It finally happened. The most magical moment of any stay-at-home dad’s career: ALL the kids are in school!

I thought I’d be more emotional about this. I was sure I’d be filled with crippling fears and worry. Would the house feel too empty? Would I roam silent rooms, clutching my pearls (or the male equivalent), while weeping over the loss of my precious babies and yelling, “They’ve all grown up and left me!”?

OK, I did cry. Not gonna lie.

But right now I’m writing while listening to loud, offensive, very inappropriate music, and it’s magnificent!

Sometimes the measure of success as a parent is dubious at best. Most victories come in small bites. A “Yes, please,” from your kid to a stranger. A gentle hug from your oldest to the youngest, followed by some encouraging words. These are powerful at the moment, but they feel small. Isolated.

It’s not that I want the world to know just how awesome I am as a dad, but, damn it, I do want the world to know, at the very least, I don’t suck at this! So when my youngest daughter leaped out of the minivan, chatty and excited to begin her first day of school, teachers nodded approvingly, and other parents with shrieking children frowned with a smidge of jealousy, I felt I had earned my reward. They could see. They could ALL see I didn’t suck!

Most of my time as a father has been spent pondering how I would cope with these types of moments. How will I react to the pivotal developmental milestones? I fail plenty, but in preparing my children to step out of the home and be independent, I feel I’m doing OK. Encouraging independence is not my best quality. I’m a hovering helicopter parent who has had to work extremely hard to let the baby birds fly, climb, swim and leave the nest. This does not come naturally, but I know it’s important.

Teach self-sufficiency, reclaim independence

My parents weren’t the best at this either. They gave me great freedom. In fact, when I ponder some of the things I did as a kid, I’m filled with anxiety. How the hell did my mom let me disappear all day without a cell phone? Feels impossible. Although I had great fun (and found lots of trouble), my parents did everything else for me. They never pushed me to overcome my anxiety and figure the world out for myself.

My mom had her reasons for behaving this way. Her childhood was much different than mine so she focused on making sure I had a proper childhood. She and my dad succeeded greatly in this, but along the way, I wasn’t really pushed to be independent. It took me a long time and a lot of hard lessons to find my way. I’ve endeavored to amend this approach with my kids – although I should probably sprinkle in some of my mom’s free-wheeling style every now and then.

My fellow dads and parents, I want to tell you it’s OK.

It’s fine to revel in the blessed silence.

It’s OK to get some of your independence back.

It’s fine to reclaim some of your life that was lost when the kids came around.

No, you’ll never be the same, but that’s a good thing. Kids change us forever in all the best ways. They are the adorable fiery cauldron that refine us into the people we could have never become without them.

So as they assert themselves into their own entities capable of existing without you, even if just for a few hours a day, it’s OK to chase after some of the old life you left behind. Give yourself permission. You’ll feel better.

But you better do it soon. Those little monsters will need to be picked up in a few hours, and that school car pickup line is a bitch.

Reclaim your life photo: © Maria Sbytova / Adobe Stock.

My dad has always been the type to give unique gifts for Christmas. For as long as I can remember, a personalized gift from him would be under the tree for every family member. It was his thing, and he enjoyed everyone’s reaction to what was in their special gift bag.

Last year, he gave me a photo album. He filled it with photos of me when I was a boy and some newspaper clippings of my various academic and athletic achievements during my teenage years. While I had seen most of the pictures, I appreciated having them in one location to look at whenever I felt nostalgic.

One of the photos I’ve always treasured is me on my very first day of school. That picture of a young lad back in 1987 is the only recollection I have of that rainy day. But every time I see it, I’m reminded of how far I’ve come in life and lets me know that time waits for no one. It certainly hasn’t for me.

So nearly 36 years later, I recently came back to that photo again. I came back to it because my son, Emory, was getting ready to start his journey in “big school.” While technically he’s “only” starting Pre-K, he will be in a regular school setting with kids all the way up through eighth grade. And here I was looking at that picture, representing the past and present of life. Things were coming full circle.

