A teachable moment for children doesn’t always come along on the drive to school. However, emergencies present themselves when you least expect them. It’s how I taught my kids about getting help by calling 911.

It was a good morning. We had plenty of time to get to school. We were about six blocks away and then … I drove by a man, sitting in the street, a hysterical woman by his side.

I looked at the time and pulled over. I turned on my hazards and walked over to the man. He had just been hit by a car, and the woman was the driver. I assessed the situation, asked him several important questions before I called 911.

The man was in good spirits even though I think his arm was broken. The driver, on the other hand, was having a full-on panic attack. She had gone back into her car, and I tried to comfort her while having her teenage daughter, who had been in her car with her, stand guard to make sure the man didn’t fall or get hit by another car.

Soon a fire engine arrived and I told the crew that it should send someone to look at the driver since she was in pretty bad shape. I wished the man good luck and headed off to school.

I told my kids what I did, and that the man was OK and safe now. The underlying lesson was this: If someone needs your help and you can provide that help, you should.

And then I explained to them what 911 is and how it works.

And we still got to school before the doors closed.

When should your child call 911?

Teach your child to call 911 when police, fire and/or medical personnel are needed quickly because of an emergency or immediate danger or threat. Remember that it is always “9-1-1” not “9-11” so younger children unfamiliar with making calls don’t look for an 11 button.

Your child should call 911 in case of emergencies, such as:

• a fire that’s out of control
• a crime, such as a break-in, mugging or shooting
• a serious car accident
• someone is seriously hurt, bleeding or unconscious
• someone choking or having trouble breathing

Reassure your children that the 911 operator and emergency personnel he or she sends are the “good guys.” They are trained to ask important questions and gather information as well as calm, reassure and instruct the caller. Children should try to be cool, clear and concise as possible when talking to them.

Questions 911 will often ask in emergencies

• What is your emergency?
• Where are you calling from (town, county, address, cross streets)?
• Is the victim male or female?
• What is the victim’s age?
• Is the victim breathing?
• Is there any bleeding?
• Is the person responsive (awake/alert) or unconscious?
• What is your phone number? (Needed so 911 can call back if you get disconnected.)

Photo by Ash H via Pexels.

I bought my 18-month-old a knife.

That statement sounds outrageous, but it is 100% true.

Legacy and leaving something to be remembered by has been really on my mind since I became a dad nearly four years ago. Those thoughts ramped up in particular this past year as my father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer and I visited my dad’s grave (only the second time in the past 25 years). I didn’t know what to do with these thoughts; I started writing letters to my kids for them to open at a future date. But I was searching for more.

The answer came from a not-so-unusual place. I was at a regular Boy Scouts meeting on a Friday night. A ritual I have kept up since I was only 10½ and has followed me into adulthood. That night our troop’s committee chairman Tom Dowd was running a program about knife safety.

Mr. Dowd, who I will always refer to that way out of respect, brought his collection of knives. Small ones, big ones, plain ones, and very ornate ones as well. The one that stood out to me was a small folding blade knife with a faux wood exterior that he said once belonged to his father. And it clicked. I needed to get a knife that I could pass along to my son when the time was right. I had recently lost a nice, simple locking blade Gerber knife, so it was an opportune time to purchase a new one.

Getting that unintentional advice from Mr. Dowd was exactly what I needed to hear from the male role model of my boyhood. Through the years Mr. Dowd has treated me and a few others who have gone under his wing as surrogate sons, both in the troop and in real life. Over the years our families had gone on vacations together, family weddings, and had many good times. But even in tough times he was there, after I lost my job last summer, I would run into him on the street and we would talk about strategies and ideas. Just brainstorming. He told me about times when he was out of work and that he eventually bounced back. And no matter how my career goes on from here, I know I can bounce ideas off him and that he has my back.

Years ago, when he got a job out of the city and could no longer fulfill his responsibilities with the troop as Scoutmaster, he picked me as his successor. There were older more experienced candidates, but he knew I could take the reigns and be successful.

It goes to show you that “dads” aren’t always related to you. And it’s a title that you have to earn from your kids; whether they are your own, or if they are ones that you find along the way.

So, I found a small knife, similar to the one I had lost. Sharp and true.  This would be the one that gets passed down to my son. I am sure that if he follows my footsteps into scouting he will have his own knives over the years. But even if he doesn’t, one day he will show off a nice modest knife and say, “This was my dad’s knife.”

