Editor’s Note: September is ​Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) Awareness Month, designed to honor families who have used these medical facilities and the health professionals who care for them.

My son starts preschool today.

It doesn’t seem like that long ago when I was sitting in the NICU snuggling his entire tiny body on my chest.

My son was a preemie, born at 34 weeks. Those were some long and tough days for us. My wife felt guilty but it certainly wasn’t her fault. She had a normal, healthy pregnancy. We don’t know why he came early and we’ll probably never know. But it happened and we dealt with it.

He was being held in NICU because his lungs were not fully developed just yet. He was hooked up to all kinds of machines … feeding tube through his nose for a bit, a heart monitor and more. I will never forget the alarming sound the monitor would make when his heart rate dropped, and the doctors and nurses came rushing in. They called it a “bradycardia,” or abnormally slow heart action, and it was one of the scariest moments for us.

During our daily rounds with the doctors, they told us that for him to come home he had to have three straight days without any “bradys or spells,” as they referred to them. We would call each morning, crossing our fingers, to see how he did overnight. Then we would pack our lunch, grab coffee and fight traffic each day while heading to the hospital to spend a few hours with him. It was a strange feeling to come home each night and not have our newborn son with us. My wife was in tears at times because we didn’t know how long he would be in the NICU and she was worried about spending her entire maternity leave in the hospital.

Fortunately, her boss was very supportive and gave her extra time off. There were other dads there and I would see them each day and we’d give each other the nod. We became a club; each waiting for our turn to go home with our child. I know we were fortunate. Our situation could have been much worse. There were some parents there with twins, one of whom got to go home and the other one didn’t. Some babies were there for 3 months or longer. In total, we spent five weeks in the NICU.

Today, my son has caught up and except for a slight speech delay, he has met all of his milestones. He is now a tall, active and healthy 3-year-old who loves fire trucks, Paw Patrol and pancakes.

So, it’s an exciting day and I’m a happy dad. My once tiny NICU baby is going to meet his new teachers and make new friends. He’s going to laugh and learn and play and he’ll have a big smile on his face … and so will I.

My son starts preschool today!

About the author

Lou Marino, shown with his wife and two children, is a member of our Boston/Providence Dads Group.

Photos: Contributed by the Marino family

+ + +

This post, which first appeared in 2018, is part of the #NoDadAlone campaign. Fathering Together/City Dads Group, the National At-Home Dad Network, and Fathers Eve are joining forces to amplify messages that help dads recognize we are not alone! Follow #NoDadAlone on Instagram, and learn more at NoDadAlone.com.

Editor’s Note: September is ​Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) Awareness Month, designed to honor families who have used these medical facilities (one in 10 babies spend some time in a NICU) and the health professionals who care for the them. Several contributors to the website Fathers of Multiples, where this article first appeared, recently wrote about their NICU experiences.

Most defining, stressing time of our lives

No words or experience can prepare you for the roller coaster of emotions of being a NICU parent. Our children are both NICU graduates. Born at 33 weeks gestation, they each had pulmonary and gustatory [tasting] issues. Both children were born and immediately placed on bubble CPAP machines. Each received doses of caffeine to prevent bradycardias (low heart rate) and both were being fed via oral gavage [tube]. Our son and daughter each had their own trajectory of milestones to reach. Fortunately, somehow, both were released on the same day.

That first month of parenting while in the NICU was perhaps one of the most defining and stressful times of our lives not only as new parents but also as people. We learned to truly appreciate the small things and celebrate each moment as it came to pass. The last, and arguably the most important, lesson we learned is that our children are fighters. They are strong beyond measure and our daily source of inspiration to be better parents.

– Jeffrey Bernstein

Longest three days

We had one twin in NICU and one twin with me in the ward. It was so difficult watching them take your baby away in a fish tank before you could even touch her. Worse, when you realize that [you and your spouse] aren’t even going to be able to talk about it because you need to split up so both your children have a parent.

But after the initial shock, and being told the one in NICU would be OK — just being assessed for infection — I just took advantage of learning what to do with one small baby and hoped those new skills would transfer when I had two!

Our hospital was so woefully understaffed. Nobody told me the procedures about feeding two babies in different places. My advice would be: Just ask! If their system doesn’t work for you, tell them what you need. They allowed me to have my dad come in and sit with one twin. This was so me and my husband could go to NICU. … [It was] the longest three days ever, but I knew both twins were receiving the care they needed.

– Kate Millerchip

Best neonatal care possible

One of our twins spent two weeks in the NICU, and the other one, almost two months. Now, 5 1/2 years later, I can still remember almost every detail. I can close my eyes, and still recall what it was like to deliver breast milk from my wife’s hospital room to the NICU. Late at night. Stocking-footed. Excited to see my new baby boys and bring photos back for their mother, who wasn’t medically ready to leave her room yet. One of the hardest things was being able to bring the older twin home home, and not his brother. Knowing that our younger son was in the hands of some amazing men and women, getting the best care possible, made the difficult transition a little easier.

