Editor’s Note: September is ​Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) Awareness Month, designed to honor families who have used these medical facilities and the health professionals who care for them.

My son starts preschool today.

It doesn’t seem like that long ago when I was sitting in the NICU snuggling his entire tiny body on my chest.

My son was a preemie, born at 34 weeks. Those were some long and tough days for us. My wife felt guilty but it certainly wasn’t her fault. She had a normal, healthy pregnancy. We don’t know why he came early and we’ll probably never know. But it happened and we dealt with it.

He was being held in NICU because his lungs were not fully developed just yet. He was hooked up to all kinds of machines … feeding tube through his nose for a bit, a heart monitor and more. I will never forget the alarming sound the monitor would make when his heart rate dropped, and the doctors and nurses came rushing in. They called it a “bradycardia,” or abnormally slow heart action, and it was one of the scariest moments for us.

During our daily rounds with the doctors, they told us that for him to come home he had to have three straight days without any “bradys or spells,” as they referred to them. We would call each morning, crossing our fingers, to see how he did overnight. Then we would pack our lunch, grab coffee and fight traffic each day while heading to the hospital to spend a few hours with him. It was a strange feeling to come home each night and not have our newborn son with us. My wife was in tears at times because we didn’t know how long he would be in the NICU and she was worried about spending her entire maternity leave in the hospital.

Fortunately, her boss was very supportive and gave her extra time off. There were other dads there and I would see them each day and we’d give each other the nod. We became a club; each waiting for our turn to go home with our child. I know we were fortunate. Our situation could have been much worse. There were some parents there with twins, one of whom got to go home and the other one didn’t. Some babies were there for 3 months or longer. In total, we spent five weeks in the NICU.

Today, my son has caught up and except for a slight speech delay, he has met all of his milestones. He is now a tall, active and healthy 3-year-old who loves fire trucks, Paw Patrol and pancakes.

So, it’s an exciting day and I’m a happy dad. My once tiny NICU baby is going to meet his new teachers and make new friends. He’s going to laugh and learn and play and he’ll have a big smile on his face … and so will I.

My son starts preschool today!

About the author

Lou Marino, shown with his wife and two children, is a member of our Boston/Providence Dads Group.

Photos: Contributed by the Marino family

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This post, which first appeared in 2018, is part of the #NoDadAlone campaign. Fathering Together/City Dads Group, the National At-Home Dad Network, and Fathers Eve are joining forces to amplify messages that help dads recognize we are not alone! Follow #NoDadAlone on Instagram, and learn more at NoDadAlone.com.

Get there early, waste time in the school pickup line waiting, get your kid first.

Get there late, waste time waiting in school pickup line, get your kid last.

Whichever path you choose, you’re stuck. Waiting. The pickup line at our preschool is kind of like a traffic jam you voluntarily put yourself into each day.

When I’m sitting in the line, I’m most likely on my phone, reading the news, listening to NPR, checking things out on FB or Twitter … stuff like that. But recently I’ve found something more interesting to do with my time: watch other people while THEY wait. The past couple of weeks I’ve noticed several types of people in the pickup line.

The Overextended Mom

I’m not sure how this parent keeps her sanity, clearly getting no break from children all day long. Even though she’s picking up a kid or two, she has at least three others that are too young for preschool in her 15 passenger van.

The Excessive Groomer

Every day it’s something: nail clipping, pimple popping, makeup applying, etc.

The Socializer 

This person is always out of his or her car, talking to everyone, every day, and usually oblivious when the pickup line actually starts moving.

The Phone Talker

This parent is on the phone while pulling into the lot, waiting for pickup, while the teacher brings kid to the car, while the teacher tries to talk about the child’s day, and when driving away.

The Organizer

I thought I’d seen it all, until this person opened her sliding van door and I peered inside. It was perfect. No junk or clutter anywhere. There was a small plastic carousel organizer full of neatly arranged crayons. What? I’d never seen anything like it. And in the backs of seats where my kids’ stuff all their trash, hers was full of coloring books, regular books, normal kid stuff. It was amazing. Maybe I should hire her.

