Warning: The following contains some minor spoilers for “Avengers: Endgame” and other films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU).

It all started with a son.

Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.), who would become Iron Man, the leader of the Avengers and subsequent father figure to Spider-Man/Peter Parker (Tom Holland), was so driven by the ghost of his own father that the elder Stark’s specter cast a shadow over the entire MCU.

Tony Stark, over a series of 22 total films, was joined by others on either side of the dad divide:

• Thor (Chris Hemsworth) and Loki (Tom Hiddleston), both vying for the affections of their father, Odin (Anthony Hopkins)
• Hawkeye/Clint Barton (Jeremy Renner), who protected his family like a secret identity
• Ant-Man/Scott Lang (Paul Rudd), maker of questionable decisions in an effort to spend more time with his daughter
• Wasp (Evangeline Lilly) who shared a contentious/on the cusp of tender relationship with her dad, Henry Pym (Michael Douglas)
• Black Panther/T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman), spurred into action by the murder and secrets of his father
• the collective Guardians of the Galaxy, who run the gauntlet on dad-related issues

That isn’t to say that all the fatherhood story-arcs have been negative. There have been several gems of redemption, love and sacrifice throughout the respective films, many of which have led us here, to the endgame.

My boys are 15 and 13. They have grown with the Marvel movies the way I grew with Star Wars — which certainly adds several layers of memory and nostalgia to the mix. But unlike the pop culture of my own childhood, which was only appreciated by my parents from a distance, our entire family has bonded over the Marvel films (and Star Wars, of course). My wife and I, not to mention most other parents we know, are as equally enamored with the MCU as our children. Our shared fandom has blossomed into quality family time, sparking endless hours of conversation, speculation, and in the case of the last two Avengers films, sobbing.

Ours is a generation that grew up holding on to the magic of pop culture and its effects on society, which made it inevitable that our own children wield it with equal passion.

However, I suppose it only natural that the shifting of our seasons, the aging and adulting we all go through, should provide an evolution of perspective with regard to story. Where once I may have been lost in the wow of spandex and superpowers, I am now intrigued by the connections between the characters. That is, I may love the smash and awe of an Avengers battle, but it is the look on a dusty Peter Parker’s face that puts tears on mine.

Fortunately for everyone, Avengers: Endgame has plenty of both. It is layers upon layers of carefully crafted story and relationships coming together, adapting to conflict and challenging the forces of evil. After all, we are trusting it, a decade’s investment, to create even more memories, even more conversations that we can carry forever.

It doesn’t disappoint.

On the drive home, we talked about our favorite parts. My leg was still sore from where my wife clinched it during a particularly empowered battle scene. The boys couldn’t stop talking about “America’s butt,” and my dad bod received an electrifying endorsement. But there were other moments, like how we all cried before the opening credits rolled and then the many times that followed.

We talked about family, fatherhood specifically, and the bookends of it. Fatherhood has been the fuel driving the MCU machine, whether igniting on so many fumes or making us turn this movie around. It’s been a hell of a ride, and in the end it took us exactly where we were going.

It got a great parking spot.

Scene above from “Avengers: Endgame”: Hawkeye/Clint Barton (Jeremy Renner) and daughter Lila (Sophia Russo). Photo: Film Frame/©Marvel Studios 2019

“Dad, I don’t like Star Trek,” my son said to me.

And right there, at that exact moment, is the moment my heart shriveled up, and the world became a cold dark place.

“You are dead to me,” I told my son.

I turned away trying to hold back tears. I buried myself in my work; making his lunch so that my traitor of a son could have something to eat today besides his father’s disappointment.

“It’s boring, dad,” he said.

Boring? Star Trek is boring? Motherfucking Captain Kirk boring? This is blasphemy.

“Minecraft is boring,” I said.

I usually add three pieces of salami to his lunch sandwich. This time I only added one and didn’t put on any cheese. Cheese is for Captain Kirk people.

