Nine-year-old Anna likes dance parties, having her hair done by my teenage daughter, and wearing a necklace full of her enemy’s tongues. As Dungeons & Dragons warriors go, she is a sweet little pixie that you don’t want to mess with. She also helps her father grow vegetables for those less fortunate than herself.

I introduced my kids and their friends to D&D during the pandemic. Their fathers are all part of our Kansas City Dads Group so many have known each other since birth. We’ve had a lot of adventures together during the last 15 years, but lockdown might have been the most challenging. I rely on my dads a great deal, and it was hard to be away from them for so long. My own kids felt the same. I realized it was as though they didn’t get to see their brothers and sisters anymore.

Trying to find a way to make Zoom meetups fun and interesting, I dug out my old Dungeons & Dragons books from the ’80s, bought some dice and figurines, and gave it a shot. Three years later, my little murder hobos have kicked me out of their D&D campaigns and now rampage through the imaginary lands without me.

I’m one proud dad.

A memory three years in the making

In the beginning, our “littles” had the attention span of barbarian goldfish. The group called them the Pixies, and they had special powers. When your need was great, you could summon a pixie to add an extra roll of the dice. The teenagers of the group used them with ruthless efficiency in big boss fights. Victory was snatched from the will of mind flayers and gelatinous cubes. When in doubt, call in a pixie.

The rest of our Dungeons & Dragons troops, which ranged in age from 12 to 15, often battle planned around the availability of the pixies. They took to my initial campaign with vigor, although not with the tactics I had hoped. For example, they hated talking and bargaining. Why bargain when you have a barbarian with an 18 Armor Class and a short temper? After a few sessions, it was clear that I could no longer lead them into innocent villages. My little imaginary townspeople were running out of tongues.

Eventually, the quarantine ended, and we had the final epic battle together. It took three hours, multiple visits from unpredictable pixies, and a lucky roll by a rogue — but the final boss was beaten. I thought they were done, and that it was a memory that made the pandemic a little bit better.

The next day the kids were setting up meetings on their own. 

They started collecting dice and putting D&D books on their Christmas lists. They invested in spell cards, studied lore and rules, and took turns being the Dungeon Master. And when they were done, I would get to hear the epic battles and the impossible dice rolls. Sitting from my chair in the living room, I could hear them debate a tricky section of the rules. And they did it all on their own, my little harbingers of doom.

I witnessed firsthand how they learned to cooperate, problem-solve, and use analytical thinking. They asked me to explain plot points and inciting incidents. I heard the stories that they crafted and they blew me away. To see all of this happen was amazing to me, and more than I could have hoped for in the beginning.

From tabletop to the big screen

The minute the D&D movie — Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves — was announced, I knew I had to take them.

I bought movie tickets and worked out all the details with their dads. How could I not? I introduced a hobby during a low point in all our lives in hopes that it would provide them with the connection they needed. The other dads and I joined in during those first early games as either a hapless wizard, a sly bard, or even role-playing an NPC to make this all happen. Honestly, I thought they would quit as soon as the pandemic was over. But to my joy, they kept playing.

I’m going to spoil them with popcorn, candy, and new sets of dice. We are going to cheer on the good guys, boo the bad guys, and probably secretly love the ones that are a little bit of both. For me, this is the culmination of that first campaign, when a little pixie asked if she could cut off the butt of a fallen monster.

“Um,” I said.

“I cut off his butt!” The pixies cheered, and the rest of the group laughed.

“OK,” I said.

“And I put it on my necklace!”

“Yeah, I think that is too much. Let’s not tell your mother about this.”

Often, I think about the long-term consequences of being a father. The actions that we take ripple out into the future, and sometimes mean more than we intend them to. An innocent act that can grow over years and transform into a core memory that they will keep for the rest of their lives. It occurs to me that a lot of my parenting wins are the result of me stumbling in the right direction.

Which is fine, as long as I can call upon a pixie to save the day.

Dungeons & Dragons photo: © EGinvent / Adobe Stock.