Photo by Stan from Pexels

With our pandemic world finally moving toward a post-pandemic one, Barnard Center for Toddler Development Director Dr. Tovah P. Klein says it’s the perfect time for parents of young children to make needed changes in their children’s lives, such as reducing screen time.

“Children will be fine on a new routines. Any time you switch routines is a great time to say, ‘New rule,'” she says on the latest episode of The Modern Dads Podcast, themed as “What Toddlers Need Now.” While this change may meet some initial resistance, she notes how adaptive children and parents can be, with the pandemic shift in how we learn and live being perfect examples.

Klein, who wrote the parenting classic How Toddlers Thrive, talks about what our children have gained during these difficult times, dispels the theory of “learning loss” during the pandemic, and offers help on how we can thoughtfully help our kids return to camp and school with minimal separation issues.

+ Listen to ‘What Toddlers Need Now’ podcast +

Klein, who is also an adjunct associate professor at Barnard, teaches a year-long course on toddler development there. Her work focuses on young children’s social and emotional development, parental influences on early development, and parents’ experiences raising young children, including the challenges of combining work and family.

Dr. Klein served as a developmental advisor for Sesame Street and HBO films for children. She is on the advisory boards for Room to Grow, Ubuntu Education Fund, Rwanda Educational Assistance Project, LearnNow.org and Children’s Museum of Manhattan. She appears regularly on Good Morning America and her advice has appeared in The New York Times, Redbook, Parents, Slate.com, Huffington Post and countless other social media and print publications.

In her 2014 book, How Toddlers Thrive, Klein distills decades of research and experience with parents and children ages 2 to5 into a book that gives you the tools to easily navigate everyday challenges and struggles, have fewer battles and enjoy your interactions with your child and the toddler years more by seeing the world through your young child’s eyes.

A former clinical fellow at Boston Children’s Hospital with a doctorate in psychology from Duke University, Klein previously appeared on The Modern Dads Podcast in 2014.

Disclosure: NYC Dads Group received compensation from Vivvi for this post. 

Just as important as finding the right NYC preschool environment for your child is finding one right for you — the child’s parent.

A safe, nurturing and robust in-class learning and social experience is vital to a young child, but working parents also must weigh other factors. Location and price, obviously, are important. So is whether an early learning center provides coverage for the hectic, sometimes erratic work schedules of today’s moms and dads. Your interaction with other parents and involvement in your child’s education should also come in to play.

Vivvi, a new early learning experience for children ages 6 weeks to 5, aims to meet all those needs of modern working parents and their impressionable children.

This new program, opening this June at 75 Varick St. in Lower Manhattan’s Hudson Square, was founded by working parents and people with broad, deep expertise in early childcare education. This creates what the founders say is a strong melding of cutting-edge teaching methods and practical convenience in an environment that will foster a spirited community of parents, children and school faculty.

“Parenting is a lifelong journey, and schools shouldn’t add to the already difficult realities facing parents, including cost, misaligned schedules and lack of community,” said Vivvi co-founder and CEO Charles Bonello. “While the most important thing we can do is to provide a world-class learning experience in a facility that’s full of warmth and love for the children in our care, it’s also important for us to help parents achieve their dreams. So we really did build Vivvi to be aligned with parents’ needs — it’s in our DNA. And it’s no surprise that this also fosters positive long-term effects on their children, perhaps most importantly, developing a lifelong love of learning.”

+  Sign up for a Vivvi open house  +

Vivvi’s academic mission is to build a strong foundation for a child’s future. Vivvi will use an inquiry-based curriculum that borrows successful teaching methods and practices from several popular educational systems and theories. Those entrusted to teach children have a true stake in their work because their above-average compensation includes not only benefits but actually equity in the company, according to Vivvi executives.

Literature, math, science, music and art will be incorporated in various ways – in and out of the “classroom” environment to keep the learning fun all day.

And all day it is – nearly.