This dad journey I’ve been on since 2018 has been filled with an ongoing series of “firsts.” New experiences for both parent and child. That’s one of the really cool things about fatherhood. You get to share these exciting moments with your kids. Many of these bring you back to when you experienced them at their age – like the first day of school.

I have to admit I was probably way more excited than my son was leading up to and on his first day. With that excitement also came nerves and uncertainty. Had we picked the right school? Are the teachers good? Will Emory make friends? I realized that the root of my anxiousness and worry was just the desire I had for him to be able to create memories, make friends, and enjoy the experience of school like I did. While that photo of my first day of school is the only memory I have from that day, I do have other vivid memories of kindergarten. I remember my teacher, my classmates and nap time. I can still visualize the playground at the school.

As a dad, my hope is that I’m doing enough to prepare my kids for what they will face when they head out into the real world. Sure, it can be frustrating at times and you question yourself often, but the reward is seeing your children thrive when they step out from underneath your shadow.

For me, that moment came when I dropped my son off on Day Two of school. I watched him, in all his 4-year-old glory, walk confidently up the steps into his school, not even stopping once to turn back around and look.

It was a picture worth a thousand words.

First day of school photo by Jerry Wang on Unsplash

With our pandemic world finally moving toward a post-pandemic one, Barnard Center for Toddler Development Director Dr. Tovah P. Klein says it’s the perfect time for parents of young children to make needed changes in their children’s lives, such as reducing screen time.

“Children will be fine on a new routines. Any time you switch routines is a great time to say, ‘New rule,'” she says on the latest episode of The Modern Dads Podcast, themed as “What Toddlers Need Now.” While this change may meet some initial resistance, she notes how adaptive children and parents can be, with the pandemic shift in how we learn and live being perfect examples.

Klein, who wrote the parenting classic How Toddlers Thrive, talks about what our children have gained during these difficult times, dispels the theory of “learning loss” during the pandemic, and offers help on how we can thoughtfully help our kids return to camp and school with minimal separation issues.

+ Listen to ‘What Toddlers Need Now’ podcast +

Klein, who is also an adjunct associate professor at Barnard, teaches a year-long course on toddler development there. Her work focuses on young children’s social and emotional development, parental influences on early development, and parents’ experiences raising young children, including the challenges of combining work and family.

Dr. Klein served as a developmental advisor for Sesame Street and HBO films for children. She is on the advisory boards for Room to Grow, Ubuntu Education Fund, Rwanda Educational Assistance Project, LearnNow.org and Children’s Museum of Manhattan. She appears regularly on Good Morning America and her advice has appeared in The New York Times, Redbook, Parents, Slate.com, Huffington Post and countless other social media and print publications.

In her 2014 book, How Toddlers Thrive, Klein distills decades of research and experience with parents and children ages 2 to5 into a book that gives you the tools to easily navigate everyday challenges and struggles, have fewer battles and enjoy your interactions with your child and the toddler years more by seeing the world through your young child’s eyes.

A former clinical fellow at Boston Children’s Hospital with a doctorate in psychology from Duke University, Klein previously appeared on The Modern Dads Podcast in 2014.

Back-to-school tips: we need them now more than ever, right?

COVID-19 concerns. Distance learning struggles. Hybrid-learning model hiccups. Screen time worries. Balancing working from home with a child schooling from home. It all adds up to more pressure on you and your family.

To help with some of these issues you may be encountering, City Dads Group has been working with longtime partner Dove Men+Care to create a series of “how to” videos to deal with various parenting issues. The videos are all part of the grooming products company’s 2020 “Dads Care” campaign.

Here’s some back-to-school tips you may find helpful — or at least entertaining — so your child and you can have a good time while learning during this new normal.

