I love football. Setting my fantasy football lineup and cheering on my teams are among my favorite fall traditions. As a father, I try to share my love of the game with my kids. Watching football together is becoming a tradition with my boys and, in addition to it being fun entertainment, I am finding great life lessons that can be learned as we watch together. Here are seven of the best that I have found:

1. Even with talent, you need to work hard

Talent is not enough to succeed. You need to practice and condition your body so your talent shines. Every level of the sport has a weeding-out process. Just because you are talented in high school doesn’t mean you’ll shine at college football or even have the chance to play. What separates those who excel is the work and effort players put in to use their talents. Our kids need to know that as they discover their abilities they need hard work and practice to develop them. Talent may get their foot in the door, but their work ethic gets them a seat at the table.

2. Don’t give up

Most of the time, in football someone is trying very hard to knock you down, to make you fail. Many times they will succeed. But you have to get back up, go back to the huddle and try again. The lesson for our kids: you stand a better chance of winning by getting up and trying again.

3. Success comes through setting goals

Football is a game of inches. You are always scrambling for every inch of the field you can get. Trying to come up with one play that will get you the 100 yards you need for a touchdown is tough. So since you get a brand new set of four downs every 10 yards you need to break it down into 10-yard goals. Each play should get you closer to that first-down line. If you keep making that goal you’ll be in position to score before you know it. When our kids are faced with big tasks or problems we need to teach them how to break them down into manageable goals so they can be successful.

4. You win through teamwork

Football is a team sport. Every player needs to do their job and do it well for the team to succeed. The quarterback needs to be able to count on his backs and receivers to move the ball down the field when he gives it to them. The quarterback, running backs and receivers count on the offensive line to make time for a play to develop and make gaps in the other team’s defensive line. Every player on the field has a job that the other players rely on him to do well so that their work is successful. It is a great way to illustrate to kids how teamwork actually works and how everyone’s role affects everyone else.

5. Sometimes you lose

You are going to lose sometimes, it is an unavoidable fact. An undefeated season is a rare feat. The most successful teams usually have at least a few losses. They don’t let those losses set the tone for the rest of the season. They accept them, learn from them and prepare for the next game, intent on winning. Learning to accept defeat and failure and move on with a positive attitude is one of the most valuable lessons kids can learn.

6. Great things happen when you put in great effort

It could be that the effort was put in at practice or at the gym. It could be extra effort they used during a play. Whatever the case, it is the extra effort that they put in that the other players didn’t that allows them to make or receive incredible passes, break off for big runs, stop other players from getting the ball or getting to the ball. Big plays are always the result of someone putting extra effort to do their job well. This translates so very well off the field. Effort is the key to big successes in life. The sooner our kids learn to put effort into what they want to be successful at, the sooner they will realize those successes.

7. Nothing lasts forever …

As soon as a team finishes one play, be it successful or disastrous, it needs to start preparing for the next one. When a game ends, win or lose, the team needs to prepare for the next one. The moment the season ends the team starts preparing for the next one. Not everyone will be back. That play, that game, that season may have been a player’s last one. Planning for the future and remembering the past are important skills to have. You also have to be able to do your best in the moment you are in. In football and in life, it is the moment you are in that matters. Enjoy it, do your best in it—live it fully. Your success is determined in that moment, which will soon be gone.

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This football lessons post, which first appeared on our Chicago Dads Group blog in 2018, is part of the #NoDadAlone campaign. Fathering Together/City Dads Group, the National At-Home Dad Network, and Fathers Eve are joining forces to amplify messages that help dads recognize we are not alone! Follow #NoDadAlone on Instagram, and learn more at NoDadAlone.com.

I’ve seen this before – a half-assed tryout, making the track team and, suddenly, floating the idea wanting to quit before the second practice. Yes, my seventh grader, Lynden, hopes that his subtle hints about leaving the school track team will garner my support to do so. He must not know I value the act of participating more than he does.

“Dad, track is boring,” he mentioned in passing the morning after tryouts.

I said nothing and picked him up from practice later that day.

That evening, on the van ride home, Lynden escalated the quitting chatter, “With everything else going on, track is gonna get in the way of soccer.”

Again, I remained quiet and stoic – taking note of his hope for my agreement wane.

By day three, Lynden resorted to feigning illness to avoid track practice, “Dad, I have a headache. There is no way I to go to track and soccer tonight.”

I’d had enough.

“Lynden, you’re not quitting the team. Nope.”

He shot back, “Why does it matter? You’re not out any money – it’s just the school track team! I’m not even good.”

Sparing him another “it’s not the act, but the principle at work” talk, I kept it simple, saying, “Yes, you’re busy. Yes, you’ll be tired from running at track practice before soccer. But you tried out and took a spot that someone else could have earned. That means you’re sticking it out. Tough. You’re on the team for the season so you better learn to like it.”

Request denied.