February 2020:

It is 6:45 a.m. and, all still half asleep, I load my two youngest (Everett, 7, and Emersyn, 5) into the minivan. There are two other cars welcoming us as we wait for the “before school program” to open. I nervously check my watch and tap my foot, my impatience fueled by an impending 8 a.m. meeting at the office. 

Great news!  My meeting goes well. 

Bad news — it lasted an hour longer than expected. I am now late to pick up the kids from the same spot where I dropped them off nearly 10 hours earlier. Finally, whizzing into the school parking lot, I see my kids on the playground in the distance with their frowning teacher. 

They are the only children left at school. 

Both kids wave excitedly. I wave back, trying to find an excuse to soften the impact of causing the teacher to stay late. I tell her, “I’m sorry.”    

A feeling of failure washes over me.

February 2021:

Feeling fortunate to have been spared from the wrath of COVID-19, I finish a Microsoft Teams meeting, temporarily log off, and head to grab my two little ones from school.  Alongside a few other “remote” working dads and moms, we watch our children spill out of the school’s gates and into each other’s arms.

It is mid-afternoon, the perfect time for a quick recharge before an evening schedule full of Zoom calls on next year’s budget. I get to hear about Emersyn’s new student and Everett’s home run in P.E. class before sinking back into my home office as they finish schoolwork. 

A feeling of gratitude engulfs me. 

February 2023:

It is mid-morning, a normal Thursday of working from home when an email lights up my inbox. The subject line is ominous: “Return to Work Update.” 

I feared this day would come. Working remotely was no longer allowed by policy.  All employees were to return to the office and their assigned cubicles the following Monday.

A feeling of dread crushes this day’s motivation. 

Lethargy quickly turned into rage. How can anyone expect an employee to suddenly undo the two years of remote-working rhythm they’ve developed? How can “corporate” expect parents to find immediate childcare? What about the added household expenses associated with that care and transportation with a mandate to return to the office?  

My outrage, though, had to be checked – there were kids that expected to see their dad after school. As I walked toward the school this day, I started to notice fewer parents mulling around than before. It turns out that nearly half of us had jobs that were now requiring work to be done in the office. I should have felt like one of the lucky ones who lasted, I guess. Instead, I felt like I’d experienced a slow fall from a picturesque cliff.

I came clean with my kids (now ages 9 and 7) right away, saying, “Hey guys, looks like I have to start working at the office again. Not sure what that means for you, but I’m working on it. Picking you up is the favorite part of my day.” 

My kids looked crushed. 

“Dad, why?” my daughter probed.

“Man, that sucks!” said my son, Everett, who was less eloquent but equally as distraught. 

My stomach twisted. I hated that such an arbitrary rule would have an impact on my kids’ lives.

But we parents roll with the punches, right? That is what we must do – and that is what we teach our children to do in their lives. So, that evening, my wife and I talked and planned, got pissed off and cooled down, and, more than anything, just felt defeated.

I dutifully returned to work the following Monday, still searching for how to get Everett to his 6 p.m. soccer practice across town and wondering if my wife will have to quit her job given the prohibited price of childcare. I am heartbroken by this forced and unnecessary intrusion into our established new normal. 

For 10 years, I have worked for a company that, I thought, cherished its people, and celebrated an employee’s ability to do the job from anywhere, anytime. I feel cheated.

Mostly, though, I feel my version of being a “present dad” has been compromised. The return to office life means I cannot pick my kids up from school anymore. They are late to virtually every afterschool commitment now. The daily grind of “wake up, hurry, drop off, work, pick up, repeat” has yielded our quick game of driveway H.O.R.S.E a distance memory. 

I see my kids every day and, still, miss them all the same. 

Great news: I have a job. I am grateful.

Bad news: I am filled with daily regrets about things I’m missing (again). 

The return to the office, for me, is a return to regret. The kind of regret I thought had been permanently abandoned – like the idea of having to sit in a cubicle to be considered a productive employee.    

Photo: © M-Production / Adobe Stock.

Parents of young children have carried an especially difficult burden since the COVID-19 pandemic started. Remote learning, daycare closings and other limitations on daily life because of worry about disease spread, especially among the unvaccinated, has made raising a child more difficult and stressful. The availability of a pediatric COVID vaccine for all children age 5 and older can now help change that.

