We continue the national discussion on race and raising children by having Los Angeles Dads Group member Doyin Richards, author of the new children’s book What’s the Difference?: Being Different is Amazing., joins us on the Modern Dads Podcast

What’s the Difference? is aimed at children ages 2 to 10, and covers diversity and acceptance. It introduces children to race relations by teaching them not to be colorblind, but rather “race aware.” It encourages them to recognize and embrace the differences of the people they encounter in life.

Richards, a father of two who became an Internet sensation with a photo of him fixing one child’s hair while the other sat in a carrier on his chest, has written two previous books: Daddy Doin’ Work, about how to engage moms in helping fatherhood evolve, and the picture book I Wonder: Celebrating Daddies Doin’ Work.

Richards’ work has appeared in online publications such as Upworthy, Refinery29, TODAY Parents, AskMen.com, and Huffington Post. He was a featured speaker at the 2017 Los Angeles Times Festival of Books, and has been a keynote speaker at conferences for PwC, LexisNexis, the Dad 2.0 Summit and others.

Here are some links to media referenced in this podcast:

• Life of Privilege Explained in $100 Race video
• White Nonsense Roundup Facebook page

Although Doyin Richards’ book Daddy Doin’ Work is subtitled “Empowering Mothers to Evolve Fatherhood,” this book is as much for fathers as it is for our spouses and partners. It’s the type of book my wife and I should both read and discuss.

Richards received much media attention earlier this year after posting a picture of he and his daughters on his blog, also titled Daddy Doin’ Work. He was multitasking: doing one daughter’s hair with his youngest daughter strapped to his chest. Richards spends time discussing this time “he broke the internet.” This insight is fascinating.

Of the people who viewed this viral sensation, he writes “Approximately 15 percent were racists who offered their enlightened opinions on what they thought of black fathers and people who marry outside of their race, or individuals who commented on unrelated items, such as the crappy baby brush I was using or the shower curtain in the background. Twenty-five percent were pissed-off parents who thought I was trying to get attention for doing things that every good dad should be doing; and about 60 percent were people who thought I was a hero for setting an example for what a good dad should be like.”

As a father and a black one at that, I was especially interested to hear his perspective on his experience as a father. Richards has a playful style, but is also unafraid to pull punches. One of the first examples of this is in the introduction, where he describes an eye-opening event. During an assignment in which students were asked to share his or her desired profession, Doyin Richards wanted to be a rapper. Although his rhymes did not rival those of Pac or Hov, he did notice that several girls shared their desire to be a mother, while none of the boys wanted to be a father as their profession. “The first little boy I come across who says his goal in life is to become a dad when he grows up will be the first … because many boys and young men don’t equate being a dad to being something that requires work.”

Work, not surprisingly, is the keyword in this book. Richards reminds us simply that fatherhood and parenting in general requires work. My favorite chapter “The Division of Daddies,” gives us a litmus test for folks to judge just where parental efforts land. There are “Daddies Doin’ Nothing,” who might talk big, “but when the chips are down, one hundred percent of the parenting responsibilities fall on the shoulders of his wife, girlfriend or baby mama.” “Daddies Doin’ Something” are best represented by the Stone Age antics of Fred Flintstone. He is there, but shouldn’t he be pushed to do more for Wilma and Pebbles? Finally, there are the “Daddies Doin’ Work.” These dads get it. “The common theme with these men is that nothing is more important than ensuring their families are happy and loved.” He goes into much more detail on these levels of fatherhood, sharing compelling anecdotes, tough questions, and advice in additional chapters throughout the rest of the book.

Richards does not claim to be an expert on parenting, and says, “I’m here to share my personal experiences and those of my readers in order for you to enjoy a fresh and modern look into the world of fatherhood.” There are some truly great parenting books written by experts, but what I enjoyed most about this book is that it is a change of pace. It’s real. The examples are real. The language is real and honest. Daddy Doin’ Work deconstructs fatherhood and really affirms the efforts of so many of us who are earning that title of a “Daddy Doin’ Work.”

