Clad in a hot pink swim cap and matching goggles, my daughter waded into Lane Six of the pool. She grabbed a barbell-shaped floaty and pushed off. With assistance from an instructor, she attempted to flutter kick with her body extended like a mermaid.

Her legs flailed about, splashing water all over her instructor’s face. She weaved in and out of the lane like a drunk driver in traffic. This first swim lesson was a far cry from The Little Mermaid and more like The Little Engine That Could. Nevertheless, I cheered as if she were my own little Ariel.

Welcome to Swim Girl Summer. That’s been the seasonal moniker around our household ever since my daughter started swim lessons a month ago.

For months she’s hinted in a not-so-subtle way at her desire to conquer the water. Every time Wheel of Fortune flashed a vacation prize package with a brochure-worthy image of a resort with a pool on our TV, my daughter would ask, “Can we go to the beach and the pool, pleazzzze?” To which my wife would say, “Yes, but you need to learn how to swim first.”

Of course, that’s the response she was hoping for. We played right into her hands.

And we didn’t mind.

Drowning statistics spur swim lessons

Swim lessons are something we’ve wanted for her. It would give her another tool to help her navigate life. Giving our daughter, who is Black and autistic, the lifelong gift of swimming was not only a recreational nicety but also, to us, a matter of life and death.

Drowning is the leading cause of accidental death for autistic children of all ages. They face a higher risk of drowning due to a tendency to wander off, according to data from the National Library of Medicine. And when it comes to race, a study commissioned by the USA Swimming Foundation found more startling facts. Nearly 64 percent of Black children, 45 percent of Hispanic children and 40 percent of white children have no or low swimming ability, it found, putting them all at risk for drowning.

Our daughter first took swim lessons as a toddler at the local YMCA and learned water safety in between, but that seemed like eons ago compared to the sprouting 8-year-old she is now. With each new aquatic milestone, my daughter is swimming against the tide of those sobering statistics.

Sometimes you motor, sometimes you float

During her weekly swim lessons, my wife and I sit with other parents in a viewing area behind a large, glass-paneled wall looking out onto the pool. It’s like peering into a giant fishbowl full of kids — all ages, sizes and abilities — as they splish and splash in the shadow of a colorful mural that reads, “The Big Blue World.”

My daughter is always in Lane Six. From my vantage point, I’ve seen her confidence build as she taps her inner Michael Phelps. Sometimes she swims ahead of the other kids in her lane; other times, she stays behind. Sometimes she extends her arms in front of her; other times, they’re bent from fatigue. Her leg kicks are so powerful on occasion that she resembles a motorboat amid the shimmer and bubbles; then there are occasions when a leisurely cruise is just her speed. No matter what, she’s constantly moving forward.

It’s a bit surreal to watch my daughter both succeed and struggle from behind the glass. She can’t hear us, but we speak to her as if she can. (Good job, sweetie. Come on, push through. You got this.) She can see us, but doesn’t pay attention to us; she’s usually laser-focused on the instructor. But I know she feels us with her. She occasionally looks up from the pool with her big toothy grin and waves until we wave back.

There are moments in this Big Blue World when the father in me wants to rush to the other side and coach her. However, I know it’s best for my daughter to figure things out for herself. I won’t always be there.

Perhaps that’s my own lesson this Swim Girl Summer. As my daughter grows older, parenting will often feel like a never-ending toggle between knowing when to dive in and when to stay ashore. I just hope I’m preparing her enough to swim in the world beyond the pool.

All photos by Johnathon Briggs.

“Dad where are my swimsuit bottoms with the ruffles?” my 7-year-old, Emersyn, screams as she turns over her dresser drawers in frustration.

I laugh and help her locate the errant swimsuit: a long-sleeved rash guard with matching pink ruffles on the butt.

Breaking my concentration, a new voice suddenly beckons from across the room, “Dad, can you help tie up my top?”

My 13-year-old, Viviana, approaches me with her arms crossed, holding up her little, pink bikini top as its strings drape over her shoulders. She stands virtually eye-to-eye to me now. I dutifully tie a tight bow before she walks off in a two-piece bathing suit that I can only describe as an intersection of a dad’s nightmare and teenage boy’s dream. 

