If you have suicidal thoughts, emotional distress, or a substance-use issue, help is now only a three-digit number away: call or text 988.

The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, introduced nationally in mid-July, replaces the 11-digit National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number. Authorities hope the easy-to-remember shortcut — similar to using 911 for medical or public safety emergencies — helps more people reach trained counselors in a moment of need.

More than 1.2 million people attempted to kill themselves in 2020, resulting in nearly 46,000 deaths, according to the most recent statistics from the national Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. This makes suicide the 12th leading cause of death in the United States. The suicide rate among men is nearly four times that of women.

The COVID-19 pandemic contributed significantly to increases in depression and anxiety, especially among teens and young adults in the United States, according to the American Psychological Association. Suicide is now the second-leading cause of death for people ages 10 to 14 and 25 to 34.

City Dads Group has long supported the cause of improving mental-health care among men, especially fathers.

How does 988 work? 

Calls and texts to 988 are routed to a mental health professional at one of the more than 200 crisis centers in the U.S. 988 network. (This hotline can also be reached through a chat feature on the hotline’s website.) Callers are routed to a center closest to their phone number’s area code.

A mobile crisis team of mental-health experts and peer-support counselors will be dispatched if a person needs more help. Mental-health or residential facilities may also be contacted for longer-term care and support.

Unlike 911, no ambulances, police or firefighters will be automatically dispatched to the caller’s location. “The vast majority of those seeking help from the Lifeline do not require any additional interventions at that moment. Currently, fewer than 2% of Lifeline calls require connection to emergency services like 911. … [T]he 988 coordinated response is intended to promote stabilization and care in the least restrictive manner.,” states a government FAQ about the 988 website.

The change to 988 is part of a $282 million federal effort to increase suicide prevention and crisis care work, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

At 11:55 p.m. on New Year’s Eve, the champagne was ready. The real stuff sat on one side of the kitchen, opposite the sparkling grape juice reserved for the children. 

As our adult friends gathered, my 16-year-old, Yosef, shyly looked in my direction as his buddies darted for the real champagne while his siblings relegated themselves to the Welch’s Sparkling Grape. 

I nodded at Yosef. He beamed. Tonight, he could join the “cool” kids in bringing in the New Year via the sting of cheap Korbel.

As with so many parenting decisions, I’m still grappling with how I feel about this. 

If you have teenagers and have not faced a similar conundrum, I can assure that it is coming. Even though studies in recent years show alcohol use by adolescents is in decline — even at the lowest rates ever reported for some ages — around half of all of 12th-graders and nearly one in five eighth-graders are likely to report having had alcohol. More worrisome, teens are far more likely to binge drink (four or more drinks at a sitting) than adults.

Encounters with underage drinking

This most recent situation wasn’t the first for us. Several other “should we allow our son to drink while supervised by adults” instances occurred in just the past several months.

The first was an innocent ask by a fellow (at the time over-served) parent/friend during a trip to a beach resort this past summer. She playfully asked, “Do you care if I offer alcohol to our teenagers?”

Hell no!

I immediately became annoyed, dismayed, put-off that another parent even contemplated such a crazy idea. The very suggestion of allowing our teenagers to drink alongside of us was appalling.

But I collected myself. I politely replied, “Do what you want, but Yosef will not be drinking.” 

Everyone else seemed to agree, followed suit, and no teens drank that evening. 

Next, though, came the secondhand knowledge of a few high school parties, hosted by family friends, having included alcohol as part of the night’s refreshments. A feeling of relief showered me realizing that Yosef did not get invited to the parties in question. Many of our friends’ children did attend – some may have drank, some may not have. Either way, I felt like we’d dodged a bullet because, yet again, I would have to play the bad guy in telling Yosef he wouldn’t be part of it.

Social media posts would later confirm that, if he’s invited to parties in the future, I need to worry. For the most part it appears that teenagers treat drinking as a race to messy, unceremonious end, such as alcohol poisoning, drunk driving accidents and higher rates of physical or sexual abuse.

Parents must question themselves

From that backdrop, in the afterglow of the entrance to the New Year, I kissed my wife, hugged my good friends, and sipped of the cheap bubbly alongside my son and a few buddies. Again, I am recognizing my personal progression from shock at the thought of Yosef drinking to being complicit (and present) in him picking up a glass.

How might you handle the same situation? Before you even get to that point, start asking yourself questions like:

• Is teenage drinking a discussion among parents or something I need address with my son/daughter alone?
• Do I take a hardline or can my teenager drink in my presence?  How might I react to a friend offering alcohol to my kid? 
• Should my high schooler attend supervised parties that might include alcohol (whether the hosting parents know or not)? Does my answer change if my kid claims they won’t be drinking?

As with most of the parenting decisions I toil with, I seem to have started with a hard-lined approach then converted to a discretionary one — like refusing all offers of sweets for my kids turning into passing out the candy at every celebration or as a reward for a job well done. Those decisions, though, did not put my kid in possible danger like allowing them to drink might.

