“Father’s Day Taken,” the latest pro-fatherhood fundraising initiative by our longtime partner Dove Men+Care, remembers the thousands of black dads who have lost their lives due to racism and violence, and the families left behind. DM+C established the the Fathers Day Taken Fund to invest $1 million to support these families in need.

The movement began with the public airings of a video showing Minneapolis police on May 25 kneeling on the neck of George Floyd until he stopped breathing. Floyd was in the process of being arrested on a charge of passing a counterfeit $20 bill.

The Father’s Day Taken effort is raising money through a GoFundMe page at FathersDayTaken.com. It is asking people to join by donating at least $5 – the cost of a Father’s Day card. All donations will benefit the fund.

Additionally, to honor the memory of the black fathers taken, DM+C is asking people to send a Father’s Day card to a dad in your life through the website.

Dove Men+Care is asking people who want to support the effort by sharing its message to use hashtags #FathersDayTaken and #TooManyToName.

About our partnership with Dove Men+Care

Dove Men+Care has long been committed to shattering stereotypes about being a man and a father. Some past campaigns City Dads has worked with the grooming products company on include advocating nationally, including on Capital Hill, for universal paternity leave and recognizing father figures. City Dads Group and its many chapters have also partnered with Dove Men+Care for many fun events and promotions such as March Madness parties and tickets and promoting father-child bonding through free haircuts during the holiday season.

It’s been said that the best way to learn a foreign language is to immerse yourself in the culture.

So two months into this fatherhood thing and I’ve fully immersed myself into this really screwed up world called the language of parenting.

Never before in my life have I spent so much damn time talking about poop. Not shit. Because, babies don’t do that. They “poop” or “go poopy.”

Newborns aren’t throwing up or vomiting … they are “spitting up.”

And my daughter doesn’t drool. Well, actually, apparently she does drool because, this is the term we choose to use as a crossover from both worlds. Either way, it’s still gross.

No. It is not fucking cute. It is still gross. No matter how many cute words we apply to excrement, it will always be shit. My baby shat herself last night and it was messy.

But I digress.

Along with the language of parenting comes this entirely new world of marketing to parents. It’s a scary, deceitful business, my friends. You will literally be smacked upside the head with every single marketing tactic in the playbook to try and lure you into this web of spending on utter bullshit.

From diaper wipe warmers to chairs that electronically swing themselves to apps that monitor your child’s bodily functions, there is something for everything and for everyone. For example, I can control the motion of my daughter’s nap chair from my iPhone and toss on some background tunes to the sound of rain while the seat rotates to mask the rhythm of an ocean wave. All while I chill out on the reclining “glider.” Note: It’s not a rocking chair … it’s a glider, because we have to add a crafty little marketing title so we can force you to pay another $200-300. Because, eff you.

In fact, as I write this post, I’m looking across the room at my daughter as she rotates on her MamaRoo chair. The best part? She’s totally not entertained by the actual built-in mobile that hangs over her head while she rocks. She’s more interested in her hands that she recently started to discover.

And that is actually the dirty little secret: the babies don’t know any better and don’t need all of that technology to have a good time.

My in-laws came to visit recently and were stunned at all the gadgets and stuff we have furnished in our teeny-tiny little closet-sized apartment here in Manhattan. Matter of fact, until about a week ago, my daughter hated everything anyway.

We’ve got a specially designed floor mat with a hanging decoration (ugh, “mobile”) and built-in walls that entrap your tot like a felon at Clinton Max. It’s all adorned in colors and cute animals, so you know … it’s not really like a prison. It’s cute. But not at first to my daughter. It might as well have actually been the clink.

Same with that damn MamaRoo. We tried that bad boy on day one from the hospital. It took a daily dedication and vigilance for us to finally get the offspring to enjoy that thing … six weeks later.