Convenient hours, interactive app for parents

Vivvi offers parents flexible drop-off and pick-up times during a normal 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. day. This NYC early learning center will also be open up to 250 days throughout the year. These longer hours with fewer holiday closings benefit parents whose work schedules don’t necessarily line up with a more traditional school’s operating calendar.

The children may not be the only ones learning and having fun through Vivvi. Parents are encouraged to be active participants in their children’s education both in person and through remote technology.

Thanks to a partnership with Brightwheel, a leading childcare app, moms and dads can tap their smartphones during the day to see photos or watch live video of their children as they learn and play. The app also allows them to interact with other parents through a private channel. This will make it easier to coordinate a playdate, ask for recommendations on family-friendly restaurant or seek peer advice on how to best get the little ones to sleep on time.

More than a school — a true NYC community

Vivvi also plans to hold off-hour events for its parents, both social and educational. These will include:

• workshops on topics such as potty training or financial planning for a child’s future;
• date-night drop offs and family movie nights or celebrations;
• and even manicure and massage Saturdays and football-watching Sundays – complete with food and beverages.

“As important to us in creating Vivvi was making sure that parents aren’t experiencing parenting in a silo,” Bonello said. “And from a personal standpoint, I really did want a venue and experience where I could easily bring my child even on the weekends to hang out with other dads and give my wife a break for a few hours while I could also watch a game.”

While Vivvi mostly provides employer-sponsored near and on-site child care to companies located in NYC, a quarter of its enrollment slots are reserved for children from the general public. Interested parents can use the following links to sign up for an open house or schedule a campus tour.

You have chosen a daycare for your child. Now the time has come for your child to start daycare! From experience, the transition isn’t easy — for you or your little one.

I’ve made the transition to daycare with two kids now. Many emotions run through you as you leave your child with people you barely know. For the most part, nerves take over.

You wonder how your child will react to when you leave him to start daycare with this strange person for an entire day. Will he cry all day? You wonder if your boss is going to think you are an emotional wreck, especially if you are returning to work that day for the first time in weeks, maybe months.

Daycare providers work with new parents all the time to help make it easier, for you and your child. Remember you aren’t the first parent to drop off a child off at daycare. But if you are still uncertain about this new part of your child’s life, here are some things that can help make the transition to easier for you and more comfortable for your child.

Prepare the night before you start daycare

Have all the paperwork completed and ready to turn in if you still have any outstanding. Gather everything your child needs to succeed in their new setting. Your daycare provider should provide a list of what its needs to take care of your child, such as diapers, wipes, extra changes of clothes, a blanket, breast milk or formula, etc. You can always ask if there is something to extra bring that helps ease the first day for the child.

Expect tears — yours and your child’s

Your child’s first day of daycare is a big moment for your child and you. Sometimes the only way a small child can show his emotions, desires and needs is to cry. It might not happen on the first day, but it will happen at some point when dropping your child off.

The best way to handle this might seem the cruelest: you just have to drop the child off and leave. Lingering to help soothe your child is going to make it worse when you do leave. Make sure you let your provider know that you are not trying to be mean but trying to make it easier for him or her.

However — don’t do this on the first day! Instead, let your child know he is going to be OK and give extra hugs and kisses so he knows everything will be fine.

Help your child take ownership

If your child is older, let him know him is going to be starting somewhere new. Build it up and let him know about the great friends he will make and the many thing he will learns. Let him explain his feelings about that first day to help him overcome any fears.

Also, help your child understand that daycare is something he can call her own. Let the child pick what clothes to wear on the first day, what blankets to bring, and what stuffed animals to help at nap time.

Calm your child with familiarity

As you drive or walk to the center to start daycare, point out landmarks and things familiar to your child. We started our oldest at a new daycare at about age 4, and his dropoffs were a lot better when my wife or I pointed out things that he could always recognize.

