Dear Dads-To-Be,

Being with your significant other when she delivers your baby is a slippery slope. It’s an incredible experience but, at the same time, being in the delivery room during the birth offers many opportunities for a dad-to-be to make a fool of himself.

Don’t be that dad.

Before the big day, you need to understand some unwritten rules, a protocol of sorts, for delivery room dads. While a few may be common sense, most I had to learn the hard way. As a three-time father, I’m here to help. Follow these Do’s and Don’ts for Delivery Room Dads and you will be well on your way to Super Dad status.

Before Labor

Do bring an extra layer of clothes. If your wife wants the delivery room thermostat set at 58 degrees, guess what? The room will be 58 degrees. So bundle up.

Don’t ask for anything for yourself. Nurses are there to take care of your wife, not get you a blanket.

Do have your own bag packed ahead of time (your wife likely packed hers a month ago).

Don’t wait until your wife is laboring at home to ask her advice on what you should pack for the hospital.

Do have a car seat ready and properly installed for your baby before you even get to the hospital.

Don’t walk around the halls of the hospital with it still in the box.

Do practice changing a diaper ahead of time (on a doll … with the help of YouTube or a New Dad Boot Camp class, if necessary).

Don’t think you’re less of a man for doing so.

Do bring snacks.

Don’t think the hospital’s “nourishment room” is going to be stocked with all sorts of deliciousness. We’re talking peanut butter or crackers. Both if you’re lucky.

During Labor

Do remain calm.

Don’t say things like, “That’s so gross!” Think it all you want, just DON’T SAY IT ALOUD!

Do bring a camera and politely ask a nurse to take some pictures if that’s what your wife wants.

Don’t take a selfie while your wife is laboring in the background and post it to social media. That’s grounds for removal from the room or the family depending on how lenient your wife is.

Do hold your wife’s hand … BUT ONLY IF SHE ASKS YOU TO!

Don’t rub your wife’s legs and feet if she’s had an epidural … remember she’s numb down there, dummy.

Do be empathetic. Gents, I’m pretty sure it’s a pain we can’t comprehend.

Don’t compare your wife’s labor pain to one you’ve previously experienced like that time you hit your finger with a hammer. And don’t make a sex joke of any kind – remember that’s how you got her into this situation in the first place.

Do stand off to the side of the room and slowly slide down a wall if you’re feeling faint.

Don’t ignore it and pass out in the middle of the delivery room floor. (Delivery room dads — think: Do you really want medical treatment from an OB/GYN?)

Do be in the room the entire time.

Don’t wander. Side note: I almost missed the delivery of our third baby while I was in the waiting room telling my mom to go home because I didn’t think my wife was going to have a baby that night. I am not an expert in labor time management and neither are you.

During and After Delivery

Do participate in the delivery.

Don’t mistake the umbilical cord for “other” anatomy and shout, “IT’S A BOY!”

Do cut the cord if you’re asked.

Don’t be gentle with the scissors. You’ve gotta squeeze those things hard – that cord is like a garden hose.

Do offer to wash the baby when the time comes.

Don’t be afraid of the meconium – it won’t last forever. If you don’t know what meconium is, Google it. But not at mealtime.

Oh, and I almost forgot one final thing … Do cry your eyes out. The day your child is born is the most amazing day of your life.

A version of Delivery Room Dads first appeared in Indy’s Child. Photo: © Gorodenkoff / Adobe Stock.

It’s been six years since NYC Dads Group began showing first-time and expectant fathers the ropes about bringing up baby through New Dad Boot Camps and, after helping hundreds of these men, the program is as strong as ever.

Dates for the three-hour workshops that teach baby-care basics and feature a frank conversation about issues like work-life balance, how to be a good partner and more have been announced for the start of 2018. More are certain to come as the demand for the program has been steady over the years.

“New Dad Boot Camps are always an amazing and invigorating reaffirming of the work we do to help make today’s fathers an active part of parenting in the modern world,” said NYC and City Dads Group co-founder Lance Somerfeld, who frequently facilitates the local workshops. “The best part is always seeing our ‘veteran’ fathers sharing their experiences and wisdom with a new group of men who are eager to be real participants in their children’s lives.”

If you are a man expecting your first child or know someone who is, New Dad Boot Camp is where you can learn the basics of being a helpful, active father.

New Dads Boot Camps feature not only fathers and fathers-to-be, but also actual babies. This allows the workshop participants to get true hands-on experience in the area of changing diapers, feeding, holding and soothing infants — all under the direction of a nationally certified trainer (an NYC Dads Group member).

“It’s the parenting class I wish I had before the birth of our first child,” Somerfeld said. “The birthing class that I participated in was a far cry from New Dads Bot Camp – we’d be in a cramped room with 40 other parents, being lectured to, and practicing on a doll.”