I’m thankful for summer, but not for the dad dread of my young daughters in swimsuits. 

When our daughters are small, the suits are cute – adorned with ruffled butts and cartoon character bellies. There is little worry of adequate coverage from the sun (or a creepy old guy). Emersyn, in fact, could not care less about what she is wearing in the pool as long as the suit does not interfere with her ability to dive for the pennies I toss to her in the shallow end. 

A swimsuit style change is a gonna come

Something changes, though, during the middle school years – between 11 and 14-years-old. 

Our kids’ swimsuits begin to show more skin, with far less fabric and more pieces, sold in “look at me” colors, purchased with the direct thought of what others might think when they see them at the beach, pool, or on their Insta story. 

No dad can prepare for the inevitable day when this happens. Just as our daughters graduate from ruffles and Minnie Mouse to bright pink and visible cleavage, we dads must evolve. And, as we come around to the forced idea that our little princesses are now little women, we will have to help them protect themselves while simultaneously improving their own body image. 

This is hard work.    

When I saw Viviana’s first such smallish swimsuit a few years ago, I immediately recoiled, “OH MY GOD. Did Mom say that was OK to buy? That seems a little mature.”

That was not the best of reactions.

It is easy to stomp your feet and throw down mandates as it relates to what your kid is allowed to wear. In doing so, though, dads may be walking ourselves into an inevitable rebellion. Moreover, we have a responsibility to help our children carry a positive body image. 

Maybe the confidence required to wear a bikini to the beach is cause for celebration. Viviana’s strong. She is empowered. She feels comfortable in her own skin (although too much skin for my liking). Look at my young girl go!

Sigh.

Reacting to her itsy bitsy teenie weenie bikini

Or maybe I can take the opportunity to provide Viviana with a guy’s perspective of her minimal-ish swimsuit. This approach is complicated.

First, I should not be cringy. I would if I commended her confidence and told her she is beautiful. Next, though, I would try to explain that boys will certainly be checking her out – potentially oversexualizing her appearance as their hormones rage. Further, I would assure her that despite these young men fighting pubescent immaturity, there is no excuse for being objectified or disrespected for what she is wearing.

Rest assured, I will worry about her all the while kicking around the thought that I should have just told her no.    

But, when Viviana asks me to tie her bikini top, I will smile and help while internally puckering. I will want to react but will fight the urge to impose my prejudiced machismo on her influential body image and self-esteem. Viviana will walk off with half a butt cheek showing and I will shake my head and stay silent. I want to yell, “Get back in the house and cover up!”

And, just when I wallow in the thought that my little girl is no longer, Emersyn’s ruffled butt dives into the water and splashes me back to this moment. 

I throw the penny near her. As Emersyn returns to the surface with her arms in the air triumphantly and a gooey string of snot dripping from her 8-year-old nose, she exclaims, “Daddy, found the penny again!” 

Raising daughters for dads is great and hard. Emersyn is a joy. So is her sister. Even when our girl’s swimsuit butt ruffles give way to virtually nothing at all.

Photo: © Monkey Business /Adobe Stock.

Summer 2021 is finally here and NYC outdoor public pools in all five boroughs will reopen Saturday, June 26, for all to enjoy. However, there are some rule changes (grrr – dang, COVID-19!) to know before enjoying these free treasures.

All pool goers will be required to wear a face mask at certain times, according to the NYC Parks pool page (you’ll find the locations of all the pools there). These are when:

• Entering the pool facility
• In locker rooms or bathrooms
• When on the pool deck

Masks are not to be worn in the water, thankfully.

And that’s it. Although the city’s indoor pools remain closed and many aquatic classes have been cancelled because of the pandemic, much of rest is the same as in recent years when it comes to swim fun in New York City’s boroughs.

NYC outdoor public pools, which are free, will be open daily from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. for open swims, with a break for pool cleaning between 3 and 4 p.m. Early morning and late night adult lap swim hours are also available at some locations. The city may still host free “learn to swim” programs but many other aquatic programs are definitely off.

