Today was a big day in our house. Well, not actually in the house, but a mere 15 minutes away.

It was the day our twin sons started preschool. The same sons we sang to in the NICU. The wee ones we once spent hours rocking to sleep late at night and early in the morning just three short years ago. Our little boys who I’m having a hard time now realizing aren’t so little anymore.

All the firsts we’ve gone through

The first time they rolled over. The moment they took those first steps. The transition from baby food to solids, and from bottles to sippy cups. Now their mother and I are faced with yet another milestone. They are officially in school. Granted, it’s only three hours a day and twice a week, but still — another step toward full-blown adulthood that is scary and exciting all at the same time.

Being a stay-at-home father is an incredible experience, but one that has really tainted my view of their new adventure. While I’m happy for the great strides they’ve made in their development over the past three-and-a-half years, I must admit it makes me a little sad. When they learned a new word or started quoting lines from a book we’ve read what seems like a thousand times before bed, it’s been their mother and I that could take credit. The alphabet? Their shapes and colors? The names of every single Peanuts character (including a couple with no names that we just made up)? The pats on the back go to their mother and me.

Tonight, at dinner, after only a week of formal education (or as formal as preschool can be considered), Carter sang a new song they learned today in his class of 13 unfamiliar faces.

Sing a Song of Preschool

“Alligator, alligator / butterfly, give mom a big hug,” he said in between bites of his sandwich. His brother then quickly joined in.

Looking at their mother with amusement, I jumped on “The Google.” The goal? To find this magical mystical song that had the two of them grinning from ear to ear. I found the reference to the alligator portion, even playing the accompanying video aloud. I watched as their faces lit up to the familiar tune. Their hands attempted to pantomime the gestures by the performers on my iPad.

Our two little men have returned from their first week of scholastic endeavors with the knowledge that didn’t come from their mom, myself, or an animated character on a children’s television program. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. Far from it, in fact. I realize that it’s only the beginning of their education. We want them to learn as much as they can from as many sources as possible. It’s part of the reason their mother and I spent the time we did carefully researching preschool curriculums. It’s also why we finally decided on the school we did. Especially at this very impressionable age, we wanted to make sure they were afforded every opportunity to learn as much as possible.

They’re Growing Up

It makes me stop and take a moment to really realize how grown-up they are becoming. It goes beyond just the things they learned at home like counting to 20 and knowing how to put their shirts on. The little song they sang to us tonight, complete with matching hand movements, is just the start of a new period in their lives where knowledge will start coming at them from all directions. Rather than being their only source of education, it is now our job to help them embrace the little bits of information they are collecting from school. Our task will be to reinforce the skills they are learning on a daily basis.

As painful as it is to see our “babies” growing up right before our eyes, we are truly up for the challenge. I have a feeling that we’re going to spend a lot more time googling parts of conversations and songs they share with us at dinner from here on out.

I’m glad that we have the alligator portion figured out. If anyone has a child in preschool and knows of this “butterfly – hug your mother” song, feel free to share. I’m afraid I may have just broken the internet looking for it.

A version of this first appeared on Double Trouble Daddy. Photo: ACPL via photopin (license)

As I sit here typing, I was just thinking that there is nothing more heartwarming than brotherly love. You know, that bond brothers have. There is just something so very special about —

Hang on. Someone’s yelling in the living room …

OK, I’m back. It seems Carter had decided to help Dad by picking up the toys. This included the two that his brother happened to be playing with at the time. Then after voicing his displeasure, Gavin decided to retrieve said playthings from the toybox and Carter was upset with having his work undone.

Where was I … oh yeah, brotherly love.

It’s not too surprising that my boys sometimes get on each other’s nerves. My brother Jared and I (he is five years my junior) used to fight like cats and dogs. But we also spent our share of quality time together as well. When I look back to some of the best times I had growing up, he was right beside me.

Living in different parts of the world now, I don’t see him that often. Usually it’s once a year, in the fall, when I make a trip to the Twin Cities. It doesn’t matter though because we crack open a beer, and pick up right where we left off the year before.

That’s what I want for my sons. Not the distance between them, but the ability to be comfortable enough with their relationship to skip the awkward formalities that a long time of being apart sometimes brings.

The first 12 months watching my twin sons interact was difficult because it was far from what I expected. My sons were getting bigger and older, and seemed to ignore each other completely. They knew the other existed, but they really didn’t seem to care.

Did they realize that it wasn’t their brother who was going to feed them, or change them, or put them down for a nap? Had it dawned on them that one was as helpless as the other?

There were times when one would cry (normally Carter) and their sibling would give them that look, almost saying, “Dude! What the hell is wrong with you?”

