It has been said that when children are born, instructions are not included with them. I, however, have evidence to the contrary.

In the months since the birth of our daughter, we have accumulated enough manuals and instruction booklets to keep a small team from Ikea busy assembling and running safety checks until she starts kindergarten.

We have three strollers, each with a set of instructions save one. That stroller came with four separate manuals.

Our car seat, which came essentially fully assembled, still included a 66-page instruction book. This car seat is so durable that you can strap a watermelon inside, drop it from a skyscraper and your fruit would still hit the ground fully intact.

We have several contraptions to hold our baby at different angles and heights. Instructions are not NOT included with any of them. Thank God because these devices have multiple settings and options so they sing, swing, soothe, rock, turn, swivel and tilt in various combinations and speeds. Our early favorite, a rocker, included all of the aforementioned. We call it “The Flying Saucer.” You place it under a sunny window and your baby rocks to a soothing beat until they drift off for hours of uninterrupted nap time. The instructions for this item mimic a kid’s “choose your own adventure” coloring book because of the many options for the rocker’s final use. Other seats simply sit and hold your child in one place just above ground level. Those multipage-instruction books all boil down to one simple demand: “Place seatbelt on the child.”

We have four baby carriers/slings: two for outside travels and two for in-house use. One outside option I use to take our daughter to the park daily. This baby carrier also comes with a sleeping bag attachment to keep her warm in the severe weather; those instructions are drawn in pictures on the tag. The other outdoor baby carrier is so structured and has so much storage space that I could take my child and a week’s worth of survival gear up through the Himalayas. The manuals for that, oddly, are fairly basic and straightforward.

We have attained three high chair/table seating devices. One is an ordinary A-frame type that we use next to our dinner table. Another is a travel unit that connects to any table. The third one is a “sturdier” (according to my wife) travel unit that she assures me we will need at some point. When we reach that point is anyone’s guess. These items are a bit more in-depth with instructions on how to secure your children and attach them to fixed furniture. Well, you do eat more often than you hike through Nepal.

We also have two night-sleeping units. The master crib, adorned with all of her stuffed animals hanging from each corner, was put together in the early days of pregnancy. The instructions were many, yet straightforward enough to understand the different stages of converting it from a crib to a bed as she grows. We have a co-sleeper unit that, I’m guessing by its name, aids your child in sleeping dependent on the parents. Our daughter slept in it one evening, next to our bed, until my wife decided it was easier just to lay her in our bed. So that may be the end of that. I’m thankful. Should we ever need to explore the different height settings of this co-sleeper unit, the manual and its photos indicate I might need to go back to school for a different degree.

As the seasons have changed and the blooms kick in we have had to utilize the nose suction device that pulls the runny snot from inside your nostrils. Fun for the whole family! This is not a favorite of our little girl but it’s effective. And the pictures in the instruction book are worth a thousand words!

There are, of course, many other useful items — toys, first aid, soothers, and clothing, to name a few — that we regularly use. All are accompanied by pages and pages of words that I keep in a specific drawer. And while I prided myself on never reading instructions on home goods before her birth, I am now certain to follow all manuals to the letter when assuring the safety of our little one.

They keep us all sleeping soundly! Well, most of us …

About the author

Robert Brawley is a West Coast kid who moved out to NYC. He and his wife are the proud parents of a beautiful girl.

“Instructions Not Included” was first published in 2013. Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko via Pexels.

By the time you read this, I’ll be at the two-minute warning before our baby girl arrives. Unless, of course, she decides to arrive early to help with our Christmas shopping.

Either way, it’s getting really real.

To use another sports analogy, we’re just waiting for game time to arrive. In the NFL, for example, teams spend an entire week preparing their game plan for what’s to come following that opening kickoff. The good teams make sure every “I” is dotted and every “T” is crossed so that when Sunday comes, they’re in the best possible position to be successful when they take the field.

As I count down the days until my wife’s due date, I’m finally locked in and in full preparation mode. I’m going over all the Xs and Os to make sure this next chapter of fatherhood will be a winning one.

