My wife and I were given a wonderful dilemma a few months ago: Keep our daughter in the preschool we truly love or move on to an independent school with a history of excellence and innovation.

I am a proud product of both New York City public and an independent school. My wife attended public school while growing up in a small Pennsylvania town and is just now learning the ins and outs of independent school. But while our experiences couldn’t have been more different, we do have this in common: a commitment to education. This has led to many discussions of the pros and cons of both types of schools. The ultimate question being what route would work best for our daughter.

We chose independent school for our daughter. Here’s why.

Reason 1: The Mission/Developing the Whole Child

We are excited about Camilla’s new school’s mission. Her school will seek to educate her so she can “continue to question, risk, and grow.” She will be expected to “care, serve, and lead” and will be “prepared to challenge, shape, and change the world.” This mission speaks to us on so many levels. We are happy to find a place that will empower Camilla and aid her development from girl to woman as well as affirm what we have already been doing at home. As important as academics are in choosing a school, what was most important to us was the commitment to the overall development of our daughter. This school wants to develop a strong, thoughtful, empathetic young woman and not just an A student or polished athlete and artist. They are developing global citizens who are empowered to make change. That is compelling stuff. In order to aid this development, the school must be committed to diversity in all of its forms. The school’s overall statistics confirm that they recruit and attract families, faculty, and staff of different means, races, cultures, religions, and interests.

Reason 2: The Facilities/A Safe Space

It is hard not to be impressed with some of the facilities at independent schools. I remember Jenelle said, when viewing the facilities at my prep school, “This is nicer than my college.” I think all parents would want state-of-the-art labs or modern athletic facilities or breathtaking spaces to study the arts at their child’s school. However, what we feel quality facilities will do for our daughter is create a safe and fun place to learn, whether it is a warm and open library or the art room with fantastic lighting. She will also have the oldest students in her school right there, sharing the same spaces and hallways. Having these high schoolers model good behavior and work ethic will be a plus. Finally, this is a place where she can take chances, and fail. Answer questions, incorrectly. And learn and grow from these mistakes. You can’t fear failure, and she can become fearless there.

Reason 3: The Teachers

It is comforting to hear that our daughter’s school will not only continue to evolve their program and practice, but will properly prepare their educators to do so. Our daughter’s new school just created an institute that is solely dedicated to faculty professional development and allows the school to stay committed to its mission and truly be innovative in its educational practices. As a long time teacher, I find this it important to be able to hone one’s craft. To have your efforts validated is essential. This helps create an environment chock full of happy educators. What we saw were lots of happy teachers. It makes it easier to entrust our daughter’s education to a school with teachers who are happy to be there.

Reason 4: Athletics

What you are about to hear is just genuine excitement.

The place has a wonderful athletic program. As a now former athlete who was positively affected by my time playing organized team sports, I am not surprisingly happy she will have physical education. I am also really excited about the possibility of Camilla playing on sports teams there. They are even opening a new athletic facility this fall. Oh, and and some teams have preseason training!

Reason 5: We are done.

We are sending our child to a school that ends in 12th grade. So, basically, we are done looking for a school until college. That was difficult to turn down when we were accepted. The search process for independent schools is lengthy and time consuming, and the public or charter school process can be just as stressful. It is a relief to have the weight of the school search process lifted off our shoulders. We don’t take that lightly and feel blessed, especially since we would have also been looking for a new school at around the same time we would have been looking for a new residence. Now, we can just focus on our next place to live.

Independent school is not for everyone, whether for financial, social, or religious concerns. We are not affluent, and we are a bi-racial family, so we appreciate and understand these concerns. I know that my family is quite fortunate to be able to make a choice and attend this new school. But our school is also fortunate to have us because independent schools need families like ours, too. We are excited about what we might be able to contribute to the school and its efforts.

Now, our daughter has begun her school journey, and we feel confident that we chose the right school for her.

I have always been a vocal proponent of public schooling.But my public school frustration has reached its limit.

My wife and I view public school as part of the social contract that binds our country together. We actively participate in our kids’ education and I am currently the PTA president and in the past I have been VP and treasurer.

While I think the teachers and administration at my children’s school are fantastic, at the moment, I feel like throwing my hands up in the air and, in a sense, waving them like I just don’t care.

They are involved and care about the students, but the regulations, Common Core and testing along with the constant scrutiny that they are under tie their hands. Those things trickle down to the children. And I see it in the faces of the students and those that work in the school.

My second grader is in school from 7:50 a.m. until 2:10 p.m. and my fourth grader attends from 7:50 a.m. until 4:10 or 4:45 p.m., depending on the day. When they come home, I oversee their lengthy homework assignments while trying to cook supper and hold back the little brother who just wants to play with the older siblings he hasn’t seen all day. I also need to squeeze in after-school activities, sports, and what’s that one thing that I can’t remember … oh yeah, playtime. I am at the point where I just don’t care about their homework anymore. If they haven’t grasped something during the 40 hours they sit in a classroom each week, then they should try again another day.

With all of the homework and testing, I’m throwing in the towel. I give up.

Everyone is under too much pressure, including our children. The joy of learning has been replaced by the fear of failing – failing a standardized test. The first two-thirds of the year is dictated by the stress of the upcoming tests, and the last one-third is spent dreading the test results. It wasn’t always like this.

This is why more and more parents flee public schools and send their students to private schools or try homeschooling. My wife and I are seriously considering homeschooling our children because we are so frustrated with how teachers in public schools are being forced to educate children. If we do leave public school, it will be with heavy hearts. Because of public school, my kids have learned so much that we couldn’t teach them (about other cultures, religions, how to interact and learn from people unlike themselves) and we have been engaged in our community in a very unique way.

I’m not sure yet what we are doing, but I wanted to vent a little about my public school frustration and see if there are other parents that share my sentiments.

A version of Public School Frustration first appeared on One Good Dad.