New Dads Boot Camp usually have between a half dozen to a dozen participants. In addition to practical child care skills, one of the main features of the events are a candid, judgment-free conversation on topics about dealing with in-laws and relatives, the martial changes and stresses brought on by the birth of a first child, and the fears of fatherhood.

The NYC Dad Boot Camps have received national media attention and rave reviews from participants over the years.

She’s didn’t ask us about our favorite Supreme Court rulings and we didn’t claim to see Russia from our homes.

Those were among the many successes NYC Dads Group had when journalist/talk show host Katie Couric recently interviewed some of our members on what we know best — being a modern father.

The first video segment looks at our New Dad Boot Camp classes and is up right now on her “Katie’s Take” section of Yahoo! News.

The second segment, in which we talk about being at-home dads with a breadwinning wives, airs tomorrow, Wednesday, June 19, on her syndicated talk show Katie. The show airs at 3 p.m. on WABC, Ch. 7, in the NYC area. If you live elsewhere, go to her website to find the show time and channel.

Katie Couric peers from behind NYC Dads Group members Joe McLaughlin, Kevin McKeever and Lance Somerfeld in the guests’ green room of her ‘Katie’ syndicated talk show.

BootCamp For New Dads and NYC Dads Group As Featured on NBC’s TODAY SHOW….

When I had my son four years ago, there were less than a dozen dad blogs that I cared about, two or three books on the market covering fatherhood, and no classes or workshops offered locally specifically geared towards new and expectant fathers.  I was thrust into fatherhood when our son was born a month early – ill prepared – never got to those books, never got the nursery prepared, and didn’t even have our emergency bags packed.  For me (and most other parents), we learn most of our parenting skills on the job, going with our gut or instincts, and through trial & error.  But, it could’ve been an easier transition into parenthood if a workshop like Boot Camp for New Dads had been available to me.  Boot Camp for New Dads is a national organization that’s been around for twenty years and is available in forty-six states, but NOT New York City…until about a year ago.

Fatherhood adds a new dimension to our lives that sometimes is overlooked leading up to the birth of our new additions. When my daughter was born, I was so caught up in the excitement of having a child that my new role didn’t set in for a few weeks. It was after I returned to work that I truly realized it was no longer just my wife and me; I was helping to provide for my daughter as well. We now had the responsibility of our little girl and needed to do whatever it took to do so. So, like many men with this epiphany, my first reaction was to dive deeper and deeper into work. Unfortunately for me, that was not very fulfilling in the long run. I ultimately was at a loss when it came to managing this new area of my life. I became unhappy with how my work and home life didn’t seem to mesh very well.

When my wife returned to work, I took a week off to help her ease back into her new routine. During that week home with my 4-month-old, I realized that what I was missing most was spending one-on-one time with her. I wanted to be as hands-on as possible and build a relationship from an early age. For this to happen, something needed to change in my routine. I needed to figure out how to balance my work responsibilities and still be fulfilled as a dad.

My solution was to start changing my priorities. I had to remain working to help support the family; so how else could I get more time with my daughter if I wasn’t home? I started to work from home a few days a week. I am privileged to work for a company that allows more agility at work so that we can spend more time with our families. By doing this, it allowed me to watch my daughter throughout the day and be able to interact with her for more than a few hours at night. As she grew and my work demands changed, I started to block out lunch dates where I would pick her up from the sitter and take her to a Gymboree class in the middle of the day. This became a standard appointment on my calendar. She loves Gymboree and I enjoy having the ‘daddy and me’ time. In looking for other ‘daddy and me’ activities, I came across the NYC Dads Group. This amazing group of dads has been a resource of activities and support. I started to volunteer with my daughter on Saturdays at New Dad Boot Camp, where I often feel that I walk away getting more out of the experience than the “expectant dads”. By making these changes, I was able to maintain my job and fit in ‘daddy and me’ activities throughout the week, where time allowed; it also made a big impact on my relationship with my daughter.

As a family, my wife and I became members of the Long Island Children’s Museum and Wildlife Conservation Society, which offer many activities for us to enjoy as a family. Seeing how fast our daughter’s first year has passed, we realized that if we don’t take the time now to do these things with her, we will be missing out on making many fun memories.

The key for me to obtain the balance I wanted was the willingness to try new things and step out of my comfort zone. I tend to be a ‘behind the scenes’ kind of guy, not ‘Mr. Social’. Finding the NYC Dads Group was one of the best things I did for myself in 2012. I needed to push myself to get involved and not only did I make several new friends, but it also turned out to be a great experience for my daughter to meet other children.

About the author

Dan G. is an involved father to a 15-month-old daughter Christina.  Dan joined the NYC Dads Group in 2012 and has become an involved member both with meetups and our New Dads Bootcamp. Follow Dan on Twitter: @NYCDanG. Photo by Mikael Stenberg on Unsplash

Becoming parents for the first time is a special moment that also comes with a number of uncertainties and fears, especially for dads. With this in mind, a parent class specifically implemented to prepare expectant fathers. Luz Plasencia of NY1 News, covered the story.