Everyone in the United States ages 5 and older is now eligible to get vaccinated. In fact, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the American Academy of Pediatrics both recommend all children 5 and older get a COVID vaccine as soon as possible.

The vaccines are free to all, regardless of health insurance or immigration status. More than 30,000 trusted and convenient locations, such as drugstores or community health centers, offer the pediatric COVID vaccine. You can find a nearby site in one of three ways:

• visiting vaccines.gov
• texting your ZIP code to 438829 (GETVAX)
• calling 1-800-232-0233.

We understand you may have concerns about the pediatric COVID vaccine, so let’s address some using facts provided by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

I thought kids weren’t as vulnerable to coronavirus?

Children rarely die or get severely ill from COVID — true. However, scientific study has found they are just as likely to get and spread the disease as adults. This puts everyone an unvaccinated child comes in contact with — their friends, parents, grandparents, teachers, etc. — at greater risk, regardless of that person’s vaccination status.

Need more statistics? One recent study found children are four times more likely to be hospitalized from COVID if they live in a state with low vaccination rates compared to states with high vaccination rates.

I keep hearing about vaccinated people still getting COVID. Why should I even bother getting my kids vaccinated?

“Breakthrough” cases of COVID do occur because no vaccine for any disease is a 100% effective. However, COVID vaccines are more than 90% effective at preventing severe illness, hospitalization and death. The pediatric COVID vaccine helps protect your child from getting coronavirus but, in the event of a breakthrough case, it also helps keep your child from getting seriously ill. It also helps protect those your child comes in contact with, especially those most at risk such as the elderly or those with compromised autoimmune systems.

Could my child get coronavirus from a pediatric COVID vaccine?

No. None of the authorized and recommended COVID vaccines contain the live virus that causes coronavirus. No live virus, no way to contract COVID via the vaccine.

Some temporary side effects, in children just as in adults, are possible after receiving the vaccine. These are signs the vaccine is working and your child’s body is building protection against the virus. Common side effects include:

• Pain, redness or swelling at the injection site on the body
• Tiredness
• Headache
• Muscle pain
• Chills
• Fever
• Nausea

Will a pediatric COVID vaccine alter my child’s DNA?

No. COVID vaccines do not change or interact with your child’s DNA in any way. It is biologically impossible.

Do COVID vaccines affect fertility?

Currently, no evidence indicates that any vaccines, including COVID vaccines, cause fertility problems, in women or men. A recent study showed people who had gotten the COVID vaccine had the same pregnancy success rate as people who had not been vaccinated. The CDC recommends that women trying to become pregnant now or want to get pregnant in the future, get a COVID vaccine. Vaccines are carefully studied and monitored, and it is clear they are safe for people who are pregnant or who want to become pregnant.

Aren’t there some heart issues related to the COVID vaccine in children?

A very small number of cases of myocarditis (inflammation of the heart muscle) and pericarditis (inflammation of the outer lining of the heart) have been reported following COVID vaccination. Most cases in children have been in adolescent males and most occur after the second vaccine dose.

While these conditions are rare, the available evidence suggests a link with mRNA COVID vaccination. In general, however, the few persons who develop these conditions respond well to medical treatment and rest and recover.

I’m worried because these vaccines are just too new and unproven.

Millions of people have already safely received COVID vaccines since first becoming available in early 2021. These vaccines are the most closely and rigorously monitored vaccines for safety ever in our country and are being monitored just as closely in children.

But I have more concerns …

If you have more questions or concerns, speak with your doctor, pharmacist or health care provider. Note that The American Medical Association reports over 96% of doctors have been fully vaccinated against COVID.

Disclosure: City Dads Group has partnered with the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services to provide parents with accurate information about pediatric COVID vaccines for those ages 5 to 17. Photo: © angellodeco / Adobe Stock.

Editor’s Note: City Dads Groups has a New York Jets ticket for you! Get details for catching any of the remaining 2021-22 home games at the end of this review!

Truth – it’s rough being a New York Jets fan. I try not to focus on the fact that their last winning season was in 2015. Or that this year they’re currently at an abysmal three wins and nine losses.

