Know what’s music to our ears? Dad jokes. Specifically, the groans and guffaws (but mostly groans) we hear when we tell them.

So we ask you, what better reason do we have to compile a melodious (or is it odorous?) batch of kid-friendly silly jokes and funny puns about music for dads to tell?

We hope these musical dad jokes strike a chord near your funny bone. In fact, we consider this compilation of dad-worthy humor a high note for us. If they don’t fall flat with you, please sing the praises of our music dad jokes to others.

Best/worst music puns and dad jokes

Q. Why is a piano so hard to open?
A. Because the keys are on the inside.

Q. Why do fluorescent lights hum?
A. Because they forgot the words.

Q. What did the boy band that plays classical music name itself?
A. The Bach Street Boys.

Q. Why did the cow start taking singing lessons?
A. Because she wanted to be a moo-sician.

+ + +

Many people told Beethoven that he would never be a musician because he was deaf, but did he listen?

+ + +

Q. Why do fish make good musicians?
A. They know their scales.

Q. What’s big and grey with horns?
A. A rhinoceros marching band.

Q. What did the Spanish musician say after they left the sound booth?
A. Audios.

Q. What is a rabbit‘s favorite kind of music?
A. Hip-hop.

+ + +

Can you believe that my neighbor rang my doorbell at 3 a.m.? Luckily, I was still up playing the drums.

+ + +

Q. What do you call a musician with problems?
A. A trebled man.

Q. Why were the musicians arrested by the highway patrol?
A. Because they started a massive jam on the interstate.

Q. Which of Santa’s elves is the best singer?
A. Elfis Presley.

Q. What did the robbers take from the music store?
A. The lute.

+ + +

I just learned that the drummer from my old band had triplets. They’re all girls. He calls them Anna One, Anna Two, Anna Three.

+ + +

Q. How do you make a bandstand?
A. Take away their chairs.

Q. Why do bagpipers walk while they play?
A. To get away from that awful noise.

Q. What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A. A yam session.

Q. What is Mozart doing these days?
A. Decomposing.

+ + +

When I was young I wanted to play the guitar really badly. After years of lessons and practice, I can honestly say I play the guitar really badly.

+ + +

Q. Why was the dad repeatedly banging the side of his head on the piano?
A. He was playing by ear.

Q. What has 60 feet and sings in harmony?
A. A school choir.

Q. Why did the opera singer become a pirate?
A. Because she wanted to hit the high Cs.

Q. What kind of band doesn’t play music?
A. A rubber band.

+ + +

Today my daughter asked for a 14-piece drumkit and I said no. She called me the cheapest dad in the world, but I’m not buying it.

+ + +

Q. Who is a grain farmer’s favorite musical artist?
A. Hall & Oates.

Q. What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
A. Ba-na-na-naaaaa.

Q. What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
A. One will mature and make money.

Q. How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
A. With a tuba glue.

+ + +

I tried to make my online password “drumset” but the website rejected it. The error message said the password cannot contain cymbals.

+ + +

Q. What’s a golfer’s favorite type of music?
A. Swing!

Q. How can you tell if a bad singer is at your door?
A. They can’t find the key and don’t know when to come in.

Q. What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
A. Guac ‘n’ roll.

Q. Why was music coming from the printer?
A. The paper was jamming.

+ + +

Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument. However, I don’t believe that tuba true.

+ + +

Q. What is the most musical part of your body?
A. Your nose because you can blow and pick it.

Q. Which composer really liked to drink tea?
A. Chai-kovsky.

Q. Where do pianists go to take a tropical vacation?
A. The Florida Keys.

Child: I’m learning this new Baroque piece and it’s really hard.
Dad: Well, maybe you should fix it!

+ + +

I strained a finger today playing the piano. But on the other hand, I’m fine.

+ + +

Q. What do most people say after hearing too many music dad jokes?
A. “These jokes are so bad, I can’t Handel them.”

Music dad jokes photo by Alena Darmel via Pexels.

There are at least two tried-and-true New Year’s dad jokes in every father’s repertoire.

1. Just before the clock strikes midnight, he will swear not to make any more dad jokes for the rest of the year.
2. Shortly after midnight, he’ll yawn and say he’s so tired because he hasn’t slept since last year.