Before they were born I imagined two best friends coming into the world at the same time. (For example, my friend Erik and I were born just 2 days apart). I was all excited about the “secret twin language,” even joking with the idea of videotaping it, and asking them what they said to each other years from now. (It’s an old Steven Wright Joke).

None of that really happened until they started getting more mobile. Now here it is, a year later, and they spend the day chasing one another. They are both learning what their independent interests are and have no issue playing alone, but it seems that one will gravitate toward the other as the day wears on.

Last week, Gavin tripped while running into the living room and landed right on one of his Matchbox cars. He had the print of the hood of the car right under his eye to prove it. My wife comforted him as he cried his tale of woe and Carter made a point to come over and make sure he was OK. It’s probably the first sign of compassion we’ve seen either of them show. It warms your heart.

My boys are growing up, and I have to accept that. What makes it a little easier is knowing that they are growing up together – brothers always.

A version of this first appeared on Double Trouble Daddy.

Photo credit of brothers: Capri & William III via photopin (license)

I have lived in Las Vegas now for over 20 years. What does that mean?

It means that I know what a “hard eight” pays on a $5 bet. ($40.) I know what cards not to split when playing blackjack (everything but aces and eights), and I know the best time to try your luck on the slots at the airport (NEVER!).

If someone would have told me when I first set eyes on Sin City two decades ago that I would still be here, married and raising twin sons, I would have put every cent in my pocket on the house because the odds they were wrong were a sure thing. Little did I know I would meet my wonderful wife, get married a couple of years later, and then shortly thereafter be blessed with two wonderful boys.

Thinking back to my days as a single man in the gambling mecca — the drinking, the gambling, the late nights — I realize that raising children and living the life of a gambler really isn’t all that different.

1. There are good days and bad days.

Anyone who’s ever spent any time around casinos knows there are days when everything you touch turns to gold. Just sitting down at the bar to grab a morning coffee can change your entire day. I’ve thrown a 10 dollar bill in a quarter poker machine as I waited for the bartender to pour my java, and within a few hands hit a four-of-a-kind. Talk about starting the day on a high note! I’ve also had every machine I touched turn cold and eat every nickel I put in without even the courtesy of a thank you. Life with children is very similar. Some days my sons wake up all sunshine and roses, and other days they spend the entire day reminding you that they woke up on the wrong side of the crib.

2. You can be nervous at first, but then you eventually get the hang of it.

One of the most common things I hear from visitors (other than “You have slot machines in the grocery store?”) is that they have always wanted to try and play craps but were scared because it seemed too complicated. I guess people think the same thing about children. What confuses people about the game of craps is that there are so many different bets. If you focus on three main bets — The Pass Line, The Don’t Pass and the Field — it actually isn’t that difficult. Babies have three things to focus on as well.  If they are fussing, they are either hungry, sleepy or have a dirty diaper. My opinion? Craps is easier.

3. Everyone seems to have a system.

I used to have an employee who was always looking for a way to beat the odds. He would pay $1,000 for a “sure-fire system” and then spend the next six months testing it. He’d often warn me that my time with him was limited because he was absolutely positive that his purchase was going to set him up for a ride on easy street and I shouldn’t be surprised if one day I opened up and he didn’t show up for his shift because he was on his way to Monte Carlo. Less than a year later he would come into work all excited about another great system he purchased when the last failed, this one using the opposite rules of the first. He was always excited to share his opinions about gambling, but it’s hard to take anyone seriously who lost as much and as often as he did. The only Monte Carlo he ended up visiting was the casino with the same name next to his job. Everyone has their way of doing things and in turn, has opinions on the best way to raise children. Before accepting that person’s advice, I would first look at the person’s track record. Are his children a far cry from where you see the future of yours? Maybe it’s time to sell that person a system.

4. No matter where you do it, it’s really pretty similar.

I have gambled in Vegas, on riverboats, in Indian casinos and even in Canada. What’s different? Not much. The odds are sometimes altered, I’ve used special tokens instead of actual money, and some places make you pay for drinks. How is raising children in Nevada dissimilar to Montreal or Monte Carlo? The food might be different as well as routines and customs, but the general principle is exactly the same. I have found that all you need is a little determination, and a little luck!

A version of this first appeared on Double Trouble Daddy.

Before my wife and I had children, we bought a dog. No discussion. No real thought. We just did it. All it took was a mention or two from some friends who were visiting from out of state, and about 30 minutes of looking at dogs online before we decided to take the plunge.

We didn’t get just any dog though, we got a rescue dog. We also didn’t want him to be the same type of dog you saw at the park, or behind fences in our neighborhood. We wanted him to be smart. You know, a true reflection of his owners. He attended and graduated from two Petsmart obedience classes (beginner and intermediate) and also a trick class. His name is Frisco, and he’s a Border Collie/Labrador retriever mix. He’s a very smart dog. Too smart for his own good sometimes.