Instead, we’re focused on the rise of a young new quarterback, Zach Wilson, exciting rookies (Elijah Moore is on my fantasy football squad), and the return of in-person, outdoor sporting events.

My son and I were thrilled to recently attend the New York Jets against the Miami Dolphins football game at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, N.J. (aka The Meadowlands) — our first outdoor, sporting event since the pandemic. Dressed in our replica jerseys, we were ready for football, food and entertainment.

Even if you’re not a big football fan, there’s something spectacular about sitting in a massive stadium, immersed with thousands of loyal fans chanting “J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS.” Snacking on popcorn and hot pretzels, sipping hot chocolate, and jumping out of our seats to do the wave lead by legendary fans, “JETFAN” and “Fireman Ed,” was surreal. Watching a football game on television doesn’t come close to the special bonding experience with your family at a live, in-person game!

Was attending a game at MetLife Stadium safe?

If you haven’t been to a game in a while, new safety protocols have been added because of the pandemic:

1. Mobile ticketing — Tickets are now paperless only. Entrance is contactless because your ticket is your cell phone, downloaded through the upgraded Jets app. You’ll zip right into the stadium.
2. Vaccination — Proof of vaccination and face coverings are not required. Regardless of vaccination status, the New York Jets “strongly encouraged face coverings for indoor public spaces.” We still felt safe because it was a lovely November afternoon where we spent 99% of our time outdoors. We wore our masks any time we went to pick up food or hit the restrooms.
3. Contactless, cash-free transactions – All transactions in the stadium for food, concessions and retail merch are completely cash-free. The ultimate highlight for us was their mobile ordering for food and beverage available via the Jets app! This awesome new “go to the head of the class” process was a difference maker. It saved a ton of time waiting in annoying lines. It also enabled us to spend more quality time bonding in our seats enjoying the football game. Let me share this secret: We downloaded the app and placed our mobile order a few minutes before the halftime rush. During halftime, we sauntered over to the “mobile order pick-up area” by the concessions and our order was ready and waiting for us. No crowds, no wait! Plus, this new service is available to everyone; however, we found that because most fans didn’t know about it, it was rarely used.

Is a New York Jets home game kid-friendly?

1. Before you head into the game, be sure to stop by “JETS Island” located between the Verizon and MetLife gates. The island opens a few hours before kickoff, is free for all fans, and features a GenJets Kids Zone with special activities, inflatables, football toss, photo opportunities and more. We hung out to capture pics with the Transformer JET, enormous JETS sign and even enjoyed some free Butterfinger Candy during their giveaway.
2. Once inside the MetLife Stadium gates, there’s another “Turf” section (also free) that provides the opportunity for you to kick a field goal right through the uprights. There are additional skills and drills experiences like an obstacle course and place to throw passes. This area was loads of fun, but we recommend getting there on the earlier side as it gets more crowded closer to kickoff.
3. Other entertaining options:
   • During game breaks, volunteers on the field launch T-shirts into the crowd.
   • You can post pics on social media using appropriate hashtags so it can be displayed on the stadium scoreboards (it was awesome to see our photo on the jumbo scoreboard)
   • Opportunities before the game to meet former New York Jets players
   • Lots of food and treat options — we loved the cookie dough!
   • Lastly, little ones up to 34” inches in height may enter MetLife Stadium free of charge but must share a seat with an accompanying ticketed adult (this includes all New York Jets football games).

The football game was a nail-biter until the fourth quarter, but the New York Jets couldn’t notch the victory. The outcome didn’t matter because we had an unforgettable experience. Next time, we’re arriving earlier so we can take advantage of tailgating in the parking lot before the game!

New York Jets ticket offer for rest of 2021-22 season!

Thinking about catching a New York Jets game before the season is over?

Here’s a sweet ticket offer for the remaining home games. 

Disclosure: NYC Dads Group received complimentary passes to the New York Jets game. Opinions provided in this post have not been influenced by the free tickets.

I’ve tried not to let the death of my father to COVID-19 a year ago change my life too much. I still have to be a husband, a dad, a colleague and a friend but the weight of what happened makes my shoulders stiff and sore. These past few months have been especially difficult. My motivation has been pretty much nowhere to be seen. My patience has been almost nothing. 