Some might even have a third. At breakfast on New Year’s Day, a clever father will claim he’s starving because — yep — he hasn’t eaten since last year.

To expand your inventory of New Year’s dad jokes, we have searched high and low (OK … mostly low) to find the best, funniest, silliest dad jokes to welcome in another 12 months with laughter. When you’ve exhausted this supply (as well as the patience of your audience), check out our winter dad jokes or, if you’re feeling romantic, move on to our Valentine’s Day laughers.

Best (and worst) New Year’s dad jokes, riddles and puns

Q. What’s the one type of pain that’s enjoyable on New Year’s?
A. Champagne.

Q. What did the woman say when she was offered a raisin on New Year’s Eve?
A. “No thanks, I already have a date.”

Q. Why is New Year’s Eve the least favorite holiday of a slice of bread?
A. It has to make a toast.

Q. Why should you always go easy on your drinking on New Year’s Eve?
A. Because you don’t want to make too many pour decisions.

Q. What did one IPA say to the other IPA after the clock struck midnight on January 1?
A. “Hoppy New Year!”

Q. Why did the dad start making breakfast at 11:59 p.m. on December 31?
A. Because he wanted to make a New Year’s toast!

Q. Where did the chef celebrate New Year’s Eve?
A. Thyme’s Square.

Q. What happened to the dad who stole a calendar on New Year’s Eve?
A. He got 12 months.

Q. What does a ghost say on January 1st?
A. Happy Boo Year!

Q. What is corn’s favorite holiday?
A. New Ear’s Day.

Q. What’s a cow’s favorite holiday?
A. Moo Year’s Day!

Q. What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day?
A. The Times Square clean-up crew.

+ + +

A guy who had too much to drink decided to walk home on New Year’s Eve. A policeman stopped him and asked where he was going.

“I’m on my way to a lecture,” said the man.

“Who gives a lecture on New Year’s Eve?” asked the cop.

The guy answered: “My wife.”

+ + +

Q. What do you call a fear of New Year’s songs?
A. Ole Langxiety.

Q. Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow on New Year’s Eve?
A. Because he wanted to start the new year with sweet dreams.

Q. Where do butchers go to party on New Year’s Eve?
A. To a meat ball!

Q. Who finds New Year’s Eve most stressful?
A. People diagnosed with “Ole Langxiety.”

Q. Who gets the most excited about the countdown on New Year’s Eve?
A. Calendar companies.

Q. Why is partying in Times Square on New Year’s Eve overrated?
A. Because every year they drop the ball.

Q. What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?
A. You spill too much champagne.

New Year resolution jokes

Dad: Son, are you going to resolve to quit all your bad habits in the new year?
Son: Of course not, Dad! You always told me that nobody likes a quitter.

Q. What is the snowman’s New Year’s resolution?
A. To chill out more

Q. What was the priest’s New Year’s resolution?
A. To exorcise more.

Mom: Wow, did the old year go by in a blur!
Dad: Your resolution must’ve been too low.

Q. What New Year’s resolution should a basketball player never make?
A. To travel more.

Dad: My New Year’s resolution was to eat only 1,000 calories a day.
Mom: How have you been doing?
Dad: Great! So far, I’ve surpassed my goal every day!

Q. What’s the easiest way to keep your New Year’s resolution to read more?
A. Turn on your TV’s closed captioning.

New Year’s dad jokes photo: ©soupstock / Adobe Stock.

Spring dad jokes are a warm, seasonal joy for the paternal. After months of slogging it out through cold, snow and winter dad jokes, it’s time to turn over a funny new leaf, right?

That’s why we searched high and mostly low to find the best, funniest, silliest dad jokes of the vernal season. That includes a few April Fools’ Day laughs and even a St. Patrick’s Day giggle that you can spring on unsuspecting children, adults and, of course, enemies of the pun. Enjoy without worry — these have all been spring-cleaned for your kids’ protection. 

If you need some non-seasonal yucks, check out our musical dad jokes for some laughs that sing!

