Dads are starting to whisper more loudly than ever about struggling to strike a balance between work and family obligations that mothers have been talking about for years. We know this because as we are meeting up each week with groups of dads in our community – juggling career, family, and personal time – is a frequent topic of discussion.  In fact, work-life balance is a common concern with most expectant fathers that participate in our weekly Boot Camp for New Dad Workshops.  These expectant dads are asking important questions: Do other dads move to a more flexible schedule when they have children?  What are some best practices that other dads use to carve out time with their little ones during the work week?  I plan to take two weeks off when the baby is born, is that enough time? How much time should I be taking off from work for my first child? What do other dads do about reducing travel when they start a family?

Not surprisingly, increased numbers of research studies (mentioned below) are focusing on family and career struggles as well as a microscope on dads as they fit into the equation.  We try to highlight some of the current research on this site, but continually reference The Families and Work Institute national study. Some interesting findings:

• The Families and Work Institute did a national study of the workforce in 2008 and found that for the first time in history, more men reported experiencing work-life conflict than women–60 percent versus 47 percent. 
• fathers average three more hours of work per week than their childless male counterparts!
• Men with working wives felt more stress than those with a stay-at-home partner.

This week, Redbook published a relevant article, “The New Daddy Guilt,” that is based on their recent POLL, phone interviews, and drawing upon the mounds of recent research about family and work balance:

“He works! He nurtures! He’s exhausted. But today’s working dads still don’t feel they’re doing enough, well enough. Sound familiar, moms?… Dads now teeter on the tightrope of work and family obligations that moms have been walking for decades, and it’s stressing them out….In interview after interview, fathers said the same thing: If you’re not disappointing the boss, you’re disappointing the other boss–the one who just lost a tooth.”

Christopher Helman, a 38-year-old journalist from Houston, works from home, divides up parenting tasks with his wife–and clears time for fun: “Some days I’ll drop everything to play or ride bikes, and I’ll get back on my laptop after they go to bed. I remember exactly zero times that my dad or stepdad played with me on a weekday afternoon, and I think I’m closer to my kids because of that.”

Congratulations to Redbook, a magazine that has typically turned me off or sent me running in the other direction in the past with so much of its content written for mom.

With this piece, it provides such an engaging piece about the modern dad and those that love us. We hope to see more frequent articles and content geared for both involved parents in the home! 

If you follow our blog, you will realize that RedBook Magazine published an article this month that confirms what we have been blabbing about for quite some time – communities of dads are forming across the nation in a big way!  And not just in the major metropolitan cities either.  Check out Happy to Be a Stay-at-Home Dad: Stay-at-home dads are forming groups all over the country By Douglas Quenqua (a talented writer based in NYC).

Quenqua takes a tour around the country by spotlighting four large groups of dads: Washington D.C., Austin, Kansas City, and Portland.  These groups vary in size from 75 – 500 members, but you will notice from the numerous dads quoted in the article that these fathers are confident in their role as being nurturing, active, and totally involved in their children’s lives.  For me, reading the article was entertaining because I would consider one of our coolest NYC dad Group outings as renting a Luxury Box at the Staten Island Yankees Game with our children….and that is so different than the Kansas City dudes who went as a group with their kids to NASCAR…and met Danica Patrick!

Quenqua writes, “There are support networks aplenty if you’re a stay-at-home mom, but if you’re a full-time dad, good luck gaining entry. “I know what an episiotomy is, but if you’re a woman, you probably don’t want to talk about it with me,” says Shannon Carpenter, a dad in Kansas City, MO, who, like a growing number of American men, stays home to care for his two kids. Feeling a bit out of place at local mommy-and-me classes, Shannon and other fathers have banded together into what might be described as fraternities for 30-somethings: stay-at-home-dad groups. Some form after guys meet at their kids’ school functions, others are born out of Facebook groups and Craigslist postings; most of them meet at least once a week, usually at a playground or one guy’s home. And memberships are rising.”

Sure, local park, playground, and museum outings and playgroup at someone’s home is covered in the article.  Yes, dads groups are a necessity for guys who like to do so much on their own for socialization and support as they navigate parenthood.  Other important things that dads groups are doing that was not mentioned are partnering with local parenting organizations to establish better resources for fathers like new dads classes as well as daddy & me classes, hosting workshops covering common parenting topics like preschool admissions, potty training, introducing solid foods, and discipline, hosting meaningful screenings and author discussions to equip us with tools and best practices on becoming a better dad, using websites and social media to share articles and resources, and working with their local community to move the conversation forward about fatherhood.   Additionally, I would like to add, that many of the dads groups these days are not strictly for Stay-at-Home-Dads…they are open to dads of all stripes including working dads who do not get enough credit.
Huge props to RedBook Magazine for recognizing the surge and necessity of dads groups as well as our friends in Kansas City, D.C, Portland, and Austin for providing such a positive image of fatherhood!