The nursery is almost done. The old infant car seat that was collecting dust in the basement has been cleaned out. The clothes we’ve been given by friends have been sorted. After months of feeling less than prepared and not enthusiastic about becoming a dad two times over, I can finally say I’m all in. I can’t wait to meet her.

Ready for more as clock ticks

With the anticipation, excitement and nervousness that comes with preparing for a second child also comes the realization that going from a dad of one to a dad of two is life-changing. Yes, becoming a first-time parent was a huge adjustment, but now adding everything you’ve experienced times two?! That’s another level.

I’ve had to learn how to be a more patient person as a father of one. It’s being tested more than ever now that my son is becoming a “threenager” and going through his tantrum phase. And just as I’m finally finding my rhythm and figuring out how to properly put my patience into practice, I have to add another layer to deal with what comes with a newborn.

A newborn that will cost, I might add.

Two kids will be life-changing when it comes to money as well. Being a parent has forced me to monitor my finances more than ever. I’ve had to really focus on my spending habits and be aware of everything that comes in and out of our accounts. It’s something that I’ve always kept an eye on, but with the responsibility of providing the best possible life for two kids now, making sure my wife and I are being smart with our finances is something that will be magnified even more from this point on. I’m soliciting all your thoughts and prayers.

But like teams that rely on their hours of preparation to be successful, I’m going into this chapter of fatherhood confident. I’m sure the lessons I’ve learned over the past three years and the counsel I’ve sought from my friends who are girl dads have me ready to be the best dad to my daughter that I can be. The preparation will meet the opportunity very soon, and I’ll be ready when the game time arrives.

Game time photo: ©AMR Studio / Adobe Stock.

Installing child car seats suck but there’s no denying how important properly using these devices is to saving lives and minimizing injuries during an accident. Using a booster seat or regular seat belt when your child gets older is just as vital.

These are the messages we at City Dads Group want to reinforce with all our moms and dads as we start National Child Passenger Safety Week 2018.

Vehicle crashes are a leading cause of death for children in the United States. An average of two children under age 13 were killed per day in 2016 while riding in a vehicle, according to national statistics. Many times those deaths, along with various non-fatal injuries, could have been prevented with proper use of car seats, boosters and seat belts.

But what constitutes proper use?

Most parents have wondered at one time or another whether the child restraint system they are using is properly installed or even just the right one for their child’s age, height and weight .

City Dads Group has put together this list of car seat resources to make your life easier and the life of your child safer:

• How to find the right car seat – National Highway Traffic Safety Administration
• How to install a child safety seat – DMV.gov
• National Child Passenger Safety Week main site — Includes guides, checklists and more
• Precious cargo in the city: Child car seat / booster seat safety FAQ – NYC Dads Group/Britax (downloadable PDF)

Get child car seats inspected by an expert

If you already have a child car seats installed in your vehicles, you should have an expert look at it to make sure everything is just right. Since Sept. 29 is National Seat Check Saturday, check your local media or with your local police departments for inspection locations being set up in your area that day. You can also use these sites any time of year for inspections:

• Find a certified child passenger safety technician – SafeKids.org
• Find a NHTSA Car Seat Inspection station — National Highway Traffic Safety Administration

Can I travel by taxi with a baby in New York City if I don’t have a car seat?

Of the eight million stories there are to tell about our hometown, the answer to that question about cabbing it with children around NYC is one that brings a dozen or so people to our site every day. And why not? While NYC may have one the greatest underground rail systems in the world, if a subway rat can carry a hefty slice of New York pizza down the stairs, what’s stopping one from dragging Junior down onto the third rail, amiright? So above-ground travel is a definite option for many.

Aside from taxis and buses, there is another transportation you can consider if you have a young one in tow and you do not own a car: Uber Car Seat.

Open the Uber app and after selecting the basic UberX service option, tap the “Car Seat” button and for an extra $10 surcharge, your vehicle comes equipped with a car seat. (If you enter the promo code CARSEATNYC10 in the Uber app, your first surcharge is waived.)