This article was originally published 2012. Photo by Lum3n via Pexels.

Editor’s Note: We’re digging into our archives for great articles you might have missed over the years. This one about a dad explaining the tragedy of the Boston Marathon bombing to his children comes from 2013.

I was leaving Target, the kids fast asleep in their car seats when I got a cell phone alert about the explosions. I quickly tuned into the local news radio station, figuring it would have the most up-to-date information.

As the day’s events unfolded, traditional media and social media had a hard time keeping up with the news. Confirmed reports. Unconfirmed reports. It was very hard to decipher what was true. I looked back at my two young children, soundlessly napping, and was glad that I wouldn’t have to explain this horror to them. Their preschool teacher certainly wouldn’t be bringing the subject up.

Unfortunately, it’s very likely that this will not be the last act of violence our country and children will see. So one day, my little ones will ask me what’s happening … and I don’t know exactly the best way of explaining tragedy to children. I believe I would try to provide as many hard facts gleaned from reputable sources without confusing or scaring them with hyperbole.

During this day, I spoke with other parents. Opinions on how to handle speaking with kids varied by the age of their child.

Many recommended talking about the brave men and women who ran toward the explosion to save other people.

“I think it’s best to shelter them from it,” said Mike, a father of a 5-year-old son in Northern Virginia. “It will just make them scared to go into public places.”

My wife worried our kids might overhear teachers or older kids at school talking about the attack. She said she would try to reassure them that we are safe and gently explain that “people were hurt but the police, firemen, and hospital people helped them” This would teach them to always remember that the “good guys” such as policemen, firemen, and EMT are there to protect them. They are the real superheroes!

Parents of older children felt they needed to be more direct.

“I simplify the facts to her level of comprehension and allow her to ask as many questions as she likes,” said Christine, a mother of an 8-year-old daughter and an infant son.

“We tell our daughter the truth,” said Suzanne, the mother of a 10-year-old who lives just outside of Philadelphia. She said it’s sad that it is becoming more commonplace to talk to her daughter about violence. However, she uses these teachable moments as a time to talk about being compassionate and empathetic toward others.

These kinds of tragic events stick with children for a long time. Especially, children with big imaginations. One of the most vivid memories of my childhood was watching the Challenger explode. They had wheeled TVs into the classrooms so we could watch the launch. Then, “IT” happened. I don’t remember exactly how it was explained to us, but I do remember being told not to be scared, to wait for the facts, and to pray for the families of the people who died.

While there are some really bad people in this world, I think if we focus on reassuring our kids that there are also many really good people then they will be all right.

Explaining tragedy to child photo: ©  Satjawat / Adobe Stock.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This post first appeared on the NYC Dads Group blog in 2012. It has been updated for 2023.

Several months ago, after countless hours of Dora the Explorer on Netflix, I turned on one of my favorite cartoons from my youth, Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends. To my delight and surprise, it is now my daughter’s favorite show.

Recently, we went to a superhero-themed birthday party and she went as Firestar, her favorite from the show. Other kids were Spider-Man and Superman, but she was the only one dressed as an obscure character from a 30-year-old TV show. I think it’s pretty awesome that she is so into something I loved as a kid. Heck, she brought her Iceman figure to a Korean barbeque restaurant the other day.

And on the first Saturday of May, we will venture to a local comic book store to celebrate Free Comic Book Day.

Comic books can build a love of reading

As much as comic books are often derided, they can be a great tool for getting children reading. Younger kids will like the pictures and want you to read the stories, which encourages them to want to learn to read on their own. For kids who can read, especially reluctant readers, comic books are an accessible way to get into reading. I know many educators who use comics in the classroom as a way to get kids reading. And as a dad, I think it is a source of new stories to read. After all, how many times can you tell the story of Little Red Riding Hood?

Another thing that is great about comics is they appeal to a wide audience. Boys and girls, kids and adults can find something they love about comics. With character licensing being the way it is, children know who all the major superheroes are as the person from their friend’s backpack or T-shirt. So why not expose them to the source material and open a new world for them?

So what is Free Comic Book Day?

Free Comic Book Day is usually the first Saturday of May. Participating comic book specialty shops across North America and around the world give away certain comic books absolutely free to anyone who comes into their shops. Since the inception of the program in 2002, tens of millions of free comic books have been given away. 