Meanwhile a few notes on this contraption: First off – screw that name, because you know, dads apparently don’t give a shit if the baby is chillin’. Second – how someone hasn’t made this thing in an adult version for grown-ass men is a total fail. Imagine watching football while sitting in this rocking chair, errr — glider, on steroids? I’m looking at you, Apple. Make up for the iWatch.

Here’s the big takeaway: avoid the marketing hype. For my first-time fathers out there, you are going to run into a million and one baby books and friends and family members and coworkers and advertisements and social media posts and all sorts of crap in between begging you and pulling at you and imploring you to buy [blank] because “your baby will love it” or because “you NEED this to survive parenting.” False.

Stay strong, my friends.

You do need some very basic things to get by; because how the hell do you think your child will be able to survive without a diaper wipe warmer, bro? (Editor’s note: His two kids did.) But, don’t be that dude that loads up on product after product because it looks shiny. Your kid won’t know the difference. You’ll just clutter up your house. And you could actually probably end up saving money in the long run.

A version of this first appeared on Daddy Mind Tricks.

Disclosure: We are proud to partner with Dove Men+Care for its #ThereToCare campaign.

“Who was #ThereToCare for you?”

That’s the tagline to this year’s annual Father’s Day campaign by Dove Men+Care grooming products, a frequent partner of ours at City Dads Group. The question aims to put the focus not just on fathers but on men who served as father figures to others.

“Dove Men+Care also wants to acknowledge the other men who have stepped in to care for the next generation. From grandfathers to uncles, to teachers and coaches, there are many men to thank for their roles in shaping us,” the brand states on its website.

Here’s the campaign’s 30-second ad spot:

One of our own dad’s father-figure stories in particular grabbed Dove Men+Care’s attention enough to feature it in its national campaign.

NYC Dads Group member Christopher Persley and his relationship with Billy McBride, a school coach who filled the shoes of Persley’s absentee father, is not only highlighted on a special Father’s Day section of the Dove Men+Care website but also on in-store displays set up in drugstores around the nation.

“Perhaps the biggest impact he had on me was the career I chose. I decided to pursue a career in education at the same school due in large part to Coach. Seeing a black man as a leader and role model in a school community let me know that I could (and should) do it, too,” Persley wrote on his website, The Brown Gothamite.

Here’s a few of the #ThereToCare social media postings that City Dads around have created in the past week to honor father figures in their lives:

The annual meeting had always been the same: stale donuts, terrible coffee, and someone constantly talking about this graph or that. Once, according to company lore, someone accidentally brought bagels, and while everyone was at least one degree away from any concrete confirmation, they all accepted it as gospel, because how wild is that? Bagels, man.

It was June, the month of graduations that didn’t happen in May, and everyone was, obviously, giddy. The meeting was the official launch of the latest “Grads and” campaign, held by those that ran it, and included all the hoopla one would imagine.

The Kind of Hoopla One Would Imagine

Together, the “Grads and” team would discuss cards, mugs, T-shirts and assorted knickknacks. This year, finally, there was a real buzz in the air, what with talk of a car magnet (which is like a sticker, but easier to remove) shaped like a mortarboard with the year written upon it in a variety of potential school color combinations. The inclusion of the year was important, so as to keep customers from using the magnet again at some point in the future. They needed to be convinced that the year made it a keepsake, and that subsequent graduations would require purchasing their own version of it. Business, as you may have guessed, can be pretty cutthroat sometimes.

In fact, this meeting was more intense than most, which really had nothing to do with the new car magnet, because everyone loved that idea, and everything to do with the elephant in the room*.

“Grads and” was lacking. It was the first half of a thought, missing the recently departed after. That afterthought had been “Dads,” added years ago to make graduation seem even more important, and also to “tie-in” the hot necktie market. There would be far fewer “tie-in” jokes this year, and everyone agreed the meeting was worse for it.