My rules on adolescent alcohol use

I don’t think I will ever feel completely good about condoning something that could be potential harmful and expressly illegal. But, instead of beating myself up over the morally compromising, I’ll align my son to my own set of underage drinking principles to Yosef as follows – 

1. I understand you may try to drink alcohol.
2. “Trying” means a sip, not guzzling a handle or shot-gunning a six-pack.
3. Your mom and I must be expressly OK with and present if you try any alcohol. 
4. No other parents should provide you alcohol – even if they are trusted family friends. 
5. If you’ve broken No. 1 through No. 4, call us. We’ll pick you up, no questions asked. Until tomorrow. 

Agreement with these principles will not make me the “cool dad” with his buddies.  These principles don’t mean I am encouraging him to evade the law. I assure you that I will be saying “no” far more than “yes” when underage drinking is entertained socially with others.

These do mean, though, that I get it. I remember being there, caught between a sip of beer and the impending disappointment of my parents. I regret poor decisions I’ve made driven by the need to hide realities from my folks. 

Parenting older kids is tough. Yes, I’m glad I toasted real champagne with my son to ring in the New Year but, damn, I hope that cheap bottle tasted awful to him.   

The smile on Yosef’s face, though, tells me otherwise – and thinking I’m doing this all wrong. 

Editor’s Note: Read more about alcohol abuse and underage drinking at Responsibility.org. Photo: ©yta / Adobe Stock.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey is something I could have used as a kid.

There was very little direction in my house and I just drifted from class to class in high school. If you pictured my life as The Breakfast Club, I was Brian. The difference was that while he got too much direction and pressure from his parents, I didn’t get enough. It doesn’t sound that bad – but it wreaks havoc with your confidence.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens are the same as the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, which makes sense as Teens author Sean Covey is the son of Stephen Covey who wrote the adult version. The difference is this spins all of the habits in a way that is more relatable to teens. How? It’s very interactive – so much so a personal workbook is devoted to all the activities that go with the book. The first part is my favorite: What are your great habits? What is great about you? That’s good stuff. People need to keep thinking about what they are good at as well as what they need to improve.

This latest edition (5 million already in print) is updated with tips and stories for the digital age. Overall, I would say that this book is extremely effective if you can just get your child to read it. There is so much negativity toward teens going on in the media – from relatively new issues like social media and gaming to the more traditional issues like sex, drugs and alcohol — that we should add positivity to balance it out in our kids’ day-to-day lives. If we want them to grow up and be happy, productive people we have to get them in the mood.

Editor’s Note: A version of this article first appeared on Daddy Mojo.

Someone Could Get Hurt: A Memoir of Twenty-First Century Parenthood, the latest book by blogger and author Drew Magary, offers lessons about the difficulties inherent in being a modern parent. In many ways the author, an American journalist, humor columnist and novelist, comes off as a witty, sarcastic Everyman who loves his family deeply but talks candidly about how they frustrate him. Like some of the best fictional characters, his flaws make him endearing yet hardly a role model.

Most of the experiences in Magary’s book play up the theme of the neurotic, goofy dad and husband doing his best to lead his family through the trials of life with hilarity. My wife had to remind me that our son was asleep while I laughed at the author struggling to bathe his young daughter or trying to keep his kids from fighting. However, perhaps with a bit of newly discovered wisdom and a message to send, Magary devotes an alarmingly serious chapter to his DUI arrest.

After confessing to this, Magary further admits that it was not his first time driving under the influence. His wife was so furious that he recalls being terrified that she might leave him. What is scary to me is that after years of men just like Magary risking their lives and the lives of those around them, we seem to continue to forget that, as his title states, someone could get hurt for real.

If Magary is an Everyman then the chapter demonstrates that we still need to spend as much time talking to each other about the dangers of drunk driving as we do warning our teenage children not to do it.

The book has garnered quite a bit of praise in the trades and on social media. Just add this review to the list.

Should parents be allowed to bring their babies and children to bars?

Here’s a controversial topic where few dads are willing to go on record. However, with March Madness upon us, and the opportunity to watch 32 games on a Thursday and Friday-during the day-this is certainly a relevant topic. Since they outlawed smoking in NYC bars, these nearly vacant burger & beer social outlets, are breeding grounds for at-home parents with their kids during the day. What’s bringing the issue to a head is brewing out of Brooklyn…

CNN’s Brooklyn Brewhaha: Babies In Bars by Jessica Ravitz, focuses on a freelance writer & at-home-dad in Park Slope, Brooklyn, (Matt Gross, of the Dad Wagon) who enjoys hitting the occasional bar during the day with his child because it’s one way to enjoy adult interaction. The Brooklyn debate stems from a popular & local bar that banned strollers from their premises about two years ago – later it overturned the policy. “Parents, on the other hand, say that as long as they’re responsible and their kids behave, they deserve the right to grab a quick drink with friends. And, they might add, in a place like New York — where the cost of baby sitters can be prohibitive and tight living quarters can make hosting guests at home difficult — they need places to hang out, too.”

CNN STORY HIGHLIGHTS
– Babies in bars are the subject of heated discussion in Brooklyn, where strollers rule
– Singles don’t want to watch their language, behavior; parents don’t want to be shut out
– Debate began when bar banned strollers; policy overturned after outcry, blogger says
– Dad says he’s “not knocking back double vodkas while my daughter is stumbling around”

All dads need to check out this article and give their two cents on this one: Should parents be allowed to bring their babies and children to bars?