“Minecraft isn’t boring,” he said. He threw a bag of chips next to his lunch bag. It skidded over the countertop and tumbled to the floor.  I hope the dog eats them. “And besides,” he added. “I don’t like Minecraft right now.”

At some point, I messed up being a father. I don’t know where, and I don’t know when. I thought I was doing OK. I’m all right, yeah? I gave up a career to guide these little buttholes into adulthood. I was middle management. I arranged a lot of very important papers, and I had an office. What’s next? Is my almost-12-year-old daughter going to tell me that she wants to change her name to Magenta and dance her way through college? I am a failure.

My son put his hand on my shoulder, and I tried to hide that it was shaking. Inhale, exhale – let the pain bleed off of you. Don’t show how hurt you are.

“Star Wars is way better,” he said.

He’s 10 years old, and this is what he has figured out in life. Star Wars is better than Trek. I gasped and I put his sandwich into a sandwich bag. I did not cut off the crust.

What got us through? Let me tell you, Star Trek: The Next Generation!

“What about Jean-Luc Picard?” I asked him. “What about Worf and Data? What about Riker and his beard?”

I pushed his hand off me. That hand feels fraudulent; like something foreign and fake. It’s not a sign of love. He’s trying to ease the blow. We are a Star Trek family. We have always been a Star Trek family.

“I don’t know who those people are,” he said.

“What! What!” I said, letting all the emotion out. I can no longer hold it in. “You were raised on Star Trek. Trek! At your 3 a.m. feedings, who do you think did that? Me, that’s who!”

Let it out. Let it all out.

“And what do you think we watched? What show got us through all those hard times? Let me tell you, The Next Generation. That’s what got us through it. That is what kept us sane.”

My boy takes a step away from me, and I see his face fall. A sigh escapes him. He looks at me and I see what he is thinking. He thinks that I am a lost cause. I am an old man that has gone senile. He’s wrong. I’m right. I am not crazy. I know who I am. It is he who is senile. He has forgotten where he came from.

“Dad …” he begins. I don’t let him finish.

“And when you were sick, when you were young, we sat on the couch together and watched the original episodes. Hell, boy, we even made it through Deep Space Nine together! Deep Space Nine! I know it’s awful, but we made it!”

“It’s boring, dad! Boring!”

“It’s not boring! It’s the ultimate dream of all of humanity!”

I finish packing his lunch, and I don’t zip up in the bag. I throw it at his chest. I can’t even look at him now. The boy has a smile on his face. A smile. Where did I go wrong?

My daughter walks in. She’s oblivious to the tension in the room because it has nothing to do with her phone.

“Hey, Dad,” she asked. I am grateful for the distraction. My daughter, my first born, she’s a good girl. She loves her father.

“Yeah, baby,” I said.

“Who’s playing in the Super Bowl?”

“Why?” I said.

“One of my friends asked, and she wants to get together for a party to watch it.”

“The Eagles and the Pats. We hate them both but especially the Eagles. All Cowboy fans hate the Eagles.”

“Dad, I don’t like the Cowboys.”

I am a complete and utter failure as a father.

A version of this first appeared on Hossman At-Home.

This special discussion is led by two of our more pop-culture oriented NYC Dads Group members. Chad D. MacDonald, who recently penned his own epic on the subject of dads and Star Wars for our NYC blog, and Lorne Jaffe analyze the fathers of Star Wars through eight movies, including the new Rogue One film. They dig deep into the decisions various fathers and father figures make and the evolution of dads through the decades, and look at different characters and scenarios in which abandonment by the father comes up again and again.

MacDonald, who says he once stopped a crime in a superhero suit, has stories appear on Spoiled NYC, Quiet Mike, Bleeding Yankee Blue and many other sites. Jaffe is an at-home dad who resides in Queens, N.Y., and aspiring to be a professional writer. His blog is Raising Sienna.