“Grads and Dads” had worked because it felt right, especially to the team. The catchy duo made for the holiday season of the summer (aside from the Fourth of July and sometimes Labor Day or Memorial Day, depending on your school calendar), and losing “Dads” left the “Grads and” people scrambling for a replacement.

Possible Replacements

Grads and Bads? No.

Grads and Sads? No.

Grads and Rads? Cool, but no.

Grads and Fads? No.

Grads and Mads? Seriously, do they even have straws left for grasping?

No.

“Why?” was the question. “Why did ‘Dads’ leave ‘Grads and’ hanging?”

Why “Dads” Left “Grads and” Hanging

“Because,” said someone, “combining Grads and Dads was a bunch of crap. They each deserve their own holiday, and putting them together diminishes their respective importance.”

At that, they all nodded. Then someone started one of those slow claps that are so powerful that you may have peed a little.

The whole experience was pretty humbling. In fact, if felt more movement than moment, then the tears, the hugs.

“Hey,” said someone else. “We should totally go get bagels.” And then they did, because you only live once, people.

In closing, congrats to all the graduates. And, IN ADDITION TO BUT NOT AFFILIATED WITH a Happy Father’s Day to those who observe the holiday, which totally stands on its own.

* Not an actual elephant

Disclosure: City Dads Group is proud to partner with Baby Dove.

If you’ve ever been shamed by a partner, friend, relative or complete stranger for parenting “the wrong way,” Dove beauty and grooming products has your back in its new ad campaign.

To help launch its new Baby Dove line of cleaning and moisturizing products for wee ones, the company takes the stand that every mom and dad parents in his/her own way and none is necessarily right or the best. The concept aims to build the confidence of all new parents by showing a broader picture of modern parenting in response to Dove research that moms and dads often feel anxiety “due to limiting stereotypes about their roles.” 

“A new Baby Dove study shows that moms feel pressure to fit into a ‘perfect mom’ ideal who puts her family before anything else, sacrificing her other interests, and conversely, Dove Men+Care research has shown that dads aren’t often recognized for their role as an essential caregiver,” a company spokesperson said in a news release.

Earlier this year, Baby Dove launched a #RealMoms branch of this campaign and last week it initiated the #RealDads movement, complete with a video (above), website and social media effort. 

To emphasize the importance of dads as caregivers and the trust their mates and kids have in them, City Dads Group members and others are posting photos of themselves and their dads on Instagram and Twitter that highlight this hopeful message.

Parenting #realdads Pro Tip: Fussy baby and chores to do? Wear your baby and have them help! #dovepartner pic.twitter.com/r4k3giDruT

— Brandon (@therookiedad) April 26, 2017

#RealDads #DovePartner baby tip. Take a picture each month from birth to 1 year. You won’t believe how much they change. @babydoveus believes there is no one right way to be a parent and encourages all parents to trust their way and do what is best for their baby and themselves. Watch the #RealDads film and find out more about Baby Dove products at http://www.babydove.com/realdads

A post shared by Brian “Pete” Craig (@a_dad_influence) on Apr 26, 2017 at 3:31am PDT

Parent Pro Tip: Bring your baby everywhere! Get them used to being with lots of people. Watch #RealDads https://t.co/iTsgEtx0YN #DovePartner pic.twitter.com/QfZtzmdfrj

— Robbie Samuels (@RobbieSamuels) April 25, 2017

Baby Dove is the first new product category the parent brand has unleashed since 2010’s Dove Men+Care line. Dove Men+Care has been a strong supporter of City Dads Group and other similar dad organizations, such as the Dad 2.0 Summit.

With March comes madness — the college basketball tournament kind — and City Dads Group members were there to witness it again this year, thanks to our longtime partner, Dove Men+Care.

The men’s grooming products brand once again gave a few of our members and their children in select cities the opportunity to attend a few games during the run to the annual NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball Championship. The hook? Dove Men+Care’s latest twist on its long-running “Real Strength” tag line — the Real Strength Manifesto, a call for fans as well as those on the court to exhibit both passion for their teams and sportsmanship toward each other and opposing players. The manifesto has been signed by such college basketball legends as player Alonzo Mourning and retired UConn coach Jim Calhoun.