– Kevin Zelenka

I’m forever grateful

As I understand it, our NICU experience was relatively unique. We had a private room and were able to room in with the kids 24/7 if we wanted. That aspect of it is a bit of a double-edged sword. While it’s great to get to know your kids and get involved with the care right away, you also see things that nothing can prepare you for.

Little Tori had some respiratory issues from the start and nothing quite prepares you for waking up at 3 a.m. with alarms going off and about 10 people swarming the room because your little girl was breathing so hard she popped her lung and her chest cavity was filling with air (pneumothorax). A few days with a chest tube and she’s fine now but that’s a memory I don’t think I’ll ever forget and I’m forever grateful to the NICU team for being there and taking care of the problem.

– Bill Boldman

Flood of emotions

Holding your NICU babies for the first time comes with a flood of emotions. They may be tiny, but they are the strongest fighters. Having them be together for the first time after delivery is a beautiful memory, guaranteed to bring tears and smiles.

– Becky Lynn

Neonatal photo: Hush Naidoo on Unsplash

DISCLOSURE: This post is sponsored by Huggies whose “No Baby Unhugged” program is offering $10,000 grants to eligible hospitals to launch a new volunteer hugging program or support an existing one. In this story, NYC Dads Group member Jason Greene recalls his daughter’s birth which resulted in an extended stay in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) where he witnessed and received needed hugs.

My purple and limp daughter was placed upon my wife’s chest briefly before chaos ensued.

While my wife was going through post-delivery checks, I inched toward my infant daughter’s body as doctors and nurses flooded the room. I watched as they feverishly worked on her. My face cringed and heart broke while a doctor smacked her foot.

“Breathe, Miciah, breathe,” trembled from my mouth.

Slowly, her chest rose, and then she was rushed out of the room. I followed until I was told I could go no farther.

The next time I saw my new daughter was through a glass box in the NICU. To touch her, I needed to stick my hands through holes in the box attached to gloves. I had not been in the room long before a new group of nurses were starting their shift and the departing nurses needed to update them. I stepped behind a window and watched as the nurses walked from baby to baby. Sometimes the nurses nodded in agreement, and all too frequently, they tilted their heads with concerned expressions. Their faces said it all. In that room, they were the caregivers. It wasn’t just a job, it was an act of love.

The love the nurses gave came in many forms. I saw countless hugs being given by nurses to their tiny patients, hugs that carried powerful warmth, love and strength. A recent study by Huggies called, “The Power of Human Touch for Babies,” found that skin to skin hugs can help keep a baby’s heart beating at a normal rate, improve sleep, and support healthy weight gain. My eyes tell me all this is true.

The NICU nurses knew when a different type of love was needed, too. One time I was holding my daughter’s finger while wearing gloves the first day when my daughter needed a diaper change. My daughter looked so fragile with wires and tubes attached to her body. I got a nurse’s attention and informed her my daughter needed assistance. I expected the nurse to walk over and change the diaper. The nurse grabbed a Huggies diaper and tossed it to me and said, “Get to it, daddy.”

This might sound rude to some people, but it wasn’t. It was what I needed to experience. Normalcy. Changing diapers is about as normal as you can get regarding babies. I already had a 2-year-old, so I was well versed in diaper changing. And I have always said changing a baby’s diaper creates one of the strongest bonds between parent and child. If the nurse had not given me the opportunity during that moment, my bonding with my daughter would have been delayed. So while I held the diaper in worried hands, they still went forward and did the job.

A few days later, I fell asleep with my head resting on top of the glass box while my daughter held my finger through the gloves. A beeping machine startled me and the same nurse smacked a few buttons quieting the machine. Once the room was silent, she placed her hand upon my back and said sweetly, “It’s OK, daddy, go back to sleep.” And I did.

NICU nurses have one of the toughest jobs in the world. They take newborn babies struggling for life and with care and love, get them started on the best track possible. Along with struggling babies are struggling parents. We are sleep deprived, confused and helpless. The nurses end up caring for us as well.

You can help give more hugs to babies who need them most when you become a Huggies member. Sign up at Huggies.com/NoBabyUnhugged and Huggies will donate $5 to No Baby Unhugged grants.

About our sponsor

Huggies believes deeply in the Power of Hugs, which is why every diaper and wipe is inspired by a parent’s embrace. The Huggies No Baby Unhugged program helps ensure all babies get the hugs they need to thrive by supporting hugging programs in hospitals and donating diapers across the country. Learn how you can help at Huggies.com. #HuggiesCouncil #ad