As our American holidays continue the slow decline into commercial bliss, I try to take the time to consider the message I am conveying to my children.

The Fourth of July is a celebration of a free nation, a place where ideas can be challenged freely and change can be implemented. Does it work perfectly? Of course not, it’s something I constantly take for granted and I want to remind myself why it’s important, so I can pass it along to my children.

Here are five messages you should reinforces with your child this Fourth of July:

1. Be thankful for what you have

Kids don’t know how good they’ve got it. When I was growing up I had to beg to get call waiting and chose poorly in my BETA/VHS gamble. It can always be worse, ask the people who lived through the Great Depression. Be thankful.

2. Nobody is perfect

My son came home from school one day and told me his teacher had said the President was a mean man. I said, “Son, the President has a hard job, I’m glad I don’t have to decide the things he does. The people who run this country are always going to make mistakes. It’s always been that way and always will be. The best thing you can do is figure out how you can make it better. A lot of people talk about the way things should be, but the important ones do something about it.”

3. Freedom isn’t free

The reason we have candy-soaked parades and get to play with explosive items past our bedtime is because many men and women have fought, and some even died, for us to keep us safe. Thousand continue to do so today. They are forced to make decisions we would never even have to consider. Tell a soldier how much you appreciate them today.

4. History keeping repeating

For every young whippersnapper who is making things “worse,” you will find an old coot who can’t stand how things are these days. We cannot change the past with the future, but we can use it to make a better one.

5. Pay it forward

Children are an endless stream of wants and needs who find it inconvenient when the world does not bend to their will. Whenever my son takes out a library book, he never wants to return it. “If you kept all of the books, there would be no library,” I have told him. “Someone built that library, so everyone could learn something. Whatever you take from it, you need to give back.”  Should a country receive anything less from its citizens?

At some point, the American Dream changed from something a person worked to earn to a right that was given and deserved. We get the privilege of living in a country where we can speak our minds and know our rights. Our forefathers worked together, despite their differences, to build something worthwhile to pass on to their children. Parents have a responsibility to teach their children how to acknowledge the past, live in the present, and prepare a future for the generations to come. Every child who understands that this Fourth of July is one more person to keep the real American Dream alive.

Photo: Jason Leung on Unsplash

Raising a child requires the patience I can only imagine the bar patrons in Cheers had for Woody. You love the guy, but if he sings that “Kelly song” again you’re going to jab a fork in your eye.

I’m just a dad; just a regular guy who still craves time to himself. I would love to go wherever, whenever. I do not miss going out all of the time, but I do miss going in to renew my vehicle registration without having to explain to my oldest son why pancake mix is not something to put in your pockets whilst trying to block my youngest son from eating it off of the ground. Frustration builds over the course of some days and it’s easy to let those special moments go right past you, and I almost missed one last night.

After a glorious day that seemed ripe with pancake-batter-like experiences, I found myself in the midst of a sleep battle with my oldest son. I said, “Go to bed” and he said, “I like trains.” We were at an impasse. We ran the nighttime routine a few times. By the third time, I got him to agree that getting up again would constitute a forfeiture of his special treat tomorrow afternoon. We mutually agreed (albeit reluctantly on his part) that it was night-night time. We high-fived on it which made it a binding contract.

Then he got up again.

Let’s be honest: he got up many “agains.” He was running out of tricks, so he resorted to ye olde “I need to poop” trick. I could read the barely contained excitement on my son’s face as he wondered if his ruse would work again tonight. Even though his intentions were as transparent as Obi-Wan’s force ghost, I placated his charade.

He proceeded to sit there, not pooping, and tried to strike up a conversation about blue trains and white coal that doesn’t burn hot. Fascinating as it sounds, I had very important things to do like dishes, laundry, and Plants vs. Zombies.

I’ll admit I was weak. I was teetering on the cusp of enjoying a quiet moment, so I agreed (albeit reluctantly) to read one more story. He can’t quite read yet, so I picked up a book he has not memorized and gave him the edited version. You know, “Four score and seven years ago … however that speech ends. Gettysburg, out!”

Scary shadows, special moments

I finished the story and headed back out to start the thing which unfortunately had nothing to do with zombies. Within five minutes I saw him hiding, poorly, in the hallway.

Aggravation spilled off my words while I asked him why he was up and out of bed. He said, “Because the shadows are scary.”

