As soldiers of the Dad Army, one of our missions is to become an expert at bottle feeding. No problem, right? It’s part of one of the most important functions of our parenting duties — keeping the kid alive!

When my wife and I had our second child, I knew it was time once again for me to enter the fray. It had been nearly two years since bottle feeding my first child, but you know — the whole “riding the bike” thing. However, the battle lines were drawn rather quickly. 

The first few times went smoothly. My newborn daughter took to the bottle fairly easily. However, last week my wife was out for the day and this daddy was left in charge of his nearly three-month-old. It was a bigger disaster than when Napoleon tried to invade Russia.

My daughter wouldn’t take the bottle at all. She fought me tooth and nail. I fought back with agitation and frustration as she tugged on the frayed ends of my sanity. We were both getting upset. The day ended with an exhausted and hungry baby and an angst-filled father who was ready to grab his own bottle of whatever he could find, down it in an instant, and then for good measure, perhaps smash it over his head.

Why did this happen? Let me use an analogy. Let’s say you were planning to go out with some friends for a delicious steak dinner. You had two options for your meal:

• Option A: A Michelin-star steakhouse with a menu of mouth-watering main courses and sides that puts a rumble in the stomach just thinking about it.
• Option B: A hole-in-the-wall joint between the train station and a crack den where you play Russian roulette with E.coli just by looking in the window.

There’s no question where you would go to dine, right? 

Breast is best, but …

Breastfeeding is the best and most comforting thing for newborns. They get to eat. They are cozy and warm. They are as close to their mother as humanly possible. Breastfeeding releases oxytocin. According to a popular breastfeeding website, La Leche League International, “oxytocin’s role in breastfeeding includes causing nipple erection, increasing blood flow to the breast and to the mother’s skin (to keep the baby warm), enhancing the expression of instinctual behaviors (in mother and baby), contributing to the flow of nutrients from the blood into the mother’s milk, giving the mother a feeling of calmness, increasing tolerance of pain, and enhancing wound healing. Because of the feelings of calmness and emotional connection oxytocin generates in the nursing mother, it is often called ‘the mothering hormone.'” 

When they are first born, children are not privy to the difference between a bottle and the breast. However, at around the 2-month mark, it is quite common for the baby to reject the bottle. There is no substitution for nursing and babies certainly don’t want to downgrade to some artificial nipple substitute. How on earth can we achieve this zen-like state when replacing the real thing with silicone?

I needed to come up with a meaningful plan. 

Through some diligent research on the internet by my wife and my own “aha” findings, I came up with what I like to call “Six Pointers to Keep Calm and Bottle Feed Your Baby”. (Sponsorship from Six Point Brewery is pending).

1. Set the mood

Find a calm place to give your baby the bottle. Look for a place in the house where it’s quiet and dimly lit with a comfortable chair/couch for you to sit on. You want it to be a different place from where your partner or wife usually breastfeeds. Babies have an uncanny sense of things and if you try and give a bottle in the chair they usually breastfeed in it might throw them off. 

Have everything you need handy before you sit down. Burp cloth and bibs for baby, and water and a snack for yourself. Turn off your phone. You don’t want any distractions during this time. (This includes your partner/wife asking you, “How’s it going?”) If you have another child in the house, find something to keep them occupied as well. A calm place for bottle feeding is imperative to success.

2. Calm your mind and body

If you are stressed or in a poor mindset, you’re setting yourself up for imminent failure. Take a few deep breaths before you sit down with your baby. Put on some calming music. Do whatever you need to do to relax yourself. 

3. Smile and have fun

When you finally sit down and get situated, look at your baby and smile. This is a wonderful bonding moment and shouldn’t be a stressful war. Sing a quiet song or a silly nursery rhyme or limerick. This will put your baby at ease and make it enjoyable for both of you. Talk to your baby and let them know that this bottle they are about to have is going to be the best thing ever. Positivity goes a long way and your baby will sense it (like a Jedi does the force).

4. Be positively persistent

Your baby may reject your initial attempts to give the bottle. Be prepared for this and don’t freak out. Persist. Hold the bottle gently, but firmly, to your baby’s lips even when they shake their head and arch away. If it doesn’t work after a few minutes, put the bottle down and move it out of sight. Take this time to regroup yourself, keep calm, and remind yourself that it’s not your fault. After a few minutes, return, cuddle with your baby, tell them a joke or even make a funny fart sound. Then, again happily offer the bottle. It may take an hour for your baby to drink four ounces of milk the first time, but it will get better over time.