Remember: Children are resilient

If you are a new parent, you’ll quickly learn your child has an amazing ability to bounce back from whatever comes his way. You” sometimes think your child will never stop crying at drop-off but eventually he will get over it and have fun in his new environment. If drop-off becomes too big an issue for too long, talk to your provider for suggestions. Eventually, it won’t be a big deal and you are going to wonder why you were worried about it all in the first place.

A version of this first appeared on The Rookie Dad. “Start Daycare Right” photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash

Unless you or your partner plan to be a stay-at-home-parent, you need to pick the best daycare option possible for your child. It will be one of the most significant decisions you will make as a parent: who will be taking care of your child when you are at work. That’s often 40-plus hours a week of a stranger raising your child.

From my experience, as we looked for daycare for two children, several factors should be considered.

Start looking for best daycare option NOW!

The reality is, depending on where you live, there could a waiting list longer than 10 months to get into a daycare facility. Yeah, that’s right — a wait longer than the actual pregnancy. It might seem you have to get yourself on a waiting list before your child is even conceived and, in many cases, that could be. My wife and I waited close to a year for an opening at the center our youngest goes to now.

Look down and around

When choosing the best daycare provider for your family, you should visit the center or the home of a care-taking prospect. While there, you will more than likely be focused on the conversation with the provider.

However, by looking down, you will see how the provider interacts with the children. You see the toys the kids have to play with and the amount of room they will have to run around in when they eventually start walking.

This is where a good team approach comes in handy. Before walking into a potential provider’s workplace, make sure you and your partner understand you need to look all around and see what the provider has to offer for their child. You could come away seeing things differently and that could ultimately make or break your decision.

Check on daycare security and safety

Besides wanting a feeling that your child will be safe with the provider, you are going to want to make sure that the facility itself is secure. Be it a home or at a center, look around to see how difficult it would be for someone who doesn’t belong to get into areas where the children are.

Some places just buzz you in without knowing why you want to come inside (that is if they could not see you at the front door through a window or camera). Others make you enter a code to unlock the door. Our current center uses fingerprints to check our child in and out as well as to open the door.

While this once might have seemed a bit overboard, these days you certainly should make sure your child is safe whoever your daycare provider is.

Ask about programming, schedules

You are going to want to know what your child is doing all day. Are they just going to be playing with toys and crawling around, or will there be provider interaction to  stimulate their minds? Is there a set schedule your child will follow throughout the day? Is there time set aside to help them develop and learn?

Centers and in-home providers should send you home with a copy of their daily schedule to give you an idea of what your child will be doing while you are working away to afford for their care.

Be prepare to pay to best daycare

This is a big one, especially depending on your location.

We are currently spending more than our current mortgage payment to send our youngest to the center he is at. On a monthly basis, when the tuition hits our bank account, we take a hit. And it hurts.

But there is one thing to remember: this cost is short-lived relative to the life of your child.

The first few years of your child’s life is crucial to their development, and you are going to want the best for them, even if that means you have to live paycheck to paycheck until your little one hits a school age.

Get recommendations, read reviews

First, ask other parents you know for recommendations or their experiences. They already went through the process of trying to pick the best daycare, so find out how they made a choice and why.

Next, hit the internet. Check Facebook, Yelp, Google and so on … but you will want to take these with a grain of salt.

While one bad review can ruin your thoughts of a center, you will have to bear in mind that whatever the reason for the bad review was, it could have been an extenuating circumstance that caused it. There could have been a misunderstanding between the provider and the parent that caused the parent to speak out.

Regardless, you will want to hear what other parents say, and if you don’t know many people in the area, the internet is an excellent resource.

Your gut may pick the best daycare for you

A lot can be said for your gut. Did you feel right at home when you walked in? Did you feel comfortable with the people who would be taking care of your child? Was there something that thing that concerned you?

Whether you pick a daycare center or in-home provider for daycare, it can be a lot like picking out a new home: when you know, you just know. While there was one thing that concerned my wife and me with the center our youngest is now in, we were able to look past it, and it has become a non-issue.