Scary? I’m thinking full-sized clown dolls under your bed are scary! C’mon, shadows?!  All you have to do is close your eyes and go to sleep! Please, for the love of my sanity, GO TO SLEEP!!!

I looked at him and saw the discomfort in his face and body language. My raised voice had scared him and still for a moment I considered telling him to go back to bed citing the ever-powerful excuse “because.” It’s easy to let great moments go by.

I thought for a moment about him getting up over and over again, and a tiny little whisper broke through my selfish barricade. Maybe he isn’t trying to rip out the last ounce of sanity you have today. Maybe he’s just scared of the dark.

I hate when I realize I’m being an idiot. I walked him back to his room and taught him what shadows were. After 10 minutes, an impressive light demonstration and some world-class puppeteering, he said (I kid you not), “Thanks, Dad. Shadows aren’t so scary, shadows are fun! Night-night.”

Ugh, gag me with a greeting card, right? He curled up, fell asleep, and I finally got to work on the dishes. I stared at each dish as I scraped the food away and wondered, “Why could this not wait?” I must have been pretty messy cleaning because I somehow ended up with water in my eyes.

It was a great moment I nearly missed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to give you the whole “give-up-on-yourself-for-your-kids” spiel. I am not above putting on an extra-long episode of whatever educational show of my children’s choice on my babysitter Samsung’s screen for 46 minutes of solace. Through my own stupidity, what I am trying to say is that I need to listen more when my frustration gets nearly out of control.  Sometimes kids are going to break you. Young children do not always know how to tell you something and if your mind is caught up in all of the things shaking up your world, you might miss what’s wrong in theirs.

A version of “Special Moments” first appeared on Just a Dad 247.

We all want our day in equality court. But I have lived a sheltered life away from the judgment of societal norms, so I had no idea my first experience requiring it would come as stay-at-home dad when I was shunned at the playground … by moms.

It was a brisk morning for April in Texas. I arrived at the local playground and felt a sobering chill go down my spine. Per usual, I was putting on an impressive dad-ing display when two, seemingly innocuous, moms approached. My kids jumped out of their skin at the sight of other children to play with and darted to greet them. I helped my children introduce themselves to the others. The moms responded by snatching their offspring’s hands and darting away while yelling something about gathering the menfolk to kill the beast.

Surely, this was the lone actions of some man-hating, wart-infested females. After all, I live in Texas — a bastion of progressive thought — so this had to be an isolated incident.

The snub hurt a little, but that was no reason to give up. There had to be play groups in the area, I thought, I’ll simply find one to join.

After the first three  had “NO MEN” (printed in bold!) signs hanging outside their tree forts, I opted to look elsewhere.

_______

Societal perception dictates men cannot control their urges and, therefore, must be avoided to eliminate temptation. For every one of me, there are 10 men looking for an opportunity to fulfill short-term sexual desire.
__

Regardless of my good-natured, friendly attempts, I kept getting the impression that these moms had no time for a man amongst their ranks. I was simply looking for my kids to be able to play with other kids and for myself to maybe be able talk to another adult about something that does not involve broken kid logic. I mean, I’m hip. I’m cool. I love my wife and have no desire to get busy in a Burger King bathroom with anyone else; and she assures me that if I continue to call myself “hip” and make references to 80’s rap songs that she has the utmost faith in my fidelity.

I was at a loss. Had I doomed my children to isolation because of my gender? I decided to take my case to the highest court in the land. The presiding judge is fair and known for a grace that is rivaled only by her beauty.

My wife listened attentively while making dinner, as I laid out my cruel, discriminatory suit. She threw in “hmmms” and “uh-huhs” at just the right moments to let me know my plea was going well. She even stopped dinner prep during a particularly egregious offender’s story and gave me an “oooh.” Obviously, I was not the problem here. The maniacal coalition of stay-at-home moms were being unmasked to a fellow female. Each incident of my mistreatment snapped in it’s place of the grand puzzle of her decision. Finally! Justice! She banged the meat tenderizer three times (I thought a bit over the top) and stated her decision.

“The problem here,” she said, “is you.”

______

Has the pendulum swung so far on women’s equality that they cannot remember what it’s like to feel this isolation, to be shunned or discounted?
__

That was not what I was expecting. Instead of sanctifying my oppression, my wife told me what she would be thinking in the same situations.