Best (and worst) spring dad jokes, riddles and puns

Q. What does your winter fat turn into?
A. Spring rolls.

Q. What’s the best place to plant flowers at a school?
A. In kinder-garden.

Q. How excited was the gardener about the arrival of spring?
A. So excited that he wet his plants.

Q. How did the tree feel about spring?
A. Re-leafed.

Q. What’s Irish and comes out in spring?
A. Paddy O’Furniture

Q. Which superhero likes spring the best?
A. Robin.

+ + +

A family of moles awakens from hibernation.

The father mole pokes his head out of the hole and says, “I smell tulips. It must be spring!”

Then, the mother mole pokes her head out of the hole and says, “I smell cherry blossoms. It MUST be spring!”

The baby mole tries to squeeze between his parents but gets stuck and says, “All I smell is molasses.”

A few April Fool’s Day dad jokes

Q. What’s the best day of the year to monkey around with your friends?
A. Ape-ril Fool’s Day.

Q. Which monster is the best at playing April Fools’ Day jokes?
A. Prankenstein.

Q. Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?
A. Because they just finished a long 31-day long March!

+ + +

Did you hear about the pregnant bedbug? She’s having her babies in the spring.

+ + +

Q. Why did the farmer throw his seeds into the pond?
A. He was trying to grow watermelons.

Q. What season is best to go on a trampoline?
A. Spring-time

Q. What did the seed groan after the flower told one too many spring dad jokes?
A. “OK, Bloomer.”

Q. What did the tree say to spring?
A. What a re-leaf!

Q. What is the best flower for a boy to give his mom this spring?
A. A son-flower.

+ + +

Did you see that the local mattress store is having a spring sale? Unfortunately, the rest of the bed is still full price.

+ + +

Q. What can you find in the middle of April and March but not at the beginning or end of either?
A. The letter R.

Q. Why did the farmer bury all his money before planting his spring crops? 
A. To make his soil rich.

Q. Why did the bucket bounce?
A. Because it was filled with spring water.

Q. What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
A. Seasoning.

Q. What do you call a bear caught in a spring shower?
A. A drizzly bear.

Q. Why couldn’t the flower bud ride a bike?
A. It didn’t have any petals.

Q. What do you say when it’s raining chickens and ducks in April?
A. Foul spring weather.

Q. What did summer say to spring?
A. “Help, I’m going to fall!”

Spring dad jokes photo: © Africa Studio / Adobe Stock.

Winter dad jokes exist to warm the cockles of every kid’s funny bone. Or is it to give our spouses yet another reason to give us the cold shoulder? Brrr! Did anyone else just get an icy shiver down the spine?

As a service to our readers (and a disservice to their friends, co-workers and relatives), we have scoured the internet for the best/worst winter dad jokes. They are family-friendly, kid-approved, good ol’ clean jokes.

So you want silly snowman? We got them! Skier jokes? We got a few! Groan-inducing puns? You betcha!

But wait — there’s more! After you finish these, check out our Christmas dad jokes and our New Year’s dad jokes. ‘Tis the season!

Enjoy!

Best (or is it worst?) winter dad jokes

Q. What do you call a snowman who vacations in the tropics?
A. A puddle.

Q. Why are snowmen great at parties?
A. They always know how to break the ice.

Q. What do you call a winter monster with six-pack abs?
A. The Abdominal Snowman.

Q. What did the first snowman says to the second snowman?
A. “I don’t know about you, but I smell carrots.”

Q. What falls in the winter but never gets hurt?
A. Snow.

Q. What do snowmen call their offspring?
A. Chill-dren.

Q. What is the best Mexican food to have during a frigid winter?
A. A brrrrr-rito.

A gingerbread man went to the doctor’s complaining of a sore knee. The doctor asked him, “Have you tried icing it?”