“It takes skill to win, but it takes care to be a winner,” the company notes in a recent ad, released along with the March Madness tourney, to promote the manifesto’s mission:

We asked a few of our dads who were lucky enough to snag some of those free tickets from Dove Men+Care to tell us about their experience at the games. here are their stories.

Coolest thing in the world

My 4-year-old son and I hit the road from Chicago to catch the NCAA March Madness games in Milwaukee. We got to the arena just as it opened and literally walked around the entire building several times since I told him we could go wherever he wanted. He loved being the leader and finally figured out that it meant that if he wanted ice cream, he could have it. We got to sit next to another dad and his son, so when the kids got restless, we took them back into the concourse and let them run around some more while he had some awesome dad chats.

When the second game started, the noise level was really intense and my son thought that was the coolest thing in the world. Even better than the ice cream, box of popcorn, chocolate-covered pretzel, and pink lemonade he talked me into letting him have. It was an experience we will never forget: getting to take a cool trip to a cool place and to have such a cool time together. We laughed, we cheered for “the blue team,” we cheered for “the white team,” we rode every single escalator multiple times, we bought souvenirs, and in the end, he passed out in the car on the way home with a huge smile. Seeing that little sleeping face finally rest after the excitement of the day was priceless for me. Thank you, Dove Men+Care for giving us this opportunity to make memories together.

— Pat Jacobs, Chicago Dads Group
and blogger at Just a Dad 247.com

Unforgettable experiences

I took my three kids to the Michigan-Louisville game in Indianapolis. My kids have no rooting interest in these teams, but they like taking vacations to Michigan, so that was their team. We also filled out brackets earlier in the week, and all three kids picked Michigan to advance to the Sweet 16 for the same reason.

College basketball is such a great experience for families, even with my kids having little to no interest in the game beforehand, I was able to get my 5-year-old daughter excited about it because I told her we would be watching lots of cheerleaders. My 10-year-old daughter was excited to see the band play, my 7-year-old son had some interest in the game itself and, of course, all three kids were super excited about cotton candy.

It’s so great that Dove Men+Care gives dads these unforgettable experiences to have with our kids.

— Brian “Pete” Craig, Indianapolis Dads Group
and blogger at Indy’s Child

Experience bigger than life

It is always fun to watch a good sporting contest with my boys. It’s moments like these that created a strong bond between my grandfather and I. This year is the first year that my boys filled out their own brackets for March Madness. Being able to see that these teams were more than just names on a paper made the experience bigger than life for them. The final game for the night was Purdue vs. Iowa State, and it was epic! A nail-biter right to the finish.

I was able to teach my boys some of the finer points of basketball and the ethics of being a fan. They learned you can celebrate your team’s successes and recognize the accomplishments of the opposing team. I also taught them that the referees have a tough job, and a good athlete and a good fan shakes off a “bad” call and gets ready for the next play. Dove Men+Care got me to the court so I brought the care courtside because my boys deserve nothing less.

— Eric Bennion, Chicago Dads Group
and blogger at DiaryDad’s Dadventures

One-on-one time

Having the opportunity to go to the NCAA games this past Saturday with my son was amazing. Being a stay-at-home dad of three (soon to be four) makes it difficult for me to have specific one-on-one time with each of my kids, which makes opportunities like this so much more valuable. My son was so excited to spend the day together I think he hardly slept the night before. We took off early in the morning and spent the day at the Discovery World Science Museum in Milwaukee, making bobblehead art projects and viewing the exhibits and aquarium. We were joined at the arena by Pat Jacobs of Chicago Dads Group and his son which made for great conversation and plenty of laughs. The best part of this experience for me was that I was able to spend some quality  time with my son. If you asked him what his favorite part was, I bet he would say the cotton candy or the mascots — we all know that’s how a 4-year-old’s brain works. Thank you Dove Men+Care for providing the opportunity to spend the day with my son taking in some March Madness action while taking a break from the regular madness that is my day-to-day.

