop in a diaper? I feel as though there is a hidden tunnel in there specifically to channel poop up my baby’s back. How do babies pull off the trick of getting it up to their armpits without much landing inside the diaper anyway? Sure, your kid looks cute but transfer them to solid food and you might need a hose in the nursery to wash that crib down.

Pacifier Adhesive

There have been times I have looked longingly at duct tape and thought it would solve all of my pacifier problems. Can’t we have just a little nontoxic pacifier glue? I know, I know, there are all kinds of problems with this but an exhausted parent can dream, right?

Kid-Sized Hamster Feeder Water Bottle

I guarantee with a kid-sized hamster feeder water bottle, bedtime will be 300 percent more enjoyable. Does the kid need water? They just reach up to the wall-mounted gigantic upside-down water bottle and all is right with the world. Sure it would look ridiculous, but just think how much more entertaining Instagram would be with all those pictures.

Velcro Onesies

Another no-brainer in the parenting tools world. Onesies with snaps were designed by the devil himself. They should be illegal in all 50 states. I think being a zipper and Velcro-only country would stop half of all parent meltdowns. Point me in the direction of the store that sells these first and I will spend whatever it takes. They could even have a “Snaps Onesie” exchange program where you can trade in your vile snaps for the ease of Velcro. I might just cry tears of joy instead of tears of frustration.

Pants with Kid-Proof Knees

Engineers can design bulletproof vests but it’s impossible to make jeans that make it through an afternoon of my son at the playground. I firmly believe that we can upgrade our pants technology after keeping it status quo for hundreds of years. Sure there are more pressing issues in the world, but we all know little kids should grow out of their clothes before wearing them out. Kid-proof pants knees, I want them by Christmas.

Seatbelt for Eating at the Dining Room Table

What do you do when your child is too old for the booster seat but is allergic to sitting down at dinner? It’s like it is physically impossible for them to stay seated for longer than three bites of food. The dinnertime seat belt saves meals and lives!

Freeze-Frame

How many arguments have you been in the middle of and you just needed a short breather? Exactly. Saved By The Bell was ahead of its time when it introduced Zach Morris calling “timeout” in the middle of a scene. We need this among our parenting tools ASAP. Think about it. Everything freezes and you go eat a bowl of ice cream, then go back and solve the fight over what kid gets what book. You might even be able to finish cleaning the house before the first room you cleaned gets messed up again.

Instant Toddler Hug

As a dad, there is not much that brightens my day more than my son coming over and giving me a big hug. Why not get that feeling all day long? I don’t know how to do it but bottle toddler hugs and they would fly off the shelf. The world would just be a better place.

A version of Parenting Tools previously ran on Lunchbox Dad. Photo: © Syda Productions / Adobe Stock.

If a holiday weekend isn’t complete without grilling up a tableful of your favorites, then have we got some tips for you this Memorial Day.

We asked a couple masters of the backyard flame for suggestions for happier taste buds and tummies whether your preference runs to firing up with gas or charcoal.

Tips on the right grill, grilling equipment

In the market for a new grill? Think quality over quantity.

“Buy a smaller, more expensive one,” suggests Rob Ainbinder of a Greensboro, N.C., author of Pitmaster’s Log Book: Barbecue Notes & Perfected Recipes. “The bigger, cheaper ones fail faster and cook less consistently.”

If grilling over charcoal is what you like, forget about lighter fluid.

“Buy a chimney starter. You can find them in any big box hardware store,” says Darren W. Carter, co-owner of Carter’s BBQ and organizer of our Cleveland Dads Group.

These vertical tubes work by placing waded-up newspaper in the bottom and then stacking coals on top. Once the paper is lit, the flames rise and “naturally catch the coals on fire,” he said.

“It only takes about 15 minutes. When coals are half gray ash or more, you’re good,” Carter said. “No chemical smell or taste on your food from all those additives.”

One of the best grilling tips has to do with cooking utensils. The most important item to own, next to a sturdy set of long-handled tongs, is a reliable thermometer.