“Women believe most men want to bust a move and push it, push it real good,” she said. “You may not be looking to do the wild thing and they know it takes two to make a thing go right, but that does not stop their friends (or worse their husbands) from thinking that they want to pump up the jam. They can fight the power, but it’s easier to say you can’t touch this than to tell everyone, ‘Don’t believe the hype.’ Take it for what it’s worth, that’s just my prerogative.”

Have I mentioned I love my wife?

She went on to say that my best bet was to continue to go to public, group settings and do not try to initiate conversation. Be consistent and, when the moms feel comfortable, they will talk to me.

It was hard to hear, but true. I needed to understand that these moms do not know me and societal norms do not change overnight. Being a stay-at-home parent means a great deal of isolation. We do not have co-workers around the office or a helping hand when things go wrong. Our deadlines come up instantaneously and our progress goes unrewarded. Being a stay-at-home dad amplifies the isolation because the societal perception dictates men cannot control their urges and, therefore, must be avoided to eliminate temptation.

I get it, though. For every one of me, there are 10 men tuning out from their families and/or looking for an opportunity to fulfill short-term sexual desire. I cannot change other people. I can only try to understand where other people are coming from.

I cannot help wondering: Has the pendulum swung so far on women’s equality that they cannot remember what it’s like to experience this isolation, to be shunned or discounted? I mean: same team, moms — same team. I want my kids to be able to play with other kids. I want to talk to other stay-at-home parents about the news, parenting techniques and recipes, too. I draw the line at talking about The Bachelor, though. I’d rather be alone.

The point is, we are all hesitant about things that are not commonplace to us. The question I ask myself is, “Am I the kind of person who is willing to listen to ideas I do not understand and maybe learn something, or am I content to wade around with blinders keeping my world nice and easy?”

I think the same question could be posed of all equality. A mixture of dads and moms is the future of the stay-at-home community. My day in equality court is a long way down on the docket, but it’s on there.

A version of this isolation tale and the photo first appeared on Just a Dad 247.

You could always buy a Valentine card at the drugstore for your spouse, but that’s so impersonal.

I am a stay-at-home dad of two young boys. My wife is a flight attendant and leaves me on my own with our boys for days at a time while she travels the friendly skies. My boys and I greatly appreciate the sacrifice she makes every time she goes to work, so that we can have a parent at home with our children.

This Valentine’s Day, my wife will be working in the morning, but will be able to make it home for a special dinner with me. I want to do something special for my Valentine and do something to make the day go a little quicker until she arrived back home. Since my wife loves two things — humor and cleanliness — along with me and the kids, I decided to combine those two favorites into this special digital Valentine in hopes of enticing her into a frenzy before she arrives home.

A version of this first appeared on Just a Dad 247. 

After having children, the only thing my wife and I argued about was our financial situation. When we were both working, we were so tired that we never paid attention to what we were spending. This changed when I started staying home with the kids. With just one income, we had to prioritize our “life-style needs” to make ends meet. (I call it that because, “Every last enjoyable thing that we still falsely believe we can do and buy, even though we have two children,” sounds desperate.) No longer could we crash exhaustedly into bed each night oblivious of spending habits. We had to wake up and tighten our belts. And when I say “we” I meant “me.” Financial aspects of our family fell to me as one of my many other duties of being the at-home parent.

For us, the decision for me to stay at home was all about “what was best” for our kids. They did not need an iPad for every room, but we did want them to have actual chicken tenders instead of pink slime pressed into nuggets. As a result, things had to get tight around our house. Not the good “tight” like a Kid ‘N’ Play haircut, but the sad “eating cranberry sauce in July from last Thanksgiving because it’s the only thing I have besides my children’s food” kind. Groceries, lawn services, and wherever else I could find savings I did to keep our credit cards from overheating. One area I thought I could cut was our children’s hair. Literally.

I informed my wife of my intentions and was understandably met with some resistance. I argued that I had learned to wire up lights in our home so cutting hair could not be that difficult. My wife countered that my comparison was terrible and said “affections” would be put on hiatus if I messed up her children’s hair. A compelling argument and one I could not win.

Still, it nagged at me every time I took my boys to those “arcade” haircut places. Sure, their little faces glazed over when they sat perfectly still in the little metal cars staring at the TV, but my wife spent less at the salon than I did at those places… and they got bad haircuts! I figured I could save a lot of money if I took them to the cheapest place I could find. How could their haircuts get any worse? Murphy’s Law loves to hear that.