Uber Car Seat provides a user with a forward-facing IMMI Go car seat, pre-installed by a driver trained in installing it. According to its website, the seat works for a child who is at least 12 months old, weighs at least 22 pounds and is 31 inches tall. Children who weigh more than 48 pounds or exceed 52 inches are too big for the seat. More details on the seat and use of the seat are available on the Uber Car Seat FAQ page.

Uber offers this service in several major U.S. cities, including Orlando, Philadelphia, Washington, D.C., and a few international cities.

If you try or have tried Uber car Seat, let us know what you think.

Editor’s Note: With National Child Passenger Safety Week concluded, Charlotte Dads Group organizer Darrell Humphrey writes about his chapter’s visit to the North Carolina facility of car seat and stroller manufacturer Britax, one of our longtime partners. You can watch a broadcast of the visit and learn more about child car seat safety on our Facebook page.

Keeping our kids safe, especially when traveling, is one of a parent’s greatest responsibilities. One of the best ways is to put them in the right car seat, at the right time, and use it the right way. To learn more about this, the Charlotte Dads Group went to the Britax Child Safety Warehouse on Sept. 19 for an afternoon of learning and demonstrations.

As we toured the facility, we learned how Britax manufactures car seats in a “cell” of about 20 people. Starting with the shell, to the nuts and bolts of the seat, all the way to packaging the completed product for distribution is handled by one team. Even though the car seats are made to order, each Britax seat is made by hand here in the United States.

IMPORTANT TIP: Regardless of what brand of car seat you buy, it’s critical to register it with the manufacturer. This way, in case of recalls, you will be notified.

After observing the manufacturing process, we were given a demonstration on how to correctly install the new Britax Advocate ClickTight. Britax Child Passenger Safety Advocate Sarah Tilton showed us how easy it was. During the demonstration, she said three out of four car seats are installed incorrectly. Despite this, 95 percent of those parents believe their car seat is installed correctly. With such an alarming statistic we realized that as parents need to make sure we read the installation documents correctly. If there are still questions, visit your local fire or police department for help.

After we completed with the tour, Britax invited us to their test track. This is where they crash test their car seats to make sure they comply with all safety standards given by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA). 

Our visit was a huge success, and even made the local TV news.

The week of September 19th is Child Passenger Safety Week.  If you’re like me, you’re thinking that it seems like there’s a day, week, or month for just about everything under the sun these days.  I don’t blame you, but this one is really important.  Research shows that over 70% of car seats are not being used in cars properly.  OVER. SEVENTY. PERCENT.  That failure rate may be okay for a non-all star baseball player’s batting average, but not our kids safety.

Why do people spend hours reading reviews about what the safest car seat is, and then spend several hundred dollars on it, but don’t take the time to ensure it’s installed properly?  Why do people diligently child-proof their home, but neglect their car?  When you think about it, it doesn’t make sense, but yet it’s reality.  And even when you do pay attention to child passenger safety, some things can be confusing or counter-intuitive.

So what are we doing about it? Several things, actually.

1) We’re teaming with a local non-profit agency, Family Compass, to help promote their FREE carseat checkup event on Saturday the 24th.  This is by appointment, and is a great way to have a Child Passenger Safety Technician make sure your family isn’t among the 70% doing it wrong.  More information about that is available by clicking here.

2) We’re teaming with Britax to help promote their message of the importance of child safety next week.  On Monday Sept 19th at 11:30 CT on the City Dads Group Facebook page, we will be hosting a live video chat from Britax headquarters.  During this event, you’ll learn from Britax’s safety experts, have a chance to win a carseat, and for each comment posted Britax will add $25 to their carseat donation to the Good+ Foundation.  Be sure to like the City Dads Group page and elect to receive notifications, and you will get notified when the live event begins.

3) Something else.  Stay tuned.  We’ll make a big announcement soon for a Dallas Dads Group and Britax collaboration.