Why? Because you want to cook to “internal temperature, not time,” Ainbinder said.

No grill cooks completely evenly. The weather outside — wind, temperature, sun or lack there — can affect the consistency of your grill temperatures as much as the heat source.

Carter recommends buying an “instant read” thermometer that takes only a second or two to hit the correct temp. He suggests the ThermoPro or Inkbird brands for the budget-conscious, and ThermoWorks for the aspiring boss of barbeque.

Meet a tasty grilled meat

Thick, juicy burgers are a staple for any backyard cookout. Carter offers two simple but vital tips for grilling patties:

• If your patties are fresh and thick, before tossing them on the griddle or grate press down in the center of the hamburger’s top with a thumb or spoon to make a small indent. This compensates for the proteins in the meat shrinking as they heat and bulging up in the center.
• Never press down on the burger. It squeezes out the juice leading to a dry, less tasty patty. It could also flames to flare up when the fat hits the fire. “DO NOT FLIP AND PRESS! Put that in capital letters,” Carter said.

Speaking of flipping, conventional wisdom is to avoid flipping meat more than once. A nice thick steak is an exception.

“Any steak over an inch thick you should flip more than once or it’s going to burn,” Carter said.

That’s where searing comes in.

Place the steak over high, direct heat for a minute or two to sear one side; then flip and repeat with the other side. Then move the steak over to a cooler or unlit side of the grill and bring it up to the temperature through indirect hit, he said.

You can also do a “reverse sear,” Carter said. Heat the steak using indirect heat until it’s nearly at the temperature then move to high direct heat to sear each side at a minute or two per. “If you like medium rare, which is 130 to 140 degrees, you’d move the steak over to direct heat at about 120,” Carter said.

Remember not everything is best cooked over the hottest, highest flames. Low and slow can create great dishes, especially when dealing with tougher or fattier cuts of beef or pork.

“Your grill has a low and medium setting. You should use them,” Ainbinder said.

Don’t be chicken about chicken

Chicken. We’ve all bit into a piece that’s black on the outside and inside … pink?!

It happens to the best cooks. Armed with an instant-read thermometer — as recommended above — you’ve lowered the odds of it happening.

You can also help avoid the black-and-pink problem by holding off on the sauce until the very last minutes of grilling. Starting with sauce on the bird often results in flare-ups from the sugar and fat dripping onto the flames.

For really tasty chicken, especially for wings, thighs and even bland ol’ breasts, Carter suggests a simple brine. Just mix:

• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 cup salt
• one gallon of water

Place your chicken pieces into this brew and refrigerate for 2 to 4 hours. Remove the pieces, pat dry with paper towels, and then onto the flames.

“If your chicken has the skin on, start skin side down to crisp it up,” Carter said.

Want more great grilling tips?

Check out these sites:

• Rob Ainbinder’s “Pitmaster Rob” channel on TikTok
• Carter’s BBQ YouTube channel
• Kingsford Charcoal grilling guide
• Weber Grills recipe page – options to filter recipes by grill’s fuel or type of food

Grilling tips photo: © Alexander Raths /Adobe Stock.

My first car was a gray Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera. It featured no air conditioning and broken power steering. It offered only the last gasps of its life, thanks to having been previously driven by my dad and my older brother.

Call it what you like. A “junker.” A “clunker.” A “jalopy.” Predictably, it lasted only a week for me.

I had not thought of that first car until the wound was ripped back open as I car-shopped with our household’s first teen driver – my son, Yosef. 

Some piece of the family savings will be invested into a vehicle for Yosef. I do not, though, know if I should be buying a “junker” or more reliable car. 

Weighing the options

A few aspects of this choice weigh on me.

First, I plan to have Yosef help us with family logistics in a very limited capacity. In emergencies, for example, he’ll be asked to pick up his other siblings from practice or school.

Second, Yosef is growing up in a much bigger pond than I did. Drivers are crazier. Cars are everywhere. Also, he will be traveling virtually no two-lane streets to get to his regular destinations. Offsetting my worry is that most of Yosef’s activities are located a walkable distance from our home.