Q. How does a snowman get around town?
A. By icicle.

Q. Why did the girl keep her saxophone out in the snow?
A. Because she wanted to play cool jazz.

Q. What does a snowman take when he gets sick?
A. A chill pill.

Q. What do you call a slow skier?
A. A slope-poke.

Q. How do mountains stay warm in the winter?
A. They put on their snowcaps.

Q. What did the snowman say to the dog that relieved itself on the sidewalk?
A. “Icy what you did there.”

Q. Why did the boy only wear one winter boot?
A. There was a 50% chance of snow.

Q. Where do skiers go when they’re short on cash?
A. The snow bank.

Q. What’s a snowman’s favorite condiment?
A. Chilly sauce.

Q. What do trees say when winter finally ends?
A. What a re-leaf.

Q. What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
A. Ones with lots of icing.

Did you hear about the snowman spy? He has a license to chill.

Q. What do you call an old snowman?
A. A puddle.

Q. What kind of money do snowmen prefer? 
A. Cold hard cash.

Q. How did the snowgirl break up with the snowboy?
A. She gave him the cold shoulder.

Q. What did one snowflake say to the other?
A. “You’re one of a kind.”

Q. Why is Frosty never late?
A. Because time waits for snowman.

Best winter dad jokes photo: © Soloviova Liudmyla / Adobe Stock.

You know who really falls for autumn dad jokes? A-parent-ly, you!

Don’t worry, they get better.

Ha! Of course, they don’t! Did you really fall for that? You really are a fall guy!

Since you’ve loved our summer dad jokes (the Halloween and Thanksgiving ones, too) we felt a duty to dive deep into the internet to find some of the best (and mostly, the worst) autumn dad jokes out there.

So if kid-friendly puns about gourds and trees are your thing, look no further than below. If they aren’t, then leaf us alone!

Best / worst autumn dad jokes 

Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
A: Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Q: Why did the robot couple insist on being married in the fall?
A: They wanted to be fully autumn-mated.

Q: How did the tree get a new job?
A: He had the right qua-leaf-ications.

Mom: Autumn is better than summer.
Dad: Nope, that’s a fall-acy.

Q: Why did the tree have to go to work every day this fall?
A: Because he couldn’t get any autumn leaves.

Q: What did the blades of grass say to the tree at the start of autumn?
A: “Please don’t leaf us again!”

+ + +

The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best.

Winter says, “Snow is so beautiful, and you can build snowmen. Don’t forget Christmas! Everyone loves Christmas!”

Spring laughs. “Sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers and blooms — it can’t get much better than that!”

Summer laughs even harder. “Yes, but I am undoubtedly the overall best season! No school, beach vacations, ice cream, nice weather. You can’t top that! What about you autumn, what do you have to offer?”

Autumn leaves.

+ + +

Q: Why did the pumpkin lose the boxing match?
A: He let his gourd down.

Q: Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road to school?
A: The crossing gourd.

Q: How do leaves travel from town to town?
A: With autumn-mobiles.

Q: What’s the ratio of an orange gourd’s circumference to its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi.

Q: What does a farmer wear under his shirt when the autumn weather turns chilly?
A: A har-vest.

Q: What’s the best way to fix a broken pumpkin?
A: Use a pumpkin patch!

Q: What’s James Bond’s favorite autumn drink?
A: Pumpkin spy-ce latte

Q: Why’s it so easy to play practical jokes on leaves in autumn?
A: They fall for anything

+ + +

The mob boss had four henchmen: Winter, Summer, Spring and Autumn. The boss called them into a meeting before a heist.

“Winter,” he began. “I need you to stay cool in the face of pressure. Ice in your veins,” he said, patting his shoulder.

“Then there’s you, Summer,” he said. “If the heat becomes too much for Winter, use that hot temper of yours to make sure the cops remember who they’re working for.”

“As for you, Spring,” he laughed, “This operation is gonna bring in a lotta green. Make sure that it keeps growing.”

He turned for the door as Autumn stood up.

“Boss!” he sputtered. “What about me?”

The boss turned back, shaking his head.

“Sorry, Autumn. You’re just the fall guy.”

+ + +

Q: What’s the problem with eating too much pumpkin pie this time of year?
A: You’ll get autumn’y ache.

Q: Why did the pumpkin and the butternut squash get on so well?
A: They were gourd friends.

Q: Why did no one laugh at the oak tree?
A: He kept telling acorn-y jokes

Q: What’s a fire’s least favorite month?
A: No-ember.

Q: What is the cutest season?
A: Awwtumn.