He’s also going to be a great companion for the twins. They don’t spend a great deal of time with him right now because he’s quite a bit bigger than they are, and still a little freaked out by their innocence. He will join in their misery when they are upset though. One will cry about something (usually because they hear the word “NO”) and then Frisco will join in.

My wife and I realized recently that a lot of what we say to the twins, we also say to the dog. So much in fact that if I’m in the other room, and I hear her say “Sit down,” I often wonder which of the three she is talking to. Because of this, I have decided to write down all of the things we say to our furry little friend that we also say to our not-so-furry offspring.

1. Stay.

This one works much better on the dog.

2. Sit.

This is an easy one.

Sit on the couch.
Sit on the floor.
Sit in your highchair.
Just sit down so I can finish tying your shoes already!

3. Lie down.

It’s bedtime, and although we’re not getting the requests for a glass of water or “one more story,” it doesn’t mean that they stay lying down and go right to bed. Carter is pretty good about it. It takes him about two “shhhhs” over the baby monitor, and he’s down for the count. Gavin, on the other hand, spends the next 60 to 90 minutes moving about until he’s tired enough to crash. This includes rolling around, kicking the sides of the crib to try and wake up his brother, and of course, sitting up and trying to figure out why he’s in bed instead of downstairs watching reality television. (Relax, we don’t let them watch reality television. Really).

4. Leave it.

Out for a walk and they want to pick up an odd piece of garbage on the sidewalk that possibly looks a little like dog poop? LEAVE IT! You’ve just changed them and although it’s is wrapped up in a little ball, ready to dispose of, they go to reach for the soiled diaper that smells a lot like dog poop? LEAVE IT! They are playing in the backyard and head to the back door with something they found in the grass. EWWWW, DOG POOP! LEAVE IT!

5. Good Boy!

This one is tough because teaching and training are a lot alike. Both are successful with a lot of positive affirmations. Bring me the ball – good job. Point to the hat in the book – great work. Can you help dad pick up the toys? Good Boy! It’s all very similar to giving the dog a treat, and scratching its neck when it does something good. Like not eat your shoes.

Both the dog and the kids require a ton of attention and will act out if they don’t get any. Both will get into things that they don’t belong in if not supervised, they both have the ability to eat us out of house and home, and neither the dog nor the twins pick up after themselves.

Are there differences between dogs and children? Of course, there are.

Three!

1. Our kids eat four times per day, our dog only eats twice (but not by choice).
2. Our dog leaves less of a mess when he eats.
3. If the boys misbehave, we don’t send them to their crate.

I can think of one more way that our dog and our children are alike,

The immeasurable amount of love they show us every single day.

A version of this first appeared on Double Trouble Daddy.

Once again I find myself sitting on my patio in the backyard, enjoying a cigar and a drink and contemplating the events of the day. The cigar is an inexpensive hand-rolled number (never ‘cheap’, always ‘inexpensive.’) and the drink is a Charles Shaw Sauvignon Blanc (cheap). The subject of my contemplation this evening?

Father’s Day.

This is my second said holiday with my twin boys and a little more meaningful than the one I had last year. The first, of course, was important because … well, it was my first. The first true Father’s Day where I was the creator of little tiny human beings that will one day look up to me. Where I was the one getting cards and well wishes from friends and family on social media instead of just being the one sending them.

I’ll be honest. I don’t remember much from those festivities. The boys were just over five months old and I think that my wife and I were so sleep-deprived that you could have told me I won the lottery and I wouldn’t have been able to show any more enthusiasm … at least without a nap first.

This year I still got the cards, and the messages on Facebook, but I got something else.

My Father’s Day reflections are bright with images of spending the day with two toddlers who love me very much and show it constantly throughout the day. The mischievous smile from Gavin as he peeks out from behind one of the bright neon beach balls I found at Target the other day. Seeing the triumphant look on Carter’s face as he walks on unsure feet between the ottoman and my waiting arms. Just the extra second or two of a hug from either one of them puts me into an orbit of sheer pleasure that I didn’t know 365 days ago when I celebrated the same holiday.

As I sit here and watch them sleeping soundly on the baby monitor, I understand that I didn’t receive a handmade card made by them drawn in crayon or get to watch them hit a home run at a little league game, but what I did get was a second Father’s Day that was as special to me as the first and one that will be hard for them to top next year.

But I’m sure they will.

A version of Father’s Day Reflections first appeared on Daddy Double Trouble.

I know that you mean well and are just trying to make conversation, but do I look like I have time to talk while I’m dealing with these two kids?