5. Stick to your guns

There are more brands and types of bottles on the market than there are parodies of the latest teeny-bopper hit. The key is to continue with the same bottle once you find one that works! Be consistent, and stick with it. Don’t get frustrated and start changing through bottles like Lady Gaga does outfits! 

6. Cut your losses 

There may be a point where your baby will not take the bottle despite all of your loving attempts. If the baby doesn’t want the bottle then, leave it be. I would recommend trying at least three times for at least 10 minutes each time to get the baby to take the bottle. Now, if your partner or wife is around, DO NOT give the baby to them to breastfeed immediately after a failed bottle feeding. This pretty much tells your baby that you’re waving the white flag and they have won. The best thing to do is to do something else for about 10 to 15 minutes. You can do tummy time, read a book or even bathe your baby. This break in the feeding action will disassociate the bottle from the breast.

There you have it Dad Army. I certainly hope this helps.

This article was first published in 2013 and recently updated. Father bottle feeding baby photo: © o_lypa / Adobe Stock.

“The most manly characteristic is to accept the responsibility of fathering a child” is one of many powerful suggestions Michael Byron Smith offers to help new fathers become the dad his child needs in his book, The Power of Dadhood, which I found a worthy and inspirational read even for a veteran dad of two (ages 6 and 2) like me.

The one area I find challenging is promoting confidence in my 6-year-old son. He is a reserved child at times and while I want him to be the star of his soccer team, I realistically curb my expectations. Smith writes “the challenge (for your child) must not exceed their capacity, or their confidence could diminish.” This is important as I’ve seen those maniacal father’s at ball games berating their child for not playing to the dad’s expectations. Smith continues on the concept of confidence in stating, “Confidence is not just expecting success, but also not fearing failure.”

My son won’t be the next Lionel Messi, but I certainly don’t want him to not try soccer due to his fear of failure. Certain drills he was apprehensive of trying, but after gentle coaxing he realized that he could do them and that boosted his morale. Fathers should work on developing good attitudes by supporting good attitudes which in turn results in children achieving their goals.

For a new father, there isn’t a handbook big enough to hold all the information one would need. However, I have found that letting your children know you love and care of them is one of the most important. As Smith writes in The Power of Dadhood, “By giving your children your attention, they will have evidence of their self-worth.”

When I am with my children, I put away my phone and tablet. I get happy when my daughter puts a puzzle together. I applaud my son when he builds the same Lego set for the 37th time. This attention displays my adoration and love, but provides my children with the fact that I am always here to support them.

The one section from Smith’s The Power of Dadhood I found most helpful is titled “Know the Power of Habits.” My children were instilled certain habits at a very young age (e.g. brushing their teeth right after the bath, knowing when time bedtime is, etc). Smith quips that politeness, sharing and saving are three habits we should ingrain in our children.

I agree that these three habits are a solid foundation to form your child’s life on; however, this can transcend to daily life skills as well. In addition, while routines are vital to help young children develop positive habits, it’s alright to break from the routine at times. Smith writes, “Routines beget habits, consistency, comfort and discipline. They are a safe place to return to but are not good to stay in constantly or forever. Routine for oler children can be a bore and not conducive for growth, so breaks from routine can be good, fun and also quite simple.”

A great example for me was being spontaneous with my children’s breakfast one Sunday morning. My wife was sleeping late, so I got the kids breakfast ready. In a random moment of creativity, I took their otherwise boring mini-waffle spheres and created “Mr. Waffle Face.”

The kids absolutely loved it and talked about it to everyone the rest of the day.

Smith, a retired military officer and civilian engineer, writes to the new father who did not receive love, compassion and support as a child. Today, our children are thrown into a sensory-overloaded world with competition and judgment surrounding every action taken. Fathers need to be that strong guiding hand yet have the conscience to be there both physically and mentally.

To sum up Smith’s words of wisdom, one of his dad tips states: “Some key areas where the power of dadhood is truly revealed include helping your children achieve self-reliance, build self-confidence, use and enjoy their imagination for life, and learn to set, plan for and achieve age-appropriate goals. All will serve them well as they mature in to adult-hood.”