Q: What’s red, orange and yellow and doesn’t get hurt when it falls?
A: Autumn leaves!

Q: How are you supposed to talk in the apple library?
A: With your incider voice.

Q: What do you get if you drop a pumpkin?
A: Squash.

Q: What do you call a tree that doubts the existence of autumn?
A: In disbe-leaf.

Q: Did you hear about the tree that had to take a break in autumn?
A: It was on a paid leaf.

Q: What’s a tree’s least favorite month of the year?
A: Sep-timberrrrrrr!

Q: When winter arrives, what happens?
A: Autumn leaves!

Best autumn dad jokes photo: © Javier brosch / Adobe Stock.

Is there a better way to honor the Founding Fathers than by telling Fourth of July dad jokes?

Probably. But humor us. It’s Inde-pun-dence Day!

Sure, there are other ways to celebrate July 4. Take fireworks. On the one hand, fireworks are a lot of fun. On the other hand, you might have only two fingers left.

Hence, we recommend sticking with these good, clean and family-friendly dad jokes to mark America’s summer birthday with the kids.

This latest dose of holiday-themed fatherly humor consists of the best (but mostly worst) dad jokes, riddles and puns related to July Fourth, the American Revolution, fireworks, flags and Paul Revere’s pets. If you don’t like them, blame the Internet pages where we found them.

By the way, history failed to record who told the first dad joke in the United States, but we’d put a dollar on George Washington. After all, he is the Father of Our Country.

So now listen, my children, and you shall hear of the …

Best (worst) general Fourth of July dad jokes

Q. Why aren’t there any Fourth of July knock-knock jokes?
A. Because freedom rings.

Q. How did the unexpected guest greet his grilling host at the July 4 barbeque?
A. “Fancy meat-ing you here.”

Q. Which flag has the highest Yelp rating?
A. The U.S. flag. It has 50 stars!

Q. What should people never eat on July 4th?
A. Fire crackers.

Q. Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York Harbor?
A. Because she can’t sit down.

+ + +

My wife wanted to skip the big BBQ party in order to watch the July 4 parade instead. I told her that would be a big missed-steak.

+ + +

Q. What do Santa Claus and a flag have in common?
A. They both hang out at a pole.

Q. What did one flag say to the other flag?
A. Nothing. It just waved.

Q. What did Polly The Parrot want for the Fourth of July?
A. A firecracker.

Q. What do you call a snowman on the Fourth of July?
A. A puddle.

Q. What do the American flag and a sad candy cane have in common?
A. They’re both red, white and blue.

Q. What’s a firecracker’s favorite summer treat?
A. Pop-sicles

Q. Why don’t firefighters get the Fourth of July off?
A. Because fire works.

Best (worst) patriotic/Revolutionary War humor

Q. What was the favorite food of General Washington’s army during the Revolutionary War?
A. Chicken Catch-a-Tory.

Q. What was all the rage at the Colonists’ Cotillion of 1776?
A. Doing the Indepen-dance.

Q. Which colonists told the most dad jokes?
A. Punsylvanians!

Q. What do you get when you cross a finely dressed, patriotic American with a curly-haired dog?
A. A Yankee Poodle Dandy.

Q. Was the Declaration of Independence signed in Philadelphia?
A. No, it was signed in ink.

Q. Seriously, where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
A. On the bottom!

Q. What’s the name of the cat who famously yelled, “The British are coming! The British are coming!”?
A. Paw Revere.

Q. Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
A. Yeah, it cracked me up!

Q. What ghost haunted King George III?
A. The Spirit of ’76!

Q. What did King George III think of the colonists?
A. He thought they were revolting.

Q. Why are early Americans like ants?
A. Because they lived in colonies.

Q. What do you call an American Revolutionary War cartoonist?
A. A Yankee Doodler

Q. What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington?
A. One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill.

Q. Where did George Washington keep his armies?
A. In his sleevies.

Fourth of July dad jokes dog photo: © Javier brosch /Adobe Stock.

Easter dad jokes crack us up. Then again, this time of year we have low eggs-pectations when it comes to funny bunny business.

