What is the hardest part of parenting? Sometimes, it’s the pressure to be as good a role model as possible — in all situations.

Let’s face it, our kids are always watching us. That often brings out the best in us. But sometimes my inner Charles Barkley just wants to say, “I’m tired of the role model pressure.”

At those times, it can help to be inspired by a fellow parent. Recently, that parent was my own father, Ed. Ed is a retired English professor who moved with my stepmother to Asheville, N.C., many years ago. He had children later in life, and I’m the youngest of his six kids.

Last year, Ed turned 90. He also started self-publishing an environmental newsletter that he sends to dozens of family members, friends and former colleagues. Each issue contains summaries of news stories related to climate change — anything from methane to mosquitoes, floods to fires.

When I received my first copy, I was stunned. How does he have the energy to be an environmental activist at age 90? Doesn’t he just want to relax? My father always had passion for progressive causes, beginning with his participation in the civil rights movement in the 1960s. But to continue churning out information and trying to improve the world in his 10th decade on Earth truly impressed me.

Change is in the air, literally

His power as a role model came at an especially good time given all the discouragement the pandemic has caused, especially for children. My two daughters are part of a teen-and-young-adult generation living through a torrent of depressing news cycles. The pandemic itself. Climate change catastrophes. Civil unrest. Political rancor. It can all get a bit overwhelming.

So I made sure to show my daughters the example of their grandfather’s newsletters. His inspiring example at age 90 is worth much more than any lecture I could give them about not getting discouraged by the state of the world.

Sadly, the urgency of the environmental problems in my father’s newsletters became palpable a few weeks ago in his own town during one of our visits. As we made the long drive to Asheville, I noticed the sky seemed especially hazy, with sunlight partially obstructed. Upon arriving, we learned it was because of all the smoke created by wildfires on the West coast.

The air quality was so bad, my father had to stay inside for several days since his advanced age has impacted his breathing. Other health issues have made it hard for him to speak, unfortunately. But that only makes what he states in his newsletters even more poignant.

Leading by example the best way to lead

No role model is perfect, of course. And certainly our family had its share of problems as I grew up. Overall, however, I see my father is more than a grandparent. He’s a grand role model, and I’m thankful my children get to see the way he lives his life.

I like to think of my father’s example as a reminder for all parents to keep trying to model inspiring behavior. Whether contributing to your home, neighborhood or community, keep showing children that they have the ability to improve their surroundings. Try to involve them in family volunteering or charitable giving. In a sense, a parent is a huge part of a child’s environment, and we are all environmental activists, just in different ways.

There’s one more reason to continue trying to be a role model: you never know when a fellow parent is watching and getting re-inspired by you. That’s what happened to me when I read my father’s initial e-mail introducing his environmental newsletter: “This service is free; it is a service of love. I believe that the only chance we have is to build up interest at all levels in the problem, since the solution involves all of us taking long-range action.”

Earth Day was April 22nd, and as an environmentalist and son of a scientist, our family fully embraced the day of marches in support of science.

Our first step in celebrating Mother Earth was to pick up an all-electric vanpool car, a Tesla X, from Green Commuter. I found out about this amazing company when they launched last year and came to Los Angeles. They rent out the Tesla X, the all-electric SUV version of the popular Tesla car, to riders by the hour, day, or weekend. This is great for two reasons: 1) our family of four (about to be five) only has one car and sometimes (especially on weekends) having a second car is helpful, and 2) I could never afford a Tesla X (let alone most all-electric vehicle) and, 3) having the opportunity to drive it for a whole weekend was such a treat and, especially on Earth Day, made it extra sweet!

I don’t know about you, but my kids love anything that moves – cars, trains, trucks, buses, planes. So on the way to pick up the car, I thought it would be fun to take as many modes of transit as possible (and be as “green” as we could). So we rode a train, took a bus, and walked. For native Angelenos, those modes of transit seem pretty foreign, but for our family, we use them almost every day. And we love this “new Los Angeles” – one with all kinds of transportation options. We even stopped for ice cream along the way at Salt & Straw, a funky new ice cream shop which just opened in the Arts District – a fun new part of town to explore.

Once we got the car, we took full advantage! We invited our neighbors to join us in the vanpool down to the March for Science. We even had one of the speakers join us – Andres Cuervo, the executive director of FuturizeX (the tech hub at UCLA) to talk about public funds for science research.

We loved the creativeness of all the signs at the march itself and my son enjoyed the experience of walking amongst all those people, despite the heat. When we got overwhelmed, we took a detour and visited the magical Los Angeles Central Library with a whole section of children’s literature.

For me, the March was an opportunity to expose my son to the importance of peaceful protest in a democratic society and the need for scientific inquiry and public, non-politicized support for science research. While he may be a little too young to soak it all in and remember the experience, I am sure he understood that what we did together was special and meaningful to me. At the end of the day, that is sometimes the most important thing as a parent — exposing your kids to new experiences and showing them that you are passionate about something and that, someday, they will hopefully become passionate about something of their own.

There are countless problems in the world. They can be found in Sudan, Syria, England, Brazil and Ethiopia, to name but a few. Everywhere there are terrifying acts of nature and unnatural acts of terror. They are here, in America, too: gender and racial inequality, a lack of common-sense gun laws, incurable disease (and the profiting from it), the demonization of poverty, a culture of violence, the celebration of ignorance, and a demagogue wearing hate as a brand who wants nothing more than his bully in the pulpit. The lists go on and on, all of them, and it can seem overwhelming. Some issues affect us personally in our respective daily lives, others anger us from a never-ending newsfeed, and together they build one upon the other, brick upon brick of everything wrong, mortared by our shared fears, adhesive as they are.

They keep me awake at night.

Speaking to kids about such things may seem daunting, and granted, the level of discussion should always depend upon several factors that will vary from child to child: age, maturity, want of knowledge, and other things that parents know best, but the talk(s) should happen, nonetheless.

Why?

For starters, why not?

Of course there are arguments against it, namely the wonder and innocence of childhood being compromised by concerns they can do nothing about. I get it. I have used this same argument for years. I champion the concept of wonder and innocence as a life philosophy that should be curated for as long as possible — forever if you can get it; however, I do not believe innocence and information need be mutually exclusive.

What I do believe, is that allowing a child insight into the worst of us may very well inspire the best in them. Providing children access, albeit with parental guidance, to the ills of the world, puts perspective to our predestined privilege, even preventing said privilege from manifesting itself too fully. Instead, children that have a greater and broader appreciation of the workings of the world become more invested in it, more susceptible to empathy and compassion, more willing to stand for what is right. Show a child a problem, and chances are they may see a solution.

That isn’t to say that I would expect (or ask) future generations to fix all we have broke. Rather, I think they will be better prepared to avoid additions to it. I think it clear that our children are better than us, and their generation already has the capacity to address the issues, to tear down the walls we are building from so much fear and rote.

Children need to be able to defend themselves and what they know as good and right. We can give them the means for protection with context and knowledge. Don’t (only) tell them why you are against something, but show them what that something is against. Don’t guilt them into overindulging on a side dish because children are starving, well, everywhere, but show them what hunger looks like. Show them the effects of bad decisions and greed, the favela, the refugee, the farmer and the broken unions of people.

There is no better teacher than failure, and with that we have taught our children well. We may be overwhelmed by all of the problems in the world, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t also solutions, and by including our children in the conversation we are investing in them and their ability. After all, they are the future, and the future starts now. The wonder is theirs for the keeping.

Child’s Insight into Trump Word drawing by Z. Honea.