**Disclosure Note: City Dads Group will receive compensation for the live Britax event. We limit our sponsored collaborations to relevant partners that offer products and services we believe in. **

My son is now 7, and much to his chagrin, he’s still in a car seat, not a booster. We have a booster, but it’s for guests or travel mostly. Whenever it is convenient (and many times when it’s not) we strap him into the car seat because of the 5-point harness. He’s going to be in that car seat until he physically doesn’t fit into it or he starts driving, whichever comes last. Here’s why.

During the spring, we were driving home from one of our sojourns. We were on a busy road in Yonkers, N.Y., in my wife’s Toyota Matrix. My then 4-year-old was in the back (in the car seat, of course) and I was driving alone. We had come to a complete stop right in front of a patch of hospital/medical buildings, waiting for the guy in front of me to make a left into one of the doctor’s offices.

I was intent on the guy in front of me, waiting for him to move so I could move, so I wasn’t expecting the sudden jolt from behind. I also wasn’t expecting to be pushed about 4 feet forward directly into that guy’s car.

A van had struck us from the rear. I’m not sure exactly why, but it seems the guy had taken his eye off the road (we think he was looking at his cellphone) and when he looked up he realized that he was moving a lot faster than he thought he was. He rammed right into us.

5-point harness saves the day

My first thought was of my kid, who looked up and said brightly, “What happened, Dad?”

“I’m not sure, are you OK?”

“Yeah!” he said.

I then got out to explore the damage and figure out what the heck had happened.

It didn’t seem too bad at first (our airbags didn’t go off) and I thought we were going to escape with a mild fender-bender until I realized that our car’s whole frame had been crunched, moving the rear end in toward the tire. When I tried to move it, the frame of the car was impinging on the rear tire. The entire back, including the trunk, would have to be straightened. The insurance company declared it a complete loss.

I had a minor bruise where my seatbelt had held me in place, but no serious whiplash or lasting consequences. My son — absolutely no injury at all. He barely knew anything had happened. His car seat had kept him safe. And he was excited because we got to ride in the tow truck (and without a car seat, I have to add).

After that harrowing experience, my wife and I agreed that he would be in the 5-point booster as long as was feasible. And that’s where he’s been ever since.

If you still need convincing of the power of the 5-point harness, take a look at this harrowing safety test video. This shows a test between the booster and the 5-point harness, in which the harness wins hands down.

So stay safe out there!  (And 5-point harnessed!)

Do child car seats drive you crazy? Join the line, buddy.

Most moms and dads have struggled with installing a seat at some time or wondered whether with child restraint system they are using is the right one.

To mark this being National Child Passenger Safety Week, City Dads Group has put together a list of resources to make your life easier and the life of your child safer by taking the hassle out of car seat installation:

• How to find the right car seat – SaferCar.gov
• Precious cargo in the city: Child car seat / booster seat safety FAQ – NYC Dads Group/Britax (downloadable PDF)
• How to install a child safety seat – DMV.gov
• Have a certified child passenger safety technician check your car seat installation – SafeKids.org

City Dads Group will also host a #TheRightSeat webinar at 9 p.m. Eastern time Wednesday, Sept 16,  led by car seat safety expert Sarah Tilton — aka “The Car Seat Whisper” — from stroller and car seat maker Britax.

Members of our City Dads Groups from around the country will also be tweeting the knowledge Tilton is laying down for those not on the webinar as well as giving away choice Britax car seats. To win, you will need to log on to Twitter that night and follow #TheRightSeat, @Britax and @CityDadsGroup to follow the action.

This doesn’t concern world peace or anything philosophical like reincarnation but I find myself asking this question every time this dad is out in New York City with my son:

Who has the right of way: an older person or a child, in particular someone like me lugging around a 2-year-old who refuses to walk or sit in the stroller?

Lately, my son doesn’t want to walk so I end up carrying him for blocks at a time. As you can imagine, schlepping around a 35-pound child is getting my arm in shape for the Ultimate Arm-wrestling League. Anyway, when I approach an intersection and on the other side is some cute, little old lady who looks like the slightest breeze will knock her down I always think to myself, “Get out of the way, grandma. Heavy load coming through and I’m not stopping for nobody.”