What is cool about Free Comic Book Day? It can help turn you on to something you have never read before and find a new favorite. You’ll be sure to find some with well-known superheroes, like the Avengers, but you’ll also discover many others. You’ll also be able to pick up more grown-up comics, including graphic novels. For example, I found a Valiant Comics sampler featuring X-O Manowar and a Buffy the Vampire meets The Guild crossover.

The first year I went with my child, the selection of free comics included very kid-friendly fare: Yo Gabba Gabba, Donald Duck, and The Smurfs. So there really is something for everyone!

The last time I went to Free Comic Book Day I ended up with a stack of freebies and I end up buying another stack for myself, which is good because it helped support an independent comic book store.

Find a participating store near you

Need help finding a comic book store near you? Check the store locator on The Free Comic Book Day website.

Photo: © bizoo_n /Adobe Stock.

One of my friends put something up on Facebook a while ago about his 11-year-old son informing him that he wanted to call him “Dad” from now on.

I was sitting in the parking lot in my car, reading this after a long overnight shift, and I was in tears.

This son was telling his father that he wasn’t little anymore. No more “Papa” or ”Daddy.” Just “Dad.”

What is next: using first names?

I know that soon I’ll just be Dad. I guess that is the way it has to be.

In our society, the father-daughter relationship is talked about so much. Daddy’s Little Girl. Daddy-Daughter Dances, etc. And while that bond is super important, we rarely talk about father-son relationships outside of having a catch with your son when he is little and then fast-forwarding to having a beer with him when his becomes legal.

We had gone to the wonderful Maritime Aquarium in Norwalk, Conn., with one of my wife’s best friends and her son. The aquarium is small but nice: they have seals, sharks and even sea jellies you can pet.

Honestly, if you get a chance to pet sea jellies in a controlled environment, I totally recommend it. The staff at the aquarium was very knowledgeable, explaining why they kept the jellies in a frigidly cold tank and about their life cycles. Though no one had an answer to the sea jelly versus jellyfish debate. Seriously, does that look like a fish?

After a nice lunch at a local Greek restaurant, we walked back to where we had parked our cars just down the block from the aquarium. It turned out to be next to a playground that seemed very modern with nice new equipment.

The sign at the entrance to the park explained that it was a “Sandy Ground” project. This one was sponsored by Goldfish crackers, hence the goldfish icons all over the place (turns out Pepperidge Farms, makers of Goldfish crackers, is headquartered in town). But what exactly is a “Sandy Ground”?

This Sandy Ground is one of 26 playgrounds built in areas devastated by the October 2012 Hurricane Sandy in honor of the 26 lives lost in Sandy Hook elementary school shooting a few month’s later just about 19 miles from this particular playground.

This playground was built in honor of Allison Wyatt, a 6-year-old killed by a gunman with an assault weapon in her own first grade classroom. The playground that day was filled with kids running, swinging and laughing. The kind of joy that was snuffed out almost six years ago.

At the time, people were sure the cold-blooded massacre of those 6- and 7-year olds and their teachers, would be the tipping point in the gun debate in this country. Sad to say, it has just gotten worse. So much worse.

It is nice that there is this playground that overlooks the water and has paths to hiking trails. It’s nice that there is a place for your kids to wear themselves out a little more after the aquarium. You watch your kids run and jump, but at the same you can’t help thinking about little Allison and her classmates and the cold hard fact that they cannot enjoy these playground built in their memory.

Visit the website for Where Angels Play, the organization that spearheaded the building of the Sandy Ground playgrounds, to learn more about the project. Click the “Our Playgrounds” link on that site to find the locations near you.

A version of this first appeared on Great Moments in Bad Parenting.

DISCLOSURE: This post is sponsored by Clorox®.

The great outdoors. Crystal clear lakes, night skies filled with shimmering stars, the crackling of a roaring fire and a slight mildew smell coming from your tent.

Wait, something seems out of place.

If you are like me, you are gearing up for a summer of outdoor adventures like camping. However, your actual camping gear may not be so ready having spent the off-season growing funky in your basement or closet. And nothing, other than pouring rain, can take the fun out of camping like gross gear.

Like most years, my family will be heading to a campground in the foothills of the Adirondack Mountains of upstate New York. Sure, there’s a pool at the campgrounds and bouncy house, and – yes – that is a local brewery nearby that will help you match a beer to whatever you are planning on cooking, but I swear: IT’S STILL CAMPING! We still will be setting up our own tent, sleeping in sleeping bags, and roasting marshmallows over an open fire that most would describe as way too big. All that fosters a love of the outdoors in my kids like the one I have. It’s totally worth it.

