My daughter is Isabella Gutierrez Marcelino. My last name is Gutierrez – but that’s actually my daughter’s middle name. We gave her my wife’s last name – Marcelino.

I’m not ashamed of my family’s name. I’m proud to be a Gutierrez. The name is always a reminder of my dad, my hero, who still works day and night to ensure the people he loves are always taken care of.

As Stef and I started family planning, I was at a crossroads. Why is it that we value one last name over the other? When I knew we were having a girl, I began to think about why my daughter should automatically just come labeled with my family name. Why is it that as a society we do that? I’m so proud of my wife and all she has been able to accomplish – why couldn’t my daughter carry on her mother’s last name? I surely know my wife will be the prime example of what I want her to be grow up as.

I went on a dive to search for validity. I came across a few blog posts from men who had done this – many in the name of feminism, which I highly respect. Others did it because they hated their own family history, which I didn’t necessarily agree with.

But then it hit me – I’m going to have a daughter. I want her to be the best damn person she ever could be. And with that, would I ever want her pressured into giving up her own identity in order to be a wife and a mother to her kids? I don’t, and that’s what women have to go through every time they get married and take their husband’s last name. I want her to reach her potential in ways I cannot even grasp, and to do that, I have to be a living example to her that I’m willing to defy convention and show her that in life, she’ll always have an ability to choose what she wants to do and be; even if it’s different than what society expects her to do.

Giving her my wife’s last name puts her in only 4 percent of families, and that’s mainly couples who have kids out of wedlock, many times with fathers that aren’t as involved in their children’s lives. But at the other extreme, we’ve had royal families for years take on whatever moniker is more convenient for them to distinguish themselves as royalty – we see it now with Prince Phillip, who took his mother’s last name when he turned 21, and all the rest of the current British Royal Family, who all claim the Queen’s. Why the hell can they defy all these societal rules and we’re expected not to?

By choosing to give my daughter her mother’s name, I am instilling in her the notion that even if society sets an expectation, she can take whatever direction she wants to take; and it’ll only make her papa proud.

I chose to defy the patriarchal culture to show my daughter that she doesn’t have to take the path that’s already carved and I hope she makes decisions that show that. If she does, then it’ll more than likely carry on in her prosperity – and that means that no matter what, they’ll carry on my legacy; and that’s of more value to me than any last name.

Name tag photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash.

One of my friends put something up on Facebook a while ago about his 11-year-old son informing him that he wanted to call him “Dad” from now on.

I was sitting in the parking lot in my car, reading this after a long overnight shift, and I was in tears.

This son was telling his father that he wasn’t little anymore. No more “Papa” or ”Daddy.” Just “Dad.”

What is next: using first names?

I know that soon I’ll just be Dad. I guess that is the way it has to be.

In our society, the father-daughter relationship is talked about so much. Daddy’s Little Girl. Daddy-Daughter Dances, etc. And while that bond is super important, we rarely talk about father-son relationships outside of having a catch with your son when he is little and then fast-forwarding to having a beer with him when his becomes legal.

Sometimes I call my wife “Mom” or “Mommy.”

And just writing that makes me want to shower the ickiness off in a hot stream of sulfuric acid with a power sander for a loofah. It sounds weird, right?

It’s not.

Let me clear a few things up. If you’re here because the title sounded kinda kinky, I apologize. You’re in the wrong place. I’ve never called my wife “mommy” while crawling around on all fours while begging for forgiveness because I’ve been a bad, bad boy who needs to be spanked. (No judgment. Whatever gets you and your consenting partner off is a-OK with me. Just not my thing and not what this is about.)

On the flip side, I’m not a buttoned-up religious nut (cough-Vice-President-Pence-cough) who calls his wife “Mother” and is so afraid of the evil one-eyed serpent in his pants that he won’t even eat lunch with a woman unless his “Mother” is there to chaperone. Something is seriously wrong with that dude.

Maybe there’s something wrong with me, too. Not because of what I call my wife, though.

I get that some people refuse to call their partner “Mommy” or “Daddy,” because it’s fetishizing and/or infantilizing … in other words, just plain creepy. A recent article in Romper took this subject on and came down firmly on the “fuck no“ side of the fence. Everyone is, of course, entitled to his/her/nonspecific gender pronoun opinion, but the author seemed a little sanctimonious in her assessment. (Not that big a deal, I’ve certainly looked down my nose at other parents from time to time. Because I’m better than you!) Although eight reasons are promised in the title, the author’s argument boils down to:

1. it’s creepy,
2. it’s easy and more technically accurate to add the word “your” before “daddy,” and
3. her partner has a real name.

Some version of these reasons is probably why other parents may feel the same way she does.