It’s difficult enough keeping one child happy and entertained when I’m out and about trying to get things done, much less two. I don’t really have time to stop and field your questions, no matter how innocent they may seem, so I thought I’d answer the most common ones here.

1. First and foremost, yes — they are twins. No, they don’t look alike because each of them came from a different egg instead of being from one egg that split in two. It’s called being a fraternal twin (think “Fraternal Brotherhood of the Elks”) instead of being … wait for it … identical! I’m not going to get all into “Reproduction 101” but trust me, they don’t have to look exactly the same to be twins. They are two little boys who happened to be born at the same time. Oh, and they shared a cramped apartment before they were born.

2.  The follow-up question is usually, “Who’s older?” I have to ask though, does it really matter? Carter is older than Gavin by about a minute. They were born via C-section. One was pulled out and the other one followed less than 60 seconds later. In a few years when they are fighting over who gets to be the boss of the other, or in 14 years when they’re battling over who should get to drive first, I’m sure it will matter a great deal to them, but for now, it’s not that big of an issue.

3. Who looks more like you? I think they both have characteristics and traits that favor both my family and my wife’s. Each day brings out something new in them and on any given day my answer is going to be different. The best part is that they know who Mom is, and who Dad is, and the love they show each of us mirrors the love that their mother and I have for each other. No matter who they look like, this proves that they are our children beyond a reasonable doubt.

4. Is it hard raising twins? I’ve never done anything but raise twins, so I couldn’t compare it to raising only one. I do know that it’s challenging at times and you learn to be very good at multitasking when you have multiples. Something else I’ll say, and I hope no one takes offense to this, but if you’re around me and start whining that you have a toddler, and “it’s so difficult,” prepare to get slapped. Although I wouldn’t trade either of my boys for the world, if we only had one child life would be EASY!

5. Were they natural? Frankly, it’s none of your business. My wife and I tried several times to get pregnant “the natural way” and we had several pregnancies that ended in miscarriage. After extensive research and a lot of discussions, we decided that IVF held the strongest hope that we could have a successful pregnancy. Two eggs were put in, and we were beyond lucky that both implanted.

6. Did you know you were having twins? Well, this one is kind of silly because the minute you go to the doctor after finding out you are pregnant, the first thing they do is give you an ultrasound. Do you think they are going to keep it a secret until you’re in the delivery room?

7. Do twins run in your family? A friend of mine answers this by saying, “They do now!” Going back to the “were they natural” question, it doesn’t matter if they run in the family or not. If both eggs get implanted, genetics don’t really have a lot to do with it. I often don’t dare say that I was a twin myself, (we were both born premature, and sadly I survived and my brother did not) because then I’m stuck with a 20-minute discussion about how twins are supposed to skip a generation. If you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn, and found a way to turn baby poop into gold.

8. “Two for the price of one?” Far from it. If people only knew how expensive having twins really was, they would just leave us alone altogether. I’ll give you an example. You have one baby (what some call a “singleton”) and feel it’s time to buy a highchair for the little tyke. To save a buck, you pick up a gently used one in many places. Problem solved, right? Good luck finding two similar chairs at a place like that, though. Two car seats, two cribs, two rock-and-plays, and the list goes on and on. When you walk past the used strollers, they are almost giving them away. All the way at the end of the row is a double stroller that’s marked just below the cost of buying it new. Why? Because if you’re searching for a double stroller, the chances are that you NEED a double stroller, and they can spot you coming a mile away. It’s like you have “TAKE ALL OF MY MONEY” tattooed on your forehead.

9. You must have your hands full. It’s kind of obvious, but no more so than the woman behind me who has three kids, and you didn’t mention that to her. Having even one child can be challenging if you aren’t prepared (or let your guard down – LOL).

10. “I had my kids 18 months apart, so it’s almost like having twins, right?… I know how you feel.” Many parents of twins HATE this one because unless you have twins, you have no idea how we feel. Raising children a year and a half apart is a far cry from having children the same age. I’m not saying it wasn’t or isn’t difficult for you but really, stop saying that. I have a friend who has four children under age 4! Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed, I just think of him and I trudge on. I know that having four that young can’t be easy, but I will bet you a dozen cronuts that he doesn’t tell everyone that it’s like having quadruplets.

So there you go. Now, do me a favor. If you see me and my sons at the grocery store or in line at the bank, just wave at the twins and give me a thumbs up or a little nod. This will let me know if you read this and now know all of the answers. I’ll look at you, mouth the words “thank you” and go about my business. After all, twins are not that much of an anomaly.

And about your best friend’s sister’s neighbor’s cousin who had twins? Please share this with him. I’m sure he could use a laugh today.