My son’s safety – the safety of any child – is a parent’s top priority. To me, buying a clunker is just fine if we have faith in it providing adequate safety. Please parents, do not fall into the trap of “safety shaming” others with kids driving old cars. Assuming the doors are not coming off in transit, the only safety issue we may run into is changing a tire roadside (or calling us from the driver’s seat to ask us to). 

Something is alluring about providing our kids with substandard quality, though. Maybe this is the “old man” coming out, but isn’t ushering a junkie car to its grave a rite of passage for teens? It is good for young people to deal with over-heating just as they will about door dings, or that musty smell from generations of wear and tear. 

Additionally, a new driver should be grateful for any car – even a piece of junk — right?  My son’s track record of taking care of items, like most teens, is not spectacular, which also weighs on me.

Creating a first-car partnership

With the decision now imminent that we will be providing a vehicle to Yosef, finding the right formula of safety and accountability lands on me. 

We had discussed purchasing a vehicle as 50/50 partners with Yosef – matching each dollar he saved. While that is fair, this relinquishes some control for us and accountability for Yosef. With busy family lives, we cannot devote the energy to being true partners our kids’ choices while driving, or have equal say in the rules before, during and after a trip.

After noodling on this for far too long, the solution we have arrived at is:

• we buy and own the vehicle
• Yosef pays a “security deposit” to us. He gets it back if the car’s condition is maintained; it’s lost if it is not.

This arrangement allows for our direct control of the vehicle. That stops Yosef from treating it like his bedroom – a messy, stinky disaster. 

As with most big parenting decisions, time will tell if this solution works. Right now, though, I remain at home with the sinking feeling.  No security deposit, no fancy new car, and certainly no smiling 16-year-old looking at us as he waves goodbye through a windshield will provide an adequate remedy.   

I will have provided in the best way I know how. 

That is all I can do.    

Until I shift my focus and call my car insurance provider for a quote. 

Tips on your child’s first car

Whether new or used, Consumer Reports recommends these safety features at a minimum for a teen driver’s first car:

• Antilock brake system (ABS)
• Electronic stability control (ESC)
• Head-protecting side airbags
• Backup camera

Parents should also check the car’s crash-test scores from Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS) and National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA).

CarFax recommends looking at cars with Apple CarPlay or Android Auto smartphone app integration, either wireless or via a USB plug, as those can help keep teen drivers from picking up their phones while driving.

Photo: ©DragonImages / Adobe Stock.

The news seems to be filled with tragic stories about one natural disaster after another these days. So are you prepared with an emergency family “go bag”?

A go bag goes by many names. It can be a “ready bag,” “bug out bag,” “disaster survival kit,” or an “emergency preparedness kit.” Whatever the name, every family should have one even if you don’t live in an area prone to wildfires, tornados or floods. When an emergency strikes, you do not want to be scrambling to gather essentials. You want them at the ready to keep you and your children safe and healthy if you need to make a quick get away from home for a few days.

What should be in your family go bag? First, it doesn’t have to be a bag though those are handy. Bins and boxes are also good. Second, it doesn’t all have a single bag, box or bin. Smaller containers that each family member can grab and go will work.

Now, let’s see what the experts in disaster preparedness recommend to pack.

Essentials for every family go bag

The Federal Emergency Management Agency, or FEMA, and American Red Cross each have recommendations for a basic emergency survival kit. Here’s the essentials for several days worth of bug out supplies:

• Water. Obviously, not easy to carry at the recommended amounts of one gallon of water per person per day. Keep some cases of bottled water or gallon jugs handy to toss in your car. Pack a resealable, reusable bottle for each family member, too.
• Non-perishable food. Packed cans? Don’t forget a manual can opener. Protein or granola bars, though, are more portable.
• Battery-powered or hand crank radio. Preferably get one with NOAA Weather Radio channels and an alert for severe weather bulletins. My own experience, living in hurricane zones all my life, is that battery powered radios tend to be more powerful and reliable as long as you pack …
• Extra batteries
• Flashlights
• Basic first aid kit. Various sized adhesive bandages, gauze, medical tape, antibacterial ointment, hydrocortisone are essential. Add an antihistamine (like Benadryl), ibuprofen and acetaminophen.
• Chargers and backup battery bank for cell phones
• Masks. These were initially recommended to help filter air contaminated from smoke or dust. Of course, COVID-19 has changed that some. Keep some N95 or KN95 masks handy as those can serve a dual purpose.
• Moist towelettes, soap, hand sanitizer
• Toiletries.
• Garbage bags and plastic ties (for sanitation)
• An all-purpose multitool. Get one with various knife blades, screwdriver heads, pliers, etc. I always keep one in my car’s glove compartment. It comes in handy in a pinch if not a crisis.
• Duct tape and super glue. Because, as every dad knows, if these can’t fix it …
• Local maps. Your phone’s mapping apps are useless if cell service is down.
• Cash. Power goes down, so do credit card machines.

Some other things to consider, depending on your location and time of year:

• insect repellant
• sunscreen
• blankets
• rain ponchos
• matches/lighter

Of course, a change of clothes and footwear for each person is also helpful.

Don’t forget personalization, pets

So much for the general items for every emergency go bag. Now let’s pay attention to the specific needs of your family members.

FEMA and the American Red Cross recommend a family go bag also contain:

• Personal medications and medical items. If you have a family member with a medical condition or need, such as insulin and syringes for a diabetic, extra batteries for hearing aids, reading glasses, etc.
• Baby supplies. Bottles, formula, baby food, diapers, wipes, pacifiers and a baby carrier are all vital.
• Pet supplies. Collar, leash, ID, food, carrier, bowl, meds, etc.
• Copies of personal documents. In a waterproof container, place medication lists and pertinent medical information, proof of home address, deed/lease to home, passports, birth certificates, insurance policies and so on. If paper copies are too bulky, put the documents on a USB thumb drive.
• Family emergency contact info. Keep a paper copy in a waterproof bag or container for handy reference.
• Extra set of car keys and house keys
• Games and activities for children. Keep in a separate bags the kids can carry on their own. For younger children, a stuffed animal or other security blanket item is a nice touch.

Ready? Grab you bag and go when told

A family go bag is only good if you take it with you in an emergency. Keep it in a handy location. Make sure all your family members are aware of where it is. And when authorities tell you to evacuate or leave, heed their call.

Photo: © SpeedShutter / Adobe Stock.

My daughter is crying, tears coming from each eye like it’s a race to her chin. She hiccups a little when she tries to catch her breath. As a father, I feel that I have sufficiently done my job. I’m a good dad.

Little Hoss has her first cell phone.

Is 11 too young? I don’t know. I’ve been fighting this for at least two years. There was a time I was of the opinion that “You aren’t getting a phone until you are at least 16 and engaged to a nice young boy who requires no dowry.” My wife thought that was too harsh. So fine, I switched my opinion. We could marry her to the church.

“Honey, you are not religious. Like, at all.”

“Quiet woman! I’m making fatherly decisions!”

Those were some pretty rough conversations. She’s 11 though! I mean 11! She’s at that age where she still likes to snuggle with me on the couch. Little Hoss will occasionally play with Barbies if no one is looking and her toddler brother is with her. She still calls me “Daddy.” Not “Dad” – “Daddy.” 

She’s a little girl, my sweet pea, my destroyer of everything quiet. A phone is crazy talk, the thoughts of a loose father with loose morals. A man willing to thrust his daughter out into the world without any preparation at all.

But she’s a little girl who requires training bras. She goes to Girl Scouts and volleyball practice. She goes into the store and uses my debit card to grab a gallon of milk. 

My sweet pea, my little girl who doesn’t snuggle with me on the couch as much as she used to. Little Hoss has built herself a life outside of me. She is starting to gain independence.

Fuck. She’s not a little girl anymore.

