Thanksgiving dad jokes are among the lamest safest of holiday conversation topics for you and your family to engaging in at the annual holiday feast. So, as a service to you (and disservice to those within earshot of you), I have scoured the Internet for the best/worst Thanksgiving dad jokes and puns to help you talk turkey.
You’re welcome.
And I’m sorry.
At a minimum, it will help you escape from watching the gourd-awful musical numbers being lip-synced at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade for a few minutes.
Best / worst Thanksgiving dad jokes
Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
A: Drumsticks for everyone on Thanksgiving!
Q: Where do you find a turkey with no legs?
A: Exactly where you left it.
Q. What sound does a limping turkey make?
A. “Wobble, wobble!”
Q. Why didn’t the Thanksgiving turkey want dessert?
A. Because he was stuffed!
Q: What happened when the turkey got in a fight?
A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him.
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A dad was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but couldn’t find one big enough for his family. He asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
“No, sir,” the stock boy replied. “They’re dead.”
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Q. What did the mother turkey say to her naughty son?
A. If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!
Q. If the first pilgrims were alive today, what would they be known for?
A: Their age.
Q. What do you get when you cross a turkey with a ghost?
A. A poultrygeist!
Q. Who is never hungry at Christmas?
A. The turkey — he’s always stuffed.
Q. How does a turkey drink wine?
A. From a gobble-let.
Q. Why didn’t the Thanksgiving turkey play in the marching band?
A. Because someone had taken his drumsticks.
Q. What are turkeys thankful for on Thanksgiving?
A. Vegetarians.
Mom: After you take the turkey out of the oven, how long do you let it rest?
Dad: Well, it depends on how tired it is.
Q. What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
A. Your nose.
Q. What did pilgrims use to bake cookies?
A. May-flour.
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And finally …
My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I told them I couldn’t quit “cold turkey.”
Stay tuned for Christmas dad jokes!
“These Thanksgiving dad jokes are real turkeys” photo: © shishiga / Adobe Stock.
I came close to snorting on a few of these. I’m a mom, but these got me.
love these!! taking them to a TX feast and expect to steal the show
thank you : ) Julia
I hope you did … and didn’t get arrested in the process.
Told ALL of these at dinner. Everyone says they’re “thankful” for you.
Please offer my condolences.