— Eric Jacobs, Madison Dads Group

If advertising is a legitimate measure of a society’s current desires, targets and priorities, then fathers are indeed a desired, targeted priority, according to a new study.

Yahoo, alongside strategy firm Audience Theory, recently released “The New Face of Fatherhood,” a study that delves into the difference between modern Millennial and Gen X fatherhood. In it, they identify who the modern father is, how they see themselves, and what their relationship is to things like tech and advertising.

We’ve noted before that you can find more active fathers in commercials now than ever before, targeted by brands that had never in the past thought to depict dads cooking, cleaning and changing diapers. There’s a reason the guys with the money are aiming for this image of fatherhood.

There are more stay-at-home dads than ever before, a result of many factors such as more moms being in the modern workforce and that gender roles aren’t as rigid as they once were. Yahoo’s study also points to the “mancession” of recent years: post-recession men out of work by chance (30 percent) or by choice (70 percent). While almost half of moms admitted that they prefer more traditional gender roles in the household, Millennial dads are far more comfortable than the Gen Xers were at taking responsibility around the home.

In fact, Yahoo’s study found that 50 percet of their respondents said that they do the grocery shopping, a task that had been seen in past generations as “woman’s work.” Back in 2012, The Parenting Group (publisher of Parenting Magazine) and the Edelman firm put out some similar numbers, finding that between 40 and 70 percent of dads said they did the grocery shopping. But one of the big crossover stats here is that only 32 percent of the fathers in that study said that their own fathers used to do the grocery shopping.

It’s not just grocery shopping that dads are leaning into. Dads are also driving their kids to sports activities (52 percent), managing their kids’ digital time (47 percent) and bathing their kids (42 percent):

Beyond household tasks, modern fathers also have emergent values systems. For example, of fathers polled:

• 73 percent don’t put boundaries on their kids’ play and activities based on gender.
• 93 percent want their kids to come to them when they have tough questions.
• 91 percent want to their kids to pursue their own interests.
• 76 percent want their kids to have “sophisticated tastes,” but 90 percent take pride in raising kids who are not selfish or spoiled.

Overall, 74 percent of respondents spend more time with their kids than their fathers did with them, but 44 percent feel like they’re still not spending enough time with them.

Time is, however, not an infinite resource. Yahoo detailed the “You Can’t Have it All” Dilemma:

While more companies in the United States are offering paternity leave (2 percent), support is still sparse. Other countries still eclipse the U.S. in their support for new dads. For example, Sweden offers new parents a total of 480 days per child (no, that’s not a typo) that can be shared among both parents (with 60 days specifically allocated to dad). Though capped at a certain dollar amount, Swedes can take these 480 days at 80 percent of their wages.

Elsewhere, Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson recently announced his company is giving some new parents — both mothers and fathers — up to one year of fully paid parental leave. The policy only applies to the estimated 140 members of the upper management, but it’s still a step forward.

The bright side is that society is changing. Fathers are noticing more positive images of dads in commercials even if they still feel like advertising aimed at them is rare. Yahoo found that 60 percent said that it’s about time advertisers recognized that fathers also do the shopping, and 53 percent welcome the targeted advertising.

Yahoo’s research is indicative of a new interest in the science of men. It’s a promising step forward in gender politics, benefitting both fathers seeking resources to allow them to stay home with their children and mothers looking to expand their careers out of the home. As we work toward a society that supports both parents, research like this enlightening for the community, advertisers, and governments alike.

