I love football. Setting my fantasy football lineup and cheering on my teams are among my favorite fall traditions. As a father, I try to share my love of the game with my kids. Watching football together is becoming a tradition with my boys and, in addition to it being fun entertainment, I am finding great life lessons that can be learned as we watch together. Here are seven of the best that I have found:

1. Even with talent, you need to work hard

Talent is not enough to succeed. You need to practice and condition your body so your talent shines. Every level of the sport has a weeding-out process. Just because you are talented in high school doesn’t mean you’ll shine at college football or even have the chance to play. What separates those who excel is the work and effort players put in to use their talents. Our kids need to know that as they discover their abilities they need hard work and practice to develop them. Talent may get their foot in the door, but their work ethic gets them a seat at the table.

2. Don’t give up

Most of the time, in football someone is trying very hard to knock you down, to make you fail. Many times they will succeed. But you have to get back up, go back to the huddle and try again. The lesson for our kids: you stand a better chance of winning by getting up and trying again.

3. Success comes through setting goals

Football is a game of inches. You are always scrambling for every inch of the field you can get. Trying to come up with one play that will get you the 100 yards you need for a touchdown is tough. So since you get a brand new set of four downs every 10 yards you need to break it down into 10-yard goals. Each play should get you closer to that first-down line. If you keep making that goal you’ll be in position to score before you know it. When our kids are faced with big tasks or problems we need to teach them how to break them down into manageable goals so they can be successful.

4. You win through teamwork

Football is a team sport. Every player needs to do their job and do it well for the team to succeed. The quarterback needs to be able to count on his backs and receivers to move the ball down the field when he gives it to them. The quarterback, running backs and receivers count on the offensive line to make time for a play to develop and make gaps in the other team’s defensive line. Every player on the field has a job that the other players rely on him to do well so that their work is successful. It is a great way to illustrate to kids how teamwork actually works and how everyone’s role affects everyone else.

5. Sometimes you lose

You are going to lose sometimes, it is an unavoidable fact. An undefeated season is a rare feat. The most successful teams usually have at least a few losses. They don’t let those losses set the tone for the rest of the season. They accept them, learn from them and prepare for the next game, intent on winning. Learning to accept defeat and failure and move on with a positive attitude is one of the most valuable lessons kids can learn.

6. Great things happen when you put in great effort

It could be that the effort was put in at practice or at the gym. It could be extra effort they used during a play. Whatever the case, it is the extra effort that they put in that the other players didn’t that allows them to make or receive incredible passes, break off for big runs, stop other players from getting the ball or getting to the ball. Big plays are always the result of someone putting extra effort to do their job well. This translates so very well off the field. Effort is the key to big successes in life. The sooner our kids learn to put effort into what they want to be successful at, the sooner they will realize those successes.

7. Nothing lasts forever …

As soon as a team finishes one play, be it successful or disastrous, it needs to start preparing for the next one. When a game ends, win or lose, the team needs to prepare for the next one. The moment the season ends the team starts preparing for the next one. Not everyone will be back. That play, that game, that season may have been a player’s last one. Planning for the future and remembering the past are important skills to have. You also have to be able to do your best in the moment you are in. In football and in life, it is the moment you are in that matters. Enjoy it, do your best in it—live it fully. Your success is determined in that moment, which will soon be gone.

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This football lessons post, which first appeared on our Chicago Dads Group blog in 2018, is part of the #NoDadAlone campaign. Fathering Together/City Dads Group, the National At-Home Dad Network, and Fathers Eve are joining forces to amplify messages that help dads recognize we are not alone! Follow #NoDadAlone on Instagram, and learn more at NoDadAlone.com.

Spring. That time of year many of our thoughts turn to the idea of renewal. It is warm outside, greener, and more inviting. There is also a chance our fathering skills may need some renewal, too.

