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A Modern Man

July 31, 2009 by Lance Somerfeld

I made the decision to become an at-home dad over a year ago. When people ask me what I do, I tell them confidently that I get to spend every day with my son. Sure, we spend a lot of time at home so naturally, we get categorized into being called a “stay-at-home dad” (SAHD), an “at-home dad”, a “full-time dad”, or a “primary caregiver.” I am comfortable with these terms. However, I do not spend all day at home & the role of an involved dad is becoming a bit more common these days. Therefore, the term I enjoy most for an at-home dad is a “modern man.” In fact, when I shared the news with my school administration that I was going to be the primary caregiver for my son…my principal got on the loudspeaker and announced to the entire school that I was leaving education for a while to become a modern man!

The media loves the term “Mr. Mom” when referring to at-home dads, but most dads that I know who are in a similar situation truly dislike the term.
I’d like to hear what you think. If you’re an at-home dad, what would you like to be called?

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Filed Under: at-home parenting, NYC Tagged With: at-home dads, stay-at-home dads, stay-at-home parents

About Lance Somerfeld

Lance Somerfeld, a co-founder of City Dads Group, lives with his wife and son in New York City. He frequently contributes to the conversation about modern fatherhood, work-life balance, shifting gender roles, and brand’s marketing to dads. He has appeared on local and national television, including CNN, Today and Katie. He has been quoted by The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, USA Today, GQ, Parenting and The Atlantic.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. frank says

    July 31, 2009 at 2:43 pm

    the man of the house! how do you like that one? a bit chauvinistic but i thought it was funny.

    Reply
  2. jeff says

    August 9, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    How about Homebro? Jeff

    Reply
  3. Anonymous says

    August 11, 2009 at 4:27 am

    I agree that Mr. Mom is not the classiest way to label what we SAHD’s are trying to do. I have been an “at home dad” for 14 months now and after being called Mr. Mom so many times, I decided to re-watch the movie. The flick kind-of implies that if a father stays at home to care for his kids he is doing Mom’s job. After 14 months, I’m thinking I’m doing A job and that it is just one that needs to be done.

    Anyway, I like the title my kids give me…Daddy!

    ~Sharrieff

    Reply
  4. Rene Netter says

    August 11, 2009 at 7:13 am

    I am not sure if a term or categorie is needed for this. The classical model where the women takes care of the children doesn’t seem to be the natural state of things either and all the titles like housewife where just to get a handle on it and make it seem more natural so women would “stay at home”. Instead of thinking about what category or title might fit us and eventually might be used to separate us – the dads who are involved in taking care of the kids and where the women goes to work – it seems like sticking together and finding good and flexile situations for our kids where both moms and dads and friends and neighbors can be involved in raising out kids would be good. So our irrational work situations don’t take over and dictate how we want to live our lives and how we relate to our kids and split the time within the extended family.

    Reply
  5. Laminist says

    August 20, 2009 at 6:27 am

    “doesn’t seem to be the natural state of things either…”

    It’s not “natural” for women to take care of children? In that case it’s not “natural” for men either. Are children supposed to take care of themselves ? Is it “natural” to go to work in an office every day? Is it “natural” to drive a car, ride a train, use a computer, a phone?

    Reply

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