The best thing my wife ever did for me after my son was born was nothing.

Let me explain.

Babies were a mystery to me when my son was born. Lamaze classes are great, but once you’re holding that squirming and peeing baby, everything goes out the window. The only thing I was confident doing when my son was born was changing diapers. I used to work with developmentally disabled adults and had changed thousands of diapers, so I had diapering down.

Everything else? Clueless.

Clueless, but fearless. I was completely confident that I was going to “get it.” And I was determined to do so.

My wife was equally confident I would be able to understand how to go about taking care of a baby. She would leave me alone with our new baby without worry.

Within days of our baby’s birth, I was alone with a crying little guy who I had no idea how to quiet. I walked around, danced, bobbed, did everything I could to help calm him, but time and again I failed. I tried to give him a bottle, but that also didn’t work. He was unhappy and I didn’t know how to hold him.

So there we were: two guys who didn’t know one another.

But my wife left us alone, and we figured it out.

My wife never yanked him from my arms and said, “Hold him this way.”

She never yelled, “You’re doing it wrong!”

She let me figure it out on my own.

My wife understands how I learn things. I’m like a lot of guys, I learn from being in the moment. I learn by doing things with my hands. Looking back, it must have been frustrating for her to watch the two of us struggle, but those struggles were important so that we could understand one another.

All too often I hear from new dads whose wives make them feel incompetent. This makes them not want to bond with the baby, let alone be unable to bond. Constantly fearing you’re doing it wrong and you’ll be scolded for doing so is not the way to start a parenting partnership. I don’t know if my wife consciously did this for me or if it was simply the result of being exhausted from delivering and breastfeeding.

Whatever the reason was, what she did was good for me.

A version of this first appeared on One Good Dad. Photo: Contributed by Greene Family.

Dear Dads-To-Be,

Being with your significant other when she delivers your baby is a slippery slope. It’s an incredible experience but, at the same time, being in the delivery room during the birth offers many opportunities for a dad-to-be to make a fool of himself.

Don’t be that dad.

Before the big day, you need to understand some unwritten rules, a protocol of sorts, for delivery room dads. While a few may be common sense, most I had to learn the hard way. As a three-time father, I’m here to help. Follow these Do’s and Don’ts for Delivery Room Dads and you will be well on your way to Super Dad status.

Before Labor

Do bring an extra layer of clothes. If your wife wants the delivery room thermostat set at 58 degrees, guess what? The room will be 58 degrees. So bundle up.

Don’t ask for anything for yourself. Nurses are there to take care of your wife, not get you a blanket.

Do have your own bag packed ahead of time (your wife likely packed hers a month ago).

Don’t wait until your wife is laboring at home to ask her advice on what you should pack for the hospital.

Do have a car seat ready and properly installed for your baby before you even get to the hospital.

Don’t walk around the halls of the hospital with it still in the box.

Do practice changing a diaper ahead of time (on a doll … with the help of YouTube or a New Dad Boot Camp class, if necessary).

Don’t think you’re less of a man for doing so.

Do bring snacks.

Don’t think the hospital’s “nourishment room” is going to be stocked with all sorts of deliciousness. We’re talking peanut butter or crackers. Both if you’re lucky.

During Labor

Do remain calm.

Don’t say things like, “That’s so gross!” Think it all you want, just DON’T SAY IT ALOUD!

Do bring a camera and politely ask a nurse to take some pictures if that’s what your wife wants.

Don’t take a selfie while your wife is laboring in the background and post it to social media. That’s grounds for removal from the room or the family depending on how lenient your wife is.

Do hold your wife’s hand … BUT ONLY IF SHE ASKS YOU TO!

Don’t rub your wife’s legs and feet if she’s had an epidural … remember she’s numb down there, dummy.

Do be empathetic. Gents, I’m pretty sure it’s a pain we can’t comprehend.

Don’t compare your wife’s labor pain to one you’ve previously experienced like that time you hit your finger with a hammer. And don’t make a sex joke of any kind – remember that’s how you got her into this situation in the first place.

Do stand off to the side of the room and slowly slide down a wall if you’re feeling faint.

Don’t ignore it and pass out in the middle of the delivery room floor. (Delivery room dads — think: Do you really want medical treatment from an OB/GYN?)

Do be in the room the entire time.

Don’t wander. Side note: I almost missed the delivery of our third baby while I was in the waiting room telling my mom to go home because I didn’t think my wife was going to have a baby that night. I am not an expert in labor time management and neither are you.

During and After Delivery

Do participate in the delivery.

Don’t mistake the umbilical cord for “other” anatomy and shout, “IT’S A BOY!”

Do cut the cord if you’re asked.

Don’t be gentle with the scissors. You’ve gotta squeeze those things hard – that cord is like a garden hose.

Do offer to wash the baby when the time comes.

Don’t be afraid of the meconium – it won’t last forever. If you don’t know what meconium is, Google it. But not at mealtime.

Oh, and I almost forgot one final thing … Do cry your eyes out. The day your child is born is the most amazing day of your life.

A version of Delivery Room Dads first appeared in Indy’s Child. Photo: © Gorodenkoff / Adobe Stock.

With the scarcity of resources for dads out there, it’s nice to see that one of our local magazine’s really “gets it.” New York Family Magazine publishes dad-friendly information more frequently than most other parenting magazines that I read. One of this month’s feature articles was no exception! Many parents these days are more hands-on with their children. Consequently, a book has evolved on guiding couples to combine their individual strengths in order to co-parent successfully. “In their book “Partnership Parenting,” husband-and-wife team, Dr. Kyle Pruett and Marsha Kline Pruett, explore the different qualities that men and women bring to child-rearing.”

In the April edition of New York Family Magazine, “Viva Le Difference,” by Mary Squillace, includes an in-depth Q & A interview with both Dr. Kyle Pruett and Marsha Kline Pruett. The Pruetts provide insight to defining co-parenting, why splitting 50/50 doesn’t make sense, the differences between the way men and women parent, and improving communication.

The highlight for me was the question: Right away babies have a unique bond with their mothers. How can a father become more involved in building his relationship with the baby?

Kyle’s answer: The best way to take advantage of the baby’s interest in the father is for the father to be present as often as possible and involved in the physical care of the baby so the baby and father begin to develop their own rhythm, interaction and communication. It has to do with feeding, bathing, clothing, comforting— it’s not rocket science. Any social support that can get the father close to the baby early in its life is going to be quite a smart investment in the well-being of the relationship that develops between the father and the baby. The fact that you each do some things better than the other allows you to each have a role that is sort of identifiable.