In a way, I haven’t completely processed everything that happened during those two weeks in December 2020. As a nation and world, we were fighting through a pandemic that was — and still is — killing so many people. The virus doesn’t care whether you are healthy or not let alone the demographics that we identify with. We’ve continued to fight it since the passing of my father, and I take every day to try and make people aware of the gravity that is COVID. 

In the weeks and months leading up to the month of my father’s passing, I am on the record for saying, “I wear a mask because I don’t want to be the reason I pass this onto your family members, who then pass it to someone who loses a loved one because of it.” I don’t hold any ill feelings toward whomever it was who passed COVID on to my dad. I’m frustrated that there are those who made a choice to not listen to my concerns or those of the people who are studying the virus and how it affects people.

I thought parenting when I had depression was difficult, but it had nothing on trying to be a dad while grieving the death of my own father. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of him and my eyes get a little watery. Each day I step foot into our garage I’m reminded of him. We bought his brand new 2020 Toyota Highlander from his estate. He was so proud of that car and he had some big plans to travel in it and see the world. It’s one of the things that we plan to do to honor him.  

It hasn’t been easy handling my father’s estate either. There are days it’s a full-time job fielding phone calls and signing paperwork. And then there is all of his … stuff. He was the type of person who never would let a piece of paper go. He had checks and bank records dating all the way back to the early 1970s.

My son, Joseph, has asked me several times as we go through my father’s things, “Dad, what are you doing?” Many times, when I explain that I’m going through grandpa’s belongings his response is, “Oh … grandpa died.” It tends to make things worse for me internally. Not only is going through box after box a reminder enough of what happened, but then my youngest reminds me on almost a daily basis.

The where, the how, the crazy that happened during his two-week struggle with COVID-19 no longer matter at this point. What matters to me is I am here for my family. Where I am now, is that I want to show my boys how great their grandfather was. I want them to know how lucky they were to have him. I want them to know that it’s OK to miss him and we need to continue to live out his legacy. 

Parenting through all of this has not been the easiest. I admit my temper spikes at times … and does so rather quickly. I am having a harder time leaving work at the office because it serves as a distraction. When I have a bad day at work, my family can typically tell as I’m more prone to yelling and being generally grumpy with them about some of the littlest things. This happens mostly on the days I’m having a hard time internally working through the death of my father. There are periods of time when I zone out and think about the memories I shared with my dad. And then there are times that I break down in tears for no reason at all. Then there are all the nightmares one has living through the moments that lead up to and after a traumatic event in their life. 

It’s hard for us as men to admit that we are going through a rough time. But when it comes to parenting through the loss of a loved one, it is important to let your kids see you grieve. They need to be able to see that it is OK to be sad and upset. It is just as important for them to see you push through and celebrate the person.

I’m not guaranteeing that it will be any easier moving forward but when I look back at the man that my father was, I strive to be half the man he was. That’s what I want my kids to see. 

A version of this first appeared on The Rookie Dad. Grieving death of father photo: © Rawpixel.com / Adobe Stock.

When my wife and I arrived with our youngest for his first tee ball practice, we noticed the parents all huddled in a circle. No kids were on the baseball field. They were enjoying themselves on the nearby playground.

“We can’t practice,” the team’s coach told us. “Practice is canceled.” She was unsure when practice would be rescheduled.

That was March 18, 2020 – the day COVID-19 got real in my small New Jersey town a few minutes outside of New York City.

Being a stay-at-home dad for almost six years, I felt better prepared than most when the pandemic shut everything down soon after. However, nothing really prepared me for having three kids home all day on devices trying to do remote learning for most of the next 18 months. One of the things I had been looking forward to, starting in September 2020, was finally having a single drop-off for all three kids at the same place for a FULL day of school. Ah, to dream …

That finally came true a few weeks ago when the 2021-22 school year started with all in-person instruction. When I dropped all three kids off for elementary school at 8:15 a.m. sharp, knowing I did not have to pick them up until 3 that afternoon, my heart was overjoyed. Over six hours to myself!