I am a loyal subscriber and avid reader of Time Out New York (TONY): KIDS monthly magazine. In fact, I have been hooked on the Time Out brand ever since studying abroad in London in 1994, and using Time Out: London to hit local happenings on the cheap.

For all new and expecting parents, you will want to grab a copy of the new Time Out New York Kids January/February 2012, Baby Issue. Basically, it hits the high notes on so many important and relevant resources for new parents from Expectant Parent classes, Parent & Me classes (unfortunately still labeled mommy & me classes), new parent social and support groups, local babysitting agencies so you can maintain date night post-baby, as well as popular indoor playspaces.

Page 24 provides the lead in to the wonderful roundup spotlighting several important parent groups in NYC. The article, BEST PARENTING GROUPS IN NYC, gives a gentle nudge to “join one of these parenting groups for support, advice, and much needed nights out.” Seek out a new parents groups in New York City; Join one and your social calendar (and your babe’s) will be filled up in no time. The round-up includes nice spotlights on our NYC Dads Group, BabyBites, Astoria Moms Group, Bronx New Mommies Group, Family-Wellness Solutions, and the uber popular Park Slope Parents. The brief piece about our dynamic group includes a little history on how the group was formed, the type of events & activities we engage in with our kids, and of course, an action photo of the dads having a blast with their kids at The Little Gym of the Upper West Side. It was great to see that our New Dad Boot Camps was mentioned as well as part of the comprehensive programming at well know parenting venue, Tribeca Parenting.  Huge props to Time Out New York Kids for being so supportive and inclusive of fathers and for including the NYC Dads Group as one of the best parenting groups in NYC. We are honored and most grateful! Were also hopeful that the article will provide some guidance so a few new dads will join our awesome group.

Recently, an expectant father approached me at the New Parent Expo (an exciting event drawing a few thousand new and expectant parents in the NY Metro area), and pulled me aside.  He said quite frankly, “listen, I want to get prepared to be a dad, what is the SHORT LIST of resources that I NEED?”  Well, my answer was to pick up one new book on fatherhood, watch Dr. Harvey Karp’s Happiest Baby on the Block DVD, as well as enrolling in a New Dad Boot Camp workshop.

What is New Dad Boot Camp & Why is it so important for expectant dads?

This question was hard for me to answer until I finally had the opportunity to participate in our first workshop last weekend in Brooklyn at Tribeca Parenting.  An invigorating experience – a frank conversation about the anxiety of becoming a new father, how to juggle work-life, how to be a good partner, managing relatives, and more.  What struck me as the most intriguing part of this workshop taught by veteran dads for new and expectant dads was the practical part of the workshop.

Having two babies involved in the workshop provided true hands-on experience for these expectant dads to get their “hands dirty” by changing a diaper on a child (not a doll), feeding a couple of bottles and burping the baby,  watching the veteran dads attempt to soothe their baby, and watching the little ones nap in their arms.  this takes hands-on to a whole new level.  A far cry from the birthing class that I took when I was an expectant dad in a cramped room with 40 other parents, being lectured to by a parenting expert, and learning to swaddle and hold a baby by using a doll.

New Dads Boot Camp was a candid conversation where no topic was off limits.  It was not a lecture!  It was a relaxed roundtable conversation where dads opened up about being vulnerable, making mistakes, soliciting advice…all in the name of being a good dad.

We can go on and on about the positive experience & benefits of New Dads Boot Camp for all expectant fathers in New York City.  Instead, we will leave you with the testimonials in the video above created by Tim Mulvaney, a valued NYC Dads Group member & one of our local New Dad Boot Camp instructors.  Plus, check out below, a small round-up of media attention from some of our favorite local media outlets.

Our request: Please share this with at least one new expectant family in New York City.  We have two more workshops at Tribeca Parenting this month (Nov 5 on UES  / Nov 12 in Tribeca) & two more classes just added in January. Dads Don’t always ask for directions or like to read the manual – so please share with them this new and exciting resource!  thanks

The NYC Dads Group is a community of dads that believe that fathers can be just as nurturing (or distant), capable (or inept), and confident (or scared) as mothers. We also know that when a dad is engaged through pregnancy, birth, and the first weeks of his child’s lives, he sets the foundation for a life as an active and involved parenting partner.

The 92nd Street Y Parenting Center, part of the Wonderplay Program for early childhood eduction, is the all-inclusive program for New York families. Help us celebrate the 25th anniversary of our groundbreaking Parenting Center by taking advantage of classes for infants, toddlers, their parents and other caregivers. We also offer workshops for expecting and adopting families.
Boot Camp for New Dads is a nationally acclaimed program that has reached over 300,000 Dads over the last 20 years. Boot Camp is validated by research and has been named a best practice by many organizations that consider it an exceptional means of supporting dads-to-be.