Reading is vital to learning. However, with electronic distractions and pandemic worries all around it can be difficult to get your children focused and into a reading routine especially at back-to-school time. Drew Bennett of our Boston Dads Group explains how he helped his kids become voracious lovers of the written word:

James Lopez of our NYC Dads Group demonstrates the fun way he has been helping his young son learn his numbers, thanks to a positive attitude and some colorful chalk:

Beating stress during back-to-school time is as important for your kids as it is for you. In this video, Devon Bandison of our NYC Dads Group helps you and your child learn how to meditate:

Healthy body, healthy mind, as they say. So while school work is important, don’t forget to let your child get away from the books from time to time to go outside for some fun and physical activity. Jason Greene of our NYC Dads Group offers some helpful tips:

Education shouldn’t be all facts and figures. For younger children especially, arts and crafts can provide fun while learning about colors, shapes, textures and much more. Graphic designer Brent Almond of our Baltimore Dads Group teach you how to get crafty with your children:

Back-to-school tips photo: © Evgeniy Kalinovskiy  / Adobe Stock.

Back-to-school time means stocking up on school supplies for your kids: notebooks, pencils, you know the gist by now.

When I was a teacher there were always school supplies I wanted to add to the list we sent my students’ parents, but I never could get up the courage to include.

Ear Plugs

During the first few days of school — aka, the honeymoon period — the kids are quiet and well behaved. Then reality hits. The weeks leading up to Christmas vacation and spring break are the worst and ear plugs for teachers are almost a requirement. They block out overall noise and eliminate hearing repeated questions like, “Can I use the bathroom?” and “Does this need to be done in complete sentences?”

Hand Sanitizer

Bottles, gallons, buckets — whatever quantity you can find. Face it, kids are disgusting (except yours — I’m sure they’re perfect). Classrooms are filled with nose pickers, scab pickers, scab eaters (yep), cough-in-handers, post-potty non-hand washers and free-range sneezers. After all that nastiness, they pass up their papers to the teacher and he or she gets to touch every one of them.

Band-Aids

Every day, someone needs a Band-Aid. I eventually  had to enact the “No blood, no Band-Aid,” rule in my classroom.

Tylenol

Helpful for those Friday afternoons when students are a little out of control. Or after you have told the same kid to stop talking for the 500th time in a row.

Snacks

Teachers have to eat, too.

Portable Toilet

Teaching is one of those crazy jobs where you can’t even decide for yourself when you get to pee. When that three-minute passing period between classes arrives, you battle it out with a dozen other teachers in need of a bathroom. Portable toilets. Porta Pottys. Porta-Johns. Call them what you want; I call them “problem solved.” A Porta Potty could also double as an effective timeout room for misbehaving kids.

Mini Fridge

A mini fridge in the classroom would eliminate mysteriously disappearing Diet Cokes, sandwiches and leftovers in the staff fridge.

So if you’re feeling extra generous this year as you fill up your shopping cart with folders, colored pencils and other school supplies, buy your kid’s teacher a box of snack crackers. Or an extra bottle of sanitizer. Or maybe that Porta-Potty they’ve secretly been dreaming of.

A version of this school supplies story first appeared on Indy’s Child. Back-to-school tips photo: © Evgeniy Kalinovskiy  / Adobe Stock.

This weekend marks the unofficial end of summer, and that means the season of returning back to school has begun. You’re probably knee-deep in it already, as New York City is kind of late to the game every year.

It’s finally time to say goodbye to leisurely mornings in which I don’t have to scream at my son to put his shoes on and then sprint to the bus stop. Of course, as my son enters the second grade, I have much bigger concerns than getting out of the house on time.