Rules for outdoor water fun – sunscreen included

The big things to know, mask requirements aside, are:

• You must have on a swimsuit to enter the pool area.
• Men’s swimsuits must have a lining, and yes — you might be ask to prove it.
• If you need a shirt or hat to protect you from the sun, they must be plain WHITE. No shirts with colors on them on the deck.
• Swim diapers required for babies and the yet-to-be potty trained.
• Most places have stroller parking but getting a space is not guaranteed.
• No floaties or water toys.
• No food, glass bottles, electronic devices, and newspapers, either!
• If you plan to use a locker, bring a sturdy lock. No luggage locks.

Free, broad-spectrum SPF 50 sunscreen will be available in dispensers at all the city’s outdoor pools, thanks to the American Academy of Dermatology’s SPOT Skin Cancer.

NYC public outdoor pools are open through Sept. 12, 2021.

Check out the NYC ‘Cool Pools’

The Cool Pools initiative has upgraded 16 NYC public outdoor pools in recent years that hadn’t had major renovations since being built in the 1970s. These spruced up facilities have:

• fun summer-themed wall art
• lounge chairs for sunbathing and relaxing poolside,
• cabana-style shade structures to help keep you cool, 
• plantings to make our pools greener, and
• fun and free poolside activities, including games, sports, arts and crafts, and fitness classes

You’ll find Cool Pools in each borough, but new for this year are the Van Cortlandt Pool in The Bronx and Bushwick Pool and Howard Pool in Brooklyn.

Yesterday, my world stopped, and a fear arose. I am still shaking off the ghost of what happened. Sleep has not gone well.

Fear gripped me like a vice, and my heart stopped.

In a flash I jerked toward him, arm stretched. I needed to get to my boy.

Zoey was on my back, arms around my neck. As I made this move, she tightened. My scream for help, for anyone on the side to help my boy, it was cut off as her little arms held on for dear life.

He just kept flailing, and bobbing, struggling to float, trying to breathe. I tried to lunge toward him again. Fear riddled me as I tried to reach my drowning son. One arm outstretched, with every tendon and fiber reaching for him in vain. I tried to scream again. My chest pounding against my daughters little arms wrapped tightly around my neck. I reached up to pull Zoey’s arms off my throat as a blur came from the right of the pool.

By pure chance, my brother happened to look at me. He saw the look of horror and fear on my face. Following my gaze, he saw David. He leapt to action, and leapt into the pool. He pulled David up and held him close as I finally reached them.

In that moment, all were on their feet. My brother placed David on the side of the pool, he sat there coughing and crying as we flocked to him. I have never been so happy to see a coughing little boy in my whole life. I reached out for him as tears filled my eyes.

My heart began to beat, slowly. But the fear remained.

I hugged him, looked in his eyes, asking over and over again if he was OK.

“Oh-tay, daddy” he replied, over and over again.

Finally, after a few minutes, many tears, and some towels, we continued our play, though a bit more restrained than before.

But later I cannot shake the ghost. As a result, I fight to get sleep. While I lay there, exhausted, I see those moments over and over. Almost as soon as I close my eyes, I am taken back. I watch it playing from a bird’s eye view. I consequently rip myself apart. How did I let myself get so far away? It does not seem like it was that far. It is because of this that I will fight to be a better dad. But, since I know myself well enough, I will also never cease chastising myself for not getting there sooner.

Later that day, when I was talking to David about what had happened, and that I was scared, I could see that he was too. When I told him that I loved him, he looked at me. His beautiful eyes filled with love and he replied, “I love pizza.”

Finally, all was right with the world.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Michael Von Bank, a married father of three children, is the organizer of the Richmond Dads Group. He and his wife, KatiAnn, write the blog, Cranio Family Blog, from where a version of this first appeared.

Photo credit: Foter.com

A swimming pool is definitely the best/worst kid activity of the summer. For every drop of enjoyment a pool provides, there is an equal and opposite negative reaction (just ask Isaac Newton).