That’s why this dad dove down the Easter bunny hole that is the internet to hunt down the best (or is it worst?) Easter dad jokes, riddles and puns. These family-friendly holiday dad jokes and puns are perfect for all your Peeps, no matter what flavor or shape. Kids will love them and, like scars, the chicks will dig ’em!

And, as no one said, this dad humor is rated E for Egg-cellent.

If you’d enjoyed our other dad jokes compilations (our musical dad joke humor fest, for example, or our soon-to-return summer dad joke extravaganza), which some say are the funniest, best and most groan-inducing, then you really should see a doctor. And while you’re waiting there, check out these …

Best/worst Easter dad jokes for kids

Q. Why did the Easter Bunny cross the road?
A. Because the chicken had his eggs!

Q. What kind of bunny can’t hop?
A. A chocolate bunny.

Q. What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
A. Fry-day.

Q. What happens to the Easter Bunny if he misbehaves at school?
A. He gets egg-spelled!

Q. What did the Easter egg ask for at the hair salon?
A. A new dye-job.

Q. Why couldn’t the Easter egg family watch TV?
A. Because their cable was scrambled.

+ + +

One Easter, a father was teaching his son to drive when out of nowhere a rabbit with a basket of eggs jumped on the road. Slamming on the brakes, the son said, “I ruined Easter! I ran over the Easter Bunny.” His father looked out the rear window and then replied, “It’s OK, son — you missed by a hare.”

+ + +

Q. Why did the Easter Bunny go to bed early?
A. He was eggs-hausted!

Q. What’s one way to make Easter easier?
A. Put an “i” where the “t” is.

Q. What did the Easter Bunny order at the coffee shop?
A. An eggspreso!

Q. How many Easter eggs can you put in an empty basket?
A. Only one — after that it’s not empty anymore!

Q. How does the Easter Bunny get across town so quickly?
A. He uses the eggs-press Lane.

Q. How does the Easter Bunny get around the world in a single day?
A. He travels by hare-plane.

Q. What do you need if all your Easter candy goes missing?
A. An eggs-planation.

Q. Who delivers mail to the Easter Bunny?
A. Federal Eggs-press

Q. How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
A. Hare-obics.

Q. How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has buried his treasure?
A. Eggs mark the spot!

Q. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with shellfish?
A. The Oyster Bunny.

Q. What happens if you fall in love on Easter?
A. You live hoppily ever after.

Q. Why do people paint eggs at Easter?
A. Because it’s much easier than wallpapering them!

Q. What’s the Easter bunny’s favorite sport?
A. Basketball!

Q. What does the Easter Bunny get for making a basket?
A. Two points, just like everyone else!

Q. What do the Easter Bunny and LeBron James have in common?
A. They’re both famous for stuffing baskets.

Q. What did the chicken say when it saw the scrambled Easter eggs?
A. “Crazy mixed-up kids!”

Q. What kind of beans never grow in a garden?
A. Jelly beans!

+ + +

A chocolate bunny hops into the doctor’s office. The doctor asks, “What’s wrong?” The chocolate bunny replies, “I don’t know. I just feel so hollow inside.”

+ + +

Q. What happened when the Easter Bunny married the rabbit of his dreams?
A. They lived hoppily ever after!

Q. What do you call a mischievous Easter egg?
A. A practical yolker.

Q. How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?
A. Lots of eggs-ercise!

Q. How do you get a letter to the Easter Bunny?
A. Hare mail

Q. Why shouldn’t you tell jokes to an Easter egg?
A. It might crack up!

Q. Who’s the Easter Bunny’s favorite Italian actor?
A. Rabbit De Niro

Q. Why is the Easter Bunny so smart?
A. He’s an egghead.

Q. Why don’t people paint duck eggs at Easter?
A. They quack too easily!

Q. What happens if you steal the Easter Bunny’s eggs?
A. He gets hopping mad.

Q. What do you call a line of rabbits jumping backward?
A. A receding hare-line.

Q. Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs?
A. She had to call an eggs-terminator!

Q. Why did the Easter egg hide?
A. He was a little chicken!

Q. What do you call an Easter Bunny who forgets to deliver you an Easter basket?
A. A hare-brain!

Q. Who tells the best Easter egg jokes?
A. Comedi-hens!

Easter dad jokes photo: © deagreez / Adobe Stock.

