I think that woman just called me a pedophile.

That’s what went through my mind when I was once part of a panel of at-home dads on a syndicated talk show. The first question (more of an outlandish statement than a question) came from a mother who said she would never leave her daughter alone with a stay-at-home dad (SAHD). She was afraid a man helping her child in the bathroom would not be able to control himself. You know, because we can’t be trusted around a prepubescent vagina. She had seen some bad stuff go down … once on an episode of Law & Order.

As crazy as this woman sounded, it made me think: She can’t be the only one who feels this way. Other issues raised by the audience were less controversial but no less ridiculous. Here’s the actual TV segment:

Based on that experience, here are five sadly popular SAHD myths stay-at-home fathers regularly:

1. Don’t trust a SAHD with your children

This is one of the most annoying and horrific SAHD myths. One of my fellow panelists answered such a pedophile implication with, “That sounds like a ‘you’ problem, not a ‘dad’ problem.” The audience ate it up!

We were not talking about leaving your child with a stranger. I wouldn’t leave mine alone with someone I was not completely comfortable with, man or woman. Furthermore, I wouldn’t leave my children alone with anyone THEY were not completely comfortable with.

But labeling a stay-at-home father “untrustworthy” simply because he’s a guy? That audience member I first mentioned was dead wrong in her belief that a dad cannot be deserving of trust simply because he has a penis.

2. Fathers can’t bond with children like mothers can

I hear SAHD myths like this all the time: Sure, dads can be great parents, but they can never have the same relationship with their children as mothers.

I don’t deny the hard work and heroic efforts women endure during pregnancy and childbirth. A sincere “thank you” to all mothers. You brought us dads the greatest gift in the world. (So stop with the ties on Father’s Day: they’re ugly and we don’t like them.)

But, ladies, the children are just as much ours as they are yours.

I felt a bond with my children the first time I laid eyes on them. My daughter was a daddy’s girl from day one, often to the exclusion of my wife. (Something that caused tears on more than one occasion.) These things ebb and flow, and Mommy is the favorite these days. Not, however, because of some bond that I was not privy to because I have a penis.

3. Stay-at-home dads are not nurturers

What? More gender stereotyping SAHD myths! I am physically unable to pick up my 2-year-old son without kissing and hugging (and usually tickling) him.

There are certainly times when he prefers his mom, but bedtime is Dad Time. When he knows he’s tired, he crawls into my arms. And when he’s tired, but does not know it, I can calm his screams and get him to fall asleep far quicker than my wife can. I think my scent soothes him. I know his scent soothes me.

Nurturing, it should be said, goes beyond all the hugs and kisses I give my kids. I nurture their spirit, confidence, education, and sense of fun (and sometimes mischief). People who don’t think stay-at-home dads nurture have not seen a stay-at-home dad in action.

4.  At-home fathers are trying to be better than moms.

Are dads better stay-at-home parents than moms? What a dumb, meaningless question. But that is what the talk show producers wanted us to argue. Dads are not better than moms. And moms are not better than us.

Parenting is not a competition!

I don’t work against my wife to raise our children; I work with her. That we parent differently is a benefit to our kids. They get the best of both worlds.

5. SAHDs are the only fathers worthy of attention

Stay-at-home dads are so hot right now! But we are still in the minority. Not only compared to stay-at-home moms, but compared to all the active and involved fathers who go to work (or work from home) every day and are co-equal parents every night. Why are they being ignored by the media?

Stay-at-home dads are at the forefront of the changing image of fathers, but working dads deserve our attention, too. Like working moms, they are trying to have it all and should be lauded for their efforts. It is not being done enough, so I’ll do it here. You guys are defeating the stereotype of the lazy, bumbling dad who doesn’t know his way around a diaper. Keep up the good work, at the office and at home.

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A version of SAHD myths was originally published by Time Ideas before it ran here in 2014. Photo by Juliane Liebermann on Unsplash.

This blog post is part of the #NoDadAlone campaign. Fathering Together/City Dads Group, the National At-Home Dad Network, and Fathers Eve are joining forces to amplify messages that help dads recognize we are not alone! Follow #NoDadAlone on Instagram, and learn more at NoDadAlone.com.

One morning a few weeks ago, I traded in my usual at-home dad attire of jeans and a T-shirt for something more fancy and professional so I could go debunk dad stereotypes.

The special occasion was joining two other cool fathers on a panel at the Bethenny Frankel Show. Three dudes: Doyin Richards of the Daddy Doin’ Work blog who is well known for his viral hands-on dad photo of combing his daughter’s hair with his little one in the carrier, David Lesser of Amateur Idiot / Professional Dad who I’ve known for a while and is also a member of NYC Dads Group, and me.

Encouraged by the prospect of participating in a lively, audience-based conversation on topics that covered:

• Can at-home dads be just as good as at-home moms?
• Are stay-at-home dads becoming the new normal?
• Is being an at-home dad manly or emasculating?
• Why is the bar of expectations on fatherhood extremely low?
• Should moms feel uncomfortable with a drop-off playdate if dad is in charge?

I was interested in sharing my experience of being an at-home dad for the past five years in the hope of educating, sharing my passion, and debunking some stereotypes.  I was also scared out of my wits. This was not going to be a calm roundtable discussion where Bethenny asked questions and led the discussion. Quite the contrary – Bethenny spent the entire segment in the nearly all-female audience passing the microphone around to audience members firing away questions. One producer described this format as “throwing us to the wolves” so needless to say, I had a few knots in my stomach.

What was it like behind the scenes?

For a guy used to navigating NYC via public transportation, it was pretty cool having a car sent in the morning to bring me to the studio. It was a nice luxury, but my sense is it served as a precaution to ensure I would arrive on time. They must know that parents with little ones are usually late for everything!

The producers and staff were incredibly friendly and showed us to our waiting room – not your usual oversized ‘Green Room.’ This was a small, nicely furnished space with comfortable seating, a flat-screen tuned to the Bethenny show taping, and stocked with snacks and Skinny Girl beverages.

Our waiting room was sandwiched by two other guests on the show who were more interesting than us “dads.” One neighbor was “Mob Wives” and “Big Ang” star Angela “Big Ang” Raiola who was on the first segment discussing her reality shows and plastic surgeries.

On the other side was well-known race car driver, Danica Patrick. I was starstruck. For someone who is usually confident about asking celebrities to pose in a photo, I had difficulty getting the words out. Awkward. Still, we succeeded in getting a photo.

The most amusing part of the morning was our excursion over to “make-up headquarters.” Yep, all of the dads filed in to get primped, coiffed, and shined by the talented make-up artists. Or anti-shined in my case (oily skin).

Sitting on comfortable stools on the stage and flanked by two other competent, confident, and vocal dads, we were ready for the show.  Most of the show was a blur.  I remember Dave doing an awesome job sharing a few touching and personal stories about his family. I recall Doyin providing the background and play-by-play of his viral photo as well as sharing his thoughts about being a working dad. I pondered when Bethenny might join us on stage — never happened. Consequently, there were lots of questions from the audience. Beyond that, I’m hoping we presented ourselves well and that the editing team made us look presentable. We’ll let you watch the segments and be the judge.

Finally, after a long morning and noon approaching, the three of us hit the “Red Room.” A sleek, lounge-type space with a bar, and well-stocked with Skinny Girl Vodka.  We had a quick beverage before heading home to the reality of domestic chores, school pick-up, and spending time with our families.