As our kids grow older, we need to take stock of our goals for us, for them, and spruce up our parenting skill set with a little spring cleaning. Here are four to start with:

Do the right thing by example

We have many examples in the news of people doing what they are allowed to for short-term gains at the cost of what is right long-term, be that economical, environmental or for the common good. Are we teaching our kids to do what is right? Do they know that just because they can do something that it doesn’t mean they should do it? Are they receiving an education in empathy from us?

This is a difficult lesson to teach, especially at the end of a long day when we just need them to go to sleep. No one ever said fatherhood was easy though.

Empathy is best modeled by behavior if your kids see your example they are more likely to copy it. Treat people (even your kids) the way you want to be treated and it will pay great emotional dividends.

Speak softly (so you won’t need to carry a big stick)

Discipline is one of those fathering skills that must be mastered, but not to the point that our kids fear us. My grandfather would always say, “What happens when you reach a decibel you can’t yell above?”

As fathers, we need to correct our children’s behavior and mold them into the good people we hope they become. As we do this we need to remember that we should be their “safe place. When they make mistakes, when they feel weak, when they hurt, we want them to turn to us and know that forgiveness and love will be found in us.

Give them freedom to make decisions

Kids can’t make good decisions if they are not allowed to make any. This means they are going to make bonehead decisions, too, but that is how experience is built.

There is always a part of me that tenses up when I let my kids go out the door, I have to fight that instinct to protect them from everything. My experiences have informed me and made me who I am. I must let them get out into the great big world and let them collect their own experiences, the ones that will inform them and make them who they are. The older they get, the more my role becomes cheerleader, comforter, and confidant.

Stay open to their needs and adapt

Parenting isn’t static. What worked last year may be outdated this year. The needs of a 3-year-old needs are different than those of an 8-year-old, a 16-year-old, or a 25-year-old. Are we adapting to their needs now or trying to apply outdated models to their new problems?

Auditing their needs and our fathering skills is an ongoing process for us. We must continually evolve as they do. The one thing that will remain constant (if we nurture it) is the line of communication between our kids and us. Making sure that line stays open is probably the most important thing we can do long-term as a parent. That way, we will have a better idea of, and be better prepared for, what comes next.

Do you have a fathering skills tip? Leave it in the comments below!

Photo: © Elena Medoks / Adobe Stock.

At my house, we are preparing to break the spell over one of the first deceptions we perpetrated on our children. That is correct, we are bracing to break the news about The Santa Claus Lie.

It is a moment I feel a little apprehensive about. That moment when one or both of my kids ask us if Santa is real and expect a real answer from us.

I know I shouldn’t feel worried. This is a rite of passage most Western kids experience. I know because I did and I still love the Christmas season, and I had no hesitation perpetuating the myth when it was my turn to do so.

However, when I step back for a moment and look at what is happening I am encouraged. The story we told them as kids has turned into more of a mystery and less of a deception, just as it did for us all those years ago.

As it stands right now, when they broach the subject we respond with questions like: “Well, what do you think?” or “Who do you think ate the cookies you left?” We keep waiting to see where the line of questioning goes. Every time one of them asks, we’ve seen them probe a little further. Sometimes they pause and you can see their minds at work. Other times they begin to lay their case out with the clues they have amassed. Like when my youngest noticed that the wrapping paper Santa used matched the paper we had been using. Or when my oldest had to discount the validity of shopping mall Santas because there were just too many of them for them all to be real.

I remember putting the clues together and figuring it out long before I was ready to admit to my parents I knew about the Santa Claus Lie. There was a window of time when I knew what was true, but wasn’t ready to give up the magic. If my kids are there now I’m more than happy to let them hold on to that magic for as long as they want or need to.

For the time being it is a fascinating experience to watch their growing minds work. Sifting the evidence uncovering the clues. Their critical thinking skills work at a problem that they will eventually solve. When they discover the inconsistencies we let them ponder them, because a great mystery is fun to solve.

We don’t try to sell it anymore that time has long passed, it is a waiting game now. We play along as they play along, and soon (sooner than we are probably ready for), they will lay out their case and we will celebrate their discovery with them.