But part of me felt guilty. Should I feel bad about being so elated to have the day to myself?

Those feelings of doubt were quickly overridden by a simple fact: physically being in school was where my kids needed to be. School is where you make childhood friends, some of whom you might even have for life. It is the center of your most formative years and is crucial for healthy development into a well-adjusted adult (or some version of that). And, these days, if we can keep them in the classroom safely, I am all for it.   

When you prioritize your wellness, others benefit

But I also realized that I need at least some of that time alone for myself. As parents, we try to put our kids’ well-being first, but how can we be good parents if we are not in a good place ourselves? So often, we get caught up in the daily duties of parenting and household management – from making meals to doing laundry to getting the car fixed and any number of tasks in between — that we forget about our own physical and mental health. If we are overwhelmed or stressed, we can easily pass those feelings onto our kids and family members.

We parents all need a break now and then. That doesn’t mean you should let your house get completely out of order, but the importance of prioritizing self-care — doing something for yourself and only yourself to rest, relax and rejuvenate – is vital to our ability to care for others in our lives.

For some, that means escaping to a quiet room to read a good book for a few hours. For other, it may be binge-watching a show for an afternoon or hitting the golf course or just taking a nap. We shouldn’t feel guilty about that. Sometimes that little break, that little recharge, can make all the difference in how the rest of your day will go and how you interact with your kids and partner.

So this is how I celebrated myself for surviving as those homeschooling months. As a huge Marvel fan I knew I had to see Shang Chi and the Legend of the 10 Rings in the actual movie theater as it also stars Simu Liu, one of my favorite actors from TV’s Kim’s Convenience. And, I had not seen a movie in person in FOREVER. I told my wife I wanted to catch a matinee (or How to Save Money 101). We hit on the idea of instead of me just going out on my own, we’d turn it into a family outing with my wife letting me enjoy my Marvel movie alone while she took the kids to see the new Paw Patrol flick. Win, win! Somehow, prioritizing my joy and need for a mental break by seeing a popcorn movie ended in being a memorable family day because back home after the movie we found ourselves eating hot dogs on blankets in our yard and playing Nerf wars the backyard.

I have come to realize sometimes it is OK to prioritize yourself from time to time, though never at the expense of others. Doing so might seem small or insignificant at the time, but sometimes, when you prioritize wellness through self-care, you end up prioritizing your family’s well-being without even knowing it.

Tips for better self-care
By Kevin McKeever

It doesn’t take a lot of effort to occasionally prioritize your wellness for the sake your family and loved ones. Here are some things to try:

• Do at least one thing a day just for yourself. Whether it’s carving out 30 minutes to exercise, read, call a friend or take a solo walk around the neighborhood.
• Listen to your favorite music. Turn it on when prepping meals, cleaning or anytime you have another task at hand.
• Step away from the screens. When you have a spare minute or two, take a deep breath and take in all your see, hear and smell around you rather than rapidly scrolling through Instagram.
• Get more sleep. This is a key to health in general. Aim for seven hours.

Prioritize wellness photo: © EVERST / Adobe Stock.

The pandemic introduced a wide range of never-before-encountered issues for stay-at-home parents, but none so important — if not widely talked about — as adjusting to your partner or spouse working remotely alongside you from home.

Here are three tips I’ve pieced together from personal experience over the past 16 months:

1. Share your schedules

My now work-at-home wife frequently has high-level meetings with clients, and the last thing she needs is the loud sound of kids playing in the background. To prevent this, each morning we take time to discuss her schedule for that day so I can plan activities outdoors or away from the house during those sensitive work times. This is extra helpful when the weather forecast isn’t cooperative, such as during rainstorms, or in the winter, and simply playing in the yard isn’t an option.

2. Plan weekend activities in advance

The key here is to plan activities, not chores. We like to fill our weekends with parks, swimming or other outdoor adventures. Planning gives us both something to look forward to, especially during the long weeks of childcare and work. I do my best to take care of things like laundry and cleaning during the week so that we can both enjoy the weekends as family time.