New Yorker Lianne Bassin sees herself as a “bridge-builder between worlds” because she utilizes her background as a singer, early childhood teacher and yoga instructor serve as the backbone for her debut album Breathe In: Children’s Songs for Mindfulness & Awareness.

I’m desperately in search of an alternative to listening to Idina Menzel sing about frozen fractals whenever I’m in a musical mood with my 6- and a 2-year-old. Breathe In not only is a refreshing sound in the car but also the content of Bassin’s lyrics inspires children to open their minds to become mindful of themselves and others.

Interesting idea right? Toddlers and pre-schoolers are mentally in the ego stage where it’s all about them. There’s nothing that can rework the hard wiring of a 4-year-old’s brain who has reached Defcon 1 on the meltdown counter because he will not clean up his room. Bassin’s 20-song album contains songs that groove with messages of calmness and peace. For example, in “Breathe In” she sings:

Breathe in and notice your body
Breathe out and calm your body
Open your heart and let others in

Intertwined with spoken-word quips from children like “When I take a deep breathe I feel calm” the song actually served as a relaxation peace (pun intended) for my own son who was battling with the challenge of transitioning from Legos to dinnertime. Titles such as “Bye, Bye Thoughts” and “Hugging Words” put many of the lectures we have with our children into extremely happy tunes.

As a parent, it’s very challenging and often frustrating to guide our children to follow good behavior and make smart decisions. Whether it’s sharing toys with a friend or finding a different coping mechanism with anger instead of launching a Matchbox car across the room and putting a nice little dent in the living room wall, Bassin’s album is chock filled with songs that can assist these situations through song. Another wonderful example lies within the track “Listening Within.” Bassin sings (and whistles) inspiring lyrics such as:

I’m in control of my situation
Now I’m mad
I might not be so mad later
I have the choice to make myself feel so much better

Bassin’s voice exudes happiness and an overall calmness in her songs. Backed by her guitar and some catchy, toe-tapping beats the album delivers a wonderful alternative to songs about building snowmen and listening to Elmo sing about splishing and splashing.

The album is available for purchase on iTunes, Amazon and on bandcamp page.

Dear Mom, Peter Wilson‘s second poetic book about parents, spins a tale of an old man writing a letter to his mother. The letter focuses on the impact the author’s mother had throughout his life, from singing to him as a baby all the way to his life as a father.

Wilson’s simple lines (“But even so, I had you with me, in a special way, because you taught me how to be the man I am today”) deliver a deeper meaning of the relationship between mother and son.

My mother and I have a special relationship. While she may pluck at my strings of patience with her “motherly” advice and requests, in the end, I find her to be a guide in many areas of life.

I recall the day my parents dropped me off at college quite vividly. It was a hot, steamy August afternoon in Bloomington, Ind., and I stood outside the circle of my dorm room as the ebb and flow of anxious and excited freshmen swoped past me. My dad hugged me and whispered, “Good luck, son. I’m proud of you.” My mother’s eyes rained tears of happiness, joy, sadness and several emotions I probably couldn’t fathom or understand. They drove off and immediately the next stage of my life began.

As a parent of two, I am beyond fortunate to have her close enough to be a consistent babysitter which has brought her closer to me, my wife and certainly my children. In fact, whenever my mother is around my kids, my daughter wants nothing to do with anyone except her. In addition to her being a beloved “Nana” to my children, my mother continues to instill confidence and advice in my parenting life daily. That is quite special.

Wilson’s journey through his life with his own mother emulates many of ours. From the trials and tribulations of growing up, followed by the utter chaos of parenthood we dads now face daily, his letter quips a few of his mother’s own quotes. For example, he writes:

When I’d worry about the future; money, house and cars,
You’d say, ‘Life’s a journey, not a destination — what’s important is who you are.

Simple, powerful and sensible.

Illustrated by Carol Matsuyama, Dear Mom writes of a son’s love for his mother throughout the years. It’s a short read but one that our moms would absolutely adore to the point of crying with happiness knowing what a special place they hold in our hearts … even if they still tell us we don’t eat enough vegetables.