Be open to change

Sometimes even the best daycare situation you find initially could bad or not work. You or your child may have a bad experience. Or a life event, like a job change, may happen and you may need to look for something that is a better financial, geographical or education fit for your family. Providers and centers change as well, and a change in management or a center’s policy could change your thinking about your provider.

While you may love a place, it is essential to understand that things change, and sometimes you and your child are not a fit for your current daycare situation.

A version of this “Pick the Best Daycare” first appeared on The Rookie Dad. Photo: Jelleke Vanooteghem on Unsplash

Today was a big day in our house. Well, not actually in the house, but a mere 15 minutes away.

It was the day our twin sons started preschool. The same sons we sang to in the NICU. The wee ones we once spent hours rocking to sleep late at night and early in the morning just three short years ago. Our little boys who I’m having a hard time now realizing aren’t so little anymore.

All the firsts we’ve gone through

The first time they rolled over. The moment they took those first steps. The transition from baby food to solids, and from bottles to sippy cups. Now their mother and I are faced with yet another milestone. They are officially in school. Granted, it’s only three hours a day and twice a week, but still — another step toward full-blown adulthood that is scary and exciting all at the same time.

Being a stay-at-home father is an incredible experience, but one that has really tainted my view of their new adventure. While I’m happy for the great strides they’ve made in their development over the past three-and-a-half years, I must admit it makes me a little sad. When they learned a new word or started quoting lines from a book we’ve read what seems like a thousand times before bed, it’s been their mother and I that could take credit. The alphabet? Their shapes and colors? The names of every single Peanuts character (including a couple with no names that we just made up)? The pats on the back go to their mother and me.

Tonight, at dinner, after only a week of formal education (or as formal as preschool can be considered), Carter sang a new song they learned today in his class of 13 unfamiliar faces.

Sing a Song of Preschool

“Alligator, alligator / butterfly, give mom a big hug,” he said in between bites of his sandwich. His brother then quickly joined in.

Looking at their mother with amusement, I jumped on “The Google.” The goal? To find this magical mystical song that had the two of them grinning from ear to ear. I found the reference to the alligator portion, even playing the accompanying video aloud. I watched as their faces lit up to the familiar tune. Their hands attempted to pantomime the gestures by the performers on my iPad.

Our two little men have returned from their first week of scholastic endeavors with the knowledge that didn’t come from their mom, myself, or an animated character on a children’s television program. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. Far from it, in fact. I realize that it’s only the beginning of their education. We want them to learn as much as they can from as many sources as possible. It’s part of the reason their mother and I spent the time we did carefully researching preschool curriculums. It’s also why we finally decided on the school we did. Especially at this very impressionable age, we wanted to make sure they were afforded every opportunity to learn as much as possible.

They’re Growing Up

It makes me stop and take a moment to really realize how grown-up they are becoming. It goes beyond just the things they learned at home like counting to 20 and knowing how to put their shirts on. The little song they sang to us tonight, complete with matching hand movements, is just the start of a new period in their lives where knowledge will start coming at them from all directions. Rather than being their only source of education, it is now our job to help them embrace the little bits of information they are collecting from school. Our task will be to reinforce the skills they are learning on a daily basis.

As painful as it is to see our “babies” growing up right before our eyes, we are truly up for the challenge. I have a feeling that we’re going to spend a lot more time googling parts of conversations and songs they share with us at dinner from here on out.

I’m glad that we have the alligator portion figured out. If anyone has a child in preschool and knows of this “butterfly – hug your mother” song, feel free to share. I’m afraid I may have just broken the internet looking for it.

A version of this first appeared on Double Trouble Daddy. Photo: ACPL via photopin (license)

Our 4-year-old daughter recently found love at the Montessori snack table.

My wife and I found her crush on this young boy endearing and heartbreaking. Even for puppy love, our girl approached it with a great deal of thought, effort, and mostly all of her heart. Her innocent questions to us about why mommy and daddy got married (love and friendship) led her into a declaration of marital intent with this poor unsuspecting young boy.