The truth is, Lynden quitting the team didn’t have me as annoyed as his nonchalant attitude about being on the squad in the first place.

As I thought about Lynden’s logic, I came around to the idea that he wasn’t technically wrong. The school track team was a free, throw-in for his normal, more expensive, more serious, more inconvenient-to-the-family team activities. This rationale, though, clearly does not value participation as a valuable use of his time. He isn’t alone in the line of thinking, I see the numbers of kids on the field at school reducing universally.

As the act of trying new activities at school has given way to paying-to-play, the quality of middle school sports have suffered. My family has a front row seat to witnessing the plight of the school team fueled by an invasion of uber-serious, uber-expense “travel” teams that do little to fortify friendships and do far too much to allow parents to live vicariously through their exhausted young athletes.

I began unpacking Lynden’s mentality as follows:

• School sports are free and, therefore, not as valuable as the other (ie: higher priced) options.
• School sports are less valuable, so my commitment to the team doesn’t matter.
• Commitment does not matter so quitting the team carries no repercussions.

Parents cannot allow this – I won’t. We must band together to stomp out these flames before they ignite the lacquer of the middle school gym’s floor. Worthwhile commitments must not be dependent on the financial cost of admission or perceived ability level. Having fun is worthwhile!

Maybe some of Lynden’s “quitting doesn’t matter” way of thinking can be traced back to the way parents have devalued the act of participating. The rush to disavow the “participation trophy mentality” may have inadvertently discouraged kids to try anything new. Our kids would rather sit out than entertain the idea of making an ass of themselves in front of classmates, friends and family by giving a new activity a shot.

But, not Lynden, not this time. By making him stick out the track season, I hope to change his view of what is important (and not) – and, potentially, test my own biases about the importance of participating.

Picking Lynden up after his fourth track practice, I explained to him my point of view — that his bellyaching to quit the track team was about something bigger to me. Sure, the most obvious lesson was about perseverance and integrity. Less obvious, though, are lessons about value – looking for intrinsic worth through friendships and owning the courage to step outside of a comfortable zone. These lessons are about placing more value on systems that care little about the quality of play relative to the qualities developed by simply taking part. These lessons require participation.

Kids cannot quit on school activities. Let’s tell our kids that trying is OK. In fact, participation is what it’s all about – absent the trophy, of course.

Photo: ©Anneke / Adobe Stock.

I took my son to a day of intensive basketball training a while back. Before workouts they play a game called “break the chain” to warm up, encourage teamwork and wake the kids up.

I watched as a simple game became difficult because the kids were not working together. The coach eventually stopped everyone and explained to them that they could not win without acting as a team. It took them a while, but they finally got it.

As I watched them, I realized that teamwork is a hard concept to grasp at any age. We are taught to take care of and worry about ourselves first. But this same thinking can ruin your progression or even your relationships.

Learning to work as a team takes some time but once it’s mastered, things work much better. Here are some of the things I try to emphasize with my kids and, sometimes, even with other adults.

Empathy for teammates, others

To be a great team member, you have to be able to think and care about what others feel.

Kids sometimes don’t understand empathy because many of us adults don’t understand it, either. We assume our kids will just figure out that part of the game by themselves, but that’s not the case.

It starts with us parents first. Letting our kids know that people are different and that that OK is something we can do on the daily. Reminding your kids to be great people starts with them being great toward others. So show them how it’s done.

Communication is key to teamwork

Everybody thinks are the best communicators in the world. Sorry to burst your bubble most of us really, REALLY suck at it!

Kids, like some adults, think they know it all and assume the most. This can be detrimental to any team. My dad always used to tell me, “Don’t make yourself an ass by assuming you know what others are thinking. “

I’ll never forget that. I always tell my kids that the more details they give me the better the results will be. The only way for anyone to know what you are really thinking is to actually tell them, so why hold back? Assumptions don’t help anyone, real talk does.

A great way to work on communication is to ask your kids questions about every thing and anything that pops up. Even if you understand what they are trying to say, ask for more. Don’t work on understanding them, work on them giving you all the information you need.

You won’t shine alone forever

Kids are quick to blame each other and quick to worry about their own personal accomplishments before they worry about others. Especially when they want to show off for mom or dad.

This is bad in sports and in life. We all hate people who hog the spotlight or take too much credit. Just think of your boss at work LOL, I hate him/her too!

I always tell my son that he can score 100 points in a game but if his team loses no one will care. He doesn’t always remember but that’s cool: he’s a kid.

Take the time to remind your child that his/her team is stronger when everyone is working for each other, not for individual accolades. Remind them that winning as a team is way more important than an individual winning on a team that loses.

Everyone smiles when they win, no one wants the credit for losing especially if it’s their fault!

Chill. Your child isn’t a pro yet

As parents, we think our kids can do no wrong. They are the best at everything we see them doing. Or so we think!