The conundrum I have is this: Do I show respect for the fragile, but experienced, old lady by letting her go first, or forge ahead and blast right by? If I let her go first, it means a possible two-minute wait while holding in my arms a future linebacker for the Seattle Seahawks.

Another example of this war of transportation woes waged against parents is on New York City’s MTA buses and subway trains. All have signs asking for you to give up your seat to the elderly. I would argue my son is more deserving of that seat rather than some old person that reeks of urine. At least my son is cute and smiles at everyone while taking a poop in his diaper. Those old farts cussing under their breathe as their dentures cling on for dear life are a public nuisance by taking so long to get on the bus in the first place. C’mon, granny — get on already. I got a toddler here who is about to lose his mind because it’s way past his nap time.

I find some solace in the subway. Seriously, when was the last time you saw an old person taking the train in NYC? I’ll tell you: never. They are too busy slowing down the above-ground transit system. The subway still isn’t perfect because, well — “manspreading.”

These affronts to personal space won’t even acknowledge anyone is even interested in sitting next to them. Dude! I’m the father with the screaming toddler because he doesn’t want to wear two layers of clothes to fend off single-digit temperatures, so don’t be surprised if I give you a death stare that would scare gang members into thinking, “Whoa, that guy looks pissed.” Damn right I’m pissed! Now, let me sit down and calm down my son for crying out loud.

But nooooo! I have to stand holding a squirming bowling ball that is wailing into my ear. My only hope is that my hearing gets completely shot so I don’t have to deal with that sound anymore or the crappy music bleeding out of the man-spreader’s headphones.

I know I can’t win this war. Which is why I tend to stay within walking distance of home when out with the boy. If I do end up downtown, I have some “safe houses” to go to (thank you, Blue Bottle and Stumptown coffee). However, maybe if we parents all band together to help each other out when stressed on the bus or subway we can somehow make commuting in this rat race a little better.

Who am I kidding? I need to get the hell out of here.

Car seat safety is essential but there’s a good chance your child may be one of the three out of four kids not properly secured in a vehicle because their car seats are not correctly installed. This is a big reason why motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death for kids ages one through 12 years old.

With Child Passenger Safety Week upon us, we want to emphasis the need to improve those frightening numbers. Sarah Tilton, child passenger safety advocacy manager (aka The Car Seat Whisperer) for our good friends at stroller and car seat manufacturer Britax, offers these important tips:

Select a car seat that fits your baby and your vehicle(s). Also, be sure that you can use it correctly each and every time.

• Be sure your car seat fits your growing child. Seated shoulder height is often overlooked.
• Belt-positioning boosters seats are for bigger kids. Don’t transition out of a 5-point harness prematurely.
• When using LATCH (Lower Anchors and Tethers for Children), be aware that your vehicle’s lower anchors have weigh limits. You must switch to vehicle seat belt installation when the weight of the car seat and the child exceed 65 lbs.
• A snug harness strap should not allow any slack. If you’re able to pinch the strap, the harness is too loose. You should not be able to pinch any excess webbing.
• For children 12 years of age and under, remember — the backseat is always the safest place for them to ride. Be sure to check your child seat and vehicle user guides for available seating positions.
• Britax recommends that the use of a child seat be discontinued if it has been in a moderate to severe crash. Also, never purchase a used car seat if you don’t know its history.
• Car seats have expiration dates. Double check the manufacturer’s tag to be sure your seat is still safe.
• Never leave your child in a vehicle unattended, especially during hot weather.
• Be sure your child’s harness is tight enough, especially in the winter months when children are bundled up in thick layers and bulky outerwear.
• After buying a car seat, be sure to register your product either by visiting the manufacturer’s website, mailing the registration card or by calling their customer service department. That way you can be contacted in the event of a recall.
• Always refer to your child restraint user guide or call your car seat’s customer service about installation and proper use questions you might have.
• If you still feel unsure about your car seat installation, have a certified technician check your installation.