Valentine’s Day dad jokes? Surely, we can’t be serious?

Of course, we’re not serious. They’re jokes!

And don’t call us Shirley.

In our ongoing attempt to corner the market on the best, funniest, silliest holiday dad jokes (next up — St. Patrick’s Day) and seasonal dad jokes (check out our winter ones), our crack team of stupid cupids have scoured the internet for the best and worst Valentine’s Day dad jokes, riddles and puns — all clean holiday jokes for the kids and families to enjoy. We then put them all in one funny place to help you illicit groans and some hearty har-hars from those you love. Or is it loathe?

Best/worst Valentine’s Day dad jokes, riddles and puns

Q. Why do skunks love Valentine’s Day?
A. Because they’re scent-ual animals!

Q. Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef?
A. He’ll dessert you.

Q. Why did the sheriff lock up his girlfriend?
A. She stole his heart.

Q. What did the dirt say to the rock on Valentine’s Day?
A. “I’d settle for you.”

Q. What Valentine’s Day gift never arrives on time?
A. Choco-late.

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Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Their wedding ceremony wasn’t fancy but, man, the reception was excellent.

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Q. What did one oar say to the other oar?
A. “Can I interest you in a little row-mance?”

Q. What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day?
A. A hug and a quiche!

Q. Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
A.  It was Valenswine’s Day!

Q. Why is romaine lettuce the most loving of vegetables?
A.  Because it’s all heart.

Q. Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
A.  She didn’t suit his taste!

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Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love? They’re getting married in the spring!

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Q. Why do melons have to get married in churches?
A.  Because they cantaloupe.

Q. Why do Valentines have hearts on them?
A.  Because spleens would look pretty gross.

Q. What do you call young love in an aquarium?
A.  Guppy love.

Q. What type of flowers do squirrels give each other on Valentine’s Day?
A.  Forget-me-nuts.

Q. What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A.  Somebunny loves you!

Q. What’s an octopus’s favorite love song?
A.  “I Wanna Hold Your Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand”

Q. Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?
A. Yes, February 14th.

Valentine’s Day dad jokes photo: © DrawingMyDiary / Adobe Stock

You could always buy a Valentine card at the drugstore for your spouse, but that’s so impersonal.

I am a stay-at-home dad of two young boys. My wife is a flight attendant and leaves me on my own with our boys for days at a time while she travels the friendly skies. My boys and I greatly appreciate the sacrifice she makes every time she goes to work, so that we can have a parent at home with our children.

This Valentine’s Day, my wife will be working in the morning, but will be able to make it home for a special dinner with me. I want to do something special for my Valentine and do something to make the day go a little quicker until she arrived back home. Since my wife loves two things — humor and cleanliness — along with me and the kids, I decided to combine those two favorites into this special digital Valentine in hopes of enticing her into a frenzy before she arrives home.

A version of this first appeared on Just a Dad 247. 

What is love?

That was one of the many questions the children of some of our NYC Dad Group members tackled in a special web segment “Valentine’s Day: How do you know when you’re in love? These kids have the cutest Valentine’s Day advice” for NBC’s Today morning show. Check it out below:

I like playing the random “Feeling Lucky” music mixes off my Google Cloud when I’m home alone with my 3-year-old. She loves pretending to sing and dances hard to the music.

A classic rock mix of CSN, Dire Straits, Supertramp and a little Fleetwood Mac come on today. I hadn’t listened to most of those song in years and it took me back. My daughter perked up as I sang to her, giggling and getting playful. I turned her upside down for a huge belly laugh and, as I was bringing her back up, I looked at her laughing, smiling face.

My breath caught in my throat. I saw my wife in her in a way I never had before.

My wife and I have talked about who our girls look like since the second they were born. We compare features like eyes, chins, skin tone, hands, feet etc. However, this was different.

In a flash, I saw my wife in her eyes — my wife as she was when we first met before kids and pre-school tuition and the all the trappings that parenthood brings. I realized then that our girls really are the embodiment of the love that I share with my wife. It’s a simple point, but it really does get lost in the bedlam that is parenting.

“Give a little bit of your love to me
I’ll give a little bit of my life for you
Now’s the time that we need to share
So find yourself, we’re on our way back home”

As the music played on, I remembered that before the diapers, baths, homework and structured discussions about our household budget, there was an “us.” I admittedly haven’t “seen” my wife in that light in some time. Not because of any problem with our marriage, but because it is easy to get caught up in life while forgetting to simply live.

It is not uncommon for people to lose touch with that old spark once they have kids. We consciously try to reignite it all the time. We make time for each other with date nights and other special moments in spite of our kids’ demands and schedules. That calculated need won’t change, but I want to try to remember that initial, spontaneous rush that led us to this time raising two precious girls.

Valentine’s Day would seem like the time to embrace and re-experience that feeling, but it has just never been our thing. However, this year, I may take the opportunity. I don’t mean the $200 Prix Fixe dinners, chocolates, cards and heart-shaped gifts.

Valentine’s Day can be any day on the calendar that pulls me out of the grind of life for a minute. It could be February 14 or it could be every Friday for the rest of the year. My wife knows I love her. I tell her so every day. I know she loves me just as much. What that fleeting glance of my daughter’s face taught me is that I am still in love with the woman I married. I still love her in the way when we were newlyweds, but I now also get to love her through our children.

If there is a commercially contrived day that reminds me of that once a year, then so be it. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s give a little bit photo: Photo by Jordan Rowland on Unsplash