We entered the strip mall hair cut factory and signed in. A kind older woman waved us over to her chair. She proceeded to hack at my children’s hair only, in this instance, without the benefit of coma inducing cartoons. When she finished with my second son’s hair, she thanked me for being so patient on her first day. Her first day?! That would have been nice to know twenty minutes prior. Tufts of hair sprouted from my children’s heads where they shouldn’t. Empty patches resided everywhere like lunar craters. The entire decade of the 80’s called to give their regards on what horrifying haircuts my children had. It reminded me of my fourth grade school picture where I decided to get a buzz cut and ended up being called “weed-wacker” (as in got my hair cut by a…) for a year. I think fourth grade me would have felt things were not so bad after seeing my children’s hair.

As we left the strip mall, a grim thought hit me: these haircuts were so bad my wife would never believe I had not done them. I don’t know about you, but I like “affections”. I’m one of the last married men I know who gets to participate in “affections”.

I panicked. I had nothing to lose.

I rushed home. There were tears, promises made, and bribes given. I got out my clippers and cut their violated hair. I completed the task, texted pictures to my wife, and received a “thumbs up” emoticon in reply. After she arrived home, I felt safe enough to tell her about the hair debacle and how I fixed it. She promptly alerted me that there was no hiatus on the horizon.

Later that evening, as I was getting ready for bed in front of the bathroom mirror, I had time to reflect on the day. “What a relief. There is something to be said about a job well done,” I said to myself. It’s nice to be able to provide a useful service to your family. I always feel proud when I learn a new skill that can ease our financial burden. It made me so proud in fact that, as I continued to look in the mirror, I thought, “I bet I could cut my own hair…”

Sometimes it’s good to stop while you are ahead. I was playing with house money after my children’s precision haircuts. Then I blew it all by butchering my own hair and ended up on “affections” hiatus until it grew out enough to fix.

I learned another valuable lesson that day. Some places you can cut, other places you may want to compromise.

As seen in the book Dads Behaving Dadly: 67 Truths, Tears and Triumphs of Modern Fatherhood from Motivational Press.

Going to work was never intended to be a free pass, but for some men it became one. For decades, the societal perceptions of fatherhood have eroded people’s opinions of what a father’s role should be in the life of a child. Some men take refuge in the stereotypes, slamming down what a man does versus a woman’s “job” like a bulwark to hold off the oncoming horde of responsible actions. They wear adult skin, but pout when their hamburger comes with pickles. Like all vocal minorities, their extreme behavior is viewed as the standard practice in a discussion.

Meanwhile, there are uncounted other men who want to be a part of their child’s life. They may not have a Pinterest board overflowing with nurseries that they could not possibly recreate or recipes for the top ten seaweed baby smoothies, but they try to learn in their own ways. The difficultly is that they are faced with a culture that has given up on fathers as parents. New parent resources, advertising, and workplace policies sometimes accommodate men, but were not made with them in mind.

Let me be very clear, I am no expert. This year alone I nearly electrocuted myself both hanging and taking down my Christmas lights. In college I lived off Totino’s pizza and waffles dipped in mayonnaise. I could go on, but it just gets embarrassing from there. The point is, I have an opinion and you can take it for what it’s worth. I think our society is desperately in need of fathers to be a part of their children’s lives, especially in the formative time of a newborn’s life. The bonds that stir a person to think about more than themselves are formed during that time.

In Partnership Parenting, Kyle Pruett MD and Marsha Pruett PhD say that children in family focused environments have reduced contact with juvenile justice, delay in initial sexual activity, reduced teen pregnancy, reduced rate of divorce, and less reliance on aggressive conflict resolution. They have higher grade completion, incomes, math competence in girls, and verbal strength in boys. There is greater problem solving competence, better stress tolerance, greater empathy, moral sensitivity and reduced gender stereotyping. (2009)

Fathers being present benefits mothers. In opposition, women have been lumped with the incredible burden of being the perfect mom. Everything must be perfect, they must be instinctual caregivers, and if that child does not eat vegetables, then what kind of mother could she possibly be? We have created overburdened mothers and under challenged fathers, then complain about how poor things have become in America. Somewhere we went wrong with fatherhood. Personally, I think it is when we started equating masculinity with a paycheck. Provision is an inherent trait in men, but until we convince ourselves that providing is so much more than a financial burden we will never reach our full potential. Social change begins when the hearts of fathers are turned towards their children.