The Parents’ Phrase Book author, L.A Dads Group member and City Dads Group columnist Whit Honea joins at the end of the show to talk about how Star Wars informs his own parenting.

The Star Wars franchise, created by George Lucas, began in 1977 with the film of that name, which later had the subtitle Episode IV: A New Hope added after the original trilogy was followed with more movies. The first film became a surprise hit, spawning a massive global phenomenon and its own empire of toys and related media over the years. Fans now even annually celebrate May 4 (May the Fourth as in “May the fourth be with you”) as a quasi-holiday to honor the franchise’s enduring legacy across the world and throughout galaxies far, far away.

Editor’s Note: Contains NO spoilers for Rogue One. 

My son’s name was almost Luke. Seriously. And it wasn’t even my idea.

My wife and I had decided to give him an “L” name to honor my Mom, and it was a toss up between Liam and Lucas. Upon his arrival, seeing his shock of red hair, we went with the name that doesn’t evoke thoughts of the famous Jedi. But his first movie was still a Star Wars film: the Rebels premiere I saw with NYC Dads Group.

Being a Star Wars fan myself has meant my son has lots of merchandise from the franchise. Books, toys, shirts — you name it. Most notably, he’s inherited my old die-cast Millennium Falcon from 1979. But while he knows who many of the important characters are, he has yet to really sit down and watch the movies straight through. He’s not quite old enough yet.

Now I’ve learned the hard way not to plan too much for my kid. He once rejected what I thought would be the perfect first Halloween. That’s how it is with kids, as many parents know. This is the same boy who greeted the grandfather he hadn’t seen for two years by throwing up all over him, after all. So, I’ve accepted that whatever vision I have for watching Star Wars with him will probably not turn out as expected.

Still, I can’t help but look forward to it, simply because fatherhood itself is such a strong theme in all of the films. Both the original and prequel trilogies center around an orphaned boy, and one turns out to be the father of the other. This is a theme we see, if not repeated, then reflected, with Daisy Ridley’s mysterious Rey, also Force sensitive, also left in another’s care on a desert planet.

Nor is fatherhood a theme left only to the Skywalkers. Jango Fett forged a strong bond with his son, who would turn out to be notorious bounty hunter Boba Fett. While their lives definitely couldn’t be considered wholesome or even safe, it can’t be argued how close they were to each other.

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So if fatherhood is such a strong theme in Star Wars, what is that Star Wars wants to tell us about fatherhood?
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Enter Darth Vader. Jango Fett’s fatherhood choices may have been more than a little questionable, but next to Vader he comes off like Ward Cleaver. Galactic genocide kinda has that effect. No matter how awesome a moment it was for Vader to save Luke, it can’t be argued that old Darth was bad news. I mean he’d already cut off his own kid’s hand by then.

Still, when push came to shove, Vader couldn’t stand by and let The Emperor kill Luke. While that may not redeem him in the eyes of the Galaxy at large, it did give him a moment to truly be with his son. In the eyes of his son, at least, Vader got his redemption, and became a Force Ghost while Ewoks danced with the Rebel Alliance.

In The Force Awakens, we got a flip side of that. Han Solo, no matter how much we love him, still abandoned his family, and roamed the stars as a rogue and scoundrel. And yeah, he returned to find his wayward son, Kylo Ren, but just as it looked like he might forge the connection he lost, Kylo ran him through.

And can I just say that the image of the dying Han reaching up to give his son a last touch on the cheek was burned into my brain permanently. It was just traumatizing to watch.

Neither are themes of fatherhood limited to characters who are the biological parent of their younger counterpart. Obi-Wan Kenobi had a hand in mentoring two generations of Skywalkers. While they may have bickered, there was no question Kenobi formed a strong bond with Anakin Skywalker, as he’d promised his own father figure, Qui-Gonn Jinn that he would.