There is no better way to cool off and feel refreshed in the summer than flopping that beach bod you planned to acquire over the winter into an 83-degree shimmering oasis with your little ones. At the same time, a day at the swimming pool requires a near-constant reapplication of sunscreen on kids. Doing this three or four times without getting sunscreen in their eyes is tough – it’s bound to happen at least once and it’s not pretty when it does.

Goggles, snorkels and pool noodles are all great toys. Too bad it only takes about seven minutes before the lenses pop out, a strap breaks or someone takes a bite out of the noodle foam.

If you’re a parent cutting corners (and who isn’t in the summer?), a dip in the pool sometimes substitutes for a nightly shower or bath. Too bad that this practice can result in an unwanted green tint in your child’s hair if done too many times.

The worst pool scenario? Watch the kids who drink lemonade and soda all afternoon and never leave the pool to go to the bathroom. Now that’s gross.

A swimming pool is equal parts fun and danger. For every smile, there is a slick spot on the pool deck. For every perfect dive, a shot in the eyes with a squirt gun. Still, it’s important to remember to enjoy the pool. Enjoy the summer. Manage the hard parts. And always remember, all of this stuff beats a cold winter.

A slightly different version of this post had first appeared on Indy’s Child.

https://youtu.be/MYk0lHw4aPk

Parenting is a maze we’re all trying to navigate. On the surface that sounds true. However, think of a maze. There is one way in, one correct path, and one way out. That is not so true of parenting. I’ve learned you can’t have tunnel vision. There is more than one way to correctly navigate this maze and no two families are going to take the exact same path.

As we continue through this ever-changing parenting road map, I’ve realized that it’s important to have different perspectives and different teachers involved in our kids lives. I’ve observed my kids in gymnastics, dance, preschool, and now kindergarten. Each teacher they have had has provided a different perspective on similar uncomfortable situations. At times, we as parents don’t want our kids to be uncomfortable. We may not push them to their limits because we are uncomfortable. Having an experienced instructor who sees this difficult situation day in and day out is invaluable for our kids.

As it turns out, I was not that instructor when it was time for our kids to learn to swim. I thought to myself, “I can teach my kids to swim”. I’m at home with my kids during the summer and I have all the time in the world. From the start, I was stressed having two kids in the pool learning to swim, which was creating tension between the kids and myself. Because I was uncomfortable, I was being overly cautious and not pushing them to learn. Our pool time quickly turned into playing and splashing in the shallow end.

About 9 month’s ago I decided I needed help and we started swimming at The British Swim School. This was the ultimate test. I wouldn’t be in the water with them. They were on their own with their instructors. Would having an “outside” teacher be good for them? Would they be uncomfortable learning to swim from someone who would push them to their limits?

From the first day there, they were listening, following instructions, and pushing themselves to improve! The tension went away which made learning to swim fun. My kids went from not wanting to put their faces in the water, to swimming the length of the pool in 9 months. I think having instructors who are experienced working with kids in uncomfortable situations was the key. My kids now embrace the challenge and want to get better in the pool. Check out their progress in the video above!

Disclosure: We have developed a partnership with The British Swim School to help document our progress through their lessons.

Summer is in full swing and the sounds of kids splashing and playing in the pool remind me how stressful it can be to have your kids at the pool! Last summer we had to hold our girls every time we were in the water and they were scared to try anything on their own, even though we were right there. They wouldn’t let go of us! I told myself there was no way I was going through another summer without them knowing how to swim.

In the spring I enrolled them in the entry level swimming class at our local community center. They loved it! They played in the water and practiced blowing bubbles. They crawled on their bellies and became familiar with the water. But that was it. We were in the class for weeks, and they were having a lot of fun, but they weren’t really learning how to swim. I was frustrated because I wasn’t looking for a class that taught them how to splash in the shallow end. I wanted them to be confident and safe around water. I wanted them to be ready for summer at the pool!