Summer dad jokes are hot this time of year, kids. Hotter than cargo shorts. Hotter than shiny, white New Balance sneakers. Hotter than, dare we say it, when the wife started a bonfire with our cargo shorts and New Balance sneakers.

Yep, almost as hot as those Father’s Day dad jokes we gave you were. Certainly not as painful as those grill burns we got from the cookout that day, though. Or the burns from those Fourth of July dad jokes — no, wait, those were powder burns from the firecracker “incident.”

That’s why we plumbed the depths of the internet for the best and worst summer dad jokes, riddles and puns so you can get laughs around the swimming pool or on the beach that are not related to your love handles. We promise these dad jokes are kid-approved and mom-tested for maximum groans. Just ask my family.

So if you’d enjoyed our other dad jokes compilations, you really should see a doctor. But while you’re in the waiting room (or just waiting to unleash some groan-worthy autumn dad jokes), check out these …

Best/worst summer dad jokes for kids

Q. Where do Jersey cows go on their summer vacation?
A. Moo York!

Q. What do you do if you get rejected for a job at the sunscreen company?
A. Reapply.

Q. What do sheep do on a summer weekend?
A. Have a baa-baa-cue.

Q. Why are mountains the funniest places to go for summer vacation?
A. Because they are hill-arious. 

Q. What do snowmen do in summer?
A. Chillout.

Q. What do you call a cantaloupe in a swimming pool?
A. A watermelon.

Q. Why are basketball players afraid of going on summer vacation?
A. They don’t want to get called for traveling.

Q. What do bees say during a heat wave?
A. Boy, it’s swarm!

Q. Where do sheep go on vacation?
A. The Baa-hamas

Q. Why doesn’t summer have any friends?
A. Because it’s not cool enough.

Q. Why did the robot go on vacation?
A. He needed to recharge his batteries.

Q. What’s the best way to watch a fishing tournament?
A. By live stream.

Q. Where do sharks go on vacation?
A. Finland.

Q. What do you call a snowman in summer?
A. A puddle.

Q. What do you get when you combine an elephant with a fish?
A. Swimming trunks.

Q. Who’s Irish and stays outside all summer?
A. Patty O’Furniture.

Q. Why don’t mummies ever take a summer vacation?
A. They’re afraid to unwind.

Q. Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
A. To make up for his miserable summer.

Q. Why do bananas use sunscreen?
A. So they don’t peel.

Q. Where does fruit like to vacation?
A. In Pear-is.

Q. What did the pig say on a hot summer day?
A. I’m bacon!

Q. Where do ghosts like to go to cool off in the summer heat?
A. Lake Eerie.

Q. Why was the boy excited for summer’s arrival?
A. After hearing dad jokes all winter, he couldn’t wait to retaliate with some son-burns.

Photo: © Rawpixel.com / Adobe Stock.

Father’s Day dad jokes are an art form. They need to be dad-focused and groan worthy but not in a manner that makes dad the butt of the joke.

That’s why our latest attempt at scouring the internet for the best and worst Father’s Day dad jokes, riddles and puns — all clean jokes for the kids and families to enjoy, mind you — took some extra effort. We had to go almost THREE pages deep. Almost.

(Want something R-rated? Watch this hilarious, not-PC “Dadholes” video for the holiday.)

So if you’d enjoyed our other holiday-themed dad jokes (we’ve done Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day), there’s something seriously wrong with you. Otherwise, enjoy … and be good to your pop on Father’s Day.

And please, don’t get him a tie. No joke.

Best/worst Father’s Day dad jokes for kids

Q: When does a dad joke become a dad joke?
A: When the punch line becomes apparent.

Q: What’s a father’s favorite prehistoric animal?
A: The dad-asaurus

Q: What did the father buffalo say to his son before it left for school?
A: “Bison.”

Q: What did the mother bullet say to the father bullet?
A: “We’re gonna have a BB!”

+  +  +

Four dads-to-be are in the hospital waiting room. A nurse enters, and says to the first, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

“How odd,” the man replies. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”

Another nurse walks in and says to the second man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”

“How weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M Company!”