I get it, you created the perfect child but that child can mess up just like everyone else. It only takes one bad link to break the power of a chain.

If your child always thinks he or she is the best and doesn’t need anyone else, they will always be a liability for any team.

It’s our job as parents to keep it 100 with not just yourself but also your children. Even if you think they are great they will always need the rest of the team in order to win or to even improve. They can’t do it alone no matter how good you or they feel they are.

Teamwork is about knowing everyone’s strength and then applying those strengths where others might be weak. A great team player knows this and finds ways to make everyone better. Kids need to that reminder. Just like adults, kid notice when one person acts like they are the best, and sooner or later they will stop interacting with them. This can and probably will kill a team’s moral. Don’t let your child be that kid.

A little teamwork goes a long way

You don’t have to take a full day to just teach your kids about teamwork. Besides incorporating it in everyday life, I like finding activities around building things together like Lego or Home Depot’s Kids Workshops! Here the kids are forced to have to work together or with their parents which makes the lessons easier to apply.

Remember kids learn by examples, so it starts with you. Represent!

A version of this first appeared on Cool4Dads. Photo: ©WavebreakMediaMicro / Adobe Stock.

Chances are you took many losses while becoming the man you are today, but watching your kids catch an L isn’t always the easiest.

My oldest son recently took not one but two back-to-back Ls in basketball like his name was Meek Mill! These were two huge championship games in competitive basketball leagues and I won’t lie, losing both hurt even if we got second place in both leagues.

Even though I was the coach and was super upset I couldn’t show that to the kids. See, we dads get all caught up in our feelings forgetting that our kids are lost in their feelings. They need someone strong by them and they need to be able to vent or cry as needed!

So your kid took losing hard, what are you going to do about it now?

Are you going to cry with them, blame someone else, fight the ref or are you going to step your game up and help them overcome that L?

When my kids catch a loss I am reminded of these 3 things below!

Chill, Pops. Set the Example

The main thing we dads must always remember is that we are our kid’s most important example. Dads will do anything for their kids but we sometimes take it overboard, especially after a major loss. We are ready to defend our kids’ actions, ready to kill for them but often forget that they are already there, taking it all in.

If you start complaining about playing time or that the game was rigged against your child, guess what? Your child will do the same. Take it from me there is nothing worse than a complaining parent, especially a dad.

After losing at something, take a second to think about your actions and who they ultimately will hurt. We all want our kids to be great, but greatness doesn’t happen overnight and it’s never possible if all they do is complain about a loss.

Take the time to explain that sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Taking a loss doesn’t mean that they are losers; it means someone else was better that day. Tell them that they are dope and are winners in your book at all times simply by trying.

Hold that L and Learn from It

They say losing is the ultimate truth serum and they are not lying.

We tell our kids how great they are all the time, but there will come a time when they will lose. They will be upset. They might even cry, but a loss isn’t the end of the world. A loss gives us an opportunity to learn about the things we can do to become better.

For example, when my son lost both his championship games we had a REAL conversation about what went wrong and what he could have done to get better.

There was no need to place the blame on his team, especially since the game was over. We focused on his game. We spoke about him not being as aggressive as he could. We also spoke about his lack of leadership and sense of urgency during the game. The team lost, but he contributed to that loss by not playing to his fullest potential.

He didn’t do his best that day and, after a while, he realized it. Did he still complain about everyone else? You better believe it; the blame game was in full effect!

No matter how bad the losses, kids need to learn they still have to show up for the next game. They will have to perform even better if they don’t want to catch another L so take the time to talk about what went wrong. You don’t have to belittle them. Tell them how dope they are and where they can improve to be even better.

There’s always a lesson to be learned after a loss. Not sure where to begin? Focus on effort, having the right attitude and having them give it their all for starters.

You Appreciate Winning After Losing

Kids and adults have a hard time dealing with disappointment, won’t lie about that. However, disappointment can be a huge motivator.

My son’s soccer team was the best in his league for six years straight. Then it all changed. We lost almost all our players and started catching Ls left and right. The kids and parents that remained were stunned all season.

None of us were ready for these losses, especially our kids and they let us know. We watched them cry off the field after a loss and even saw their love of soccer start to diminish. You could tell by their attitude every game. It seemed like they didn’t want to be there. They felt worthless losing.

Most parents would dismiss this and simply tell their kids, “Oh, it’s just a game. Get over it!”

They are right but to kids, it’s not just a game!

Kids hate losing and they get lost in their emotions. They want to be accepted, they want to feel proud and they want to show off for us dads. A loss kills that but it’s so necessary.

My son and his team had to learn how to appreciate a win now because they honestly didn’t know when they would win again. Now every goal was gold, every assist drew smiles on their faces, and every win actually meant something.

Remind your kids that it is OK to get upset over losing, but they must leave that loss in the past and focus on what will get them that future win. It feels good to win, but it feels even better when you win after a loss. It can’t happen if you stop playing.