3. Save store trips for evenings/weekends when possible

Before the pandemic, my wife had close to an hour’s drive, round trip, to work. Once she began working from home, it was common for her to go two to three days straight without leaving our property. By holding off shopping at the grocery store or a big box store until she was done with work, it gave her a much-needed break from the four walls of our home along with some family time. If she was in the mood to go alone on these shopping runs, it gave her a bonus — quiet time alone.

4) BONUS TIP: ‘Alone time’ is not a bad thing

It’s natural to feel guilty about wanting a bit of time to yourself, especially when most days are spent in the same house as your children and spouse. We make sure to communicate to each other our needs and desires for time by ourselves. Although they don’t happen too often, we both know it’s something that’s extremely important.

If you are a stay-at-home parent with a partner or spouse working remotely, none of these tips by themselves are perfect. Even used in combination, they don’t entirely relieve all the stress of these difficult times. If you’re a stay-at-home parent that’s struggling during this time, I hope they can offer a starting point for you and your family.

Spouse working remotely photo: © David Pereiras / Adobe Stock.

Being a calm, steady beacon of hope and guidance during a storm — “a lighthouse parent,” as parent/teen expert Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg calls it — is what children need most these days when they are readjusting to the world after more than a year of COVID-19 pandemic life.

And what parents, who might be frazzled from all that has and still is going on, need most is “the gift of self-compassion,” to forgive themselves for possible shortcomings and take care of themselves to parent on.

That’s some of the advice from Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, author of Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings, who joins us for the latest edition of the Modern Dads Podcast.

A co-director of the Center for Parent and Teen Communication, Ginsburg offers advice to help us think about what our kids have gained, lessons to take forward, and how to open the lines of communication.

The Center of Parent and Teen Communication helps promotes the health, character and well-being of adolescents through education, research and advocacy. Ginsburg helped create a comprehensive website for parents and teens that aims to strengthen family connections.

+ Listen to Kenneth Ginsburg + 

Ginsburg, a pediatrician at The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and a professor of Pediatrics at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, specializes in “social adolescent medicine” — medicine with special attention to prevention and the recognition that social context and stressors impact upon both physical and emotional health. He places specific effort in teaching, research and advocacy efforts that build on the strength of teenagers by fostering their internal resilience. He developed a teen-centered method that mixes qualitative/quantitative methodology to help young people generate, prioritize and explain their own proposed solutions to social problems and to teach clinicians how to better serve them.

A father of two young adult daughters, Ginsburg is a frequent lecturer to national and international audiences. He has worked with The Boys and Girls Club of America to incorporate resilience-building strategies into their programming, and the U.S. military to prepare military parents and professionals to incorporate stress reduction and resilience building strategies into the lives of our nearly 2 million military-affiliated children.

Ginsburg has several parenting books to his credit. In addition to Building Resilience in Children and Teens, he has written Raising Kids to Thrive: Balancing Love with Expectations and Protection with Trust, and Letting Go with Love and Confidence, all published by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). He is also the author of Reaching Teens: Strength-Based Communication Strategies to Build Resilience and Support Healthy Adolescent Development, a comprehensive multimedia toolkit published by the AAP.

With our pandemic world finally moving toward a post-pandemic one, Barnard Center for Toddler Development Director Dr. Tovah P. Klein says it’s the perfect time for parents of young children to make needed changes in their children’s lives, such as reducing screen time.

“Children will be fine on a new routines. Any time you switch routines is a great time to say, ‘New rule,'” she says on the latest episode of The Modern Dads Podcast, themed as “What Toddlers Need Now.” While this change may meet some initial resistance, she notes how adaptive children and parents can be, with the pandemic shift in how we learn and live being perfect examples.

Klein, who wrote the parenting classic How Toddlers Thrive, talks about what our children have gained during these difficult times, dispels the theory of “learning loss” during the pandemic, and offers help on how we can thoughtfully help our kids return to camp and school with minimal separation issues.

+ Listen to ‘What Toddlers Need Now’ podcast +

Klein, who is also an adjunct associate professor at Barnard, teaches a year-long course on toddler development there. Her work focuses on young children’s social and emotional development, parental influences on early development, and parents’ experiences raising young children, including the challenges of combining work and family.