“Being a good dad requires work, too,” Richards writes. “Work that is often tedious, exhausting, and frustrating. Work that will not pay a man a dime for the amount of time he puts into changing diapers, giving baths, helping with homework, being a shoulder to cry on, being an active and willing parenting partner with his spouse, and being the primary male role model in his kids’ lives.”

I couldn’t agree more.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Author Doyin Richards will be interviewed on our Modern Dads Podcast to be released Oct. 14. Watch for it on CityDadsGroup.com

One morning a few weeks ago, I traded in my usual at-home dad attire of jeans and a T-shirt for something more fancy and professional so I could go debunk dad stereotypes.

The special occasion was joining two other cool fathers on a panel at the Bethenny Frankel Show. Three dudes: Doyin Richards of the Daddy Doin’ Work blog who is well known for his viral hands-on dad photo of combing his daughter’s hair with his little one in the carrier, David Lesser of Amateur Idiot / Professional Dad who I’ve known for a while and is also a member of NYC Dads Group, and me.

Encouraged by the prospect of participating in a lively, audience-based conversation on topics that covered:

• Can at-home dads be just as good as at-home moms?
• Are stay-at-home dads becoming the new normal?
• Is being an at-home dad manly or emasculating?
• Why is the bar of expectations on fatherhood extremely low?
• Should moms feel uncomfortable with a drop-off playdate if dad is in charge?

I was interested in sharing my experience of being an at-home dad for the past five years in the hope of educating, sharing my passion, and debunking some stereotypes.  I was also scared out of my wits. This was not going to be a calm roundtable discussion where Bethenny asked questions and led the discussion. Quite the contrary – Bethenny spent the entire segment in the nearly all-female audience passing the microphone around to audience members firing away questions. One producer described this format as “throwing us to the wolves” so needless to say, I had a few knots in my stomach.

What was it like behind the scenes?

For a guy used to navigating NYC via public transportation, it was pretty cool having a car sent in the morning to bring me to the studio. It was a nice luxury, but my sense is it served as a precaution to ensure I would arrive on time. They must know that parents with little ones are usually late for everything!

The producers and staff were incredibly friendly and showed us to our waiting room – not your usual oversized ‘Green Room.’ This was a small, nicely furnished space with comfortable seating, a flat-screen tuned to the Bethenny show taping, and stocked with snacks and Skinny Girl beverages.

Our waiting room was sandwiched by two other guests on the show who were more interesting than us “dads.” One neighbor was “Mob Wives” and “Big Ang” star Angela “Big Ang” Raiola who was on the first segment discussing her reality shows and plastic surgeries.

On the other side was well-known race car driver, Danica Patrick. I was starstruck. For someone who is usually confident about asking celebrities to pose in a photo, I had difficulty getting the words out. Awkward. Still, we succeeded in getting a photo.

The most amusing part of the morning was our excursion over to “make-up headquarters.” Yep, all of the dads filed in to get primped, coiffed, and shined by the talented make-up artists. Or anti-shined in my case (oily skin).

Sitting on comfortable stools on the stage and flanked by two other competent, confident, and vocal dads, we were ready for the show.  Most of the show was a blur.  I remember Dave doing an awesome job sharing a few touching and personal stories about his family. I recall Doyin providing the background and play-by-play of his viral photo as well as sharing his thoughts about being a working dad. I pondered when Bethenny might join us on stage — never happened. Consequently, there were lots of questions from the audience. Beyond that, I’m hoping we presented ourselves well and that the editing team made us look presentable. We’ll let you watch the segments and be the judge.

Finally, after a long morning and noon approaching, the three of us hit the “Red Room.” A sleek, lounge-type space with a bar, and well-stocked with Skinny Girl Vodka.  We had a quick beverage before heading home to the reality of domestic chores, school pick-up, and spending time with our families.