Luckily I met the folks of the British Swim School at the Baby Bonanza. They seemed to be exactly what I was looking for and they invited us to try their classes. At the very first lesson my kids were in the water (without me!) practicing their “blast offs” and rolling over onto their backs and they were floating with the help of their instructors. By the third class my 3 year old was floating on her back while singing the ABCs all by herself! My (almost) 5 year old was more timid during those first classes. I was so impressed by how patient the instructors were with her. They pushed her to try things outside of her comfort zone, like jumping in and putting her ears underwater, and now she’s so different around the water. She’s not timid anymore and she loves going to her classes.

We just finished our eighth week of classes and both girls are jumping off the side and rolling over to their backs so they can float. The British Swim School has helped them so much. They’ve come so far! Now when we go to the pool they’re comfortable in the water and they’re so proud of themselves as they practice their new skills.

The British Swim School has classes for babies as young as 3 months and for all age groups all the way up to adult classes. We were in a Minnow class. My favorite thing about this class was that there is a maximum of four children to an instructor. The instructors were incredibly efficient, so they had a lot of one on one time with each child. I was required to be there but I sat on the pool deck to watch the class. Every week the instructors talked to me about my girls’ progress, as they girls listened in, beaming with pride. I’d recommend the British Swim School to anyone looking for swim lessons in Columbus.

We were provided complimentary swim lessons at the British Swim School. However, these opinions are my own.

My son, he is floating away. He can’t swim, he’s only 3. The water is cold, my hands are numb. I’m not sure how long I can hold on. I’m afraid we are going to die. I may have just killed my son.

I’ve relived this nightmare in my dreams more than I care to remember. Every time I get near open water with my children it starts rushing back and paralyzes me. You would think that even though it happened early in his life that my son would have no recollection of it but he reminds me of it every time he sees a canoe which makes it much harder.

August of 2008. We spent a weekend in Canada at a friend’s cabin on a lake I didn’t know. My wife and I went out with Adam in the canoe, circled once around the island and came back. On the other side of the island is where it got choppy and windy. Luckily, with both of us in there we made it back.

When I suggested another time around my wife bailed (this is why she is the smart one) and I continued on determined to keep the fun going. I wouldn’t say that I am generally a risk taker. What I was trying to do was create a lasting memory with my son. I learned the hard way that sometimes we need to not force a memory.

When we passed the island, the wind was too much for one person. It kept pushing the canoe in the opposite direction and we started to drift. I worked at trying to get back but it was no use. My arms were tired, the wind was winning and I tried to readjust myself in the canoe.

That’s when the canoe tipped. I had no life jacket but Adam did. I saw Adam floating away and reached out.

When I was younger I was a camp counselor and we did some canoeing. We used to teach the campers to tip the canoe in the pond and get it back to shore. This memory came back to me as I reached out and grabbed the back of his life jacket and wrestled Adam back into the center of the canoe while it swamped.

I tried to keep him calm, telling him to hold onto the boat. I grabbed the far side with my arms on either side of him. Then I just prayed. I prayed someone would hear me screaming for help as we drifted further out into the lake.

No matter how hard I kicked toward the shore, the island got farther and farther away. I prayed for God to keep us safe and to protect Adam. I prayed that Adam would be safe even if it meant I didn’t make it. My arms were waning, the water frigid, my hands were becoming numb. I didn’t know how much longer I could hold on. Was I going to die? What would happen to Adam?

I could only hope someone back on the island would realize that we had been gone too long. I am not sure how long we were out there or when exactly my sandals, the paddle, and my seat cushion floated away. I scanned the water for someone, anyone and spotted a boat to my left and tried to flag them down. But two heads bobbing in the water is hard to see in a fast moving boat and they went right past us.

I continued to talk to Adam while trying in vain to scream for my wife. The wind was too strong and we were just too far away. Every time I screamed so did Adam and when he was screaming “Mommy!” and crying it broke my heart over and over again. I tried to reassure him as he sobbed inches from my face. I told him that it would be okay and that we would just wait for Mommy. No one could hear us. No one could see us. No one was coming.