Of course, not all father figure characters were good either. Emperor Palpatine put on paternal airs in order to gain control over Anakin. He made Skywalker think that the Jedi had abandoned him in order to unleash Darth Vader’s power upon them.

_____

Throughout the films, as fatherhood is examined through different characters and scenarios, abandonment comes up again and again.
____

Luke, Anakin, Rey, Finn, Kylo and Rogue One’s Jinn are all separated from their parents. Some have father figures, such as Bail Organa, Qui-Gonn, Obi-Wan, Uncle Owen, or, chillingly, Palpatine, and some do not.

Some become fathers themselves, and although they bungle the job, find a way to redemption at the end or die trying. Or both.

But the ultimate point of all of this is how important fatherhood is. Luke spent his life on Tatooine wondering who his father was, hanging on stories of his adventures. When the horror of the realization that he was Vader’s son faded, Luke became determined to redeem him.

We see that happen when Vader finally throws off Palpatine’s influence to save Luke, when not even the deaths of millions of innocent people could sway him away from the Dark Side.

Is the fact that fatherhood is such a strong theme of Star Wars a motivation for me to want to make watching the films with my own son a special experience? I’d be hard pressed to deny it. But mostly, Star Wars is just a fun time for me, and that’s what I want to share with my own kid.

Star Wars has become more than a film franchise at this point, it is now actually generational. I’ve spent the majority of my life as a Star Wars fan. We’re coming up on 40 years (GAH!) since the first film was released, so I have literally grown up with it. It’s something I want to pass down to my kid.

But I also want to see it vicariously through his eyes. Liam has made life fresh and new and exciting again, as children can do for you. Watching Star Wars as he sees the films for the first time is an experience I cannot help but look forward to.

Because no matter how much Star Wars talks about fatherhood in the sense of abandonment, he’ll always know how important he is to me, and that I’m excited to share everything that I love with him.

And, oh, man, if he had been named Luke, that moment when Vader reveals he’s Daddy Skywalker would have been beyond awesome. Woulda had the mask ready to go and everything.

Last week my family received a mysterious box on our doorstep. Hanukkah was over, our Amazon Subscribe and Save shipment wasn’t due for another week or two, I hadn’t ordered any T-shirts, and I was pretty sure my wife hadn’t ordered any new cookbooks. What could it be?!

And then I noticed the return address: it was Hasbro. A big old box from Hasbro delivered unsolicited (well mostly unsolicited) to my doorstep. I realized that my dreams, or one of them, had come true. It could only be one thing… new Star Wars toys!

My kids were first introduced to Star Wars when my parents finally made me haul all my old toys from their house. Scratch that. My dad sold all my Star Wars toys at a garage sale, something I will remember when I have to make life choices for him. My kids were first introduced to Star Wars when I bought some poor guy’s Star Wars toys from his mom at a garage sale this summer. After playing with the Millennium Falcon, AT-AT Walkers, and a TIE Fighter I picked up at the garage sale, they were hooked.

My son has seen all the movies (we did “machete order”, the only way to go) after my wife and I watched them again. We talked about what was appropriate for his age and what parts should be skipped. We decided he didn’t REALLY need to see Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen’s charred remains or Anakin going back to the Jedi Temple with sinister intent. I will always treasure the memory of my boy curled up with a Millennium Falcon toy, eyes wide, watching his first light saber battle. While my seven-year-old daughter refuses to watch the movies because they might have scary voices, she knows the stories better than I do through her voracious appetite for reading.

My four year old son received some foam noodle light sabers at a birthday party over the summer and my kids have run around whapping each other with them ever since. Do you know how adorable a two-year-old in a diaper is when wielding a foam noodle light saber?

The kids know John Williams’ masterpieces. They also know of Star Wars from Kids Place Live on Sirius XM and all the great kids’ musicians who have done awesome Star Wars songs. My two-year-old daughter hums John Williams’ opuses in the backseat as I smile up front. She recognizes Recess Monkey’s “Oh, Lando” (the newest Star Wars themed kid song- AWESOME!) and Weird Al’s “The Saga Begins” and tries to sing along in the cutest two-year-old voice possible.