Another nurse walks in and tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”

“How strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”

The last man starts groaning and banging his head against the wall.

“What’s wrong?” the others ask.

“I work for Century 21!”

+  +  +

Q: How is a baby bird like its dad?
A: It’s a chirp off the old block.

Q: Did you hear about the dad who invented the knock-knock joke?
A: He won the no-bell prize!

Q: Why doesn’t Egypt celebrate Father’s Day?
A: Because it’s too full with mummies.

Q:: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
A: “Where’s Popcorn?”

Q: What’s the difference between a poorly dressed dad on a tricycle and a well-dressed dad on a bicycle?
A: Attire.

Q: Why do dads who golf always bring an extra pair of pants?
A: In case they get a hole in one!

+  +  +

A woman stops a father pushing a stroller through park and says, “What a cute baby! What’s her name?”

The dad replies, “Beth.”

“Oh,” says the woman, “what’s it short for?”

“Because it’s a baby.”

+  +  +

Q: What do you call a dad who falls through the ice?
A: A popsicle!

Teacher: How old is your father?
Student: As old as me.
Teacher: How it is possible?
Student: He only became a father when I was born.

Q: What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into the sheriff’s office?
A: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

Q: What do you call a group of father rabbits walking backwards?
A: A receding hare-line.

Q: How did Darth Vader know what he was getting for Father’s Day?
A: He felt Luke’s presents.

Q: Why do dads feel the need to tell such bad jokes?
A: They just want to help you become a groan-up.

Best Father’s day dad jokes photo: ©Anatoliy Karlyuk/Adobe Stock.

St. Patrick’s Day dad jokes for kids: You’d think a father with my name would have a slew of riddles, puns and other Irish jokes for his children that deal with this holiday?

Well, I do, even though my Irish lineage has long been in doubt. Are you green with envy … or did you just get sloppy with the food coloring on that last batch of beer?

So if you’ve enjoyed our previous holiday-themed, family-friendly dad jokes for children (Valentine’s Day being the latest, Easter dad jokes on tap!), then these gags about leprechauns, shamrocks and all things green will have you and your kids Dublin over with laughter. Erin go braugh, everyone!

Best/worst St. Patrick Day’s dad jokes for kids

Q: What’s Irish and stays outside your house all night?
A: Paddy O’Furniture.

Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day?
A: Because real rocks are too heavy.

Q: What do you call an Irish fairy who goes to jail?
A: A lepre-con.

+ + +

Knock-knock!
Who’s there?
Warren.
Warren who?
Warren anything green for St. Patrick’s Day?

+ + +

Q: Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they’re always a little short!

Q: What do you get if you cross Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day?
A: Saint O’Clause.

Boy: Dad, I met an Irish girl on St. Patrick’s Day!
Dad: Oh, really?
Boy: No, O’Reilly!

Q: How do you pay for soft drinks on St. Patrick’s Day?
A: With soda bread.

Q: Why should you never hold a four-leaf clover too tightly?
A: You don’t want to press your luck.

Q: What do you call it when a flash mob’s Irish dance routine goes wrong?
A: A jig mistake.

Q: What did the baby leprechaun find at the end of the rainbow?
A: A Potty Gold.

Q: What did St. Patrick say to the snakes before he drove them out of Ireland?
A: “Everyone got on their seat belts?”

Q: What do you call an Irish jig performed at a fast-food restaurant?
A: A Shamrock Shake.

Q: What do you call a Dwayne Johnson impersonator?
A: The Sham-Rock!

Q: What do you call leprechauns who collect cans, newspapers and plastic bottles?
A: Wee-cyclers.

Q: How can you tell if an Irishman likes your joke?
A: He’s Dublin over with laughter.

Q: What do you call a tiny criminal with a skin disease?
A: A leper-con.

Q: What do you get when you pluck a four-leaf clover out of poison ivy?
A: A rash of good luck.

Q: What do you get if you cross a leprechaun with a frog?
A: A little man having a hopping good time!

+ + +

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Irish.
Irish who?
Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!

St. Patrick’s Day dad jokes for kids / Irish sitter photo: ©Pixel-Shot / Adobe Stock.