Creepiness is (relatively) subjective. I’m not going to un-skeeve anyone who gets the willies when they hear the word “Mommy” or “Daddy” come out of their partner’s mouth. In theory, I get it and, at one point, I probably felt the same way.

But, as strange as it sounds, I have found calling my wife “Mommy” and hearing her call me “Daddy” totally normal. Under the right circumstances, anyway. It’s so simple that it also addresses the other enumerated issues.

“Mom” (and every derivation thereof) is what our children call my wife. It’s not just a noun, it’s a pronoun! Because she’s not just a mom, she’s Mom! For my kids, that is her name. So when I’m talking about her to them, that’s the name I use. I call my wife “Mom” or “Mommy” when I say things to my kids like “Mommy and I told you to never discriminate against people because of their deeply held religious beliefs. Isn’t that right, Allie?” Because I am a hypocrite (and Mike Pence has some seriously effed-up beliefs), but when I address my wife directly I call her by her name or a nickname or anything other than “Mom, “Mommy” or “Mother.” Because that shit is creepy.

Isn’t that right, Mother?

A version of this first appeared on Amateur Idiot/Professional Dad.

I’m one of those parents who gave his kid a weird name.

I know. It’s kind of weird. The wife and I weren’t sure about it either. In fact, there are days when I’m still not sure we made the right decision.

Our first two kids have regular names. Sure, they’re kind of hipster-cool/over-popular, but we like the names we gave them just the same. She’s Harper: Her name was inspired by author Harper Lee and musician Ben Harper. He’s Wyatt; we gave him a laid-back name that could fit easily on the nameplate of a future judge’s office or on a blue-collar work shirt.

And the Weird Name is …

Then there’s our third child.

His name is Hawk. “Hawk? Like the bird?” asked my mother.

“No. His name is Parker,” Wyatt flatly stated.

“That’s not a very great name,” Harper lamented with tearful eyes as she met him for the first time.

Wyatt was almost named Hawk, but we chickened out. We just couldn’t pull the trigger. It was a little too weird. We went with choice 1B, and we haven’t looked back. There was no second guessing. No one asked where we came up with the name.

When the new baby was born and the doctor announced that it was a boy (another boy!), we already had the name picked. Before I cut the cord, my wife asked, “Are we going for it? Is this Hawk?” Still stunned at the miracle of birth, I replied, “I think it is.” Cord cut; baby named; destiny spun into motion.

We named him Hawk because we like the name. We named him Hawk because we’re sure it won’t be a hindrance for him now or in the future. We named him Hawk because, quite frankly, we think it’s a badass name. We named him Hawk because we could and because we wanted to. It’s not a family name. It’s not a “normal” name, but it’s his name, just the same.

So, yes, like the bird, Mom. And no, his name isn’t Parker, Wyatt, even though that’s the name you lobbied hard for. As for whether Hawk is a very great name — time will tell, Harper.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Matt Norman, an at-home dad of three, is the organizer of our Austin Dads Group chapter. A version of this post first appeared on And So It Has Come to This.

My parents had a name debate about what to name me before I was born. The first initial had to be an “L” after my late, great-grandmother, Lina. The abbreviated story: Dad wanted Lance. Mom wanted Lincoln (so my nickname would be “Link”). I still run the names through my head: “Link, it’s time for dinner!” and “Lance, it’s time for dinner.” An argument between my parents ensued. Dad won the argument. Either way, I would have ended up with an unusual name. I often wonder what life might have been like as Lincoln.

This brings me to my point. Parents use inspiration, family tradition, baby name books, pop- culture, or various other methods to influence the names they select for their children. Interestingly, the Social Security Administration announced their annual list of most popular baby names over the weekend. The most popular girl name was Isabella, which moved Emma out of first place from last year. The most popular boy name, Jacob, has been at the top of the list for the last 12 years. Since many of these parents end up calling their son “Jake” for short…my son will have to get used to having a very common name.

The 10 most popular girls’ names, in order, are

• Isabella
• Emma
• Olivia
• Sophia
• Ava
• Emily
• Madison
• Abigail
• Chloe
• Mia

The 10 most popular boys’ name, also in order, are:

• Jacob
• Ethan
• Michael
• Alexander
• William
• Joshua
• Daniel
• Jayden
• Noah
• Anthony

The Social Security Administration started compiling name lists in 1997, and as in years past, CNN reports “that the influence of pop culture is reflected in the names selected for newborns.”
Nope, no Lady Gaga yet on the top 100 list! However, the “boy’s name that climbed up the list the fastest is Cullen — the name of the lead character in the popular “Twilight” book/movie series. Cullen’s girlfriend in the books is Bella, short for Isabella.”

I am wondering what hoops, if any, you went through to select your child’s name…