A few days ago, I took out my camping gear from the basement to give it a quick check and I found out that last year I was not following the 11th point of the Scout Law – A Scout Is Clean. Yikes. My old Scoutmaster is slowly shaking his head in disapproval somewhere.

Not only was my tent, which I never aired out before packing it up last summer, rather funky smelling, but my portable stove was even more of a disaster. It was stained with a combination of burnt coffee residue and grounds from my first attempts at making so-called “Cowboy Coffee.” (Pro-tip: Don’t dump your coffee grounds quickly into the boiling water. It will fizz over like a science fair volcano.) I know how finicky my 7- and 10-year-olds can be when it comes to eating, so cleaning up this piece of camping gear would be Job One.

I used Clorox^® Clean-Up^® Cleaner + Bleach kind of in the same way that you would clean up your bathroom or countertop, like in this video:

The tent, on the other hand, needed more delicate care. It had seen many nights under the stars, having been places as diverse as the camp where the original “Friday the Thirteenth” movie was filmed and dead center field of a minor league baseball park, so it could have been on its last trip if I wasn’t careful. I found bunches of brown spots, indicating mold. Luckily, it wasn’t as bad as I feared. If it was black mold or if it had half-eaten through the tent’s nylon-like material, it would have been time to get a new one. But this was mild and it could be salvaged, thanks to Clorox power.

Following a solution one of my old Scoutmasters swore by, the process was simple and similar to a manual version of cleaning a shower curtain, like in this video:

With all of our camping gear ready now, we can go make some more awesome family memories this summer. I am also going to teach the kids how to safely start and care for a campfire. Fingers crossed.

While dropping off some paperwork last week at the offices of the Greater New York Council of the Boy Scouts of America, my cell phone alerted me to a breaking news story: The Boy Scouts soon would allow girls to join and create a path for them to earn the coveted rank of Eagle.

For a moment I was stunned. Then I texted my friend Gary.

“A great day for our organization,” I typed.

“Wow it is. Thank you,” he replied.

I reached out to Gary before any of my other friends because his 16-year-old daughter, Sydney, has become a face of her gender’s struggle to join the Boy Scouts.

Sydney has been an unofficial member of a lower Manhattan Cub Scout Pack and then Boy Scout Troop since she was 4 years old, participating alongside her brother, Bryan, who eventually become an Eagle Scout. A few years ago, she and her dad started a campaign to allow girls like her to join the Boy Scouts. Sydney wanted to become an Eagle Scout, like her brother, and enjoy the benefits and recognition that come with achieving this honor that only about 5 percent of all scouts earn.

Addressing inequity

The Boy Scouts of America (BSA) is one of only 13 member countries out of the 169 in the World Organization of Scouts Movement not fully co-ed. Most of the other countries that are not co-ed are Muslim-majority countries where women’s rights and freedoms are limited. But starting in 2018, girls will be able to join American Cub Scout packs, which are for kindergarten through fifth grade students. Programs for older girls, including a path to Eagle Scout, are expected to be introduced in 2019.

Like most of the “controversial” issues the BSA has addressed in recent years such as admission of gay and transgender youth, and allowing gay adults to be troop leaders, the ultimate decision to implement any membership changes will be up to the local chartered organizations. As explained in town hall meetings across the nation in the last few months, Cub Scout groups can next year form a girl-only pack, a boy-only pack or a co-ed pack which would broken down into separate boy and girl “dens,” smaller groups that divide the membership by school grade for age-appropriate activities.

According to the BSA, having a program for children of both genders is more convenient and appealing for extremely busy modern families. It will also allow the BSA to expand its base and possibly bolster membership numbers that, at about 2.5 million registered youth under the age of 18, is less half of what it was during its early 1970s peak of 6.5 million.

Not all want a co-ed Boy Scouts

Not everyone is onboard with this decision. Some argue the Boy Scouts is among one of the last organizations boys have for themselves. Allowing in girls would remove a safe space for “boys to be boys,” these people say. However, the way the plan has been explained to scouting parents like me, a single-sex environment would still be a major component of the new co-ed scouts. Boys will still have their space, but soon — so will girls.