Our friends at Dove Men+Care are once again showing dads some love this Father’s Day. Check out this new video featuring moments that men are finding out that they are going to be dads:

According to the press release for the campaign, Dove Men+Care has conducted global research on men, and found that  82% of men believe having a child changes the way they think about what it means to be a man. They also highlight the fact that they “want to ensure that Dad’s care is highly visible — that fathers are shown for the deeply caring men they are, and that all dads grow stronger as a result.” Cheers to that!

Dove Men+Care is also sponsoring a new site on Medium called To All Dads— on ongoing series of open letters from dads to dads. I had the opportunity to write a letter to expecting dads called Jump In, The Water is Water. Here are some of the other letters that have been posted so far:

• City Dads Group Co-Founder Lance Somerfeld writes How to Fail at Planning
• Friends and The Handsome Father Co-Founders Andy Miller and Brian Stephens each wrote a letter. Andy writes I’m Paying Attention, What Raising a Son with ADHD Has Taught Me. Brian writes To My 20-Year-Old Self, Advice from a Gay Dad Who Never Knew He’d Get Here

Definitely bookmark the To All Dads page– more letters will be posted in the coming days.

Finally, Dove Men+Care also welcomed some City Dads Group members and other local dads to participate in NBA Fantasy Camps in LA and San Francisco.

Dads and kids were coached by NBA legend Robert Horry and former Clippers/Nets coach Don Casey. L.A. Dads Group Co-Organizer Zach Rosenberg had this to say about the day:

Dove Men+Care knows how to put together an event. They’re great at finding a guest speaker who really has a story to tell. In this case, Basketball legend Robert Horry – a man who’s won championships with three teams – but also has a deep narrative of being a son and a father. Before we got to know Horry as a father, we got to know him as a coach, as he put us to work on the court. He worked with the dads, who were in awe of meeting a legend, and he worked with the kids, who didn’t know why their dads kept saying ‘THAT’S Robert Horry!’ After playing ball, we settled down in a meeting room and heard Horry talk about his life growing up with a military dad and his trials in losing one of his children to a rare disease. Horry has always been one of my favorite Los Angeles Lakers, so hearing him speak candidly about family was a truly great experience. My son walked out of the camp enjoying basketball more, and with, I think, a slightly deeper understanding of the love between fathers and their children. It’s also given us something new to do at the park – now that my son can say ‘one of the old Lakers taught me how to shoot!’

LA Dads Group Co-Organizer Trevor Mulligan added, they went over some basketball skills and showed how to improve not only our game on the court but also our game in life. It’s all about your base, create a good base and from there everything else will become easier!”

We are blown away by the way that Dove Men+Care is helping to reframe the conversation about fatherhood, and grateful that we continue to have the opportunity to contribute to their work in a variety of different ways. Many thanks to the whole Dove Men+Care team!

Lies About Dads

1. Dads are bumbling idiots

Dads have, as a group, never really been the bumbling idiots they’ve been portrayed to be in outdated advertising and lowest-common-denominator sitcoms — even if some men have found playing the buffoon is a good way to get out of what they saw as less-than-pleasant responsibilities. But the rest of us got the message a long time ago. We know we can do better than that, and we ARE better than that.

(Note: Dad being a goofball sometimes? Not the same. We can laugh at ourselves and not take ourselves too seriously, without being presented as some sort of drooling man-child.)

2. Dads are not naturally nurturing and capable with infants

One of the worst lies about dads. While women enter parenting with the benefit of an influx of hormones that may make them more naturally nurturing or help them bond with the baby quicker, most of what makes moms seemingly better at the whole parenting thing is years and years of conditioning.

Your average new mom had been encouraged as a young girl to play with dolls. This woman has been taught to care for babies and children. She has pursued babysitting jobs in expectation that someday she’ll have kids of her own. She has probably had friends give birth and spent time with their newborns. Then, when her own pregnancy hit, she was flooded with advice and books and classes and baby showers and people from every corner of her life telling her “You can do this! You are going to be so great!” and fielding any and every question she could ever have. By the time the baby is born, she is as ready as possible and confident (even if terrified) that she was made for this.