But first, let’s not pretend the kids going back to school doesn’t have its perks. For one thing, the kids are gone! They’re finally being attended to by someone else for the bulk of the day. Huzzah! Plus, they’re learning things! Although that’s a double-edged sword, as you’ll see:

Back To School Worries for You

• The Drop-off Line – The drop-off gauntlet has insanely complicated rules and insanely power-mad monitors. When combined, this  causes massive stress at best and road rage at worst, not to mention I hardly have time to do my makeup so I look like a hot mess in front of those asshole “together” moms who apparently have both Gwyneth Paltrow’s money and Gwyneth Paltrow’s vanity.
• Unvaccinated Kids – GET. YOUR. HEAD. OUT. OF. YOUR. ASS.
• Knowledge Is Power – The more information my son acquires, the more equipped he is to fight back against me and his mom, whether he suddenly knows when we’re lying, or he realizes I don’t actually know everything, or he learns how to make pipe bombs. Kids that know things are a huge hassle; the more he learns, the more formidable an opponent he becomes! Stupid kids are so much better!
• School Supplies – We’ve all seen the parents bemoaning the cost of school supplies, which, sure, it’s annoying. But I saw one mom talking about spending $300 per kid. Hahaha, yeah right. That sounds less like a BTS problem and more like a “I had to get my kids the best of everything” problem. My kid’s getting pre-chewed pencils and last year’s ratty R2-D2 backpack. I’m saving my money for all the beer I’ll be drinking while I try to help with homework.
• Bullies – Hopefully that ratty backpack won’t be an invitation to bullies, who inexplicably still exist (thanks, Trump!). I hope my son can dodge the bully bullet because I have no idea what I’m supposed to do about it.
• Common Core – I get Common Core. I understand the methodology behind it, and why it’s useful. But when I went to school, it wasn’t a thing, and I don’t know how it works, and therefore I am unable to help my kid with his homework. Which is good for me, and bad for him.
• Birthday Parties – The obligation parents have to invite every single kid in class to their kids’ birthdays is the worst. Not only do I not want to have to throw some elaborate birthday party for 50 people, I don’t want to be invited to every single birthday party that goes down from September to June. Stop being so polite! You’re ruining my life.
• Allergies – Terrifying.
• School Politics – Whether it’s arguments over bake sales or room supplies or birthday parties, controversy always springs up during the school year. Usually it’s because there are a few moms and dads with sticks up their asses. Ugh, parents are the worst. Here’s hoping I don’t need to shove anything else up there this year!

I haven’t even mentioned parent-teacher conferences or grades or field trips or sick days. And my kid is only a second grader! Something tells me my back to school list is going to get a lot longer in coming years.

A version of this first appeared on Dad and Buried. “Back to School” photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash

Back-to-school time brings about a plethora of emotions in children: excitement, anxiety, anticipation, fear, among countless others. Sometimes they bring those emotions home with them, or in the case of my son, Nolan, wear them on their sleeve. Those are just some of the stuff, tangible and intangible, your kid will bring home from school, along with:

Germs

Your school-aged kids are to blame for any family illness the majority of the time. They bring countless  germs home and, unlike their toys, your kids are kind enough to share them with you and the rest of the family, especially their little brother.

Lice

Hands down the absolute worst thing your kid will bring home in their entire school-aged life. These little bugs are the spawn of the devil and I don’t wish them upon my worst enemy. Maybe.

Leftover snacks and/or half-eaten sandwiches

Not because they don’t like it, it’s just they spend so much time talking/goofing around with their buds that never finish their food. The social interaction is great, don’t get me wrong. And don’t sweat it, if they’re hungry, they’ll eat. Then they’ll ask for a snack as soon as they get home, which you’ll get them, as you eat what’s left of the sandwich you made them. Someone know where the nearest Weight Watchers meeting is?

Artwork

I’m a sucker for our kids’ artwork and now with two in school, there’s always artwork. Nolan’s artwork is pretty regular since he always seems to have time to draw rainbows, or chocolate machines, or ninja warrior-related stuff. He’s also done some pretty cool frames and Mother’s/Father’s Day things as well. We display some of the artwork in the house and I’m planning (going on a year now) on creating a wall for the coolest stuff.

Fundraisers

For the love of God, can we please wait at least a month before sending home the first request for money?! I get that a percentage of the sales go directly to the school, but they’re so damn many of them!