While some advice in Wisdom For Dad may not resonate with all Hugh Weber’s book has enough material to educate a new dad and teach an old dog, like me, some new tricks.

Father’s Day is our celebration day. It’s when we grin at the makeshift mugs our kids created and the promise of a day of relaxation. However, Father’s Day should really be a day for us to embrace our roles in our children’s lives, which includes instilling wisdom in them to help them become good citizens and helpful members of society.

Now, try dispensing that wisdom in 140 characters or less.

Hugh Weber, a staple of the fatherly Twitter community, wrote his book Wisdom For Dad based on a variety of tweets on fatherhood he compiled over time, including some of his own. He breaks his book into four parts: Wisdom, Work, Play and Do Good. Each section dedicates a page to a tweet making it quite easy to flip to any page and take away something useful to start your dad day with.

Some give great tips such as, “Store spare diapers in every open nook and cranny. The first day you don’t have a spare and need one will be the worst day. Ever.” Others touch on a spiritual side, such as “Faith, family, work. Keep things in that order and you’ll be an amazing dad (and husband, employee, etc)” from @PaulTenHaken. One thing that is reassuring is some of the tweets expose dad’s humble side @SaffaZimbo contributed “Set clear discipline boundaries and consistently enforce them (something I’m not very good at).” Of course what would fatherhood be without humor as @dawashington adds “No one told me about this, so I’m telling you: at some point your kid’s favorite word with be penis. Just roll with it.”

As a father of a 5-year-old boy and 18-month-old girl, I’m proud to say some of these quips have helped me greatly. One is this from @paterfamilius1, “The most important work you can do is within the walls of your own home,” hold especially true from me, an active father who finds himself cleaning the house or whipping up dinner at a moment’s notice.

While some advice contained in Wisdom For Dad may not resonate with all (@Daddy_Lessons offers: “Future parents, want some practice? Wake up to death metal at 2am, and try solving a calculus problem”); Hugh Weber’s book has enough material to educate a new dad and teach an old dog, like me, some new tricks.

There is a significant difference between a father’s relationship with a son and with a daughter.

My 4-year old son and I have formed a wonderful bond, balancing the art of fatherhood with sprinklings of playmate, friend and “buddy.” My goal is help him become the man that he is destined to be.

So, when I grit my teeth in sheer frustration when he will not participate in his T-Ball league, it’s understandable. Right? If he is going to get mad when I tell him to flush after he goes to the bathroom, well he’s going to have to deal with it. Right? As men, we have responsibilities to uphold. We need to teach our sons what they are and how to properly handle them.

On the other side of fatherhood, sits my 10-month old daughter, my angel, the apple of my eye and my shining beacon of happiness in a sometimes world of unbridled chaos. I find myself just staring at her as she explores her surroundings completely unaware what this world has to offer her. In his short but sweet book, Daddy’s Little Girl, Peter Wilson takes the reader through a timeline of a father and daughter’s life.

Each segment of the book, from birth through the day of her marriage ends in with the same paragraph:

“It’s alright, it’s okay
Save your tears for another day
Things may change in this big, crazy world,
But you’ll always be Daddy’s little girl”

The love a father has for his daughter is unique. I’ve discovered this in a mere 10 months. In most cases, she can do no wrong in my eyes. All it takes is for her to babble, “Da da… Da da…” and my heart melts. At times, I wish she could stay in this innocent and joyful state forever. But, little girls grow up into teenage girls and along with that come boys, clothing, peer pressure and general cattiness of teenagers.

Wilson’s book is illustrated by Carol Matsuyama, whose vivid portraits accompany the text seamlessly. From the pink toddler bedroom to the white wedding at the end, the pictures kept me smiling throughout. While I’m certainly not ready to handle a mohawked punk in a leather jacket coming to the front door to pick up my daughter, I found Wilson’s journey through fatherhood to be one that we all expect. While everyone’s journey is different, our little girls are going to grow up whether we like it or not.

In the meantime, I’m going let my daughter shove her fingers up my nose if it makes her giggle. After, she is my little girl.

NOTE: You can purchase a copy of Daddy’s Little Girl from the author’s website  daddyslittlegirlbook.com.

Many of us had lives before parenthood enveloped us in her whimsical blanket of chaos.