The boy responded to her proposal by insisting that not only was he not interested in marriage at the tender age of 4 but also that they would not even live nearby one another as adults. This broke my daughter’s heart, as puppy love tends to always end up doing. She found herself unable to fully express her hurt even as she tried talking to my wife and me about this situation at length. Her sweetness and sensitivity are much of what I love most about her, but also what makes me fearful of her teenage years. My wife and I are somewhat hopeless romantics. This poor kid of ours did not stand a chance.

The one positive thing from this puppy love experience is that I found that my daughter is willing to talk with me, her father, about these feelings. I understand that she is just 4 and when she turns 14 things will likely be much different, however, these are the five lessons I have learned from this experience as a father:

1. Let her know it is OK and normal to have these feelings. It would certainly be easy to dismiss this whole thing as toddler angst; however, it was an opportunity for her to learn that she can share her feelings with daddy.

2. Don’t get emotional. Behind closed doors, I would vent to my wife how I wanted to throttle this little boy. I made a point of not expressing that frustration with her.

3. Ask a question and let her talk. It’s often very easy to help a child complete a thought. We all do it. In this situation, I let her express what she wanted, how she wanted, even when it wasn’t quite decipherable. The more she talked, well, the more she talked.

4. Be honest with her. My wife and I plainly expressed that she is, of course, much too young to be worrying about marrying boys and should make many friends. It sounds silly, but I think that we have an opportunity at a young age to frame her idea of marriage, love and relationships.

5. Be the man that she will want someday. No one will ever be good enough for our little girl, but I can certainly set the bar for those young men that will undoubtedly darken my doorstep. They say that a girl’s first love is her father – we should take that seriously.

Puppy love photo by Jordan Rowland on Unsplash

Our 4-year-old daughter recently found love at the Montessori snack table.

My wife and I found her crush on this young boy endearing and heartbreaking. Even for puppy love, our girl approached it with a great deal of thought, effort, and mostly all of her heart. Her innocent questions to us about why mommy and daddy got married (love and friendship) led her into a declaration of marital intent with this poor unsuspecting young boy.

The boy responded to her proposal by insisting that not only was he not interested in marriage at the tender age of 4 but also that they would not even live nearby one another as adults. This broke my daughter’s heart. She found herself unable to fully express her hurt even as she tried talking to my wife and me about this situation at length. Her sweetness and sensitivity are much of what I love most about her, but also what makes me fearful of her teenage years. My wife and I are somewhat hopeless romantics. This poor kid of ours did not stand a chance.

The one positive thing from this experience is that I found that my daughter is willing to talk with me, her father, about these feelings. I understand that she is just 4 and when she turns 14 things will likely be much different, however, these are the five lessons I have learned from this experience as a father:

1. Let her know it is OK and normal to have these feelings. It would certainly be easy to dismiss this whole thing as toddler angst; however, it was an opportunity for her to learn that she can share her feelings with daddy.

2. Don’t get emotional. Behind closed doors I would vent to my wife how I wanted to throttle this little boy. I made a point of not expressing that frustration with her.

3. Ask a question and let her talk. It’s often very easy to help a child complete a thought. We all do it. In this situation, I let her express what she wanted, how she wanted, even when it wasn’t quite decipherable. The more she talked, well, the more she talked.

4. Be honest with her. My wife and I plainly expressed that she is, of course, much too young to be worrying about marrying boys and should make many friends. It sounds silly, but I think that we have an opportunity at a young age to frame her idea of marriage, love and relationships.

5. Be the man that she will want someday. No one will ever be good enough for our little girl, but I can certainly set the bar for those young men that will undoubtedly darken my doorstep. They say that a girl’s first love is her father – we should take that seriously.

Nothing stresses out parents in New York City more than making a decision about where they send their kids to school. Between public schools, private schools, charter schools, and Gifted and Talented programs, parents in NYC have choices. Many, like NYC Dads Group member Edward Yau, are immersed in application processes, paperwork, and school tours. Enjoy this guest from Edward as he begins his search for the “right” Pre-K for his son.