Dad, on the other hand, has likely spent most of his life not being expected to have anything to do with babies. Chances are his newborn is the first baby he has ever held, never mind been responsible for keeping fed, cleaned, and alive.

So yes, a learning curve exists for dads that may initially be steeper than that of new moms. But if the dad is engaged and allowed to learn, he will quickly make up that ground.

3. Dads can’t be trusted around children (especially other people’s children)

Don’t fall for the most sexist of lies about dads. Dads, and men in general, are as safe as caregivers for both their own kids and other people’s kids. The suggestion that a child in the care of a dad puts them at risk is completely false. It’s also extremely damaging to that child’s perceptions about men. If you choose not to leave your child in the care of a man, let it be because he has given you a reason other than because he is not a mom.

4. Dads should stick to their main parenting role: providing money

Of all the lies about dads, this one has been taken for granted for generations. Certainly, there was a time when society was structured so that only men could make a living wage that could support a family. It made sense that being the breadwinner was a role a husband and father had to take on. But times have changed. Women are equally as capable of finding success in the workplace and making an income that supports a family. Besides, there are far, far more important things that a dad “provides” for his family than money. Dads are not wage slaves just because they have XY chromosomes. Their worth is not counted by the dollars they make. What they provide in time, engagement, love, care, instruction, example, and encouragement are all exceedingly more important than their income.

5. Dads who show the slightest competence at childcare are “Super Dads”

For all that I do, I am not a Super Dad, even if I am often mistaken for one. Neither is the guy you see shopping at Costco with those adorable twins. Neither is that dad you saw at the restaurant who volunteered to take his toddler to the potty or change the baby’s diaper. Those are just dads, doing what dads are supposed to do: be active and involved parents.

As a society, we’re slowly learning that the bar for Super Mom is ridiculously, impossibly, stupidly high. We’re also getting quite good at letting moms give themselves a break for not being just like that impossible ideal. And yet we seem to be keeping that bar for Super Dad ridiculously, stupidly low. Let’s raise the bar a little, shall we?

6. Dads don’t belong in the delivery room

Let’s not continue this charade that the only thing dads will ever be is “in the way.” I was my wife’s birth coach, and more importantly her advocate, every step of the way during the birth of both of our sons. I got to hold her hand, and her leg, and on witnessing the arrival of our boys it was my reassurance that they were amazing and perfect that put her mind at ease. Seeing what my wife did made me more proud of her than I have ever been of another human. Most of the dads I know played similar roles. If it’s possible, let Dad be there, and be involved. It will change his life and heart forever.

7. Dads only want sons

One of the more common lies about dads. I do only have sons and don’t have even a smidgen of regret about that. I can promise you that I would have adored raising a daughter or two. The days of men requiring sons to pass on their name, or their title, or their Valyrian sword, are either long gone, a tradition rather than a societal necessity, or were fictional to begin with. Dads who love Star Wars or comic books or building projects in the workshop are not limited in their ability to share those joys with daughters. I will gladly point you to dozens of dads who live every day enraptured with the joy of being a girl dad.

8. Dads are a safe target for ridicule

Insulting stereotypes — some of which are discussed throughout the rest of this article — about dads and men, in general, have continued long past the time when similarly insulting stereotypes about other groups were laid to rest. Are there still sexist, racist, and homophobic stereotypes in popular culture? You bet. But those who call them out are more likely to be seen as advocates or much-needed watchdogs, whereas dads who call out negative stereotypes are still likely to be seen as whiners (at best) who can’t take a joke.

Often the worst culprits have been advertisers, who have traditionally excused it by saying their target audience is women. Besides the fact this is specious reasoning (after all, it is rightly no longer OK to target an audience of men to sell, say, tires, by making fun of women as dangerous or incompetent drivers) it’s also increasingly becoming clear that women are tired of seeing men portrayed as buffoons. This is especially when it comes to parenting-related ads, is very drawn to images of men as nurturing, competent dads. It’s time to take the Doofus Dad right out of the advertiser’s toolkit once and for all.

