Scrolling through my Facebook feed the other day, I found a post that made me both incensed and sad:

Today my 7 yr old nephew was bullied by an adult male member of our family because he has a baby doll. He was called a freak, snide remarks were said to his face, and he was asked how many times he has been in first grade. He was made to feel like he was somehow less of a boy and human being because he has a doll … 

The Christmas before he got his baby sister, my ALL-BOY rough & tumble, monster truck loving, camo wearing, hyper masculine, nephew asked for a doll for Christmas. He immediately named it Ben, put his baby boy clothes on it, and has been its “Dad” ever since. He took care of Ben just like he saw his baby sister being cared for. Ben rides in his dump trucks, helps him do yard work, and they pretend to hunt together.

The most bittersweet part is that my nephew’s father has been in jail most of his life. He longs to grow up and be a present Daddy because he doesn’t HAVE his Daddy. Until today he thought wanting to be a Dad was acceptable until a grown man told him that practicing to be a dad makes him weird.

What in the world?!?

Few people have problems these days with girls playing with old-school “boy toys” like trucks, Legos or footballs. On the other hand, many of these same people still have issues with the boys and “girl toys”?

Boys playing with dolls is a good thing

How do we expect men to become active and engaged dads if boys are still teased for playing with baby dolls? How do we expect discrimination and gender stereotypes against females to disappear if we still reinforce those macho, stoic roles for males? 

If we believe dads are as important as moms when it comes to parenting then we need to give future dads, not just future moms, the opportunity to practice caring for a little one. Boys playing with dolls helps them break the outdated view of a “man’s role” by teaching them responsibility, nurturing and even making them more open-minded as adults.

Still, I struggled to think of how to respond. I wanted to affirm her nephew’s instincts to care for baby doll, Ben.

While I thought, other comments started piling up on the thread, fast and furious.

Most were like this one:

My son had a doll when he was little. Carried it all over the place. He is a rough and tumble 12 year old now. Who loves babies and will help babysit his cousins all the time. He was teased about the doll and I would put people in their place. Screw ‘em all! Baby dolls don’t do anything for boys except make them more caring.”

In all, more than 100 supportive comments were made, many featuring photos of the writer’s son or nephew and his favorite baby doll.

The next day an update appeared:

To everyone who commented to support my nephew yesterday & today, he and Ben drew a thank you picture for you… And a huge thank you from me. The look of joy in his eyes as I read him your comments and showed him pictures of your boys and partners with their dolls was priceless. He is proud of Ben again and said he is excited that other boys play “practice Daddy” too. So, thank you for helping to give hope back to my nephew. You all are amazing.”

And now I had an idea for my response.

Here’s what I posted on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram:

Every night we sing our son to sleep. It’s always Twinkle Twinkle and the ABCs. So naturally, when we gave him a baby doll he wanted to sing his baby to sleep and when his little brother was born, his first instinct when holding him was to sing him the ABCs.

History has a song and sometimes it takes awhile for us to recognize its Melody.

I’ve mentioned before that my mother integrated a school, and how I had the opportunity to visit the land that my ancestors worked as slaves, but those stories (and many others like them) can be difficult at times to convey to kids. Sometimes that history becomes unwieldy or difficult because it is so personal. Nonetheless they are crucial stories for us to learn, know, and pass on to the next generation. Sometimes that is done through personal stories, and sometimes that is done through fictional characters who portray the very times we are describing.

American Girl recently introduced a new African American character in its BeForever line –Melody Ellison. What is unique about Melody Ellison is that American Girl worked hard to develop not only an authentic story, but to also make it one that was historically accurate. In fact, her development (from the doll to the books to the outfits to the accessories to the story setting) was two years in the making. It was assisted by an advisory board of several prominent scholars and leaders in the African American community and civil rights movement.

Why does Melody Ellison matter?

I’m not going to tell you that you need to purchase a doll to tell a story. Instead, what I will share is that I remember my mom telling me stories of what her experience was like growing up black in the pre-civil rights era. Part of that experience was a difficulty in finding dolls that looked like her. Representation, even in the toy industry, does matter. I appreciate that there is more to Melody Ellison than her looks – she has a story. She has a history. Melody’s backstory is the 1960s – the heart of the Civil Rights Movement. Melody uses song as a way to voice her support for the movement – specifically the song “Lift Every Voice and Sing.” This song is no throwaway, historically it is known as the Black National Anthem.

Again, I’m not going to tell you that you need to buy a doll to learn about history. Instead, I am going to acknowledge that I think it is pretty cool that a company would invest the time, resources, and connect with prominent members of a community in order to tell a story about our history. It is an effort to not only share history, but to share the strength of a time about which our children need to know.

Another thing that I enjoy about the Melody Ellison campaign is that it not only shares history, but it also seeks to inspire children to find their voice. Through the #LiftYourVoice campaign, children are encouraged to share ways in which they bring harmony to the world.

Thanks to American Girl, I was able to share Melody and her story with my daughter. It is, and will be, a deep (and sometimes difficult) discussion of history that is attached to this gift, but it is also an opportunity. An opportunity for my daughter to hear other voices (of the past) and find ways to lift her own and sing in her own way.

If you would like to bring Melody home, there’s still time for the holidays, but since she part of the BeForever line her voice and story will not be silenced.

DISCLOSURE: While I was not compensated for this post, I did receive product for the intent of review. My words, thoughts, and voice are all my own. Also, a version of this Melody Ellison post first ran on Tales from the Poop Deck.