We will congratulate them on their thinking and reward them with the truth that the rest of us know. And with that welcome them into the next stage of life. We will find new ways to celebrate this holiday season together. Ways that don’t forget the myth that made Christmas Eve a magical part of our childhood, but that celebrate it in a new way with fond remembrance of our treasured youth.

A version of this post originally appeared on The Good Men Project. Photo: ©khosrork / Adobe Stock.

[Thank you to Carol Fox and Associates for providing tickets to the show. The tickets were given to us, but the love of theater and acrobatic holiday performances is all our own.]

There are always some great standby holiday traditions to enjoy, like caroling, visiting Santa to get a picture and deliver a wish list, or taking in a holiday show.  Now you may be a person who can’t get enough of “The Nutcracker”, “A Christmas Carol”, or even “Mannheim Steamroller”.  All of those are great shows and deserving of their position as Holiday go to theatrical productions. However, if you are looking for something new, something that brings some holiday cheer with an added layer of “WOW” might I suggest Cirque Dreams Holidaze.

Get ready to experience elaborate costumed characters, including snowmen, penguins, candles, reindeer, toy soldiers, gingerbread men, and more as they fly, balance and stretch imaginations in this festive holiday celebration. Our favorites  were the Gingerbread Cookie Flippers, The Balancing Penguin, and the Jump-roping  Reindeer.

The other night I was playing a game of Chinese chess with my son. It’s something we do every so often since the day he asked me what the game with the funny markings was. As I watched him struggle and plot out his moves, I was reminded of an experience I had in Hong Kong shortly after I had learned to play the game.

I was sitting at a table in front of a copy-shop across the alley from the entrance to my apartment building in Hong Kong’s Causeway Way Bay district. Across the table from me sat the owner of that shop. We were engaged in one of the many games of Chinese chess that we played while I lived there. A bit of a crowd had gathered, as often they would, to watch the gwailouh (foreign-devil) play their game. In Hong Kong it was pretty common to see people playing Chinese chess, you didn’t often find a gwailouh playing though.

I was well on my way to losing the game, I usually lost. However, I always kept playing because it seemed I learned something new in every game. Around us, the people squawked at each other and at us, commenting on our play and what they thought we should do. The noise from the city filled the air as the business and traffic of our busy alleyway continued through the night. My opponent and I were unaffected by the cacophony surrounding us. We always played in this chaos. Strategizing, organizing, contemplating each other we set our pieces in motion across the board. We were the order in the chaos, the yin to the world’s yang. Only for a moment though, for he had perfected his order and won the match. With that, the chaos of the world around us came crashing in and we embraced it and celebrated his victory.

Learning to Walk

Thinking back on that day and the way my son was struggling to play as I had once I was reminded that learning to play “Chinese” chess, is called “learning to walk”, making it an excellent metaphor for life. We all must learn to walk.  As we walk, we will fall. The more walking we do the more prepared we are to run.  As we run, we will fall.  The more running we do the more we will want to jump. As we jump, we will fall. The jumping that we will do will encourage us to fly. Everything we learn prepares us for the next step.

Fitting into their world

This has been a reoccurring thought for me of late.  My kids are getting older now we are embarking on the teenage years, and it is very obvious that how I fit in their world is changing.  I still definitely have a role and an important one but it isn’t the same as it was when they were small.  I spent a good deal of time talking to/at my kids early on in my role as a dad. In fairness at that point, we were on very unequal footing.  I had a lot of information and they had very little.  They needed to know that touching the stove was not a good idea, or that looking for cars when we cross the street is important.  Those sort of early teaching moments really weren’t discussions they were downloaded directions.  I didn’t want them to think about those situations and decide if what I said was correct  I wanted them to recognize those situations and follow the directions they were given. I really wasn’t concerned with them thinking about it I just wanted them to “do”.