Every business owner should take time to consider what parental leave means to not only a father, but the mother and your business. Should a business have to pay for it? That’s up to you. It is a tough pill to swallow from a business standpoint to be paying someone for not being there to further the business you are trying to build. People inevitably will take advantage of the system, they always do and always will. Make a law to prevent something and some schlep will find a way around it. Maybe that schlep could have been different with more of a father in his life.

The question I would ask is what are your business goals? Do they include giving back?  There are two kinds of people in this world; those who talk about the way things should be and those who try to do something about it. If you look back over the course of our great nation’s history you will find that our best moments were when we thought about more than ourselves. Want to make America great again? Invest in a generation of fathers and see what comes out of it.

Editor’s note: for 2017 the door price for the Expo is $6. The advance ticket price remains $5.

As a parent of two young boys, I am always looking for fun things to take them to, that won’t bore me to tears and require a second mortgage. Last year I went to the DFW Family Expo and the question I always get is, “Is it worth it?” I can’t blame people. Given the choice between walking on hot coals while listening to mix-tape of nails on a chalkboard and Paula Abdul’s greatest hits for a week, or a drama-filled day trip with my kids, I’d say hand me the headphones. What parent wants to set themselves up for a day of failure with their children? However, The DFW Family Expo is a family destination that will suit every parent’s needs. Here are five reasons why:

1: Bounce Houses = Sleep– First rule of nap-time is: You do not talk about nap-time. Second rule of of nap-time is: You do not talk about nap-time. Don’t talk. Let your kids bounce themselves silly and enjoy the blissful quiet.

2: Answers and Ideas– What parent has not said, “Summer is coming up. What should I do with the kids?” Along with all of the family friendly activities there are vendors there with all kinds of products and activities that are geared towards families. Listen to the ones that interest you and take the free swag from the ones who don’t. Win/Win.

3: I’ll take, “Things that Cost $5,” Alex– Seriously, what can you do for $5, get a no-so footlong? With bounce houses, indoor trampolines, a petting zoo, princess tea parties, sports games, the Disco Dance Dome, face painters, balloon artists, a crawler/toddler area, character appearances, live performances, and more, the amount of activities at the DFW Family Expo vs the Lincoln spent is hard to beat.

4: Giving Back– All proceeds of this event go towards the Ronald McDonald House Charities which focus on helping families in need. Instead of funding the electric bill of an anamatronic mouse, why not put your family fun dollar somewhere useful?

5: Childhood Adventure- Let’s be honest, any time you are packing young kids to go to an event is an ordeal. I get it, I want to be ordeal-less as well, but check out this picture below that I took at last year’s DFW Family Expo. In the center you’ll see my sons and I with a pack of stormtroopers, but keep going to the left you will see an epic photobomb by some kid I’ve never met in my life. My wife managed to capture the pure and unadulterated joy of a child. You may not think a sith lord is something to freak out about, but kids do.

It can be a huge pain to go outside of our parental comfort zones to try something new, but events like the DFW Family Expo are an opportunity for our kids to have a day full of fun and the chance for us parents to witness the world of wonder again through the eyes of our children. Isn’t that why we had them? At the very least, your kid might triumphantly photobomb some poor sap’s picture and give him something to talk about for years to come.

Welcome to Dallas Dads Group, we are glad you have found us. You can join us via our Meetup page.

I am a father of two young boys and we live in Waxahachie. My wife and I moved from Illinois in 2009 to the great state of Texas to be closer to family and find more affordable housing than we could find in Chicago. Due to our work schedules, we made the decision for me to stay at home with our children and take on the primary caretaker role. Months turned into years and one of my greatest difficulties was finding a place to take my boys to interact with other kids and I could find some adult conversation. Every dads’ group I found was inactive and the more I looked, the more I realized how few opportunities fathers have to spend solo time with their children while hanging out with other guys.

Think of it, children growing up thinking it was normal to be hanging out with not only their father, but having adventures among multiple involved fathers. That is why I started Dallas Dads Group. I believe that mothers and fathers are equally capable parents and it is time for fathers to find their own space within this mom-centric world of raising children. If you are still reading this, I would bet that you think that way, too. Dallas Dads Group is in the hands of its members. We will continue to set up Meetups and look for more opportunities to gain visibility with the ultimate goal of reaching more fathers, but any member can post a get-together on our calendar. We want fathers to be able to find other dads in their area and create memories with their children. We do not care what your life situation is, the only requirement to be a Dallas Dad is to be a guy who wants to spend time with his children and hang out with some other guys while doing it. Dallas Dads Group will be as great as we all make it. We do not want this to be another dads’ group that becomes inactive as soon as our kids get older. We want to build a foundation that fathers can use in a year, in five years, and in twenty years. Thanks for checking us out and I hope to meet you and your kiddos soon.

