“If parents want to give their children a gift, the best thing they can do is to teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning. That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise. They will have a lifelong way to build and repair their own confidence.”
– Carol Dweck

In the spirit of Carol Dweck’s quote, it is important to address the role of parent-teacher associations (PTAs) in today’s schools because they can exponentially improve prevention of depression, anti-social behavior and suicide among children.

Our kids, ages 8 and 14, have been through several schools in the past five years. This is because of our family’s relocation from the United States to Hong Kong in 2012 and our subsequent return here in 2017. Our eldest, in particular, just finished an academic year at his sixth school.

Like most parents, my wife and I feel very invested in our kids’ future. We demonstrate this through engagement with their schools’ PTA. This engagement includes monetary contributions, serving as chaperones during trips, “mystery reader” appearances, and participation in social functions. We both are very keen observers of human behavior and enjoy every opportunity to do this. Observing PTA activities is of great interest to us — especially of late because we can see a huge change in the needs of children, both in education and in parenting. Mindful of this change, we are alarmed by the shallowness of PTAs as a function in today’s schools.

Everywhere you turn, conversations about depression, social-emotional difficulties and suicide among children are trending. If you are raising a teen, the Netflix show 13 Reasons Why, which centers on audio tapes a high school suicide victim left her to explain her killing herself, has probably entered your awareness lately. Psychologists are raising concerns about the effects of tech-related dopamine addiction and its correlation with all aforementioned issues. The intersection of parenting and education is exactly where experts are pointing relative to problems as well as solutions.

Sadly, PTAs — located at the same intersection — don’t provide sensible solutions through cooperation between parents and teachers or introduction of third-party resources.

While collectively achieved framework and methodology are needed, a simple change for the better can start with a very simple name amendment – from “Association” to “Ambassadors.”  The level of bureaucracy in this is minimal because decisions stay at an individual school level.

Why “Ambassadors”?  Because this function corresponds with three important objectives:

• awareness
• accountability
• action

Being an ambassador into minds of our children will help communicate care, congruence and closeness. It will also help reframe the function of a PTA from shallow facilitation of events and fundraising to a circle of support and protection – where our children could turn to for meaningful resources.

Why resources? Because it is naive to assume all kids turn to their parents and teachers for support. Often, they seek that among peers and external influencers. What ambassadors could do is understand children’s needs, interests and concerns and, in cooperation with educators, offer genuine help with developing social-emotional skills and overall resilience – sometimes by using their own abilities and occasionally seeking help from third parties.

To conclude, my wife and I genuinely believe that a PTA can disrupt some of the core threats to children’s well-being. They just need to transform from stagnant “Associations” to proactive “Ambassadors.” Let’s reframe our thinking and actions!

Here are some resources for consideration of Parent Teacher Ambassadors:

• Social Thinking
• The Mehrit Centre: Shanker Self-Reg
• Carol Dweck: A Summary of The Two Mindsets And The Power of Believing That You Can Improve
• Video: Teaching for Adaptability, Richard Davidson

Author’s note: This article was co-writing with my wife, Dalia.  

These days, many dads would reply, “yes, I am a member of my children’s PTA.” Or provide a similar response: “Yes, preschool board” or “Yep, School Leadership Team (SLT)” or “Absolutely, I am the class parent!”  OR, some fathers might bake something for the school bake sale or fundraiser. Other dads may tell you that they get involved by attending all of their children’s parent-teacher conferences.

In fact, a “2009 study by the National Congress of Parents and Teachers and the National Center for Fathering, a nonprofit educational organization, found that 590 of 1,000 fathers surveyed nationwide said they attended school parent meetings.”  Nearly 60 percent!

We have been telling everyone that is listening the past few years on this blog that fathers are making an extra effort to be involved and pitch in early and often in their children’s lives…and this might comes in many forms.  The New York Times reported this week that dads are shifting the dynamics of the Parent-Teacher Association in New York City schools – What’s New at the PTA, Dad? by Kyle Spencer.

As an educator, and parent of a preschooler, I certainly wanted to make a contribution to my son’s school this year so I volunteered and ran for a board position at my son’s nursery school. Similarly, Matt Schneider, wanted to take an active role at his son Max’s school, and is now a member of their School Leadership Team. Matt and I both have a little extra extra time on our hands and this was one avenue we pursued to bond with other parents as well as our children.

Why is there a trend of PTA dads or fathers joining other meaningful school related organizations? The New York Times offered that “the shift reflects a number of underlying social trends: more women with demanding jobs, more men underemployed in a lingering recession, more shared parenting responsibilities over all and the professionalization of the PTA itself.” Additionally, many fathers have the know-how for fundraising which is a necessary tool in these tough economic times. I did not find the results in the article particularly surprising, but it certainly covered an angle regarding involved fatherhood that I haven’t thought much about or reflected upon.

We are interested – how do you “pitch in” when it comes to your child’s schooling? Are you among the PTA Dads?