This all started when we were finally able — thank you, Jesus (see, I pray!) — to break away from our cell phone provider and switch to another carrier. When we did, because of a great deal they were having, Little Hoss got her very own phone. It was free and, like every responsible father, I could not turn down a good deal. Nor can I turn back time.

We gave her that first cell phone and she immediately left me.

The string between us cut with a text. She jumped on the couch and her fingers began moving faster than a court stenographer’s. She would send me a text: “Dad, what’s Aunt Shell’s number?” I would text back. “Dad, do you have my cousins’ numbers?” I would send them to her. She is out in the world, the cold fucking world that preys on kids.

First off, how the hell does she even know how to work a cell phone? How does she know how to text?

“All my friends have phones, Dad. So do all my cousins.”

Fuck.

Thinking about putting my daughter into a convent has blinded me. I should have prepared her better to be out there. She has Google on her phone. There is internet on that thing. There are chat rooms and in one of them lurks Chris Hanson.

So my wife and I sat my daughter down that night and had “The Talk.” It used to be that having The Talk was just going over sex. Dad puts his pee pee in Mommy’s hoo-ha. They wrestle a bit and eventually your mother thanks God and it’s over. A baby eventually comes around.

But now, so much different than my own childhood, The Talk has to encompass a whole shitload of issues that I never had to. We have to go over inappropriate texts – both the bullying kind and the dick pic kind. We have to go over people in chat rooms, how some may not be the people they claim to be. That she should never go into chat rooms at all and, to be honest, I’m not sure they even still exist. But just in case, we have banned them.

We talked to her about digital predators in digital white vans promising treats and love if only she would meet them somewhere. My mind reeled. It ran from one nightmare scenario to another. And I laid it all at her feet.

I invited my wife to tell my daughter about some of the inappropriate things people have said to her. It’s a world where I have no experience. It’s rare that as a young teen anyone would say anything to me other than my dad telling me that masturbating should only be done in the bedroom, so put your junk away son. That was our talk. Uncomfortable but, hey, at least it was quick. (HA). Hearing my wife’s stories, I now have a whole list of people I have to track down and beat up. So Mr. Old Man from 1988 – I’m coming for you. We got a score to settle.

Catcalling, conniving, false promises, predators. All of it.

“Does that really happen, Dad?” she said. She called me Dad.

“Damn right. Not if you were in a convent, but it looks like that’s not an option for us. So, yes, that happens. Sometimes it happens a lot.” My tone was serious, more serious than I think she is used to from me. That’s when the sniffles started.

And to drive the point home, in my overprotective father mode, I pulled up Reddit. I went to a subreddit called /r/creepypms – which is not what I thought it was when I first saw the name of it. This is a place where women of many ages post all the creepy shit that people send them. I didn’t let my daughter read them of course. I just showed her how many there are, page after page after page.

That’s when the tears started.

So my daughter has her first cell phone. There are rules, of course. No texts without me knowing and only to people I know. No apps unless I know what they are and give approval. My wife and I have complete and total access to the phone whenever we deem it appropriate. All that and more so that at least we are sending her out into the world padded and with a safety net. And of course, if anyone from 20/20 ever contacts her, she should immediately come to me.

At the end of the talk, I sat down on the couch. Tired, exhausted, nightmares fresh behind my eyes. She came and sat next to me. She leaned over and put her head on my chest, I put my arm around her.

“People are weird, Daddy.”

“I know, sweet pea. Now show me what a Bitmoji is.”

A version of First Cell Phone appeared on Hossman At-Home. Photo: ©kmiragaya/ Adobe Stock.

Were you aware that, depending on the vehicle you drive, you may be part of a special “wave” club?

Motorcyclists have a certain wave when they pass each other. They kind of take one hand off the handlebar and drop it down to the side. Jeep drivers have a special wave they give to one another. It even has a hierarchy: The person with the less cool Jeep must initiate the Jeep wave. And if you drive a Jeep Liberty, don’t even think of waving to a regular Jeep. I’m certain of both these special vehicle waves because, in the past, I’ve owned them both.