Check us out on social media:

• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DallasDadsGroup
• Twitter: https://twitter.com/DallasDadsGroup
• Instagram: http://instagram.com/dallasdadsgroup

Not in the Dallas/Fort Worth area? Check out other chapters of City Dads Group around North America.

Before I became a stay-at-home spouse nearly three years ago, I did not think much of the men or women who chose that path. I didn’t look down on them; I was simply not impressed. Their tales of frustration and loneliness fell on my deaf ears. It reminded me of stories regarding pregnancy. It was an issue, as a man, I would never have to deal with.

Now, I do. The most surprising thing to me is how similar the experience is for at-home parents, regardless of gender.

The working spouse comes home, asking why the house was not clean, berating the at-home parent for spending money he or she had not earned, and wondering where dinner was. Such traditionally chauvinistic thoughts from female breadwinners? Definitely, said my new friends in the “dads” community groups I joined.

The only way to love someone is to understand what they are going through. To help the working parent in a family, I’ve come up with five ways to better understand your stay-at-home spouse. For any of these to work, each partner has to invest time and, rather than change, only compromise. Some of those compromises are easier to make than others, but the only way to truly love a person is to understand him or her and that can only be accomplished by trying.

1. Be ready to help when you come home

When I was working for pay, I went home when my day was over and wanted to do nothing but relax. If your full-time work is being a stay-at-home parent, you still get that feeling. If it seems ridiculous that you should have to feed, bathe, and discipline children by yourself after working all day then you already understand the point. There are always exceptions, but no one gets to kick up his or her feet until the family is taken care of.

2. Take the kids by yourself for a day

Many working parents are reluctant to fly solo because they do not do it on a regular basis. People gain confidence in their skills by learning from their successes and failures on the job. Go-to-work parents do not have that same level of exposure and can be intimidated by the “ease” in which their spouse handles the activities of childhood. In reality, there is no “ease.” We have merely had the opportunity to screw up more often and gain confidence as a result. Stay-at-home dads and moms want their spouses to learn these hard parenting lessons without a safety net, so they see that trial-by-fire confidence in their partner. Take the kids out one day a month or encourage your stay-at-home parenting partner to go out and you keep the children at home by yourself. It may go well or you might end up with maple syrup in your hair, but either way you learn that you can do it.

3. Talk about your work with your spouse

Working parent: When your job sucks, you can complain to your co-workers. You also get to celebrate successes with those people who know what you are talking about. At-home spouses with kids want that exact same thing, but we have to go in search of those co-workers. We turn to social networks to find a sympathetic ear. We sometimes get caught up in this battle for acknowledgment and forget how much of a beatdown a day at the office can be. Leaving your family to dive into the world of office politics and promotions is hard and we can lose sight of that. There is a misconception that we think our job is harder, that it is “our work versus your work.” It is not harder, it’s just different. Work is work and it is as easy or hard as the amount of effort you put into it. If we all understand that, then we can talk about our days without playing the comparison game. Tell us about your day and after that, we will trade and you listen.

4. Turn off the TV at home

This applies to all distractions, but television is a great example. People will tell you how binge-watching television is terrible for you, but the real issue is what it keeps you from doing. If you are not careful it becomes rinse and repeat cycle of entertainment without interaction. The things on this list cannot be accomplished without devoting time to them and there is only so much time in a day. Do not get rid of television, just do not let it become too important. Turn it off. Turn on some music. Make a little love. Get down tonight.

5. Champion your spouse’s contributions

For better or worse, our confidence is intertwined with the recognition we receive. Those of us who stay-at-home love the opportunity to be there every day, raising our children, but we are susceptible to doubt like anyone else. Stay-at-home parents are the minority of two-parent homes in the United States and most people think they need two incomes to achieve the American dream. There is a defensiveness that comes with being in the minority, a feeling of something to prove. SAHMs and SAHDs can preach to the choir all day long about their contributions to their children and families, but confidence is built on the backs of those who believe in us. People are at their most certain when those who love them defend their weaknesses, no matter what the popular opinion is. Tell your spouse how much you respect what they are doing and when you get the chance, tell everyone else.

A version this first appeared on JustaDad 247. At-home spouse photo: PublicDomainPictures.net