Many also point to the Girl Scouts as the organization that girls should joining. The BSA and the Girls Scouts of the United States of America (GSUSA), however, are not related programs even though they share similar values of serving young people and preparing them to be good adults.

While the GSUSA program is rich and fulfilling, it’s not for everyone. Not every girl wants what they offer. Many are looking for the greater emphasis on the outdoors that the BSA focuses more on. Some Girl Scouts do camp and participate in high-adventure activities, but not all do. The GSUSA’s highest youth award is called the Gold Award, and while not as well-known as the Boy Scouts’ Eagle rank, it is just as prestigious and difficult to earn. But many girls want the honor and prestige of earning the Eagle rank.

Since the announcement, the Girl Scouts have made several public statements. Initial ones were very pro-Girl Scout, noting its all-girl membership “creates a free space for girls to learn and thrive.” Then the tone of their statements became more aggressive, attacking the BSA over issues it has had in recent years.

Genders working together from a young age

The Boy Scout program is rich and customizable for any child. They are able to learn life skills and make friendships that last a lifetime in non-competitive environment. There is nothing in scouting any boy has ever done that a girl could not do, and thrive at.

As a scout leader I look forward to the challenges of integrating female participants into our program. Will we have to discourage our boys from making certain kinds of jokes or acting a certain way in front of the girls? Yes, but if we take that kind of inappropriate behavior out of the kids when they are little, won’t that improve their chances of growing into the kind of men we need more of in this country? And in this polarized political climate what better way to build respect among people than to have young boys and girls working together towards the same goal.

A scout has until their 18th birthday to earn 22 merit badges, serve their unit in a leadership role and carry out a major service project, it they want to earn the rank of Eagle. Unfortunately, Sydney may run out of time. But she should take solace in the fact that she is a trailblazer in a girl’s right to achieve both the rank of Eagle and equality.

NOTE: Niel Vuolo is a former Boy Scout and a current Boy Scout leader in Queens, N.Y. His son is a Cub Scout and perhaps next year his daughter will be one, too.

I called my son into the living room and confirmed that this is what he really wanted. He said it was.

So I hit “send” on a note to his baseball coach to let him know that the season was over for my son. The team still had two games and the playoffs left to go. But No. 42 would not be joining them anymore.

My son’s team, the Plumbers, were in a tight game a few weeks ago on a surprisingly chilly May evening. The boys — 6-, 7- and 8-year-olds, have one of the smaller teams in league: no behemoth second graders, just a group of scrappy little guys. My son stood at the plate. Back elbow up. Knees slightly bent. The other team’s pitchers were wild, already five of our guys had been hit. The bases were loaded. And the pitch came in. It was way inside, and smashed into my son’s hand.

Like his teammates before him, he collapsed into a crying mess. His coach came running over from third base and tried to encourage him as he walked over to first base. He wouldn’t stay out there so they brought in a pinch runner, and I came over to the dugout. He was inconsolable.

I was sure he’d be good to go by the next game. I got him some extra pads for his hands. A security blanket. We went to the batting cage and all seemed great. He was driving the ball with authority. At practice, he was great.

Then it was game day.

He walked into the dugout and was in tears. He refused to play. Eventually he played half an inning of left field.

That would be the last time he made it onto the field. The next game, he couldn’t even make it into the dugout. He spent the entire game off the field, playing with the little sister of one of his teammates.

I reached out to everyone I knew who might give me some advice. Dads with kids as young as 6 and some with kids almost out of high school. They all said, he’ll be ready when he is ready. I didn’t push it.

So after a rainout and a few scheduling conflicts, I thought he was ready to play again. When I told him to get ready, his face sunk.

I knew he was scared. I asked him if playing was making him unhappy. He said it was. Forcing him to try would just make him sadder. He is 6  (and three-quarters), and he deserves to be happy. Me forcing him to play isn’t doing that.

I love watching him play. He has a wonderful and powerful swing, the kind usually reserved for lefties. He is so willing to throw himself around to get a ball. We even got him catcher’s gear so he could try that position. And through coaching and practice, he can actually catch the ball well.

I never got a chance to play Little League, so it was important to me to see him play. It just became “not right” for him.

When I sent that email, my son was relieved. We are still going to have catches in the backyard and the park. I’ll still throw him batting practice. But he won’t be on the team, at least not this year. And if that makes him happy, then I’m happy, too.

A version of this appeared on Great Moments in Bad Parenting.