Dr. Klein served as a developmental advisor for Sesame Street and HBO films for children. She is on the advisory boards for Room to Grow, Ubuntu Education Fund, Rwanda Educational Assistance Project, LearnNow.org and Children’s Museum of Manhattan. She appears regularly on Good Morning America and her advice has appeared in The New York Times, Redbook, Parents, Slate.com, Huffington Post and countless other social media and print publications.

In her 2014 book, How Toddlers Thrive, Klein distills decades of research and experience with parents and children ages 2 to5 into a book that gives you the tools to easily navigate everyday challenges and struggles, have fewer battles and enjoy your interactions with your child and the toddler years more by seeing the world through your young child’s eyes.

A former clinical fellow at Boston Children’s Hospital with a doctorate in psychology from Duke University, Klein previously appeared on The Modern Dads Podcast in 2014.

The pandemic first impacted most of us when many restaurants and bars closed to indoor dining one year ago. Where I live, that shutdown occurred the day after my wife and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary at a local restaurant. We remember eating that night and thinking, “There’s no way they’ll shut down this restaurant.” We all know what happened next: a full year of pandemic family life.

When I reflect on the past year, I start with gratitude. My wife and I have remained healthy and employed, and my two daughters have been able to continue school virtually with few problems.

But after that, I join the majority of families tired of living the underscheduled life. When someone asked me recently what my family did for the weekend, I thought it was a joke. Given the extremely cold winter and ongoing shutdowns, the answer has defaulted to “takeout and TV.” Or sometimes, “TV and takeout.”

On the way to pick up all that takeout with my teen daughter, however, we have started to bond over an unlikely source: music. Thanks to satellite radio, we take turns switching channels but also decades while sharing songs. She shares her pop favorites from the 2010s and ’20s. I share my favorites from the 1980s and ’90s. Granted, we don’t always love each other’s time travel. But let’s face it: since the rise of rock and roll (among other genres) in the 1950s, parents and children have been closer in their musical tastes than previous generations.

How do I know? When I accidentally turn on stations that play music from the 1940s and ’50s, I have a visceral reaction. It’s as if my father’s music and mine are from two different galaxies while my daughter’s and mine are from nearby planets.

Sharing songs, stories bring families together

Sometimes, however, celestial confusion reigns. For example, one day “Give a Little Bit” by Supertramp came on the radio. My daughter, who did not see that I had put on one of my “old” stations, declared “this group must have remade the Goo Goo Dolls’ song!”

I had to laugh. I explained that Supertramp made the song in 1977 and the Goo Goo Dolls remade it in 2004. (I’m the youngest of six, so my childhood music stretched back into the 1970s.) But the mention of the Goo Goo Dolls reminded me of a story that upped my “cool quotient” with my daughter and tightened our musical bonds.

I explained that back at my college in Buffalo, New York, there was a little-known local band that used to play at the campus rathskellar (nicknamed The Rat as so many of them were). Their name: The Goo Goo Dolls. I’ll never forget reading the flier on a light pole and thinking “weird name, but maybe they’ll be good.” Of course, they were incredible, and I’ve always regretted that I didn’t keep a copy of that flier from my college days. The next year at that college, though, I met my wife, and thankfully I’ve managed to keep her for 26 years now.

Granted, such a warm concert memory is bittersweet during a pandemic. All college kids should be hearing new bands at places like The Rat and laughing at crazy band names on campus fliers. Hopefully those days will return soon.

In the meantime, families should continue sharing stories along with songs during these extended hours together, at home, waiting for more life to resume. We’ve all had to give a little bit, and many have had to give a lot. But families need to keep giving to each other, keep providing each other space for a little bit longer. At least this experience is bonding parents and children in myriad ways, some of which may not become apparent for decades.

Speaking of decades, my wife and I just made our plan for our 26^th wedding anniversary. Our tentative, might-get-cancelled hope is to eat in something called an outdoor “gondola.” Far from a romantic boat ride in Venice, we’ll be sitting in a ski-lift style cable car. But hey, after the year families have been through, it will be smooth skiing for a few hours someplace other than home.

Photo by Kevin McKeever