Your son or daughter is having a birthday next week? Well, my twins are. I’ve been hesitant to mention it because a child’s birthday party amid a coronavirus “shelter in place” order would be frowned up by the governor and most of my neighbors.

Explaining the need to cancel or postpone a birthday party to a 5-year-old, let alone two, can be both difficult and fruitless. Your child may not understand the why, but if you’re in a situation like mine you owe it to him or her to try. Delaying such an event, even in the light of the current social isolation thing, actually may be harder than planning the shindig itself.

Here’s the skinny. Almost every moment, situation and occurrence in life is a teachable moment. These moments are ones ripe for learning, and should not be wasted. So, make sure that you don’t waste this one. Kids learn experientially and empirically, and they follow your lead. Give them a good lead to follow. If you love your kids, and want them to feel special on their birthday (of course you do), then you are at least half the way to success already, virus or not. You can control enough elements to still make these milestone events memorable.

So how do we find the happy compromise that will keep you sane and your child smiling?

First, be honest

Start with yourself. You love you kid and want what’s best for him or her which, at the moment, is not a grand event with lots of people. It’s OK to think this.

Now be honest with your child. Believe it or not, honesty is both cool and almost always a win-win. Look your child in the eye and explain the situation, whether you use the term “virus” or not. Be sure to regularly interject how much you love them and how you still want them to have a special day. And you can because you still can control some of the situation. With some effort, some creativity and some help, COVID-19 will not have the final say.

Get practical

Don’t focus on what you can’t do. Instead, make a list of things you can do for your child’s birthday. Luckily, in this digital age we find ourselves beholden to can help a lot.

• Skype, FaceTime and other video calling tools are a great way to be “face to face” without violating social distancing protocols.
• Here’s a shocking truth: your smart phone can actually make phone calls. Who knew?
• Postal workers have to eat, so keep them employed by asking lots of friends and family to send your child cards (homemade is fine — you’re child probably isn’t a Hallmark snob). Trust me, it’s old-fashioned but your kids will love it still.

If you sell it to your child with some extra positivity, there’s a good chance he or she will buy it.

“You may never have another birthday quite like this one!”

“We’re going to try it like this this year and, if you don’t like it, we’ll go back to a traditional party next year.”

“We’re trendsetters! Trust me, in three months everyone will be having ‘no people’ parties.”

Make it your child’s birthday week

Make the specialness last more than just one day by doing a little bit every day to spread the birthday love for your child out to seven days. Again, this creates more attention for your child and more chances to make memories.

If you can use video calling, have your birthday boy or girl open their presents “live,” so both the giver and receiver can enjoy the moment. This, of course, may require the giver sending the present via mail or leaving by your door.

Each day, have a few relatives or friends Skype/FaceTime/calls to sing Happy Birthday. Trust me, kids loving hearing it multiple times if they know it is for them.

And every day in the mail … more cards! Maybe some presents, too.

Don’t stress about it

At the very least, not in front of the kids. I’m not saying it’s not stressful, but your stress is not the gift you want to give them.

COVID-19 is not a final verdict. It’s simply an obstacle that will make you use your creative skills more to show your child how important he or she is. Quarantine? Pshaw, my kids are still getting cupcakes and balloons, and getting sung to for a week!

They will feel special because I make them feel special, and THAT, dear friends, is what they will remember.

About the author

Scott Mason is a married, 43-year-old sometimes stay-at-home dad of three — including a set of twins — who lives in Burbank, Ohio. When not entertaining his kids, he owns a house painting business, writes, directs and acts on stage with several local theater organizations, and helps lead the youth group at his church. His original version of this post first appeared on Families of Multiples.

Child’s birthday party photo: © Stasique / Adobe Stock.

Having two or more kids can be a whirlwind. It is for us, it seems, more often than I’d care to admit.

You’ll hear a lot of people tell you that you need to carve out special time for your first child once the second one comes. That she needs your attention — uninterrupted quality time where she is the sole focus — because she is so used to spending all his time with just you. But, that can easily be forgotten along the way.

I’m guilty of forgetting. Maddie is about to turn 3 in a few weeks and Sophia is starting kindergarten in just over two weeks. It’s crazy how fast that time has flown by. I’ve found myself getting increasingly irritated, annoyed, angry with Sophia. She’s a demanding child and knows what she wants. When she doesn’t get it, she’s not happy, and well, I’m sure you can imagine how it goes. It’s been rare in the last three years that either my wife or I have gotten to spend a ton of time, just one-on-one with Sophia. We let that attention escape us. Not on purpose, mind you. It just happens when life is busy and you’re trying to balance schedules, life, tantrums. All of it.

A funny thing happened this week. Lunchtime on Monday, I got a call that Sophia was sick. High fever and her belly was upset. So, off I went to pick her up. And, as is always the case with a fever and daycare, she couldn’t go back on Tuesday. So, home with me she stayed as I tried to work from the house.

We spent the entire day together, save for the out-of-character 2-1/2 hour nap she took. She was, in a word, perfect. No outbursts, no tantrums, gleefully going to the doctor to get her ear checked out (yes, it was an ear infection). She listened to directions and was just a joy to hang out with. I don’t know if I’ve forgotten how great it is to just spend time with her – just the two of us – or if I’ve just gotten used to not doing it. But it brought me back to those solo child days when spending quality time one-on-one wasn’t ever a problem (hell, I was a stay-at-home dad with her when she was a baby).