Things are changing

As we have entered the teenage years there has been a shift in how we communicate. While I still have more information than they do, they are now processing my information and comparing it to their accumulated knowledge. They are beginning to think on a very serious level. It is a challenging transition. I find I am talking with them more than to them.  Our learning moments are more conversational than purely instructional. The protector in me wants to download information like I did when they were three years old. I also, however, want them to be successful adults.  These next few years are going to be challenging because I still have that role and responsibility to keep them safe… but maybe not too safe.  I need to step back and give them a chance to use the knowledge an information they have accumulated.  They have learned to walk and they might just be ready to start running.  I guess that means I need to let it happen and be a soft place for them to fall. Perhaps that means I need to focus on being a source of good information for them while allowing them to think for themselves.

What is my job?

I’m not sure I know myself how I am going to do this. It has been 40+ years and I’m still learning the lessons I want them to know.  So as I think about the game of chess and how to best help my sons I had this epiphany. In chess, like in life, I can’t teach them all the right things to do.  Each game will be different and each experience will be different. In each game and each experience, they will learn something new (just like I have). If they do only what I tell them then they will never beat me in chess, or rather, they will never be successful. I need to adapt to how they learn now and I need to help them develop skills not just dump knowledge. It isn’t helpful to give them a guide of what to do all the time, let’s face it, that is impossible. I realized in the coming years, my job is not to tell them what to think, it is to teach them how to.

I found myself looking at this pair of shoes left in front of the sink in our bathroom last week, and I had an awful moment of enlightenment — one of those moments when a dad is forced to realize his kids are growing up.

Those shoes fit snugly on the feet of my 12-year-old son. As I stood there looking at them, I could almost see him standing there looking into the mirror. I could almost see him doing any number of the routine mundane tasks he does standing in that spot, that spot now marked by his very empty shoes.

Before I knew it I was imagining him doing other tasks in front of that mirror. Like shaving, struggling with acne or, God forbid, primping for a date. How did I jump so quickly from these shoes to imagining activities of a boy whose feet no longer fit in them? Greater still, how is this little boy I brought home from the hospital just the other day even fitting into these shoes that are lying here?

How did I get here? How do I have a son who is 12-years-old? Have I taught him everything he needs to know to be 12? Have I helped him prepare for the teenage years that lie ahead? Does he have the skills and talents I wish I had possessed at his age?

Is he ready for this world? Am I doing enough to make sure he can thrive? Have I recycled enough? Am I considering my carbon footprint?

What about this city, this state, this country? Have I voted for the right things? Have I helped to elect the right people? Have I helped make this world a place in which he can succeed?

Have I taught him to be good to others? Have I taught him to make friends? Have I taught him to help those who need help? Have taught him to do good even though no one is looking?

Will he be here one day looking at his own child’s shoes? Will he stand here like me, asking these same crazy questions? Will he have the same worries I do? Will he feel this inadequate?

Wait.

Stop.

No.

Just breathe for a moment. You are doing just fine. He was brushing his teeth, preparing for bed. He kissed you and your wife, and  then in his bed, he read. He loves to learn. He is full of wonder.

Breathe deep and relax. Don’t give into the panic.

One day at a time; live each day to the fullest!

Remember to laugh; remember to smile.

Tell him you love him, then show him you do.

The feet that fit these shoes have amazing things to do. They have places to go where he will learn and discover new things. They have places to go where he will meet new friends.  They have places to go where he will overcome struggles. They have places to go so they can come back and see you.

Oh, these shoes took me on a journey that morning, one much farther than I realized they could. As I found my way back and I opened my eyes, there were these two empty shoes sitting on the floor in front of the sink in our bathroom. I picked them up and put them in his room where he had long since been, asleep. I leaned over and kissed him, and thought I can’t wait to see where the feet that fit those shoes go.

A version of this first appeared on our Chicago Dads Group website.

One thing we know about Dads is that when you get a group of them together great things happen! That has been one of our guiding principles here at the Chicago Dads Group. From fun playdates in the park, weekly pick-up basketball games, to epic Dad’s Night Out activities our group has become a great resource for Chicagoland dads to bond over Fatherhood. That’s why we are super excited when the good people over at MommyCon asked us to participate in their DaddyCon programming; a separate track of educational panels, activities, and workshops focused on fathers.

What is DaddyCon?