I’ve also heard there’s a special wave for Corvette owners. Since I’ve never owned a Corvette and there’s no room for car seats in one anyway, it’s unlikely I will own one any time soon. I’ll just have to take someone’s word for it.

I think it would be cool for us minivan drivers to come up with our own special wave. I have a couple of ideas, but am also definitely open to suggestions.

My first special wave is just for male minivan drivers to give to one another. It is the scissor “snip-snip” motion with your index and middle fingers. The snip-snip symbolizes that if you have enough kids to fill a minivan, you probably need to schedule yourself a vasectomy. If applicable, the responding driver could motion back with two fingers in a V shape to convey the surgery has already taken place. Maybe the female version of this could be a mom crossing her fingers to other minivans as a symbol of having her tubes tied.

The only other special wave I can come up for minivan drivers is a covering of the ears motion. This, of course, would translate to “My kids are making me crazy!” The biggest problem I see with this is, each driver would have to take both hands off the wheel to wave to one another. This would be difficult, dangerous and involve needing to put down one’s cell phone.

Any other suggestions?

A version of this first appeared on Indy’s Child. Photo: © Romvy / Adobe Stock.

Without proper planning, shopping at Costco with kids in tow can bring a parent to his or her knees. Costco and other big-box retailers can be your friend with quality items in bulk at good prices, but without proper information, it can also be your checking account’s worst enemy.

Hopefully, these six things I’ve learned over the years of committing many mistakes will be of some help.

A shopping list for Costco is a must

When I go with my kids to a regular grocery store, they sometimes will talk me into getting them a treat, like a box of Pop Tarts. On these occasions, the kids are happy: they get a junk food breakfast the next day, I get well-behaved children for the rest of the shopping trip. Total cost: $3 or so. Well worth it, in my book. But shopping at Costco with kids — oh, boy. Can those things can add up quickly. If your children talk you into Pop Tarts here, not only are you out about $45, you’re also stuck with 192 Pop Tarts. And, if your kids are like mine, they won’t eat half of the flavors. My fear is that on some Costco run, in a moment of weakness, my kids will talk me into purchasing something random like a king-size waterbed.

Know the samples schedule

It is important to know the tasting samples usually aren’t set up until the store has been open for an hour. Use this knowledge to your advantage. If you want to make a “quick” Costco run with the little ones, go right when they open. If you want to feed your kids lunch with no mess, no fuss and no cost, go right at 11 a.m. before the other moochers get there.

Reward your kids at the end …

Speaking of food, if you are planning to bribe your kids with treats to eat for good behavior, make sure you offer them the stuff for sale in the food court area after you check out. It is unbelievably cheap. The other day I told my kids I would buy them pizza for lunch if they behaved. Three slices of pizza (each slice larger than the plate it came on) cost me a grand total of $6. Better and cheaper than 192 Pop Tarts.

… or the beginning

The food court will sell you a smoothie or cup of ice cream and divide it up into however many kids you have, so for my family, our three kids each get their own cup of ice cream to eat as we walk around the store, for $1.50. Total.

Get a cart every time

Even if you’re just making a quick trip in for, say, a bottle of vitamins, get a cart. There’s a decent chance that in addition to your vitamins, you’ll impulse buy a $500 stand-up paddleboard or some other strange item you didn’t know you needed until that very moment.

Know which day of the week is best

Avoid shopping at Costco with kids on weekends. The place is an absolute zoo. This includes Fridays as well. Don’t go on Thursdays either because that’s the day everyone trying to beat the weekend crowd goes. Mondays are just as bad because that’s when shoppers are buying groceries for the week. Come to think of it, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are both pretty busy days as well. The truth is, I’ve yet to find a day of the week where Costco isn’t a complete madhouse.

Hopefully, these tips help make your next time shopping Costco with kids at least moderately bearable. Now I’m off to go fill up my king-size waterbed.

A version of this first appeared on Indy’s Child. Shopping at Costco with kids photo: © Voy_ager / Adobe Stock