Their friends’ things

One of Nolan’s classmates’ Pokemon cards were in his backpack for pretty much half of last the year and I can count on one hand the number of times he looked at them or even thought about them. But he had to have them and sporadically told us how much he “loved” Pokemon even though he had no f’n idea what the hell you do with them. Also, artwork and classwork mistakenly come home on a weekly basis. And sometimes half-eaten sandwiches that you didn’t make.

Animals

My friend, Leilan, aka Big Kahuna, said the class rabbit was the worst thing to bring home for him since he had a pet-free home at the time and weren’t pet people. And now … they’re dog owners. Another friend of mine mentioned that his kid was sent home with Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches … for the entire summer! F no on that one, for sure. Unless they like half-eaten sandwiches.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ryan Darcy is the organizer of the Hartford Dads Group. A version of this first appeared on Stay-at-Home Dad Field Advantage.

According to Facebook, we are now entering the most wonderful time of the year. The “first day of school” season has started.

Soon, the entire social platform will be virtually overrun with endless photos featuring the hottest trends in back-to-school fashion, unstained and firmly pressed beneath the forced smiles of freshly scrubbed children. Next up: Pumpkin Spice Lattes.

The parents, however, are not forcing anything. The reaction shots of ecstatic moms and triumphant dads celebrating the return of academia are becoming increasingly popular. School is back from summer vacation, and the carpool is a small price to pay for the end of long, hot days with the kids at home, presumably whining about their constant wants for attention, food or water.

Frankly, I’m against it.

It’s not that I have issues with school, quite the contrary. I’m a fan of the public school system and those who dedicate so much to it. Knowledge is everything, schoolyard or otherwise. But school means early mornings and busy nights, a rigid schedule after two months spent roaming free. It is the return of homework, extracurricular practices and the long drives between.

Honestly, I’m not ready for summer to end. Just two weeks ago we were sitting on an island drinking something with mango in it — granted, it was work (I was covering a family cruise package for another website), but there were perks. And now? Now I’m packing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

This was the first year that we didn’t do any back-to-school shopping, other than some shoes and a backpack out of necessity. The boys didn’t want anything and they certainly didn’t need it. Besides, staying away from school supplies meant we could hold on to summer just a little bit longer. In theory.

We have been here before.

The photo above was the first day of school two years ago, and it is the first day of school every year. They don’t want to go back, and I want to hold on forever.

Next week the stores will have replaced pencils and paper with all the trimmings of Halloween. It will be 100 degrees outside, and we’re supposed to act like it is autumn. I’m not falling for that.

Summer is too lazy to end so quickly, but it does, like all things. It will end again this time next year, and, hopefully, another after that. It will keep stretching and ending, an oasis of sweat and smiles, long past the school bells and the echo of their ringing.

I’ll be there making sandwiches, and watching the shadows grow.

First day of school photos by Whit Honea

To Whom It May Concern At My Son’s Middle School:

If you do not find my son’s name on your sixth-grade class list, it’s not for lack of trying. I attempted to register him at least two and a half times. And in two languages.

When the forms arrived in our mail this spring, I diligently verified the home address and phone numbers printed on them as instructed. They were correct. According to the phone book. That’s where I needed to check since I received the forms for someone else’s boy at a different school.

In all fairness, the school also sent me a form with the right information for my son. It was in Spanish. But that’s why we have Google Translate.

In May, I brought the requisite multiple forms of proof of residency and my sworn allegiance to the Common Core Standards to school registration day. However, I was turned away because I didn’t have his doctor-approved physical exam and immunization records yet.

“But the insurance company wouldn’t let me schedule his checkup until August,” I told the school nurse, who quickly gave me a copy of August dates when I could register him at city hall. Only two dates listed weren’t when our family was on vacation.

Months passed. The physical came and went well, outside of the pediatrician’s reminder to my son that “you don’t have to like vegetables, you just have to eat them.” On the appointed day I drove to city hall with his medical records, bilingual contact form and necessary DNA cheek swabs.