DaddyCon is focused on bringing fatherhood to the forefront of the parenting conversation. This is their debut year (March 3 & 4) and Chicago Dads Group is excited to be a part of it. The event will feature two days of interactive sessions, workshops, exhibitors, giveaways and the Dad Games Competition. There are over a dozen speakers including a few members of our group. Their goal is to have a meaningful and playful discussion about all aspects of fatherhood: from being there at birth through every diaper change, scraped knee and ballet recital.

Chicago Dads Group @ DaddyCon

Needless to say we are excited about DaddyCon! We will be there on Saturday 3/3 for a special lunchtime Meet Up and we will be participating in  a panel discussion on Sunday 3/4.

As part of our partnership we are giving away 2 free tickets to Daddycon and here is how you can win them:

Win 2 Free Tickets to DaddyCon

Come join us March 3-4. and check out over 100 exhibitors, interactive workshops, inspirational speakers and more. It is a great chance to learn all there is to be a new dad at the Chicago

This time of year people are focused on making and keeping their New Year’s resolutions.  Some like quitting bad habits or making good habits are pretty straightforward. If you want to quit smoking, exercise more, read more, or eat healthily; there are very clear ways to start and places to get help. For others, like finding a community or group that will help you in your goal to be a better father, getting started on the right foot can be tricky.

That’s what the City Dads Group is all about. At its core, the group wants to form diverse communities for fathers who are looking to socialize and interact with other guys who enjoy spending quality time with their children.

We are all in here at the Chicago Dads Group. We love the chance to meet other dads who love being dads.  This year our group made it past the 1000 member mark, and we’d love to have even more!  We have seen first-hand the positive effects of creating a network of friendships and resources to help our members become the dads they want to be.  Whether it is activities like a play date in Maggie Daley Park or a Dad’s Night Out playing whirly ball, we are strengthened by every new father that joins our tribe.

We do a lot together here are some of our member’s favorite memories and activities:

I play competitive, energetic basketball every week with Dads from our group!

– Sean W.

It’s a brotherhood of guys who have great advice on childcare and are just fun to be around. I love Dad’s Night Out. I like getting away from the kids for a little adult time.

– Al W.

It’s nice to feel like there are others out there who share what I’m going through. We have a great group of guys…as fathers but also just as people who are fun to be around. My kids still talk about going fishing with the group, even though they were bored and didn’t catch anything. The experience was everything!

– Kyle E.

Join a Dads Group

Great dads don’t happen overnight it takes time, effort, and commitment.  That doesn’t mean you have to start from scratch though.  We’d love to add your perspective and experience to our own.

If you’ve been looking for a way to connect with other active and engaged fathers here in the Chicagoland area check out some of our upcoming events… We’d love to have you!

Now that we are firmly into 2018 we can’t help but want to take a quick look back on one of our favorite meetups of the past year.  Along with  11 other City Dads Group chapters, we participated in Giving Tuesday by helping local charities that help feed hungry children in our communities with the help of our partner, Plum Organics.

Here is a little video the City Dads Group made to showcase how it went:

Plum Organics, the nation’s leading organic baby food brand, donated more than 41,000 pouches of their tasty meals to help children in need.  For our part, the Chicago Dads Group teamed up with the Palatine Township Food Pantry to collect food and deliver the generous donation from Plum Organics.

Giving back is one of our favorite ways to get together here in the Chicagoland area.  There is a lot of need here and we are lucky to make such great connections with brands, like Plum Organics, who help encourage and support our initiatives.

Giving Tuesday, the Tuesday following Thanksgiving, is a global day of outreach dedicated to helping others. It’s meant to kick-off the holiday season by inspiring people to collaborate in improving their local communities. Since its 2012 inception, tens of thousands of organizations worldwide annually participate in the day. This was the fourth year in-a-row that we have joined with other City Dads groups around the country and participated in this day of giving back through service, and we’re looking forward to doing even more!

DISCLOSURE: Plum Organics partnered with City Dads Group for the mentioned above through a donation of goods and financial compensation.