Comments on: Can We Justify Bias Against Fathers? https://citydadsgroup.com/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers Navigating Fatherhood Together Mon, 04 Apr 2022 15:11:18 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.7.1 By: Matt Schneider https://citydadsgroup.com/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4314 Thu, 01 Mar 2012 21:14:53 +0000 http://citydadsgroup.com/nyc/2012/01/30/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4314 Hi Melanie. Thanks for your comment. I agree that “getting to know” someone is not enough, and the I wrote a follow-up to this post, that indicates that we need to teach our children (in an age-appropriate way) how to handle these difficult situations. I assume you came to this site through a post from Jill Starishevsky, author of My Body Belongs to Me. I’m just getting to know her work, but I’m hoping it will give us more tools then the ones you list. I don’t think we should be willing to use the broad brush of gender to discriminate based on the actions of the criminals among us.

]]> By: Melanie B. https://citydadsgroup.com/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4313 Thu, 01 Mar 2012 18:43:48 +0000 http://citydadsgroup.com/nyc/2012/01/30/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4313 I hate to say it, but the leading researchesr on the subject of child sexual abuse say that about 10% of men in America are pedophiles. Only about 1-3% of women are. There are very few good tools availabie to figure out is any particular individual is a sex offender- sex offender registries only list offenders who got caught and convicted, which is a very small percent, and the objective, scientific tests are invasive and most people aren’t going to subject themselves to them. And most people will gain no useful information by “getting to know” someone about wheter or not they are a pedophile.

Other than teaching your child never to be alone in a room with only one adult, and telling the supervising parent that is your rule, there isn’t much you can do to protect your kids in a situation like a sleep over. But I can’t blame a parent for being uncomfortable when the only supervision is coming from the gender that is most likely to sexually abuse a child.

]]> By: Vincent Young https://citydadsgroup.com/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4312 Sat, 04 Feb 2012 11:42:56 +0000 http://citydadsgroup.com/nyc/2012/01/30/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4312 Hi Matt: Thank you for responding to the Parenting.com post.

Hi Anonymous: While I agree that “sexual predators are good at what they do” and that “sexual abuse” happens, according to this report: http://www.fosteringperspectives.org/fp_v10n2/stats.htm: “Offenders are most often acquaintances (approximately 50%) followed by family members (approximately 25% to 33%) and strangers (7% to 25%)” Do you keep your daughter away from your friends and family gatherings?

Please don’t misunderstand, I am not suggesting you wholeheartedly abandon all caution. I am asking where you draw the line?

]]> By: Matt Schneider https://citydadsgroup.com/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4311 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 04:07:32 +0000 http://citydadsgroup.com/nyc/2012/01/30/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4311 Definitely know the feeling of being the only dad in a world of moms. College towns are great for starting a dads group. To maximize participation, you might consider opening the group to all dads rather thank just at-home dads. I’ll bet there are a lof of dads that have time with their kids during the day, but still maintain careers (i.e. college instructors/professors).

]]> By: Matt Schneider https://citydadsgroup.com/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4309 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 01:00:22 +0000 http://citydadsgroup.com/nyc/2012/01/30/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4309 Let us know what we can do to help you get started! Not sure where you are in NJ, but we have a group of guys in the Hoboken/Jersey City that are some of the most active in our group. Join us if you are in the area.

If you are not in the area, we have a link on our website that might be helpful: http://www.nycdadsgroup.com/2010/10/how-to-achieve-successful-dads-group.html

]]> By: NJDoItAllDad https://citydadsgroup.com/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4310 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 22:56:31 +0000 http://citydadsgroup.com/nyc/2012/01/30/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4310 Thanks Matt! Already read the how to article. Good stuff. I am actually outside Princeton and don’t know of any groups down here. I am on an email list for Mercer County Moms, but I am the only current Dad. Definitely awkward at times 🙂 Anyway, my wife is due with our second in 6 weeks, so once I get a handle on taking care of two little ones, I hope to initiate a group in my area. Will be sure to reach out to you for advice.

]]> By: Anonymous https://citydadsgroup.com/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4308 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 19:24:47 +0000 http://citydadsgroup.com/nyc/2012/01/30/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4308 I see what you are trying to say and I wish things could be different, but to me the risk is too great. Have you seen the movie with Clive Owen called Trust? This is about his daughter, a smart and model teenager, who is taken advantage of via the Internet by a male sexual predator. if a girl her age and with her intelligence can be fooled, surely a young child can. Point is, sexual predators are good at what they do and I am not sure any level of preparation can ensure safety. I also don’t think that not allowing your child to be supervised by a man is a knock or bias against dads or men in general. As a man, I would not be offended if someone didn’t allow me to watch their young child. I may be wrong, but again, the risk is too great and sexual abuse happens more than we think it does.

On another topic, I want to applaud what you are doing with NYC Dads. I am a SAHD in NJ and am considering starting a group in my area thanks to you. Keep up the good work.

]]> By: Matt Schneider https://citydadsgroup.com/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4307 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 18:29:41 +0000 http://citydadsgroup.com/nyc/2012/01/30/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4307 I debated what analogy I should use to compare to the bias that dads are experiencing. You have to admit, there was a time when you can fathom the sentence being spoke, “I wouldn’t let my child spend the night at a Jewish family’s home.” The reasons weren’t the same, but people felt somehow justified. The analogy is definitely uncomfortable, which is the point.

To your point about the real danger, it exists and we as parents need to protect our children. The best advice that I have seen on the message boards covering this issue is that we need to prepare our children for a potential encounter with a sexual predator. My next step in that direction is to find an expert in this area to come speak to our group.

]]> By: Anonymous https://citydadsgroup.com/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4306 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 05:27:01 +0000 http://citydadsgroup.com/nyc/2012/01/30/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4306 I am not sure your analogy comparing Jews and Men is a good one. One’s fear of Jews is irrational and unfounded. Jews don’t hurt people. One’s fear in a man improperly touching your child, while not the rule, has and does happen. Pedophiles do exist and they are almost always men. Not only are they men, but men we know and trust or are even family. Like it or not, that is the truth and and as a man and a father of a daughter, I will never allow my daughter to be supervised by only a man.

]]> By: Matt Schneider https://citydadsgroup.com/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4305 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 17:49:06 +0000 http://citydadsgroup.com/nyc/2012/01/30/can-we-justify-bias-against-fathers/#comment-4305 A follow-up after the Editor of Parenting Magazine responds to allegations of dad bias on his site:

http://www.nycdadsgroup.com/2012/01/parenting-editor-responds-to.html

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