I can barely believe it, but the time has come for our little boy to go to Pre-K. Sort of, he won’t be entering Pre-k for another 9 months or so we hope. I’m speaking in these vague and indecisive terms because not only is getting your child into a NYC Pre-K terrifying and difficult, it is not guaranteed!

This is our first time going through the process and I started at level zero with absolutely no knowledge at all about what I was getting myself into. I have learned many facts through many late nights of research over the past several months, such as:

• The New York City Department of Education (NYCDOE) only has enough seats for about 65-70% of all Pre-K applicants
• Neither Pre-K nor Kindergarten is required by state law, so the NYCDOE is not obligated to provide those services
• Private school admissions deadlines are normally well in advance of the NYCDOE admissions process, which doesn’t start sending offers until June.

What parent doesn’t want the best education for their child? As the multitude of front page articles would tell you, the question of what makes a school good is both an ardent topic of debate and highly political. On top of that, this island of Manhattan seems to be in its own world when it comes to neurotic parents doing whatever it takes to get their children into whatever is considered the “best” school. I won’t soon forget a Today Show episode where a guest was pontificating that her young child’s $38,000 per year tuition was worth every penny, because it meant she would get into the Ivy League.

Manhattan parents have this reputation that they just care about the image of their children getting the best schooling at the best schools. While this may be true for those that could afford a $38,000/yr tuition, for us, we just want our child to actually learn something. I don’t believe that paying through the nose in tuition is going to guarantee a good education. Both of us went through the public school system and this Ivy Leaguer and NYU alum didn’t do too badly. In addition, I don’t believe that a school’s test scores offer the full picture of what goes on there. Scoring well on a test could be a matter of knowing how to take the test, as opposed to actually knowing the subject matter. How much do you actually remember from all those exams you aced in school? I surely don’t remember the difference between mitosis and meiosis and I would have never graduated without Cliff Notes.

Take one of the schools we visited recently. This school in our district is present on almost every top list I found online in terms of math and english language scores. Their model of teaching follows a rigid Chinese style approach that tests like crazy and assigns a ton of homework. While we were touring the school, I felt myself breaking into a cold sweat as the Pre-K teacher was barking commands at her group of overwhelmed 4-yr olds. The memories of all those unpleasant Saturdays spent at Chinese school (where I didn’t learn a thing!) came rolling back. Obviously, this school is not our choice for our son, test scores be damned!

Unfortunately, short of visiting every school, one doesn’t have much to go on when it comes to evaluating them outside the state test scores and those pesky letter grades the NYCDOE assigns to every school in the city. I was quite demoralized for awhile, as the schools we could choose from mostly graded an overall “C” or worse. One school even scored a ZERO on its performance grade. That’s right, goose egg! How does one score nothing on a test? The thing I learned about these letter grades is that the NYCDOE uses a bunch of very subjective factors to come up with them. Statistics are a funny thing, work them hard enough and you will always find the answer you want. The worst part is that these letter grades are highly political and no one seems to want to talk about them. I had to grill at least three educators before I could get a straight answer about what these NYC grades mean. My conclusion was to take the letter grades with a grain of salt and to compare them against the actual state score results. Then take a tour! There is nothing like a little face time to get to know a place. Talking to other parents also makes a big difference and the tour is a good place to do it. It was also great to see just as many Dads as Moms on these tours!

We believe in the public school system. Ideally, we’d like to get our son into a school where he could continue through 5th grade or later. We do fear the worst in that our son could potentially not be accepted to any Pre-K at all. But out of principal alone, we won’t be throwing away deposit money by entering him into a private program that he might not attend. Never mind the money, we could be selfishly taking a spot from someone else that really wants it. Sure, some may think that we’re gambling with our son’s education, but at the end of the day, I believe that a child’s development comes down to good parenting and then the child’s individual desire to succeed. And I believe that a child’s desire to succeed starts at home.

Edward Yau is a geek dad that writes code for his kid.