9. Dads don’t care about parenting stuff

In concert with the above, it’s time we put aside this silly idea that moms are the only ones with any opinions, likes, or dislikes when it comes to parenting decisions. If you need more proof that dads have something to say about the whole parenting thing, ask yourself who made the blog you’re reading, or any of the hundreds of other “dad blogs” out there. Dads are writing, thinking, discussing, debating, and even attending conventions and summits, all the with purpose of being better dads.

10. Dads don’t need paternity leave

Speaking of paternity leave, let’s call the idea that dads don’t need and shouldn’t make use of paternity leave what it is: a big fat stinkin’ lie. A dad having access to a fair paternity leave policy is not only valuable as an opportunity to bond with his newborn child, but also in many cases is vital so he can support his partner after a serious medical procedure. We need to make paternity leave more easily available and to stop punishing dads who make use of it. Paternity leave is not a vacation!

11. Dads “babysit”

A dad taking care of his own kid is “parenting.”  He’s being a dad. You cannot babysit your own child!

12. Dads who stay home to raise the kids only do it when forced by unemployment and are miserable

Certainly, there are lots of dads who lost their jobs and stepped it up at home — as they should — but the majority of men who are in the role of “stay-at-home dad” are doing it because it was the best arrangement for their family, and most men discover that they absolutely love doing it.

13. Dads who are involved, competent, and confident with parenting responsibilities are rare and have sacrificed their masculinity to be that way.

Now that’s just one of the more stupid lies about dads. Almost a third of dads spend significant amounts of regular time as the primary caregivers of their small children, and you can bet that those who don’t often have to go it alone sometimes and manage to do it just fine. There’s no doubt there are far, far too many homes with absent fathers today. But in a home where dad is present, he is almost always as involved and active a parenting partner as possible, often despite being treated like a secondary parent.

As to the idea that a man is emasculated by being competent at changing a diaper? I guess it depends on the man. But for most of us, nothing makes us feel like more of a man than when we serve our family. Period.

14. Dads who are primary caregivers for their children are being moms

I am not a “Mr. Mom,” any more than my wife is a “Mrs. Dad” just because she makes the majority of our family’s income working outside the home. My kids have a mom, and I am not her. Every time a stay-at-home dad is called “Mr. Mom” or is hilariously wished “Happy Mother’s Day” because of what he does for his family, it sends a message that caring for kids and the home is properly a job for women only, which pretty much insults everyone. Let’s end that now.

A version of 14 Lies about Dads first appeared on The Daddy Doctrines.

As a father of three, it thrilled me to see 2015 Super Bowl commercials give dads so much attention. The surge in positive representation of fatherhood in advertising and media during the past few years has been amazing with the portrayal of fathers changing from mostly “doofus dads” to a greater focus on strong, nurturing fathers who raise their children competently and equally with their partners.

While most of these 2015 Super Bowl “fatherhood” commercials did a fantastic job of highlighting what great dads can look like, car maker Nissan’s “With Dad” spot appears to have completely missed the mark:

I have nothing against car racing and certainly parents need to do what is necessary to support their families. I am ecstatic Nissan wanted to run an ad that highlights fatherhood, however, studies show that being serially absent father can be devastating to a child’s future. What so many of today’s dads want to communicate to their bosses, their co-workers, their friends and the world is that we want to — we need to — be ever-present in our children’s lives. It is not only important to us as fathers, it is vital to our kids.

In contrast, Toyota ran an ad emphasizing that being a dad is more than earning big money to bring home a shiny new vehicle. It’s a choice to be there. This, to me, represents the essence of what dads are and can be today:

It is just a commercial, though, and I am likely making more of it than necessary. That said, I still think I’d buy a Toyota.