Some played sports regularly. Others immersed themselves in a hobby. Some would even meet up with the guys for a good old-fashioned jam session.

Well, rocker dads – it’s time to take back the power.

Realta Entertainment Group will release BandFuse: Rock Legends for the PS3 and X360 this fall. This music video game differs from the plastic button-mashing guitars of Rock Band and such in that users can use their real guitars and basses.

That’s right, plug into the included adapter, and in minutes you can be practicing your chromatic scales and finger-tapping again.

I recently attended a closed-door BandFuse demo hosted by associate game designer and critically acclaimed heavy metal guitarist Marcus Henderson, whose resume includes extensive work on the hit music game Guitar Hero. It took Henderson about a year to come up with the ultimate set list of songs for the game, ranging from Alanis Morissette to Living Colour to Blue Oyster Cult to a plethora of modern-day metal hits from groups such as Dream Theater.

Unlike previous music video games, you don’t need to play well to unlock new content in BandFuse. All 50 tracks are available when you open the box. An additional 40+ tracks will be available via download.

BandFuse also avoids “pass/fail” critiquing and instead focuses on real-world tablature. Animated tablature simplifies the music for beginnings, showing them exactly where to put their fingers and when to strum. For advanced guitarists, the opportunity to rip the solo in Pearl Jam’s “Alive” note for note is there for the taking.

“The purpose of the game is to make you a better player, to learn and enjoy playing guitar at your own pace,” said Henderson, who proceeded to rip through a quick demo of Rush’s “Limelight” (on hard level).

In addition to guitars, users can plug in a bass guitar and a microphone to become the next great three-piece rock band.

Some exciting BandFuse features enable you to add your own authentic amp and pedal effects. For example, if you wanted to put a little oompf into Blind Melon’s shiny happy hit “No Rain,” you can add some distortion and make it sound way more rocking.

One of Henderson’s favorite options is “Shred U.” This feature is chock-full of lessons and interviews with some of the musicians who contributed original content to the game, such as Slash, Bootsy Collins and Zakk Wylde.

The “Lick Lab” section enables users to focus on any part of a song, giving them total control in mastering every bit of even the most technical tunes. Henderson painstakingly broke down every song in the game’s catalog to provide this feature.

When I had my shot to test BandFuse, I went with the modern-day metal tune “The Bleeding” by Five Finger Death Punch. Since my real guitar skills pale greatly to my air-guitar skills, I opted for the beginning level. As I can read music and know the strings and location of the frets, I did pretty well on my first go.

In addition to following the notes, a music video and the lyrics accompany every song which makes it that much more interactive and fun.

While Henderson (a father as well might I add) is greatly influenced by heavy metal (his top three guitarists at the time of questioning were Denis “Piggy” D’Amour from Voivod, Chuck Schuldiner from Death, and Kirk Hammett from the mighty Metallica), his love of music is wide. His music catalog ranged from The Black Crowes to Black Flag to Art Garfunkel. His love and passion for music is reflected in this game as a gift to those who just want to enjoy playing guitar.

“The purpose of this game is not to sell guitars. It’s to have fun playing,” Henderson said as I excitedly pointed out he had Nekrogoblikon in his iTunes catalog.

While it’s difficult to “get the band back together,” BandFuse creates the opportunity to strap on your axe again and rock out … between diaper changes, that is.

Editors Note:  We’re huge fans of Jimmy Fallon so we were pumped to discover a few months ago that he was the executive producer behind the new TV sitcom, “Guys With Kids.”  You know, the show with the huge posters displaying three macho dads sporting sunglasses & wearing their babies in carriers.  An awesome visual!  While we think Fallon has a ripe opportunity to display what it means to be a “good dad” while still being hilarious, we were sorely disappointed with show.  If he’s looking for plot ideas, we’ve got 650 local NYC Dads who would be willing to share their experiences.  Below is a guest post by NYC Dads Group member, Seth Leibowitz, as he shares his opinions about the new show, “Guys With Kids.” And, check out this clip of Jimmy Fallon & the co-stars on the Today Show discussing how he conceived of the idea for the show.

Remember in the movie Total Recall (the original with Arnold Schwarzenegger and not the eyesore of a remake with Colin Farrell)  when the cab driver Benny says “Man… I’ve got five kids to feed!”