I was tired after holding onto the boat to keep him inside. My hands were aching and numb, like holding on to an edge and you know you can’t let go. What seemed like forever finally came to an end when I heard boats in the distance firing up. I saw a boat on the horizon that seemed like a speck canvassing the water. I took my red baseball hat off, the only thing that didn’t float away and waved it in the air as high as I could reach trying to get their attention.

Bobby, my wife’s friend, came to our rescue after 10 minutes of searching, he spotted us. He pulled Adam and I into the boat and back to shore with the canoe in tow. I felt like the worst dad in the world. I had almost killed my son.

Adam was traumatized and shivering and all I could think of was whether it was God who answered my prayers or just the common sense of my wife and her friends that we were gone far too long. It’s a memory that I would rather not relive but every time I see a canoe or get near open water, my mind gets the better of me.

While we were trying to warm my son up, I attempted to lighten the mood by remarking how much of the lake was in his swim diaper. That’s when my 1-year-old daughter rolled off the bed and knocked her head on the ground. My wife and I just looked at each other and shook our heads. That’s when it hit me that anything can happen with kids and that it was part of life to deal with tough times.

We don’t really talk about it anymore. Adam now says “Remember the time you tipped the canoe? and we can laugh it off because we survived. I try not to think about it because it gives me a terrible feeling in my gut to this day. It was every parent’s worst nightmare come true and I lived to tell about it.

I’ve been much more level headed since then, maybe too careful at times because when I think about the possibility of something going wrong, this comes to the forefront. I make it a point to always wear a life jacket which admittedly was beyond stupid. I’m lucky to be alive.

Part of overcoming my fear has been to get out in boats again with my son, though that fear is still there for me. Trying to overcome that mistake has been a long road for me but I am trying not to let it define me because of a bad decision once when he was little. I thought I was in control. I thought that I was being an awesome dad.

No one is infallible when it comes to making decisions. You must consider that sometimes things will be beyond your control. Not letting that fear control me is the hardest part but sometimes I remind myself that I just need to get back in the boat.

A version of this first appeared on DadNCharge.

If you are looking for ways to beat the city heat with your child, start by visiting a free NYC public swimming pool — many of which can be found in every borough and are generally open for operation through Labor Day.

NYC public pool hours vary so check its website before heading over there. While doing this, take note of when they close for cleaning (usually an hour in the middle of the day). When I first began going to New York City public swimming pools, I would forget about the break and show up right before it closed.

Be warned: food and glass bottles are not permitted. They do allow plastic water bottles. The park security guards are no-nonsense employees, so don’t think you can get something past them. I’ve seen many parents and kids thrown out of the line for having something in their bag that they are not permitted to bring in.

NYC Public Pool tip: Bring a lock, come dressed to swim

You must also bring a lock with you – if you don’t have one, then you can’t swim. Also, you aren’t allowed in if you aren’t dressed for swimming. I’ve heard many parents complain that they weren’t planning on swimming and that only the kids were swimming, but again, the security guards don’t buy it. I usually don’t bring anything that needs to be locked. I carry towels, sunscreen, and water bottles with me. Before my kids were potty trained, I also brought an extra swim diaper.

Other things to know for NYC public swimming pools:

• All babies need to wear swim diapers.
• Other than swim shirts, only shirts that are completely white are permitted to be worn in the pool area.
• Stroller parking is available at NYC public pools, but they are left unguarded and nobody is responsible for them.
• All men’s bathing suits need a lining inside. That means no board shorts.
• Kids age 7 and older must use the bathroom of their sex. That makes it difficult for people like me who have kids of different genders. My advice is to have them wait by the door until you come back around to meet them.
• Floaties are not permitted unless they are attached to the swimsuit.

NYC Public Pool tip: Swim lessons, lap swimming

New York City public swimming pools also offer free swim classes and morning and evening lap swim for adults. My kids have taken classes at the pool for 3 years and my wife and I have both used the early morning lap swim hours to get in some early morning or evening exercise.  To learn more about the classes, click here.

Final tip? Don’t open your mouth while in the water at an NYC public pool. There are a lot of kids in there, after all.

A version of NYC Public Pool Tips first appeared on One Good Dad.