These last couple of days have served as a reminder that I need to go out of my way to make sure I spend plenty of quality, one-on-one time with each of my children. They need to know I want to spend that quality time with them. Who would’ve thought it would have taken a sick day to remind me of that.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Nick Browne is member of our Philadelphia Dads Group. He is a dad to two daughters and writes the parenting site PapaBrownie.com, where a version of this first appeared.

I know that you mean well and are just trying to make conversation, but do I look like I have time to talk while I’m dealing with these two kids?

It’s difficult enough keeping one child happy and entertained when I’m out and about trying to get things done, much less two. I don’t really have time to stop and field your questions, no matter how innocent they may seem, so I thought I’d answer the most common ones here.

1. First and foremost, yes — they are twins. No, they don’t look alike because each of them came from a different egg instead of being from one egg that split in two. It’s called being a fraternal twin (think “Fraternal Brotherhood of the Elks”) instead of being … wait for it … identical! I’m not going to get all into “Reproduction 101” but trust me, they don’t have to look exactly the same to be twins. They are two little boys who happened to be born at the same time. Oh, and they shared a cramped apartment before they were born.

2.  The follow-up question is usually, “Who’s older?” I have to ask though, does it really matter? Carter is older than Gavin by about a minute. They were born via C-section. One was pulled out and the other one followed less than 60 seconds later. In a few years when they are fighting over who gets to be the boss of the other, or in 14 years when they’re battling over who should get to drive first, I’m sure it will matter a great deal to them, but for now, it’s not that big of an issue.

3. Who looks more like you? I think they both have characteristics and traits that favor both my family and my wife’s. Each day brings out something new in them and on any given day my answer is going to be different. The best part is that they know who Mom is, and who Dad is, and the love they show each of us mirrors the love that their mother and I have for each other. No matter who they look like, this proves that they are our children beyond a reasonable doubt.

4. Is it hard raising twins? I’ve never done anything but raise twins, so I couldn’t compare it to raising only one. I do know that it’s challenging at times and you learn to be very good at multitasking when you have multiples. Something else I’ll say, and I hope no one takes offense to this, but if you’re around me and start whining that you have a toddler, and “it’s so difficult,” prepare to get slapped. Although I wouldn’t trade either of my boys for the world, if we only had one child life would be EASY!

5. Were they natural? Frankly, it’s none of your business. My wife and I tried several times to get pregnant “the natural way” and we had several pregnancies that ended in miscarriage. After extensive research and a lot of discussions, we decided that IVF held the strongest hope that we could have a successful pregnancy. Two eggs were put in, and we were beyond lucky that both implanted.

6. Did you know you were having twins? Well, this one is kind of silly because the minute you go to the doctor after finding out you are pregnant, the first thing they do is give you an ultrasound. Do you think they are going to keep it a secret until you’re in the delivery room?

7. Do twins run in your family? A friend of mine answers this by saying, “They do now!” Going back to the “were they natural” question, it doesn’t matter if they run in the family or not. If both eggs get implanted, genetics don’t really have a lot to do with it. I often don’t dare say that I was a twin myself, (we were both born premature, and sadly I survived and my brother did not) because then I’m stuck with a 20-minute discussion about how twins are supposed to skip a generation. If you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn, and found a way to turn baby poop into gold.

8. “Two for the price of one?” Far from it. If people only knew how expensive having twins really was, they would just leave us alone altogether. I’ll give you an example. You have one baby (what some call a “singleton”) and feel it’s time to buy a highchair for the little tyke. To save a buck, you pick up a gently used one in many places. Problem solved, right? Good luck finding two similar chairs at a place like that, though. Two car seats, two cribs, two rock-and-plays, and the list goes on and on. When you walk past the used strollers, they are almost giving them away. All the way at the end of the row is a double stroller that’s marked just below the cost of buying it new. Why? Because if you’re searching for a double stroller, the chances are that you NEED a double stroller, and they can spot you coming a mile away. It’s like you have “TAKE ALL OF MY MONEY” tattooed on your forehead.

9. You must have your hands full. It’s kind of obvious, but no more so than the woman behind me who has three kids, and you didn’t mention that to her. Having even one child can be challenging if you aren’t prepared (or let your guard down – LOL).

10. “I had my kids 18 months apart, so it’s almost like having twins, right?… I know how you feel.” Many parents of twins HATE this one because unless you have twins, you have no idea how we feel. Raising children a year and a half apart is a far cry from having children the same age. I’m not saying it wasn’t or isn’t difficult for you but really, stop saying that. I have a friend who has four children under age 4! Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed, I just think of him and I trudge on. I know that having four that young can’t be easy, but I will bet you a dozen cronuts that he doesn’t tell everyone that it’s like having quadruplets.

So there you go. Now, do me a favor. If you see me and my sons at the grocery store or in line at the bank, just wave at the twins and give me a thumbs up or a little nod. This will let me know if you read this and now know all of the answers. I’ll look at you, mouth the words “thank you” and go about my business. After all, twins are not that much of an anomaly.

And about your best friend’s sister’s neighbor’s cousin who had twins? Please share this with him. I’m sure he could use a laugh today.