But not my driver’s license. I realized this halfway there.

After a vaguely legal U-turn and another 20 minutes, I arrived at a school registration traffic jam inside the government center lobby. It contained one set of frustrated people waiting to register their incoming kindergartners and a second, unaffiliated set of frustrated people wanting to get upstairs to testify before the zoning board against a local development plan. The air felt thick with enough negative energy to resurrect the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from “Ghostbusters.”

At risk of strangulation from those vacantly staring parents waiting for the number on their index cards to be called, I sidled up to a table and asked what I should do.

“Oh, middle school? Just give me your child’s medical information and someone will call you tomorrow,” the worker said.

“You don’t need my driver’s license? Property tax bill? I can quickly acquire blood samples, too.”

Nope, just the medical forms, she said.

I left, confused but relieved. A day passed, and then most of another before my cell phone rang.

Could I bring all the necessary ID forms to city hall tomorrow? “But we’re leaving for vacation early tomorrow. We’re not back until the day before school starts,” I said.

After nixing other options (“No, my wife can’t bring them. She is going on vacation with us, too. So is our dog.”), the official said my sister could submit the paperwork provided she brought a copy of my driver’s license. I felt confident about this because my sister is reliable. She also took enough college Spanish to translate my son’s forms.

Not to my surprise, while partaking in a late afternoon gimlet upon the beach house deck, my sister called my cell phone to say the person she turned the school registration forms into now couldn’t find any of my son’s medical information. At least the burning acid sensation rising up my gullet had a nice limey edge.

So, dear middle school officials, that’s why my son may not be on your list. However, if you don’t find him on the premises at all, he probably just took the wrong bus and instead ended up at one of the local high schools. His sister already set that precedent a few years ago.

A version of this first appeared on Always Home and Uncool.

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It’s that time of the year again. Back to school. As a stay-at-home dad, this is a sad and happy time for me. Sad because I won’t be spending as much time with my boys, happy because I won’t be spending as much time with my boys. There really is such a thing as too much together time. My ears ring even when they aren’t with me from them screaming and yelling so much. Then again I honestly can’t believe how fast summer came and went.

In all seriousness, this is a time of heighten emotions, new experiences and most of all changes. As a parent, in an attempt to retain my sanity, it is important to me to get my boys into a routine. The first week for me is always a bit nerve racking. Do I have everything packed and ready? Lunches? Check. Backpacks filled with extra clothes for my youngest and snacks for my oldest? Check. Most importantly, do I have my kids ready, fed, and prepared for their new adventures at school both mentally and physically? Umm…check? How does one even know if they’ve succeeded in preparing them anyway?

I always wonder how they navigate the world without me by their sides. I try everything I can to pry even the basics from them. What did you eat for lunch? I dunno. Who did you play with at recess? I dunno. What are your new teachers like? I dunno.

Every once in a while, I can get one of them talking, but even then it’s a little difficult to keep the conversation going. See it’s not just me that the beginning of school is nerve racking for. New teachers, new classmates, new homework. Ugh, homework. My oldest is in an “academic” school (read daily homework even in kindergarten).  There are times I sit down with him after school and even with a free hour or so to settle in he is still fried. He can’t seem to focus and it’s obvious he’s had enough. I take pity on him those days, glad the “daily” part of the homework is more of a guideline than a turn it in tomorrow type thing. I’ve explained to both of them that the work they put in now will benefit them in the future. Cue eye roll and sigh from the 6-year-old. When exactly did I turn into my own father?

On the plus side between school, homework, play, and regimented bedtimes (thank goodness for regimented bedtimes) there isn’t enough time to watch TV during the week. On the negative side, the start of school also means all the new little germs the other kids have discovered over the summer get to come home with my boys, and vice versa. Sharing is caring, after all. Right?!?

On behalf of the LA Dads Group, we wish you and your kids the best of luck transitioning into this new school year!