My kids knew about the new movie coming and knew about the new toys too. Alas, Hanukkah came and went with nary a Star Wars toy in sight. They were, after all, perfectly happy with the few old toys and their foam light sabers.

Needless to say my kids and I were thrilled with the new toys and have been “pew, pewing” and [insert onomatopoeia for light saber sounds here] ever since. The toys are great. The kids love how the light sabers extend with a solid flick of the wrist. They enjoy zipping the Micromachine playsets around the room and then opening them up for complete scene play. Rey’s speeder and the Stormtrooper Snow Speeder are detailed and the springs in the blasters launch the shots a fair distance but not so hard as to elicit an “ouch” if someone is accidently hit with one.

I reflect fondly on my memories of playing with my Hoth World playset and other Star Wars toys as a kid and really enjoy making new ones with my children and these toys.

I can’t wait to see The Force Awakens with my son and, of course, my daughter too when she decides she’s ready. It is a saga based around family after all.

What follows is my family’s first-ever unboxing video.

*all items in this video were received as a promotional give-away by Hasbro and its representative. Any reviews and opinions are my own.

To quote Ferris Bueller, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

The NYC Dads Group members have never been busier soaking up all of the wonderful, cultural opportunities and excitement in New York City together with our children.  We wanted to freeze time for a moment to provide a small window into what we’ve been doing.  Strap on your seat belts…

What’s cooler than our squad of dads being able to munch on popcorn, cozy up with their little ones, and share some of our favorite childhood cartoon characters with them at an advanced screening of The Peanuts Movie?  Sprinkle in a little bit of 3-D magic!  Amusing and entertaining movie that delivered lots laughs for adults and kids alike.

Dads Night Out for Thursday Night Football

Numerous dads in NYC Dads Group participate in a group wide fantasy football league.  Fantasy Football brings the silliness of rooting against your favorite football team when your stud running back is playing against them, friendly banter, competition, and the opportunity for camaraderie all season long.  Even though our draft is completed online, it’s great to have all of the men come out in person to root on the aggravating New York Jets vs. Buffalo Bills.

In NYC, Big City Moms hosted an incredible night for expecting and new parents – the Biggest Baby Shower –  to kick the tires and check out the latest baby gear and products on the market from all of the well respected brands in the parent space. We always enjoy getting the inside scoop on the hottest new products and sleek technology.  There were several highlights turning heads including the comfy Baby Bjorn’s Bouncer Balance for adults (sadly, not available for sale) and BabyNes– a revolutionary option for parents who supplement is similar to a Nespresso machine for babies with a nutritional range of formula that evolves in stages as your baby grows.

Some of my favorite childhood experiences were seeing all of the Star Wars films with my family and collecting every action figure that I could get my hands on.   Lucky us, because twenty dads hit the “Star Wars and the Power of Costume” exhibit at Discovery Times Square and had the opportunity to share our passion of Star Wars wit hour kids.  The exhibit explores how the films’ costumes play an integral role in the creation of the galaxy and its many characters.  With all of the excitement and hype surrounding the upcoming movie Star Wars: The Force Awakens, it was an absolute treat to explore an array of 70 costumes from the first six films — including C-3PO’s metallic suit, Queen Amidala’s gowns, Princess Leia’s infamous bikini, Han Solo in Carbonite — and a few from The Force Awakens.

Weekends create valuable time for family bonding.  We were incredibly fortunate to have ten dads in our community spend the morning at one of the sleekest venues in NYC – Symphony Space – to rock out with our little ones listening to well known Kindie musician, Justin Roberts.  The cherry on top was definitely a personal meet and greet with Justin after the show.

Do you know any active dads? Encourage them to join our burgeoning community here because we have some amazing meetups in the pipeline.